Totally Devastated...

[HeartInPieces]

Ok, here are some updates. I have some answers. I have determined that I know less about what women are thinking than ever before.

 

I was doing the friendly texting **** with her for a few days just trying to see how that would go. I finally told her I can't be her friend because I still have feelings for her. I decided to stop and try to go NC. The next day I get really tempted to text her, just to say hi. It's like an addiction. I know it wont be good for me, but it feels good at the time. As I'm debating whether or not to do it, she texts me. She says "this is probably not a good idea but I am free today if you'd like to meet up and talk. Maybe it will give you some closure." holy **** I get to see her! I know it is a bad idea, but I must see her. I did go see her. I told myself not to get emotional, not to try to convince her to take me back... But I did. I tried to lay out for her some self-reflection I've been doing since the breakup and what I thought she was unhappy about with me. Of course it didn't work. She flat out said "We're not getting back together." I asked her why she wanted to know if I had hooked up with anyone since the breakup? She said that she hoped I had because that meant that I had moved on (presumably). We started off sitting in separate chairs. But as we got to talking and reminiscing, she inititiated physical contact and before I knew it I had her in my arms. It felt really ****ing good. We talked about the relationship and why she did what she did. Part of it is wanting to focus on her career. We continued to get closer and she was getting pretty emotional. Towards the end we were both hugging each other and I slowly tried to kiss her and she rejected me. After saying a few more things to her, she finally did kiss me. She inititiated it. She admitted she misses me. She admitted she loves me. I thought maybe I had broke through to her and she would have a change of heart. Nope.

 

So WTF??? Is she just reliving the good old times for one last time? Is she lonely? Does she still have feelings for me? I told her "this is our last good bye" and when I left she said "I'll see you soon." WTF?

 

Now I've gone full NC. She texted me today about something random that's business related and I'm ignoring it. She acts like everything is fine now, we're just good ol' buddies.

 

I'm really torn on what to do. I should probably just ignore her and if she changes her mind sometime down the road, then so be it.

 

I'm also tempted to try to be her friend and see if that would get me anywhere. Maybe she'll see in me what she saw in the beginning? Although if it doesn't work out I'll be back at square one. And I certainly couldn't handle it if I knew she was dating someone.

 

**** me.

Edited September 18, 2013 by HeartInPieces

[lauri]

Ok, here are some updates. I have some answers. I have determined that I know less about what women are thinking than ever before.

 

I was doing the friendly texting **** with her for a few days just trying to see how that would go. I finally told her I can't be her friend because I still have feelings for her. I decided to stop and try to go NC. The next day I get really tempted to text her, just to say hi. It's like an addiction. I know it wont be good for me, but it feels good at the time. As I'm debating whether or not to do it, she texts me. She says "this is probably not a good idea but I am free today if you'd like to meet up and talk. Maybe it will give you some closure." holy **** I get to see her! I know it is a bad idea, but I must see her. I did go see her. I told myself not to get emotional, not to try to convince her to take me back... But I did. I tried to lay out for her some self-reflection I've been doing since the breakup and what I thought she was unhappy about with me. Of course it didn't work. She flat out said "We're not getting back together." I asked her why she wanted to know if I had hooked up with anyone since the breakup? She said that she hoped I had because that meant that I had moved on (presumably). We started off sitting in separate chairs. But as we got to talking and reminiscing, she inititiated physical contact and before I knew it I had her in my arms. It felt really ****ing good. We talked about the relationship and why she did what she did. Part of it is wanting to focus on her career. We continued to get closer and she was getting pretty emotional. Towards the end we were both hugging each other and I slowly tried to kiss her and she rejected me. After saying a few more things to her, she finally did kiss me. She inititiated it. She admitted she misses me. She admitted she loves me. I thought maybe I had broke through to her and she would have a change of heart. Nope.

 

So WTF??? Is she just reliving the good old times for one last time? Is she lonely? Does she still have feelings for me? I told her "this is our last good bye" and when I left she said "I'll see you soon." WTF?

 

Now I've gone full NC. She texted me today about something random that's business related and I'm ignoring it. She acts like everything is fine now, we're just good ol' buddies.

 

I'm really torn on what to do. I should probably just ignore her and if she changes her mind sometime down the road, then so be it.

 

I'm also tempted to try to be her friend and see if that would get me anywhere. Maybe she'll see in me what she saw in the beginning? Although if it doesn't work out I'll be back at square one. And I certainly couldn't handle it if I knew she was dating someone.

