What is this girl looking for? Anyone possibly know?

[sickpuppy]

Hey all. Just posting an update to my previous thread "She said: I'll let you know." Not to dwell on it but just wondering what this girl is possibly looking for at this point. (Not that it matters now but just wondering if anyone has any idea..)

 

This was the original thread:

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/423906-she-said-i-ll-let-you-know

 

As for the update: Now tonight I was working and the girl I had originally asked to go to the feast was working in her department. I didn't go over there nor ask her about her not responding. She'd originally said: "She'd let me know" When I asked her if she wanted I could pick her up if she needed to get ready to go to the feast I was going to with my friends.

 

The "I'll let you know." response came about 30 minutes after a few quick back and forth replies. (Which I knew at that point that her last reply came 30 minutes after she wasn't interested in going and didn't ask again.)

 

So I'm in my department tonight talking to a co-worker when all of I sudden I notice her and her girlfriend/ co-worker walking through my department past me. (She usually never walks with someone else nor too often through my dept. But I know she knew I was working as we'd talked about it previously in text and she had saw me tonight.) I say hi to them both and they say hi. We (her girlfriend and I) make small talk with her nor I mentioning anything about her supposedly going to "let me know". She all of a sudden coughs and says: "I'm sick" to which I think she was throwing out some obvious nonsense because I hadn't mentioned anything or asked about her going again. I had originally asked once in our original conversation. (almost like she felt the need to cough and say she's "sick" as some sort of lame excuse which wasn't needed, to use for whatever reason as her "cover" for not responding nor me asking anything about it again.)

 

Her friend needed some stuff so I talked with her and was talking about coming in on my day off and she seemed to almost be asking irrelevant questions about why I'm coming in etc. (The day her friend and I were "supposed" to go. I'm positive she mentioned it to her but her friend never said anything.)

 

 

I can understand if she wasn't interested in going or me. Fine.

 

She's obviously playing some sort of game IMO.(Coming into my dept and walking by me with her friend almost as if she's "scared" to "face" me, yet purposely coming through my dept for me to see her.)

 

She obviously has no respect for me. (The cough and "I'm sick" excuse out of nowhere in conversation because I never mentioned anything about her not responding. It was obviously highly immature of her I know.)

 

I realize women may give out their numbers and "agree" to go out simply because they don't want "confrontation".

 

Now my question which is just for the sake of possibly seeing why women do this sort of thing. Where they almost "need" some reaction to rejecting you.

 

 

Is she pretty much just looking for some sort of "reaction" from me because I never asked her again to have something to talk about? I gave them nothing. But I had a strong feeling they (she especially) was using her friend as a security blanket yet couldn't resist letting me see her to see how I reacted to her never responding.

 

Why women do that? Do they simply just want to use you for some gossip for their own attention from their other co-workers (other women) for some sort of ego trip at your expense? ( Like: "Oh yeah he asked me out and I rejected him and he got "mad".) Yet I didn't. I had taken the hint when she never responded but yet she still felt the need to cough and say the: "I'm sick" excuse.

 

I found the whole thing tonight pretty odd..

Edited September 14, 2013 by sickpuppy

[sickpuppy]

If anyone gets the chance to read my thread I'd appreciate it. (Sorry for the long read.)

 

I'm wondering if as my story goes what this girl is trying to achieve. To see how I'd react to her rejecting me and not responding?

 

Thanks.

[mikei880]

My 2 cents...

 

If a girl says "I'll let you know" I already have the answer....

 

I think by coming down there with a friend then the "I'm sick" comment was just heading you off at the pass just in case you were going to ask again. By what I pick up in your post it sounds like she doesn't know how to say "no thanks". That is on her , not you. I don't think she was rubbing it in your face either....

 

Take the high road, if she wants to talk then talk.Don't turn it into a game.Don't bring up the date that never was. Be cordial and friendly , she and others will respect you for it.

 

Mike

[sickpuppy]

My 2 cents...

 

If a girl says "I'll let you know" I already have the answer....

 

I think by coming down there with a friend then the "I'm sick" comment was just heading you off at the pass just in case you were going to ask again. By what I pick up in your post it sounds like she doesn't know how to say "no thanks". That is on her , not you. I don't think she was rubbing it in your face either....

