Day 10 of no conatct

[Eddie007]

Today is day 36. It's been a rough weekend. I've thought about her a lot and have been down for the most part. I've stepped up my gym routine and it helps for a little bit. I just feel so alone. I feel I'll be alone forever. Just can't seem to shake it off at the moment.

 

Everything has been reminding me of her. I have a personal blog on blogger. I hadn't updated it in awhile (over 2 years) so I thought I'd go there and look at some of my old posts to cheer me up. I had forgotten she created a blog to chronicle the planning of our wedding and it was linked to my blog. Seeing that really got me down.

 

I know I'll make it, just seems so far off right now.

[BC1980]

Today is day 36. It's been a rough weekend. I've thought about her a lot and have been down for the most part. I've stepped up my gym routine and it helps for a little bit. I just feel so alone. I feel I'll be alone forever. Just can't seem to shake it off at the moment.

 

Everything has been reminding me of her. I have a personal blog on blogger. I hadn't updated it in awhile (over 2 years) so I thought I'd go there and look at some of my old posts to cheer me up. I had forgotten she created a blog to chronicle the planning of our wedding and it was linked to my blog. Seeing that really got me down.

 

I know I'll make it, just seems so far off right now.

 

I know where you are coming from. Hang in there. The past four days have been rough for me, no doubt about it. I kept thinking the same as you. I will never find anyone else. I will live the rest of my life alone. I know it's dramatic to think that, but it's normal after a relationship.

[Eddie007]

It's been 41 days since she dumped me and 41 days of NC. The last week has been terrible. I want to talk to her so bad. I basically asked for NC and she has obliged, but its eating me up inside. I go to the gym everyday and it helps for a time but its only temporary. I can't let her go for some reason.

 

There is nothing to hate. We ended on good terms with her just saying she wasnt happy. I have no idea if she is with someone else as I do not cyber stalk, I'm afraid of what I will see.

 

Part of me thinks she wants to reach out but isn't out of respect for me. I'm afraid she never will, but since she ended it I don't feel it's my place even though I want to so badly. I'd hate to think we are both sitting here waiting for the other to make a move.

[Chi townD]

It's been 41 days since she dumped me and 41 days of NC. The last week has been terrible. I want to talk to her so bad. I basically asked for NC and she has obliged, but its eating me up inside. I go to the gym everyday and it helps for a time but its only temporary. I can't let her go for some reason.

 

There is nothing to hate. We ended on good terms with her just saying she wasnt happy. I have no idea if she is with someone else as I do not cyber stalk, I'm afraid of what I will see.

 

Part of me thinks she wants to reach out but isn't out of respect for me. I'm afraid she never will, but since she ended it I don't feel it's my place even though I want to so badly. I'd hate to think we are both sitting here waiting for the other to make a move.

 

Women like when a guy chases them. But, when they discover that you're not chasing them, they tend to find out why and reach out. Believe me, most women are the most strong minded people in the world and they tend to do what they want. She would throw you out breadcrumbs without a second thought.

 

The fact that she hasn't should tell you something. That she's moved on. I think you need to take a page out of her book.

[BC1980]

I don't reach out because I know I can't handle it right now. It's been a little over a month of NC for me, and I have good and bad days. It's normal, but it sucks.

[lindsay1990]

If she isn't reaching out it probably IS out of respect for you. Not because she's afraid of what you will say or how you feel about her but, ultimately I think it's because she knows she has nothing new or different to say.

 

As ChiTown said, take a page out of her book. We needn't speculate about what they are thinking or feel like doing (like potentially reaching out), we just need to focus on the last things they told, here, apparently it was the break up and the NC. That says it all.

 

You are doing very good, stay strong. I'm around a month and a week of NC myself btw.

[Eddie007]

Thanks for the responses. She did not request NC I did because I thought it would be easiest. She even went as far as to make sure I had her new phone number. She changed it because she was on my cell plan. But I don't want to be her friend. I know I will be ok in the long run. I've been down this road before and always came out better for it. I don't need her but I love her and miss our relationship.

 

I seem to be ok on the evenings it's during the day I struggle the most for some reason.

 

Maybe it's hit me so hard this past week because I've had to wait 2.5 weeks between therapy sessions. Like I said earlier sometimes I wish we could of had a huge fight so we could be mad at each other.

 

I guess it insane to think I'd be over a 4+ year relationship in 6 weeks.

Edited September 27, 2013 by Eddie007

[Mariposa10]

I was with my ex for 4 + 1 year of friendship. And when we broke up I pretty much went crazy begging, pleading, etc... Maybe the first week or two weeks. I couldn't do what you're doing, I wish I could've but I couldn't... I finally went NC this week. I'm not counting the days, but yesterday when I went to a concert I thought of him the entire time, the old me would've called me. But I was strong enough not to do it.