 

**** me.

 

Okay dude ... this is the typical girl who wants it all.

 

She's trying to mask her guilt and make herself feel better about herself by keeping you chasing her and following her around like a lost puppy dog. I'm sorry to say but you need to snap out of this. I don't mean to be rude but this girl is just all over the place and is playing games with you.

 

You need to realize you deserve better and deserve to be with someone who wouldn't put you through hell. Relationships are suppose to enhance your life, not make them difficult. If you are begging and telling her why she should be with you she'll just get pushed further away - you need to show her you DON'T CARE and that you are fine without her.

 

She broke up with you for a reason, and the most of the time the main reason is she lost interest. If her interest level drops below the 50% mark and says "Let's be friends" you don't have a good chance of getting back with her. Also when a girl is confused it is another indicator of low interest level.

 

Don't be her friend and go into the friendzone - you need to be smarter then this and move forward in life. If you sit around you'll be crushed when you find her in the arms of another man, don't torture yourself.

[HeartInPieces]

All I can say is I don't want it to really be over... I'm reading into every little thing that could be a clue to convince me otherwise. This really ****ing sucks.

 

I just... don't get it. I never saw this part of her when we were together. I never thought she would do something like this. This is NOT who I thought she was.

Edited September 18, 2013 by HeartInPieces

[lauri]

All I can say is I don't want it to really be over... I'm reading into every little thing that could be a clue to convince me otherwise. This really ****ing sucks.

 

I know what you mean - I just deleted my ex's number from my phone because I kept looking at her whatsapp photos and seeing what time she is up until on weekends. When I deleted her number it was the hardest thing I did, because it meant I was deciding to move on forever.

 

What did it do to me? It hurt me more then it helped me. It is like a drug - you need to just cut it out.

 

Trust me on this one, why would you want to be with someone who isn't enhancing you and making you miserable? You DON'T. You need to focus on yourself because if she cared about you she wouldn't be playing you like a yo-yo. The most important thing is you should invest in people who care about you and aren't selfish.

[HeartInPieces]

I've deleted her number at least twice now... Not that it really matters much. I know it by heart. It keeps getting back in my phone because she texts me. It takes away the temptation I guess. I still know her email and Facebook if I really wanted to use those.

 

It's really hard to hear the truth laid out like this. About how she's using me and I deserve better. I don't want to hear that or accept it because I still love her. It almost doesn't matter what she does I would take her back.

[lauri]

I've deleted her number at least twice now... Not that it really matters much. I know it by heart. It keeps getting back in my phone because she texts me. It takes away the temptation I guess. I still know her email and Facebook if I really wanted to use those.

 

It's really hard to hear the truth laid out like this. About how she's using me and I deserve better. I don't want to hear that or accept it because I still love her. It almost doesn't matter what she does I would take her back.

 

At least you can accept what you are feeling and you know it isn't right. Do you think she will WANT you back if you are "weak" and "hurting" the whole time? NO. She will be turned off and push you further away. Use this as your motivation to start off with - then eventually you will realize as you become stronger and a better person you don't need her and are much better off without her.

 

She is not enhancing your life by keeping her around - its only taking you down. What will you do after she moves on to another guy and you put so much emotions keeping her around?

[Gra]

My heart is broken for you because I completely understand what you're going through. I'm 2 weeks since BU but only one day into NC. I deleted facebook and put pictures where they won't just pop out at me randomly. It's the worst feeling in the world. I know this doesn't help right now but you're not alone and you're not going crazy.

[HeartInPieces]

Update:

 

I've been sticking to NC strong for 5+ days. She has text me multiple times since I started. All Asking me for help with something. Funny how I only hear from her when she needs something? Nothing that she absolutely NEEDS me to help her with. She could get the help elsewhere. I think she is yanking the leash to see if I'm still there? I'm staying strong... Not a peep out of me yet.

[BigGirlPantiesOn]

Yet?.......

[HeartInPieces]

lol... I guess I'm anticipating cracking at some point. Well, I will crack if she comes out and says "I made a huge mistake. Lets talk"

 

Oh and I've totally had a shift in the way I feel towards this whole thing. I'm starting to want her back less, I think? Cause it's just pissing me off that she only texts me when she needs something from me. What the ****? I mean, I still want her back, I just don't understand how she can act like nothing ever happened. The last thing she text me was basically saying "thanks for nothing" with a sad face. As if I should feel sorry for her. I kind of do, but **** her. She ripped my ****ing heart out and stomped on it.

