Girlfriend broke up with me again! Possible G.I.G.S.

[eh7394]

So my girlfriend and I dated for about 9 months the first time around. It was my first year in college and her senior year in high school. We didn't break up because of a fight or anything. She was becoming extremely busy with school activities and work. We decided to break up (well she broke up with me) with the possibility of getting back together again.It hurt a lot when she broke up with me because she was my first for everything. We stayed friends but it was honestly hard for me because when we talked all the love I had for her was still there. This would cause problems because I wanted to talk about getting back together and I knew she still loved me but she just wasn't ready yet. I found she tried dating two other guys in between the break up and neither of them worked out. It kind of hurt because she lied to me about the first guy because I still wanted to get her back and I hated the kid.

 

So a couple months go by and we start talking every day all day. Eventually we get back together. The second time around was great. But at a party at the beginning of this summer she got really drunk and cheated on me. I was really hurt and was torn between staying with her or breaking up with her. When we finally talked in person she was extremely apologetic and cried the whole time. I told her I would give her another chance because of how upset she was with herself. From that point we had zero problems. The rest of the summer she kept telling me how great I was and that she was terrified she was going to lose me when she cheated. We always had an amazing time together no matter what we were doing. So then her first year of college is getting close and she ensures me we would be fine. She was only going to a college an hour and half away from mine.

 

So she left and the first week she told me how much she missed me and loved me. But then three days go by after the first week where we don't text that much and she told me she was just busy. So the next day she tells me we are growing apart and she wants her freedom in college. She also said she doesn't want to hurt me by possibly cheating on me while partying and resulting in me never talking to her again. This came after she told me she went to a party and didn't drink at all because she was scared she would do something with a guy. She is terrible drunk I have come to realize. I was so confused and shocked because she was so excited for me to come visit about 4 days before. I tried to tell her we would be fine and we could work. But she simply wasn't having it.

 

I asked her what happens if she realizes she wants me back again. The first time when we got back together she said she was so happy she came back to me and that being away from each other doesn't really work for us. She said if she did ever wanted to get back together she would leave it up to me because she is tired of hurting me.

 

Both times we have broken up it was things were getting more serious. And both times she told me she is not ready to commit to someone. I love her with all my heart and I love her family. I have never called her any names even when she cheated on my and always treated her amazing. I'm the first boyfriend her mom has liked and her mom really loved me which even shocked my girlfriend well ex.

 

She claims I'm her best friend and she can tell me anything. She has a lot of family problems and I was always the person she came too. I understand we might not get back together any time soon or ever but what I'm just wondering what will happen when she comes home on breaks. We always spent so much time together at each others houses. The first time we broke up we still hung out every now and then.

 

The only difference between the two break ups was the first time she was so broken up about it. She cried so much when i went to see her. This time it was only over a text so I couldn't tell how she really felt. My personal opinion is that she needs a guy where ever she goes. Maybe not one she will love or care about but just physically there. I asked her if she found some of the new guys she was meeting intriguing and she said yes but said she wasn't looking to date someone or wasn't leaving me for anyone she just wants her freedom and wants to experience college. Obviously she wants to stay in my life if she said she doesn't want to hurt me to the point where I never talk to her again. I told her I couldn't talk to her anymore like how I did the first time we broke up. It was just too hard because I loved her and its the same way this time.

 

I read the G.I.G.S article and it seems like the exact same thing she is going through. She's just a bit younger as she's almost 18 so I'm wondering if that could still affect her. Seems like she's searching for answers she doesn't have, contradicting statements, telling me there's a possibility we could get back together but also to move on, which is exactly what happened the first time. Could it just be commitment issues? Do I take that as maybe she will want to get back together once she's had her fun in college? Do I just ignore her when she comes home and possibly wants to meet up? When we are together I can tell she is truly happy with me. We have the greatest times. And she always told me I'm the only guy who has never given up on her even though she says I should because she doesn't deserve me. I'm just not sure what to do since we got back together once. I know when we dated I made her truly happy and I don't want to lose that. She told me the first time we we're broken up that no guy compared to me. While it hurt I had to accept it. It just worked out that she came back. I still love her and I know she still loves me as she told me she did after she broke up with me this time. I'm just wondering if she will regret and realize what she has me or should I just accept the fact that college will break up us for good? Also I am doing NC but is that the right thing to do if she's in college?