 

Anyway, my point is you are a very strong person, I truly admire that

[Eddie007]

Thank you, however I don't feel very strong at the moment. I just want the heartache to end.

 

I feel I've done everything I can. I don't contact, I don't stalk social media, I've been talking to friends and family, working out 6 days a week, moved to a new place ith no reminders of her, go to therapy to work on the issues that I know I have.

 

The only thing I haven't done yet is let go and move on. I not know what I'm holding on to but I want it to be behind me. I guess it just haent been enough time. You have to remember its not just her i miss its the whole family. They treated me so well and considered me one of there own. I lost a mother, father, daughter and 3 brothers.

[BigGirlPantiesOn]

Eddie, stop fighting the pain. Accept it....6 weeks is too short a time to expect it to pass. I lost an entire family too, after 22 years. It WILL get easier.

 

Accept that this is where you are....you're normal, you're just like all of us. Millions upon millions of people have endured and recovered from loss...

 

this too shall pass. xo

[Mariposa10]

Thank you, however I don't feel very strong at the moment. I just want the heartache to end.

 

I feel I've done everything I can. I don't contact, I don't stalk social media, I've been talking to friends and family, working out 6 days a week, moved to a new place ith no reminders of her, go to therapy to work on the issues that I know I have.

 

The only thing I haven't done yet is let go and move on. I not know what I'm holding on to but I want it to be behind me. I guess it just haent been enough time. You have to remember its not just her i miss its the whole family. They treated me so well and considered me one of there own. I lost a mother, father, daughter and 3 brothers.

 

I'm happy to hear you're reaching out for help. You guys were together for many years (same with me) so we shouldn't be too hard on ourselves. I've lost my appetite, so I can't really exercise, but as soon as I get my appetite back I will start to exercise.

I have also looked into joining some kind of support group, this is my first serious relationship. The other day I went to some kind of support group and it was very emotional... Some of the people there talked about their problems and some even cried. I wanted to cry too because I had just gone NC. That meeting was too emotional for me, I don't know if it's gonna help me... I feel like I need to be around happy people maybe?

 

Is this the first time you're trying therapy? If not, could you elaborate on that a little bit?

[Eddie007]

Yes this is my first time trying therapy. It has helped a lot to talk about it. We don't focus much on my past relationship but more on what I need to do to be happy with myself and learn to be ok with being single. I've realized I've become dependent on being in a relationship.

 

I don't want to be like that anymore.

[JDPT]

That's great. I'm glad to hear that you have commenced therapy. With a qualified professional you can be confident that you will certainly advance your recovery journey. Follow all instructions and don't try to fall into a comfort zone, there is much work to do. I wish you the best.

[Eddie007]

I broke NC this morning after 44 days. This is the first contact by either of us since the BU.

 

There was an email sent Friday afternoon by a co-worker to my work dept. It was about a girl with the same condition as the duaghter of my ex winning home coming queen.

 

I just forwarded the link and said "I thought you might enjoy reading this"

 

That was it.

 

My ex was always worried about how her daughter would fit in and I thought she really would like seeing this other young girls good experience.

[Eddie007]

Not sure how I feel about sending that email. It was more of an instinct thing. She enjoy's reading success stories of others with the same condition as her daughter. I would always try and point them out to her if I came across any.

 

I hope I didnt just screw up 6+ plus weeks of hard work moving on.

[Eddie007]

Well, she didnt respond as of yet. She checks her email often on her iphone so I know she has seen it by now. I would be lying if I said it didnt hurt a little but it doesnt seem to have set me back too far.

 

I thought since we ended on good terms it was a harmless email on a subject close to her heart.

 

Last week I was wondering if possibly she was sitting around waiting for me to reach out since I had requested the NC, well now I know she wasn't. This will make it easier for me to not look back and continue working on myself.

[llleonidus]

Wow, so you broke NC! At least it hasn't put you back much and you don't feel so bad about it. You would think just out of common courtesy she would of replied though!

 

Do you think this will help you move on now?

 

Iv'e been considering it lately i'm on 40 days NC! Although i'm a million miles away from how bad i felt at the beginning, something keeps telling me not to go back to the hurt and stay away.

[Eddie007]

I think it will help me. Like I said all last week I was wondering if she was waiting for me to reach out. Now I'm not wondering anymore. It's almost like a weight off my shoulders.

[lindsay1990]

I think what will help you the most is feeling exactly that, now you know she wasn't/isn't waiting for you to reach out. I had never thought about this but it clicked inside me upon reading it and maybe this is why I replied aggressively (and definitively) to my ex's breadcrumbs: maybe I was just exhausted at waiting on the push and pull, finally on 10 days of silence and just got tired of being dependent on this dude's feelings towards me so I just made sure he would never write me again. At that point, with the breadcrumbs, I actually thought he was dead-set on break up, and even though it might have been premature at 33 days BU and 10 NC well... I think I just couldn't live waiting.

