redgeek Posted September 7, 2013 Posted September 7, 2013 So, a few months ago, I posted my tearjerker about my ex here. You can find it here: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/397791-long-dumb-story Now, unfortunately I had a hard time going NC because she had agreed to write me a notarized letter for my court case (we thought it might help) and hadn't yet. So I prodded her with the occasional text and, even though I knew she really didn't want to/have time, I pushed a bit partially because I wanted that favor and also because I had an ulterior motive (IE: talking to her). Now, around the end of June she asked exactly what she should write and told me she was going to send it that day and I officially broke contact after that conversation. At the beginning of August, after over a month of NC (and no letter), she texted me out of the blue to "see how I was" and to apologize about the letter. She said she let time get away from her and it was wrong, to which I replied I was doing great (I really was/am) and told her what's done is done. We BS'ed about the weather and movies and a restaurant we went to once, and eventually she brought up, "Only six more week." To this I said "Yeah, time flies when you're having fun!" and eventually, I let the conversation die. Back to NC. On Monday, she texted me, "Hey." That was it. I chose to not validate it with a response, and on Wednesday she texted, as if she was sending it immediately after, "Just wanted to see how you were doing." I told her football season was here so I was awesome lol. A few texts about the Giants later, I again let the conversation die and after a few hours this happens: Her: Two more weeks until I'm home!!!! Me: Damn that was quick lol Her: I know right Me: Yep Her: What have you been up to? Me: Workin, playin, living the dream! Her: Lol no specifics? Me: Building fences, pet projects, hanging out with friends, hitting the gym, and the occasional karaoke night. How's that? Her: Lol better *time passes* Her: Uuuugh I need to start packing Me: So start! Her: But I dislike packing Me: Packing dislikes you! Her: Well good So, her breaking no contact, coupled with reminding me how soon she will be back, seems to me as though she is maybe starting to feel a bit of a sense of loss, and I am trying to show her that I've already been starting to move on. I'd like your opinions not only on how I've handled the situation/conversations, but also on what my course of action should be. I mean it when I say: I obviously do still have feelings for her, but it would not by any means break me if she stuck with her decision. BUT, I would like to try a fresh start and see if we can make it work this time. I've changed, and I'm sure she has too. I'm a stronger man than I was a few months ago, and I won't let myself fall into that pit of self-pity and low confidence again. But when she comes back to pick up the stuff she stored at my house, what can I do to possibly catalyze a reconciliation process? Either way, the hard part is over...the time went by much easier than I anticipated, and I will finally have my answer on what she wants, rather than just a "maybe after we get our **** together." Thanks all!
Author redgeek Posted September 7, 2013 Author Posted September 7, 2013 I was NC for a month, had a short, polite conversation that I ended quickly, and NC for another month until 4 days ago. Again, I kept it short and sweet, and it was her who reinitiated contact.
Misfortune Posted September 7, 2013 Posted September 7, 2013 I'm happy for you OP. when she comes by, just be confident and show your best self to her. Don't come off as needy, don't fight her and let her lead. You're up for a recon and the rest is up to seeing if she feels the same.
Author redgeek Posted September 7, 2013 Author Posted September 7, 2013 Thank you Misfortune. I will not, but was acting detached and uninterested appropriate now that she seems to be taking an interest again? I suppose I could have asked her how she was and how her trip was, but I wasn't sure whether I should keep her wondering, so to speak.
Simon Phoenix Posted September 7, 2013 Posted September 7, 2013 She didn't break NC, you did. NC is a one-person thing, not a two-person thing. And the best thing you can do is nothing different than you'd normally do. Don't overthink it. There's not a trigger that will cause her to reverse her decision automatically. If she does see you, she's either going to like what she sees and want to see you more or she isn't.
Ireallydontknow Posted September 7, 2013 Posted September 7, 2013 Honestly I think 2 months is wayyyy too soon, but whatever. I think if you need to come here and post about it, needing it analyzed then you aren't ready, jus' sayin' 1
Simon Phoenix Posted September 7, 2013 Posted September 7, 2013 Honestly I think 2 months is wayyyy too soon, but whatever. I think if you need to come here and post about it, needing it analyzed then you aren't ready, jus' sayin' Agreed on everything. This is way too early, but I think he's going to do it no matter what anyone says. 1
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted September 7, 2013 Posted September 7, 2013 Okay get ready.... The hard part isnt over because you are going to make it so much worse. You are setting yourself up for such a harder fall than before. You are obviously excited by small talk that you are just jumping to huge amounts of hope. There is NOTHING there that constitutes she has a "sense of loss." She is making small talk after not talking for a few months. Means she is curious. LOTS of ex's are curious...doesnt mean anything. I was curious on what my previous ex was doing a couple months after I dumped her. I had NO intention of getting back with her and I dont see this as being an opening. Its way too soon, nothing has changed, and you are setting yourself up for a bigger fall than the first time. False hope is the worst. I dont look forward to the thread started once she picks up her stuff and it doesnt happen the way you want.
