ShyOne82 Posted September 9, 2013 Share Posted September 9, 2013 Other questions I despise: "You are too pretty to be single", and" You are beautiful how come you haven't met someone" Basically the same question asked in different ways.. and it upsets me as physical appearance, attractive or not, has NOTHING to do with the single life. There are people in relationships who are unhappy.. why am I required to be with someone?! Its pretty offensive to me. When I tell someone I'm not seeking a relationship at this time I look crazy. Who doesn't want to meet a good man or woman?.. Is there a time limit? There is more to life than this. Man is not my motivation. It is for some people which is quite sad. Alot of folks cant live without a boyfriend or girlfriend. The main issue is that people assume something is wrong with me because they feel I'm attractive and should be taken. Ummmm what if it is my choice to be single? What if I am focusing on myself and is just busy with life? What if I'm waiting for the right one to come along? I wish ppl would stop asking me weird questions as if they know my life. I didnt cut off the entire male race. I do go out on dates, give out my number etc.. "Your single? Awww" Shut that sh*t up lol.. gosh.. and let me live my life. Link to post Share on other sites
Arabella Posted September 9, 2013 Share Posted September 9, 2013 Are they mainly men, asking these questions? If so, they probably just mean it as a compliment... If they're women, they might just be trying to be sympathetic, as they assume that most people do want a meaningful connection with someone from the opposite sex. Either way, why be offended? Smile, be graceful about it, and move on... Link to post Share on other sites
Disillusioned Posted September 9, 2013 Share Posted September 9, 2013 It goes both ways, sister. Even at the meetups and the speed dating get-togethers I go to, the women come across as vapid, with no idea what they want, and they don't have their lives organized. I wouldn't want to date any of them; I certainly can't imagine having an actual relationship with them (not that any of them really WANT a relationship). Link to post Share on other sites
white Posted September 10, 2013 Share Posted September 10, 2013 I get it too, and I'm a man. From women obviously. Men don't talk about it. My current annoyance is my friends wives asking if I'm seeing anyone in a chipper voice like they're being sociable, when I know perfectly well that they know I am not because they asked their husband about it 5 minutes before I arrived, and the answer was the same as it has been for years. Why they still ask is a mystery, and I'd definitely prefer not to be complimented by them about my eligibility while they enjoy their happily married life and I remain alone. It comes off as antagonistic even if they don't mean that. Link to post Share on other sites
Phoe Posted September 10, 2013 Share Posted September 10, 2013 I get it sometimes, and it's mostly just awkward, because I don't know what to say in response. "I don't know why I'm single, but thanks for making it awkward" - that sure doesn't work lol. I just change the subject pretty quickly. Link to post Share on other sites
SincereOnlineGuy Posted September 10, 2013 Share Posted September 10, 2013 Other questions I despise: "You are too pretty to be single", and" You are beautiful how come you haven't met someone" Basically the same question asked in different ways.. and it upsets me as physical appearance, attractive or not, has NOTHING to do with the single life. You are simply not being realistic, and it is completely wrong of you to expect others to be realistic, or even fair to you, until such time as you might extend the rest of society the same courtesy. Link to post Share on other sites
Mrlonelyone Posted September 10, 2013 Share Posted September 10, 2013 For me it's at resturants when waiting to be seated. First they let you stand there for a while assuming that someone else is going to come up behind you. Then/or they seat you and it's like "only one" or "just you" or "just one" etc. I actually said at this one place why is it "just" one that really makes me feel better. The new sexual minority won't be the gay lesbian or transgender but the ones who are not sooo desperate to be in a relationship they will take just anything that's available. Link to post Share on other sites
Dolphono Posted September 10, 2013 Share Posted September 10, 2013 People always try to pair me up with a family member or friend. I pay it no my mind. If they continue to be persistent?. I then warn them, that I'm a serial cheater and I love my women "fast & loose". That kills the convo really fast... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ShyOne82 Posted September 10, 2013 Author Share Posted September 10, 2013 (edited) You are simply not being realistic, and it is completely wrong of you to expect others to be realistic, or even fair to you, until such time as you might extend the rest of society the same courtesy. How am I being unrealistic? Someone on here said they felt antagonized and I feel the same exact way. I don't nag people about their love life nor do I assume all "pretty women" are in relationships. Edited September 10, 2013 by ShyOne82 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ShyOne82 Posted September 10, 2013 Author Share Posted September 10, 2013 Someone said those questions might be a compliment. It doesnt feel like a compliment. It seemed like they honestly expected me to be taken and was on a mission to find out WHY I'm single as if something has to be wrong with me. This guy at my job assumed I was married the 8 months I have been there.. and when I told him I wasn't he was very shocked. So now I have another issue. What the hell is going on here? Im not seeking a commitment now... whenever I do.. these guys are going to think Im already with someone and not even bother to approach me. So im going to be alone regardless! Nah I'm just ranting LOL Link to post Share on other sites
almond Posted September 10, 2013 Share Posted September 10, 2013 I heard this sort of thing a bit when I was single, but it never bothered me. In fact, I never imagined that it would bother anyone! If you are secure and happy with your choice to be single at the moment, then simply don't worry. It only becomes an issue if you let it. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