Edited September 22, 2013 by HeartInPieces

[Unfortunate]

HeartInPieces,

 

Man, I kid you not, my ex-girlfriend did exactly the same thing. I'm a bit younger than you of course, I won't reveal my age as it isn't that important.

 

Now listen. I'm gonna focus on the pain for a second.

I know how you feel. The pain is actually physical isn't it? The thought of someone else being with her? The fact that she completely cut off the thought of being with you. You treated her with the most respect and care and showered her with compliments and gifts to make her literally the MOST important person in your life. You actually LOVED her, and she ends up telling you she doesn't feel the same anymore. Gets your angry and bitter, but above all, lost. Then you realize that she actually mistreated you but still stayed with her regardless, because she literally was the one.

 

Now listen to this. My ex-girlfriend did exactly what you said about 2 months ago. I honestly lost hours of sleep, listened to the most depressing music and found no motivation to life. She was the only fun part of life. Just how genuine and good-looking she was also pissed me off, because I lost a rarity.

 

And then she ended up telling me she likes someone else (strictly because of their looks too) and I felt like dying. The girl I adored and shared so many memories with, loved the idea of another relationship.

 

----------

 

Here's the thing.

I needed some sort of reassurance that life would be at least decent.

I told my bestfriend about it all. And after the phone call, which lasted about 5 hours, I actually felt energy back in me.

 

So I'm gonna tell you what he told me.

 

She loved you. You guys were together for 5 years. Wanna know why? Because of you. She may have ended it because of whatever reason, but you need to realize, she was madly in love with a person worth loving.

You above all, are the reason why the relationship was so strong and connected and she disconnected that. Don't feel bitter or hate towards her, its not even that necessary, wanna know why?

Because there will NEVER be another you. She can go and hook up with as many people as she wants, but she will never find another person like you and that is the honest truth.

 

Now you might think there will never be another girl like her and there probably won't be, but I guarantee there will be someone better, someone who will love all of you, and I promise you will feel so much better.

 

So now, I'm gonna tell you something else: don't look for love. If you try to force yourself to fall in love, then its not actually love. Just live your life and dont make expectations. You will know the feeling of love when it comes again, because you have already felt it.

 

Don't think about it too much, but if you have to, listen to songs that YOU want to listen to, or movies YOU want to watch. Don't do stuff you don't want to do. The magic is in the mystery.

Edited September 22, 2013 by Unfortunate

[HeartInPieces]

HeartInPieces,

 

Man, I kid you not, my ex-girlfriend did exactly the same thing. I'm a bit younger than you of course, I won't reveal my age as it isn't that important.

 

Now listen. I'm gonna focus on the pain for a second.

I know how you feel. The pain is actually physical isn't it? The thought of someone else being with her? The fact that she completely cut off the thought of being with you. You treated her with the most respect and care and showered her with compliments and gifts to make her literally the MOST important person in your life. You actually LOVED her, and she ends up telling you she doesn't feel the same anymore. Gets your angry and bitter, but above all, lost. Then you realize that she actually mistreated you but still stayed with her regardless, because she literally was the one.

 

Now listen to this. My ex-girlfriend did exactly what you said about 2 months ago. I honestly lost hours of sleep, listened to the most depressing music and found no motivation to life. She was the only fun part of life. Just how genuine and good-looking she was also pissed me off, because I lost a rarity.

 

And then she ended up telling me she likes someone else (strictly because of their looks too) and I felt like dying. The girl I adored and shared so many memories with, loved the idea of another relationship.

 

----------

 

Here's the thing.

I needed some sort of reassurance that life would be at least decent.

I told my bestfriend about it all. And after the phone call, which lasted about 5 hours, I actually felt energy back in me.

 

So I'm gonna tell you what he told me.

 

She loved you. You guys were together for 5 years. Wanna know why? Because of you. She may have ended it because of whatever reason, but you need to realize, she was madly in love with a person worth loving.

You above all, are the reason why the relationship was so strong and connected and she disconnected that. Don't feel bitter or hate towards her, its not even that necessary, wanna know why?

Because there will NEVER be another you. She can go and hook up with as many people as she wants, but she will never find another person like you and that is the honest truth.

 

Now you might think there will never be another girl like her and there probably won't be, but I guarantee there will be someone better, someone who will love all of you, and I promise you will feel so much better.

 

So now, I'm gonna tell you something else: don't look for love. If you try to force yourself to fall in love, then its not actually love. Just live your life and dont make expectations. You will know the feeling of love when it comes again, because you have already felt it.