 

Take the high road, if she wants to talk then talk.Don't turn it into a game.Don't bring up the date that never was. Be cordial and friendly , she and others will respect you for it.

 

Mike

 

I agree.

 

I'm sure the "I'm sick" comment was in case I was going to ask again which I wasn't. (I took the hint as soon as she said "I'll let you know." a week prior and never asked her again.) I'd seen her this past wednesday which she knew I was working and never asked nor went up to her. Guess she wanted to make "extra" sure I wasn't going to ask her again..

 

The odd thing in the whole situation is it was pretty coincidental she all of a sudden walked through my department with her friend almost as if because I hadn't gone over to her Wednesday and hadn't gone over there that night she wanted to make herself seen by me but have her girlfriend there as some "security blanket".

 

Even more odd was a few weeks prior a woman in her dept asked me at random if I had a girlfriend. I'd said no. And she then asked if I liked anyone. This same woman (whom I've known and is married) was told to me by another female co-worker I work directly with that she was coming into work one day and that woman, the girl I had asked, and another girl were staring at her up and down and she felt positive they wanted to ask her something. She told me she didn't think anything of it until the other day when she'd been over in their department asking about a product when she said the girl I'd asked (before I'd asked her) looked her up and down and gave her a very cold, nasty look. (This same woman I work with flirts with me as others in my dept think we have something going on. And we joke about it to break balls.)

 

The exact same night my co-worker told me she got that dirty look from the girl...Whom I'd never gotten a text first from the girl I'd asked...I get a text from her out of the blue that she's out at this place near her we'd talked about. I made quick small talk about it and left it at that. Afterwards when I was going with friends to the feast I'd then asked if she wanted to go. (I found it extremely coincidental she all of a sudden happened to contact me out of the blue just to say she was at that place just to "let me know" the same night after she gave my co-worker a dirty look.) What's up with that?

 

My co-worker seems to think this girl is playing some sort of attention game seeing as I'm not chasing her and is somehow jealous and possibly thinking we've got something going on as there was no reason to give her a dirty look as she's never spoken to her before.

 

I do in a way think she's playing some sort of game (only as she's confused as to why I've never chased her) and doesn't no how to say no thanks. I've got no problem if she isn't interested.

 

I'm going to keep things cordial and friendly like I've been doing.

 

My co-worker says as a woman she's positive this same girl is going to come up to me in the future and she's (my co-worker) going to back off as rumors fly pretty quickly in that place that this girl and her co-workers may think somethings going on between us. (Not that she's truly interested in me but sees my co-worker as some sort of "competition" to her regardless.)

 

I find the whole thing kindof odd.

[phineas]

This chick is under your skin.

Let it go & forget about her.

When you see her at work, focus on a part of the wall behind her & too the side & don't look away from it until you have passed her.

 

It's how I handled the last attention whore at work.

She no longer seeks my attention.

[Dallers]

Never mix business and pleasure, unless you either own the company run your own business or do not care about your job.

[truth_seeker]

Take it from me: I had a girl get under my skin, and I got under her skin. The best way to handle it (I know from experience screwing it up by digging, returning fire) is to ignore her. Let her come to you.

 

You have to be strong and not let women get to you. Once they do, they start to manipulate and play games. It's happened to me. Once they know they're under your skin, they're going to torture you. By ignoring a woman, you get under her skin, and you will discover her true colors, ie, self-absorbed b-tch out to appease her own ego.

 

Yes, it is hard to bite your tongue and not retaliate, but in the long run, it's the right thing to do.

 

A nice woman who really likes you, will test you but will not mess with your head to the point you're going crazy. Definitely stay away from drama queens at work. I would only make a move if you're about to leave the company.

[truth_seeker]

Why women do that? Do they simply just want to use you for some gossip for their own attention from their other co-workers (other women) for some sort of ego trip at your expense? ( Like: "Oh yeah he asked me out and I rejected him and he got "mad".) Yet I didn't. I had taken the hint when she never responded but yet she still felt the need to cough and say the: "I'm sick" excuse.

 

Why? Answer: Immaturity. Insecurity.

 

It's a fun game for some. They want to see if they can get you. If they feel they can, that's all they need. It's called an ego boost.

 

She may like, but not enough to date you. Just likes to play with your head. You're the guy at work she likes to pick on. Nothing more than that.

 

If she REALLY liked you, there would be no excuses.