StrongLass Posted September 10, 2013 Share Posted September 10, 2013 There are people in relationships who are unhappy.. why am I required to be with someone?! Its pretty offensive to me. When I tell someone I'm not seeking a relationship at this time I look crazy. Who doesn't want to meet a good man or woman?.. Is there a time limit? There is more to life than this. Man is not my motivation. It is for some people which is quite sad. Alot of folks cant live without a boyfriend or girlfriend. I bolded that because it seems to be a really, really SAD truth you're not alone in noticing it. Also I pretty much agree with everything you said, after awhile you just have to brush the negative/weird reactions off though. They're usually more truly baffled than rude (sometimes because of above SAD fact). 1 Link to post Share on other sites
candie13 Posted September 10, 2013 Share Posted September 10, 2013 people who do it are obviously having issues with you being pretty and love to make you feel uncomfortable. Keep having the same reaction and you are actually playing the little puppet at they stupid game. Tell them you selection criteria is obviously superior to the average and look them in the eyes, when saying that . It usually calms them down. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Weezy1973 Posted September 10, 2013 Share Posted September 10, 2013 OP - if you have no interest in finding love, why would this bother you at all? And more importantly, why would you be posting in a messageboard dedicated to love? Link to post Share on other sites
SincereOnlineGuy Posted September 11, 2013 Share Posted September 11, 2013 How am I being unrealistic? Someone on here said they felt antagonized and I feel the same exact way. I don't nag people about their love life nor do I assume all "pretty women" are in relationships. This issue isn't about whether or not you said or assumed "all pretty women are in relationships". The part I highlighted the first time, is incredibly unrealistic, and everyone is well aware of this. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ShyOne82 Posted September 11, 2013 Author Share Posted September 11, 2013 OP - if you have no interest in finding love, why would this bother you at all? And more importantly, why would you be posting in a messageboard dedicated to love? I've been on this site for awhile when I was single, in a relationship, dating, etc... This thread is my current situation. I am definitely open to finding love, but it is not my top priority... it was a couple of years ago, but this is now and I am quite content for the time being. Its not just the questions that bother me.. its how some of them say it as if something must be wrong with me.. like "hmm this woman is attractive and no one has scooped her up, she must have herpes" that kind of mentality... as if it could never be by choice.. has to be a negative reason.. IDK.. Guess I am the only one with this point of view. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ShyOne82 Posted September 11, 2013 Author Share Posted September 11, 2013 This issue isn't about whether or not you said or assumed "all pretty women are in relationships". The part I highlighted the first time, is incredibly unrealistic, and everyone is well aware of this. Okie dokie. Link to post Share on other sites
ltjg45 Posted September 11, 2013 Share Posted September 11, 2013 I only get this question asked from player-type men who wondered if I have a girlfriend and when I told them I never had one, they are confused beyond words. I also did get one person asking me if I was married. She was just as shocked when I told her the same thing. I wish I was in a relationship but since the women I'm interested in doesn't show the same thing back, I will be content remaining single in the meantime. Link to post Share on other sites
Omei Posted September 11, 2013 Share Posted September 11, 2013 I get the "Your very pretty how come your single?" And I say "Oh thanks, I just haven't found someone yet" Instead of stomping all over their ice breaker take the compliment, stop over analyzing and have a window of opportunity open gosh. Thinking they're passing judgment on you for this is pretty insecure. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ShyOne82 Posted September 12, 2013 Author Share Posted September 12, 2013 I get the "Your very pretty how come your single?" And I say "Oh thanks, I just haven't found someone yet" Instead of stomping all over their ice breaker take the compliment, stop over analyzing and have a window of opportunity open gosh. Thinking they're passing judgment on you for this is pretty insecure. Saying "You are pretty, why arent u in a relationship?" is passing judgement.. sorry. esp when they want an explanation.. All I can say is I might have over analyzed one or two only because of the ones who have passed judgement on me. Link to post Share on other sites
gaius Posted September 12, 2013 Share Posted September 12, 2013 I think it's just astounding to some people that a really beautiful girl wouldnt take advantage of that beauty and be with someone. They don't understand the motivation behind it. Like running into a person who won powerball but refuses to spend a dime. It just makes you curious. But I dont blame you for resenting being turned into a science project. Poked and prodded. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Omei Posted September 12, 2013 Share Posted September 12, 2013 Saying "You are pretty, why arent u in a relationship?" is passing judgement.. sorry. esp when they want an explanation.. All I can say is I might have over analyzed one or two only because of the ones who have passed judgement on me. Still dont think its passing judgment just simply ice break and converstation talk I find people who ask this is general are single and looking to start a convo about how they broke up wanting to relate to yours. Anyway to take offense to something so trival upon meeting new people is never a good idea. (not directed at anyone or saying they have) Everyone has pet peeves all sorts and types! Mines wet socks and southern accents. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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