 

That's no way to live and you got your answer in a courageous yet dignified way, I will take this as an example for myself. You are on the right track :)

[Eddie007]

Im glad my experience has been able to help you out. I dont recommend breaking no contact, but like I said, we ended on fairly good terms, I was the one who requested NC. After 6+ weeks I felt I was ready to break the silence and prepared for what did in fact happen. She didnt respond and Im ok with that because I dont feel I put myself out there emotionally in any way by forwarding that email story for her to read.

 

Maybe she didnt respond because she is having a hard time moving on, or maybe she has already moved on. If nothing else it shows I still think of her from time to time but not desperate for her attention.

 

I have no intention of reaching out again. All in all 6 weeks isnt much time after 4+ years. I still have a lot of growing and moving on to do.

[Eddie007]

Today has been a struggle. I have the urge to reach out again, but Im not going to do it. Im coming up on 2 months since the BU and NC (other than my email forward a few weeks ago). This rollercoaster is crazy! Some days Im fine, others Im not.

 

I broke down and cried the other day for the first time in many weeks. I can hear her voice in my head and see her laying in the bed next to me in the evenings like we did almost every night for 4+ years.

 

I got moved into my new apartment which has been really nice. I had no furnature so my sister and brother in-law brought me a bunch of stuff. The couch is the one that was in my old apartment before I met my ex. It was the couch we sat and cuddled on our 2nd date. I have yet to be able to bring myself to sit on it. I sit in the so much less comfortable chair they brought lol.

 

Im doing well health wise. Im still hitting the gym 6 days a week and am down 20lbs. My blood pressure has been really good as well.

 

I seem to hit these lows when I have several weeks between therapy visits. However I work during the day and the evening sessions fill up fast so i have to wait another week. It will be 3 weeks between visits.

 

Im hanging in there. I just wish i was past it.

[Chi townD]

If you're still struggling hard after two months; then, in my opinion, you're not busy enough. The last place you need to be on the weekends is sitting in your apartment. You need to be out and active.

 

Make a plan, "Okay, after work on Friday, gonna go home and pack up my camping stuff. Going to get my fishing gear together and run to the store and get food and beer. Then, Saturday going on a camping and fishing trip. Come back later on Sunday." Then, the next weekend, hiking up in the hills. Or mountain biking. Give yourself little trips out of that apartment that's going to give you a new surrounding. Explore stuff around you. Look on the internet for things to do around your area. Fill up your weekend. Take friends with you. Keep busy and occupy your time. Will you drift off and think about her over the weekend? Probably, but only when you have down time and not as much as you would sitting in that apartment watching football and drinking beer.

[Eddie007]

I'm not sure what day I'm on anymore. I could add it up if I really thought about it.

 

I noticed she looked at my blog a few weeks ago. (I have a visit tracker on there which I forgot about until I got the quarterly report through email). I figure she was just trying to see what I was up since this was around the same time I ran into her mom at the store. I generally don’t post much on there, just pics on my new place and talking about life and such. Nothing about the relationship.

 

The good days far outweigh the bad. I still think about her everyday but she no longer dominates my thoughts.

 

I’ve talked to a few girls in the past month but hasn’t really led to anything. I don’t feel as I’m ready to start dating again if I can’t give 100%. Maybe I can’t give 100% is because I haven’t found the one yet.

 

My therapy sessions are going really well. It has helped me to feel good about being single. I love living alone. It’s a freedom I haven’t had in many years.

 

I know I'll meet someone someday, but for now I’m just not ready. I do get lonely at times but like I said I really am enjoying living alone.

 

I haven’t had any urges to contact her or internet stalk however I'm still searching for the "indifference" stage one day at a time.

 

My mom had a multi picture frame hanging on her wall. It was given to her by my ex for Christmas. It has a pics of us together and a pic of my exes daughter along with pics of my sisters family. Since I was staying with my mom directly after the split I took it off the wall so I didn’t have to look at it. Last week while over there I noticed the empty wall space, went and hung the picture back up.

 

It may not sound like much but it felt good to be able to look at the pic and smile instead of cry.

[justconfused25]

Honestly, by the sounds of your ex as she was faithful, I say if you really want to contact her you should. I'm not saying this to screw you over or go against the consensus for fun. Stop fighting it if you don't want to.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/second-chances/436496-don-t-do-nc-move-if-you-don-t-want

[Eddie007]

That is not an option for me at the moment.

 

I've realized over the past few months she did the best thing for both of us. There was something missing in our relationship. She drifted away form me and wanted something different.

 

I would be open to reconnecting in the future if the issues can be fixed. My issues arent yet fixed and probably wont be for a good while. This is also the reason I have not persued another relationship very strongly.

 

If I jump into something now with my ex or anyone else it is going to fail. I need to be alone and love myself right now.

 

When I feel I'm ready I will consider my next steps.