Edited September 18, 2013 by eh7394

[Philosoraptor]

She didn't want a real commitment and you not only took her back, but went right back to treating her "amazing" when she came calling back.

 

Issue here is she doesn't respect you whatsoever. You can put a term on it if you want to, but why would you want to wait around for someone who cheats on you and uses you? The issue here for you, is you. No amount of "love" is worth the disrespect you are getting, and you need to figure out why you think this type of behavior is acceptable.

[BigGirlPantiesOn]

Age 18...and "terrible drunk"?

 

Read your own words.

[MidwestUSA]

Age 18...and "terrible drunk"?

 

Read your own words.

 

I took that to mean she doesn't hold her liquor well (not that she becomes a terrible or abusive person when drunk, or that she drinks to excess frequently).

 

 

Having said that, she is a TEENAGER! Sorry, OP, that you have to let her go, but at this point in her life, she has no idea what she wants.

[Romaks]

OP, I feel like I'm going through a very similar thing, man. I've been reading about all of these things, and I think both you and I have a similar problem. We treat them too well, and they begin to have the confidence thinking most guys are like that too.

 

I think the best thing to do is NC and start by improving your life, and focus on your studies and fitness. Once she gets all of that **** out of her system, and gets cheated on or whatever it might have to be, she'll realize what life is all about.

 

This is the one thing that is getting me through. I am so in love with her, and I realize that she feels like she is too young to be making such a commitment (she was the one that wanted the commitment initially) that it scares her into thinking that she's trapped and she won't get to be young if that makes sense. I think it's for the best that you let her go for now, but if you truly believe she's the one, then improve your life, be happy, and show her that you truly are worth coming back to in the future...whenever that might be.

 

Again, that doesn't mean you should put your life on hold. Go out, and meet people and make friends! Remember, for every ******* she encounters, you look that much better in her eyes, and she'll miss you more because you were the only one that treated her the way she feels she deserves. Women are like that, they don't believe it until it slams them in the face.

 

I couldn't believe how much your post resembles my situation...especially the family thing. I have everything together, and her family absolutely adores me, which is a first for sure. This makes it that much better because they'll miss you too.

 

Seriously though, 0 contact is the best thing. Say nothing, and it'll drive her crazy. It takes balls, but everybody benefits in the long run. I firmly believe that if you think it's meant to be with her, then it will happen! Pray everyday about it, and live your life one day at a time.

 

MY THREAD

[Romaks]

Also, another word of advice.

 

The last thing girls want is a door mat. If you come off as desperate to get her back, she'll see you as the back up plan if things don't work out because she knows you'll never get over her, and you'll be super willing to take her back no matter what she does.

 

If you just exit her life like you should, she'll start to value what you two had because she'll have to swallow the fact that it's over. Like, completely over. That's something that's hard for them to realize because they assume that you'll always be available to them, and no matter how you feel about her, do NOT make yourself available to her. Giver her space and allow her to experience what it's like to not have you around as a friend or as a back up or whatever because it'll force her to really do some soul-searching sooner or later.

 

When my gf broke up with me, she said that she still wanted to maintain a friendship and to talk regularly but I told her no because I needed to get over her completely. I could tell that that hit her hard, but it's a way for her to see that you don't need her, she needs you... I hope this helps.

 

Be strong man, and know that you're not alone.

[Chi townD]

Yeah, I don't think that she has GIGS. She's a serial cheater and she knows it. She cheated on you once and she saw the pain it caused. Now, she is in an environment where the temptation is too great. Therefore, she's going to cut you loose because she KNOWS she's going to hook up. So, she wants to do it guilt-free.