[sickpuppy]

Take it from me: I had a girl get under my skin, and I got under her skin. The best way to handle it (I know from experience screwing it up by digging, returning fire) is to ignore her. Let her come to you.

 

You have to be strong and not let women get to you. Once they do, they start to manipulate and play games. It's happened to me. Once they know they're under your skin, they're going to torture you. By ignoring a woman, you get under her skin, and you will discover her true colors, ie, self-absorbed b-tch out to appease her own ego.

 

Yes, it is hard to bite your tongue and not retaliate, but in the long run, it's the right thing to do.

 

A nice woman who really likes you, will test you but will not mess with your head to the point you're going crazy. Definitely stay away from drama queens at work. I would only make a move if you're about to leave the company.

 

I completely agree.

 

I've never chased her period. I simply got hints she may've wanted to go out and may've taken my replies previously as "rejection". (I've never showed any losing of my cool in person and won't.)

 

A while back she'd told me if I was ever in her area (since I go their with my friend from time to time and we've talked about a place near where she lives.) to hit her up. (I hadn't as I'd thought at the time she had a boyfriend.)

 

She'd asked me to text her two seperate times in person after she hadn't seen me. The first time I didn't as I figured she had my number and could've aways texted me but didn't. The second time a week later she'd asked me again to text her which I did and she'd mentioned she was out at a place near me to which I'd replied I was realxing after work and told her to get home safe. (She may've been hinting at me to go meet her and took it as me "rejecting" her.)

 

A time after that she'd been talking to me and a co-worker mentioned a party in front of us and she asked me if I was going to which I said I was going to be on vacation.

 

The other day when my co-worker got that dirty look from her she'd for the first time sent me a text out of the blue that she was going to that place we'd talked about near her and I made a quick comment and never told her I'd go. (Nor did she ask me to though.) I simply figured maybe she's been hinting at me to meet so I invited her to this feast I'm already going to.

 

I have and never had any plans to get back at her/ spite her etc.

 

I mean I'll keep it cordial but won't ask her out again. The only thing with completely ignoring her is almost like giving her "Ammo" that I'm now "mad" and ignoring her so I'll keep it as normal co-workers. Still not chasing, nor asking her out again, nor coming off as effected.

 

I'm just pretty much working this out for myself by seeing it typed out and reading posters replies.

 

I've asked out another girl last night who works there and we're going out in two weeks. We'll see how that goes. lol

Edited September 14, 2013 by sickpuppy

[sickpuppy]

Why? Answer: Immaturity. Insecurity.

 

It's a fun game for some. They want to see if they can get you. If they feel they can, that's all they need. It's called an ego boost.

 

She may like, but not enough to date you. Just likes to play with your head. You're the guy at work she likes to pick on. Nothing more than that.

 

If she REALLY liked you, there would be no excuses.

 

 

That's what I'm saying! lol.

 

It's like: "Ok. You aren't interested. No need to then be giving my co-worker whom you've never met nor spoken to dirty looks and then texting me out of the blue right after."

 

I'm feeling the same thing. Insecurity, immaturity and complete confusion over me not chasing or seeming affected in the least by it all in person. ( I could understand if I was chasing her and calling or texting her but I haven't been. We literally may've texted back and forth quick small talk like four times in several months.)

 

I don't think she is looking to pick on me persay. I think she's simply completely confused I'm not falling for whatever she's trying to play.

Edited September 14, 2013 by sickpuppy

[truth_seeker]

 

I don't think she is looking to pick on me persay. I think she's simply completely confused I'm not falling for whatever she's trying to play.

 

This and she might be feeling that you snubbed her. If a girl likes you and she feels snubbed, she's going to get vindictive. Make you feel you did something wrong, get you to chase her, only for her to turn around and stick it to you.

 

It happened to me.

[sickpuppy]

This and she might be feeling that you snubbed her. If a girl likes you and she feels snubbed, she's going to get vindictive. Make you feel you did something wrong, get you to chase her, only for her to turn around and stick it to you.

 

It happened to me.

 

 

I kindof had that feeling when I'd texted her back and told her to get home safe when she told me she was out having a drink after work. I'd said I was relaxing at home tired. And she replied: "yeah. I better go soon these beers are starting to get to me. At the time shortly afterward I thought.."Damn she might be thinking that me saying I'm too tired means I don't think that much of her when she let me know she's out possibly hinting at me telling her I'd come have a drink with her. (This was the quick convo we'd had after she'd told me to text her two seperate times in person.)

