Anyone else feel like they're lonely and won't meet anyone else?

[Emma1234]

one thing i've figured is they definitely will not forget about us. I broke up with someone after a longterm high school relationship. I was young, childish, selfish then and i have since apologised for hurting him now that i know what it feels like.

 

Despite being the dumper, he was on my mind for at least a year. not obsessively but enough to impact my next relationship. And this contact from my ex now shows me that they do not forget any more than we do. Their mindset is just different.

 

We just have to live our lives the best we can and in the process we move on. Takes time which is annoying but it's the only thing we can do. I just wish i didn't miss him. Sometimes i'm tempted to reply to see what he has to say but other times i just think no. he put me through hell, i know i am worth more than that. a simple coffee request is not enough. either he makes real effort or he gets nothing from me.

[KatZee]

I'm about 18 months post break up from my last relationship and in the beginning I used to feel like I would never find anyone again.

 

I was lonely in the beginning and I wallowed a bit in some self pity. Most of my friend are in relationships too, tons are married (I'm 29 so I'm older than you are).

 

I joined Meetup.com to get myself out of the house more and meeting single girlfriends. That was fun to get my mind off stuff, I also then reconnected with old friends that I've gotten closer to as well.

 

I've met a few guys, I've dated, one guy I really did like a lot but it wasn't anything serious. I know there ARE guys out there that I will be attracted to and like, but at this point in my life, a relationship and settling down are the last things on my priority list.

 

Being single for 18 months really opened my eyes to a lot of things. It allowed me to see the person I used to be and it allowed me to learn about the person I want to be. I have some serious goals now that I want to accomplish, and none include finding a guy, getting engaged, pregnant, etc etc. I'm sure that's a goal for tons of women but it just isn't mine.

 

If I get lonely, I talk to my friends, we go out and we get crazy. I have some cool friends. I make it a point to go out and try to meet new people all the time, get contacts, go on some casual dates, and just enjoy life to the fullest. But it also took me the full 18 months to really get to where I am now. It wasn't some overnight thing. (My relationship was almost 3 years as well.)

 

In the beginning I was lonely, and pessimistic, but honestly at this point, I'm thrilled being single. I have way more fun, no drama, no stress. I do what I want, when I want no questions asked. I can follow any dream I want without having to worry about the feelings of another person.

[Emma1234]

that is very inspiring. Right now i find it difficult to imagine actually feeling like that but it's good to know that hopefully i'll get there someday. Did you manage to get past any feelings for your ex as well?

[h0000]

One of my friend had a 3 months relationship before the guy broke up with her. It took her 1.5 years to move on. and after another 6 months she found a perfect bf, now fiance. It will happen to us when we least expect.

I have seen a few guys after the breakup but either im not interested or they arent interested. So yeah it happens to all of us(you and me for example) and I feel it's the same for my ex and probs your ex too.

Im used to not having him around now. I just still think about him a lot and its annoying but i cant control myself lol Good to come here and vent a bit.

[Emma1234]

i know exactly what you mean about the venting. I can talk to my friends but i don't want to make them think i talk about it too often, plus they're happily in relationships and haven't experienced heartbreak so they find it difficult to relate

[theonlyjuan]

Nope, I am pretty confident in how I look and my personality. Maybe I did doubt it right after my breakup, I really can't remember.

 

Exercise! You will feel so much better about yourself and everything, and will be healthier and look better

[KatZee]

that is very inspiring. Right now i find it difficult to imagine actually feeling like that but it's good to know that hopefully i'll get there someday. Did you manage to get past any feelings for your ex as well?

 

Of course. But it was a process. I was hoping he'd come back for maybe 1.5 months and then I hit the anger stage. I stayed in the anger stage for a long time. Maybe 3-4 months or longer. Finally that died down and I started getting over him fully.

 

To this day I still despise him, he disgusts me, but any real feelings behind those things aren't there. I saw a picture of him recently and he looks like s.hit. He got fat and he just looks gross. Thinking about him and the fact that I was once so in love actually skeeves me out. I'm so happy to be out of that relationship and away from his extremely toxic circle of friends.

