! What NOT to do is what I did.

[xsanex]

I posted here a while back. 10 year relationship, engaged for 4 of those years, she left me because of my controlling behavior and anger.

 

She left in late May of this year (we own a house together). I spent all of June, July and August trying to text and call her back into my life. At times it seemed as though she was contemplating a return to me but my excessive texts pushed her away. She warned me over and over to stop blowing her phone up but I kept going until about two weeks ago she filed a complaint with the police. She had a choice of a severe charge (restraining order) but she elected to go with the lowest charge possible, basically the same as prank calling type offense.

 

She says she did not want to press any charges but I would not stop. My heart was in the right place but the excess showed differently. She still wants contact but only when initiated by her.

 

Our house is going to sell soon and that will be the end of our ties together. I am very sad at the thought. I see a therapist once a week and have learned a lot about myself and my issues (including my desire to text her so much). I have been spending a lot of time with friends but I can't move on. I have tried dating sites but I compare every woman I meet to my ex. I am 34 years old and feel pretty lousy about myself over all of this.

 

Any advice. ANY. I'd appreciate it! Thank you all in advance!!

[JDPT]

This reminds me of the time my ex finally had the decency to call me after I requested to speak to her when she dumped me through text. I never bothered her or "blew up" her phone with calls or messages, I simply wanted to speak with her to "officially" end things. On that last conversation she said "whatever you send me from this point forward will be forwarded to my therapist." At that point I did not get it at all. Later my therapist explained to me that therapist are mandated to document "stalking" and in the event it gets out of hand they are required to report into the authorities.

 

That's when I realized hat my ex had absolutely no problem causing me harm by way of the law. I stayed away completely and essentially disappeared from her life. I understood then that she was my "enemy" who could have caused me harm at any moment. Truth is this helps put things into perspective and further helped me realize the type of person she is.

 

 

I can only suggest to leave your ex alone completely. She isn't worth anything let alone getting in trouble with the law. If she is willing to do this to you imagine what she is capable of doing if you persist with contacting her. Cut your loses once again she is not worth your time you are better off without her.

[melell]

Honestly, this forces you to move on. We all get to that point, either we choose to, we grow tired, we find someone new, we are forced to etc. it happens in one way or another. Consider this as a point in healing process and go forward.

 

You have loads of time ahead of you, at least half of your life! Choose to be happy* and make the most of your time. This isn't good for you. Try and think of it as a bump in the road, and move forward.

 

 

 

*I made the choice to be happy, and it worked, amazingly well.

[Balzac]

Step #1

 

Forgive yourself

[xsanex]

Yeah. I am no longer contacting her. The last conversation we had she expressed how the excessive texts (though loving in content) frightened her. I respect that. She also said she would initiate contact from now on.

[Balzac]

Good that you can accept her feelings as valid. That's huge forward motion.

[heartshaped]

I wouldn't have any more contact with her than necessary. Whether she initiates it or not. She decided to leave. The only thing the two of you have left to discuss is the selling of the house.

 

Don't chase after her, don't wait on her to come back, do take care of yourself, do love yourself, and do move on in time. Right now, I think it's too soon for you to be seeing other women as she only left in May and you were together for ten years, but that's just my personal opinion.

[xsanex]

Just for the record, we were selling the house together before the breakup. We received notice from our realtor that we could get top dollar for our house so we decided to sell, together. We had been making plans on where to go after the house sold around the time I completely pushed her away..