 

I'm a big enough person to admit I probably f'd things up a few times and possibly made her feel snubbed.

 

That and the time after where I hadn't talked to her and told her I'd went to the place near where she lived. She looked and kindof gave a gesture like "Why didn't you let me know." and actually said to me: "Oh I was going to go there that night...but I went to the city."

 

So who knows...I probably came off as a limp wristed dumbazz at times in her eyes..lol.The only thing is I've never chased her so she's probably still confused as I showed no negative or bvtthurt reactions to her last night.

Edited September 14, 2013 by sickpuppy

[truth_seeker]

 

So who knows...I probably came off as a limp wristed dumbazz at times in her eyes..lol.The only thing is I've never chased her so she's probably still confused as I showed no negative or bvtthurt reactions to her last night.

 

This is why people need to talk and be up front. I did this with one girl. Had a talk and told her straight up: We going to give this a try or not? She wasn't ready and said, "friends now but lets leave the door open for something later." When you decode that, it means: I'm not ready now, still weighing my options, but I'd like to circle back to you in the future, so stick around.

 

If I were in it for sex only, I would have played along. That wasn't my deal with this girl. I wanted more. I felt she was more fun material than girlfriend material, so I walked away.

 

After some time, guess who came after me? Wanted to know if I was seeing someone, checking up on me, what I was doing on the weekends and who I was with?

 

My mistake was falling for the trap. I asked her if she wanted to go out. Big time error in judgment. She took it as an opportunity to stick it to me. Felt like a fool. I took the hit and went no contact. Guess who came after me again? This time staying silent.

[sickpuppy]

This is why people need to talk and be up front. I did this with one girl. Had a talk and told her straight up: We going to give this a try or not? She wasn't ready and said, "friends now but lets leave the door open for something later." When you decode that, it means: I'm not ready now, still weighing my options, but I'd like to circle back to you in the future, so stick around.

 

If I were in it for sex only, I would have played along. That wasn't my deal with this girl. I wanted more. I felt she was more fun material than girlfriend material, so I walked away.

 

After some time, guess who came after me? Wanted to know if I was seeing someone, checking up on me, what I was doing on the weekends and who I was with?

 

My mistake was falling for the trap. I asked her if she wanted to go out. Big time error in judgment. She took it as an opportunity to stick it to me. Felt like a fool. I took the hit and went no contact. Guess who came after me again? This time staying silent.

 

I completely agree and know it will probably happen to me sooner or later. I should've been up front and told her what are we doing? Are we friends or are you looking for seeing how things go? That was partially my mistake.

 

I got several compliments today on my attire and felt a few female customers were really eyeing me. I at times did notice as walking around assisting customers she was in her department looking in my departments direction. I paid no mind to her but did notice her looking towards my direction a few times. (That's neither here nor there though. lol)

 

She had told me a few weeks ago her boyfriend dumped her six months ago as I'd asked if she had a BF. I'm sure the story was true but also a "poor me" story to get the "sucker" to feel bad. (I know some girls like to pull that and play the "victim" role but will abuse others when they get the chance for what happened to them or however their previous relationship was.)

 

Even though I never chased her I have a feeling she knows I'm a good guy. (not a "nice" guy) and partially due to the fact I never chased her got her pissed off and that I came off as easy going she got frustrated or whatever is in her mind and she decided to lash out so to speak with some get back by declining my offer in the way she did. Not saying no thanks but doing it in a cowardly fashion. (Could be also she doesn't know how to say no thanks.)

 

You are right as my co-worker who said she gave her the dirty look told me the same thing and I feel it too. She'll most likely come around in the future as if nothing happened or have someone else get "info" on me in case whatever she possibly has going on doesn't work out. Then try to play the meet up game. Not saying it will happen but I have a feeling it might.

 

I'm going to then if she musters up the nerve to play coy and start prodding on her own or asking anything lay it out and tell her look I asked you to come to have fun. You declined in your own way. Fine. You aren't interested. Let's leave it at being co-workers. And go no contact. To which I already am and will stay that way. IF she says hi etc. I'll say hi back. That's about it.