[h0000]

I saw a picture of him recently and he looks like s.hit. He got fat and he just looks gross. Thinking about him and the fact that I was once so in love actually skeeves me out. I'm so happy to be out of that relationship and away from his extremely toxic circle of friends.

 

my ex is 170cm, looks like a gypsy and has only one ball..ok it sounds mean but..please tell me he isnt worth my time lol

[KatZee]

my ex is 170cm, looks like a gypsy and has only one ball..ok it sounds mean but..please tell me he isnt worth my time lol

 

Don't worry. Your ex may have had one ball, but my ex had no balls.

[reddragon588]

Emma what you are feeling is perfectly natural. It is also not true at all! So don't feel bad for feeling it, but also know it is just a phase and it will pass.

 

You will find someone new and someone better! You are probably struggling on dates because you aren't ready. The lack of confidence of not finding someone you spoke about is showing. I know it's hard, but you can't force it! Let it come naturally. You will find someone. In the meantime, become comfortable with being single! You do not need anyone else to validate yourself! You are a wonderful person and find confidence from within. You are doing great- just keep moving forward and this too shall pass!

[Chris715]

and just curious. .if your ex came back and same time this new girl showed you interest, who would ypy choose

 

I would choose my ex. But she's done and gone, so I don't need to worry about that happening

[Emma1234]

thank you, it really does help to know it's normal

[esteem-jam]

has only one ball..ok it sounds mean

Actually this is a medical condition. Unless he lost it in an injuring accident, he HAS 2 balls. It happens that the balls do not pop out of the abdomen, or one gets "stuck". There is speculation AFAIR that if one of the balls remains in the abdomen, it increases cancer risk because of the highened temperature.

[Phthonos]

Yeah its been 7 months since my break up and I see no sign of getting a new girlfriend, and no sign of getting my ex back. Working out has helped me a bit but its a slow progress. I think the hardest for me right now has been the lack of any sexual fun, I mean sex is actually only a small part of what I miss, its actually more of the fun cuddling and playing dirty with each other that I miss the most.

 

Also I have been single way longer then I have ever been in a relationship and I have myself and life paths pretty figured out a so getting a girlfriend for me is just a natural step I want to have happen.

[Lizrd3000]

Jip, I do.

 

my first girlfriend broke up with me on october the 1st, I was her first too.

had a relationship of 5 months going on, never expected the break-up.

whatever, I hope another guy ****s her hard. :):):):)

[JDPT]

I am of the opinion that I will eventually find someone, however, no anytime soon as I am too banged up and emotionally unavailable. In the meantime, it's all about ME.

[ponchsox]

I'm just now getting over a breakup after a one and a half year relationship so I naturally feel like I won't find someone else. I am a very confident (but humble) man and successful so I know I have options but I am also very, very selective about who I date. It took me 36 years to find someone like my ex, so if I do the math I may find someone when I'm 72, lol.

[Theman61386]

I sort of feel this way, but its a come and go feeling. I really feel sometimes as if I am meant to have a great career and a great life otherwise, but maybe I am not meant to experience marriage or kids or love again. strange thing is it has nothing to do with not being over my ex or anything because I have become content with things being broken up. I realized that I was bored with her and that she was not the one, and in fact I kind of would prefer not to talk to her again. I just wish I could shake that occasional feeling about not finding someone. It is true though, that most of us will find that person who we will fall in love with and ultimately settle down with, just a matter of when.

[eric85]

Hey guys, 5 months post break up. 2.5 year year relationship. broke up to find himself.

 

I'm back at uni now, i did not expect to feel like this. It was here that everything started to go downhill in our relationship so i thought it'd make me feel better being here again as i'd be reminded of all of the problems we had.

 

I'm still doing ok, i know i'll be over him completely eventually but i think i'm going through another stage, at least i hope that's what it is.

 

I feel like i'll never meet anyone. I know how ridiculous it sounds as there are so many people in the world but only so many in social circles or situations that i am in. I have met a few people back at uni, asked on a few dates but none of them hold any interest for me and they're actually making me go backwards a bit and want my ex to regret.

 

Also, i have too much free time, not in the day, but in the evenings. :/ i volunteer, i work, i do sports, i do my course in the day but at night i'm stumped. all of my housemates are in relationships so they tend to be with them or talking to them.