 

However, she wants to have her fun guilt free but I have a strong feeling that she wants to remain friends. Don't do it. You are not her friend. I'm pretty sure that you didn't get into a loving and caring relationship with her for the end result to be that you are nothing but a "really good friend".

 

See, she'll use you to fill her emotional needs and she's have all these other guys to fill her physical needs. See, you're not there to take care of both. But, what she has in mind will give her the best of both worlds.

 

So, you need to go dark on her. She made the choice to have you out of her life. Therefore, you give her exactly that. Ignore all texts and let all phonecalls go to voicemail. Most important...you need to BLOCK HER ON FACEBOOK!!!! She needs to know what life is going to be like with you completely gone. Remember, this was her choice.

[eh7394]

She's a terrible drunk as in she can't handle her liquor very well. She doesn't drink all the time but now that she's in college she probably will more so than she did in high school. And this time I have cut off all contact unlike last time where I talked to her a good amount. My personal opinion is that she knows how great I treat her but she doesn't want to commit to me or anyone yet. But like I said we are great together. Before she left we talked about staying together and she said when she's here there's nothing more she wants to do than hangout and be with me but she's scared she's going to go off and hurt me again. She also told me I treat her perfect and am the only guy to treat her like that. I don't know if she will ever contact me again, I'm preparing for that but I think she will eventually. Should I just not reply at all or tell her we should just not communicate anymore?

[Chi townD]

Just don't reply. Why should you? She broke up with you. Therefore, you have no reason to be in contact anymore. She made the choice to have you gone. So, be gone.

 

You have to think of a relationship as a job. Basically, she fired you. She told you that your services as a boyfriend is no longer required. Now, think back to the first job you ever had at McDonalds. Have you went back and just hung out with everyone and even did free work for them? Hell no! You dusted off the resume and you found another job! Never looking back.

 

So, you need to heal and move on. Please, please PLEASE remember to block her on your facebook.

[SuperGeek]

At this point (if I was in your shoes)... I'd just tag it a few times and then move on. Never ever ever ever trust her again. All she's going to do is use you and then move on to the next guy. She's using you as a backup plan before the next guy.

 

So change the game a bit and play it the same way she is. Just treat it as a fling, hit it and quit it after few times and move on. Be safe about it if you go this route (disclaimer). If you don't respect her at this point, just move on.

 

If a woman is wishy washy about you like she has been, she doesn't respect you enough or even consider you long term material. So just treat it as a fling like she's doing. Play the game her way just like she's doing to you.

 

Just my controversial two cents from a male point of view.

 

I'd set the upper $$ limit on dates to about $20-30 MAX. No dinner or movie. Just coffee at starbucks.

 

Another word of advice bro: Don't give women who walk out the door another chance if you were being a good guy. If this is GIGS and they are leaving you for another man, then help them pack their **** and help them move out. Never look back. Any woman who is willing to dump you to the curb multiple times for OTHER men doesn't give two ****s about you.

 

Good luck bro

Edited September 19, 2013 by SuperGeek

[eh7394]

Thanks everyone. Any input is appreciated. I will disagree with you on one thing though. I'm positive she cares about me and that it's not that she doesn't give a **** about me. I know you are trying to help but at the same time you don't really know the girl like I do. Everyone tells me that she truly does love me but isn't sure what she wants. I think she wants to weigh her options and not be so tied down when she's so young (her longest relationship was with me. The longest one she had before was 4 months). She's 17,I'm 19. While I'm not defending her because I think if she really wanted try and put forth some effort we could work and be great but I guess that's not what she wants to do. I think for a lot of girls when they are young they are immature and don't understand what they have. It's only until they grow up and mature that they know what they had. But by that time the two have probably moved on and have taken two different paths. But with technology who knows what could happen down the road. I know I wouldn't get back together with her now or any time soon if she wanted to just out of fear that she would leave me again. But who knows, if we are both single in a couple of years and want to try I might but only if she has grown up and understands what she has. If not then best of luck to her in her future but I won't be a part of it. I'm still going NC and haven't heard from her. I'm not sure if i ever will but that actually might be for the best.