Misfortune Posted September 7, 2013 Posted September 7, 2013 Thank you Misfortune. I will not, but was acting detached and uninterested appropriate now that she seems to be taking an interest again? I suppose I could have asked her how she was and how her trip was, but I wasn't sure whether I should keep her wondering, so to speak. I think it's possible to show interest without coming off as needy. I would ask about her trip simply because she asked about your life; someone says "hello" and you say hello back most times. Maybe go the "what's up with you? or how's life?" Route if you don't want to be direct about it. I think you're doing fine. Hope you've prepped yourself for either outcome, recon or not. Honestly I think 2 months is wayyyy too soon, but whatever. I think if you need to come here and post about it, needing it analyzed then you aren't ready, jus' sayin' "If you don't hear, you'll feel". Experience is the best teacher....sometimes. Nothing is set in stone. 1
Author redgeek Posted September 7, 2013 Author Posted September 7, 2013 She didn't break NC, you did. NC is a one-person thing, not a two-person thing. And the best thing you can do is nothing different than you'd normally do. Don't overthink it. There's not a trigger that will cause her to reverse her decision automatically. If she does see you, she's either going to like what she sees and want to see you more or she isn't. Fair enough, but I didn't break NC due to my own desire, I'm just not the type to ignore someone when they clearly want to have a conversation. As you said, I chose to do what I'd normally do. And I agree, she's going to realize I've gone through some changes and become a more independent person, and she may decide she likes that and wants to move forward, or we'll go our separate ways. Either way, I'll be happy. Honestly I think 2 months is wayyyy too soon, but whatever. I think if you need to come here and post about it, needing it analyzed then you aren't ready, jus' sayin' Agreed on everything. This is way too early, but I think he's going to do it no matter what anyone says. I don't NEED it analyzed, but I remembered posting here months ago and I thought maybe I would get the same helpfulness and positive talk as last time. Unfortunately, I only have another 2 weeks until she's at my doorstep, so now isn't such an unreasonable time to at least touch base. Okay get ready.... The hard part isnt over because you are going to make it so much worse. You are setting yourself up for such a harder fall than before. You are obviously excited by small talk that you are just jumping to huge amounts of hope. There is NOTHING there that constitutes she has a "sense of loss." She is making small talk after not talking for a few months. Means she is curious. LOTS of ex's are curious...doesnt mean anything. I was curious on what my previous ex was doing a couple months after I dumped her. I had NO intention of getting back with her and I dont see this as being an opening. Its way too soon, nothing has changed, and you are setting yourself up for a bigger fall than the first time. False hope is the worst. I dont look forward to the thread started once she picks up her stuff and it doesnt happen the way you want. There is no false hope here, I just like to be an optimistic, and that is something that I've always tried to do. Just as she is curious, so am I. Sure, I'd like to see what could come of this relationship, but I'd also be fine with a goodbye. Would it still hurt a bit? Sure, rejection is never easy. But I'm ready for it. Expect the best, prepare for the worst. I'll come out on top of this either way, and I'll make sure I have a definitive answer. The only post I'll be making after she gets her stuff will be an informative one: This is what happened, this is what my plans are. I hope you read it when it's written and see that I'm not trying to create any illusions here. I think it's possible to show interest without coming off as needy. I would ask about her trip simply because she asked about your life; someone says "hello" and you say hello back most times. Maybe go the "what's up with you? or how's life?" Route if you don't want to be direct about it. I think you're doing fine. Hope you've prepped yourself for either outcome, recon or not. "If you don't hear, you'll feel". Experience is the best teacher....sometimes. Nothing is set in stone. Agreed, I think I may have screwed that up a bit. Next time I will be sure to ask her about her life, and maybe she will open up more on her own. Love that last quote! TO ALL: Thank you for your opinions...after all that's why I made this thread. As I said, perhaps it's a bit soon to be opening this door, but I can promise I will not be worse off for it, because my head is in a clear place. Unfortunately, if I want a reconciliation (which I do) the time is now...well, in two weeks. After that, it will only be a few short months before she graduates college and moves away to who knows where, and as much as I'm not someone to get their hopes up to be let down, I'm also not someone to let opportunities slip through the cracks. Either way, like I said, I'll have an answer and I'll be better for it. I appreciate the posts, support, and constructive criticism, and I would love some more!
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