 

Don't think about it too much, but if you have to, listen to songs that YOU want to listen to, or movies YOU want to watch. Don't do stuff you don't want to do. The magic is in the mystery.

 

Great post... this is exactly what I'm feeling... and you know what, I didn't look for love with her. I was just kinda having fun with her at first and I fell for her. I never expected it... But I still don't want anyone else

[happydate]

HeartinPieces,

 

Most relationships are not meant to last forever, and so unless you have something to offer on the table for her and keep offering that for the rest of her life, she will find someone else who will.

 

Not only that, a lot of women are looking for a man to complete her. That's never good, because she keeps prowling which means no matter how good and kind you are to her, you are boring to her. And that is what happened when the relationship stretched longer. It becomes predictable and it becomes boring to her. Remember what I said if the 2 of you have something to bring to the table? It is something to keep 2 of you on the same path other than sex.

 

It's inevitable that one of us will get bored in an uninspiring relationship no matter how good the relationship is.

 

If you are not inspired into being in a long term relationship with someone you don't really have feelings or attachment, then you are just dragging your foot. The sadness and the failure of your relationship is basically your ego acting out. It felt bruised because stuff like that won't happen to you. Well it did and you got hurt.

 

Is she a GIGS? Well, if she gets right into another man without leaving sometime being alone, then she is the one that desperately need a man to complete her.

Your job is to heal yourself and forget about her.

Second chances only works if both of you have a loving foundation to begin with and by her sleeping already with another man means that, she never truly loved you. If she did, then she would have held out a bit longer, be single and heal herself rather than going for a rebound guy.

Edited September 22, 2013 by happydate

[HeartInPieces]

HeartinPieces,

 

Most relationships are not meant to last forever, and so unless you have something to offer on the table for her and keep offering that for the rest of her life, she will find someone else who will.

 

Not only that, a lot of women are looking for a man to complete her. That's never good, because she keeps prowling which means no matter how good and kind you are to her, you are boring to her. And that is what happened when the relationship stretched longer. It becomes predictable and it becomes boring to her. Remember what I said if the 2 of you have something to bring to the table? It is something to keep 2 of you on the same path other than sex.

 

It's inevitable that one of us will get bored in an uninspiring relationship no matter how good the relationship is.

 

If you are not inspired into being in a long term relationship with someone you don't really have feelings or attachment, then you are just dragging your foot. The sadness and the failure of your relationship is basically your ego acting out. It felt bruised because stuff like that won't happen to you. Well it did and you got hurt.

 

Is she a GIGS? Well, if she gets right into another man without leaving sometime being alone, then she is the one that desperately need a man to complete her.

Your job is to heal yourself and forget about her.

Second chances only works if both of you have a loving foundation to begin with and by her sleeping already with another man means that, she never truly loved you. If she did, then she would have held out a bit longer, be single and heal herself rather than going for a rebound guy.

 

This makes a lot of sense and now I'm tempted to text her and speak my mind

[Unfortunate]

Her sleeping with someone else is basically her trying to replace what she had. Dude I can tell you right now, the thought of her with another guy will become less and less painful.

I had to accept the fact that it was over, no matter how much I wanted it back. And honestly, I cried a couple times at the thought of it never being the same again, cause I know it wont be.

But her not wanting me back showed that she really did take me for granted.

 

Let's say this girl of yours that used to be finds another man. She'll probably do it to fill the void and she'll look like she's having a great time.

But think about it, if you guys had your arguments and you treated her like gold, how do you think she'll cope with someone who treats her like a slampiece?

 

What I learned about girls is this.

When they break off something, they feel like it was the best thing to do for themselves because of whatever reason.

But in the midst of it, they'll see the difference in people and take an emotional phase, which will most likely link back to you.

 

When this happens (the time interval can be from months to even years), everything by then has already changed. She already broke your heart and trust. It won't be the same regardless of what happens.

[HeartInPieces]

Unfortunate,

 

Yeah, you're right, the thought of her with another man is less painful now than it was before. At first it made my physically ill. Now it just makes me mad more than anything. The thought of some guy just using her for meaningless sex just... cheapens her and what I had with her. I know what that's all about, I was there once in my earlier days. I know how guys are, I am one. One night stands and all that. I'm over that sort of thing. It doesn't compare to making love with someone you actually care for. It just blows my mind that someone can go from being intimiate and actually making love to someone for five years, to just having a meaningless one night stand. I'm so put off by the whole idea I don't know when I will ever feel like having sex again. I'm becoming numb to all of the emotions associated with this breakup and I think NC is helping.