 

I suppose i just feel a bit lonely, missing having that 'person' to love, think about, be held by.

 

Anyone else gone through these stages or have advice?

 

The evenings are the worst for me also, and yes I also now feel like I'm going to be alone for ever. I was engaged and with my fiancee for almost 4 years. She was the one for me, I know for I'll never find anyone I loved as much as her and honestly don't know if I'll be ever to date anyone again because of how much I love her. I also work full time and have children on weekend so that doesn't leave much time to find someone. I've had other long term relationships were i thought i was in love but this one was my soul mate. I know just go through the motions of life feeling only half complete.

[newguy1008]

I feel the same way. Been single for years now after a 3 year relationship. To make matters worse i work nights and 12 hr shift so its not like i can go to a happy hour and meet people and god knows the drunken make out sessions never materialize into anything. Im 28 and i sometimes feel like time is running out for me. But we just have to hang in there and happiness will come, this i am sure of, but lately everyone i meet doesnt seem to work out, which i have another post about.

[eric85]

I feel the same way. Been single for years now after a 3 year relationship. To make matters worse i work nights and 12 hr shift so its not like i can go to a happy hour and meet people and god knows the drunken make out sessions never materialize into anything. Im 28 and i sometimes feel like time is running out for me. But we just have to hang in there and happiness will come, this i am sure of, but lately everyone i meet doesnt seem to work out, which i have another post about.

 

I'll be 28 in Dec. and feel the exact same, like time is running out. I never get the chance to get out, like literally never so I have no idea where I will find another woman at. Do you still have feelings for your ex?

[h0000]

it just seems so many of my ex's female friends are beautiful. i think they are all so beautiful and i feel so bad about myself lol

[robbysurfs]

I feel you on this one but there is light at the end of the tunnel. I was with my ex for a few yrs and she dumped me. She went nc I went nc and that was that havent talked to her since. I went through so much mind effing about how I will never meet a girl like or i am getting to old or life sucks you name it i went there. This is what happened I took action "move a muscle and change a thought". Got to get back out there and try i went on internet dating site got some new cloths worked out a bit. Everytime I saw a pretty woman i engaged in small talk. I found the silly side of me I never knew i had that women love. Dude! there is peace in the moment and the action take action my man not only is the internet dating world like shooting fish in a barrel my life has been a lot fuller because I made a decision to relieve myself from the bondage of self. I been on 6 dates in the last 2 weeks live man live stop living in your fantasy of what is or isnt. Its not you vs them its you vs you at the end of the day.

 

This one a long time have I watched. All his life has he looked away… to the future, to the horizon. Never his mind on where he was. Hmm? What he was doing... MASTER YODA

Edited October 4, 2013 by robbysurfs

[Never Again]

My relationship was still new, but I felt the same way when it ended.

 

We had fireworks when we first got together. Tons of fun, excitement and chemistry. We let our roots go a little too deep too fast. She wanted to move in at 8 months.

 

Broke it off with me at 10 months. We'd both been under a lot of stress from our respective jobs, and weren't 100% in sync for a few weeks. I was exhausted all the time for a month or so and just needed a break from life; she was overworked but traveling for business and having fun adventures at night with coworkers all over the country. She was having more fun with them than me. I got dropped because, even thought she said she loved me "SO much", she didn't know how to reignite our chemistry since I wasn't the most exciting part of her life anymore, and she needed "time". Fast forward 2 months and she's chasing a guy that lives 3000 miles away.

 

I was CRUSHED. Crushed at the breakup and crushed when I found out she was already into someone else...someone that it couldn't really work with but was more "exciting". I felt awful for months, and I let myself get tossed around. I'm 30 and had never had a connection with someone like that before. Even at its worst, it was great.

 

I learned some valuable lessons though. Never EVER have a closure talk after the breakup. It opens you up to more pain while letting the dumper feel better. When you hear anything resembling a breakup talk, walk away and go NC immediately. Closure seems nice in theory, but it's an illusion, and chasing it leads to more confusion and pain. You always want to know why, but no reason is ever really good enough. Better to begin healing ASAP.