[truth_seeker]

I completely agree and know it will probably happen to me sooner or later. I should've been up front and told her what are we doing? Are we friends or are you looking for seeing how things go? That was partially my mistake.

 

I got several compliments today on my attire and felt a few female customers were really eyeing me. I at times did notice as walking around assisting customers she was in her department looking in my departments direction. I paid no mind to her but did notice her looking towards my direction a few times. (That's neither here nor there though. lol)

 

She had told me a few weeks ago her boyfriend dumped her six months ago as I'd asked if she had a BF. I'm sure the story was true but also a "poor me" story to get the "sucker" to feel bad. (I know some girls like to pull that and play the "victim" role but will abuse others when they get the chance for what happened to them or however their previous relationship was.)

 

Even though I never chased her I have a feeling she knows I'm a good guy. (not a "nice" guy) and partially due to the fact I never chased her got her pissed off and that I came off as easy going she got frustrated or whatever is in her mind and she decided to lash out so to speak with some get back by declining my offer in the way she did. Not saying no thanks but doing it in a cowardly fashion. (Could be also she doesn't know how to say no thanks.)

 

You are right as my co-worker who said she gave her the dirty look told me the same thing and I feel it too. She'll most likely come around in the future as if nothing happened or have someone else get "info" on me in case whatever she possibly has going on doesn't work out. Then try to play the meet up game. Not saying it will happen but I have a feeling it might.

 

I'm going to then if she musters up the nerve to play coy and start prodding on her own or asking anything lay it out and tell her look I asked you to come to have fun. You declined in your own way. Fine. You aren't interested. Let's leave it at being co-workers. And go no contact. To which I already am and will stay that way. IF she says hi etc. I'll say hi back. That's about it.

 

Bro, if you're an option to this girl now, you'll always be an option to her. If she comes around, and you're bored, just have some fun with her.

[sickpuppy]

Bro, if you're an option to this girl now, you'll always be an option to her. If she comes around, and you're bored, just have some fun with her.

 

I guess I saw her as kindof a cool person and good to talk to at times. (Small talk) To be honest with myself I saw some major red flags: Pot smoking: even before work (she told me) drinking, parents have a bad marriage, a few tattoos (which aren't totally bad but when added up with the other signs..) I'm sure this girl is bad news. I just ignored the signs as she is a very attractive girl but seems to have serious issues. I'm no white knight and know for damn sure you cannot control anyone nor help them. It's a waste of your time and will only drag you down. Those types of people who are insecure and out for self even if self destructive need to either completely self destruct or destruct till the point of change with someone else.

 

To be honest with myself on this thread she's pretty much the type I'd see only attracted to her type (partying not caring about anything to seem "better" than them) and the type who completely could care less or treat her the way she "needs" to be treated: like a "fun" girl. No bitterness. I'm just saying the truth. Even saying the truth I kind of hate it as I don't want to come across as "above" her or bitter. I simply think she has low self-esteem (not that I'd be her type anyway or I'm some sort of "savior" that she'd appreciate in an effort to "make her mine".) I'm not like that at all.

 

The best thing for me to do is leave her to her own devices. It svcks because we did have some conversations I found cool about her but I think if I was the type to just go for it and pump and dump her, not give a crap about her that's what she'd be more attracted to. I know some people have their own type and I would never force someone to be my type in some "nice guy you owe me" stuff or pressure her with some guilt trip. Even so those types wouldn't appreciate it in the end as they have their own issues and would wind up resenting you regardless. (those types only equate feelings and love etc. to being in pain or treated like crap as that's all they know or have seen unfortunately.)

 

I know in the end even if she comes around I'll simply have to go my own way for myself. It's sad though because it just is what it is and I will not compromise my integrity or character for anyone. Not trying to sound "better or holier than thou" but just for myself. Not that those qualities are even cared about or appreciated these days. (I'm not looking to jump to the first "perfect/good" person just to find the "one" either as if I'm a broken person on my own who needs to be "completed" by someone else nor guilt trip anyone to "like" me and see "how good I am" as I'm sure there are others out there who are like me but even better.)

Edited September 15, 2013 by sickpuppy

[truth_seeker]

Sometimes we're vulnerable and we let a bad person - hoping they are a good person - get under our skin and start develop feelings for... it's not your fault. It happens. In time, like everything, you will get passed this.