Nervous Nervous Nervous I Think This Is It

[Forever Learning]

It's great to meet someone who lights you up. Enjoy it.

 

And give it a whole bunch of time before you project any future with the guy.

 

Chemistry and compatibility are two different things.

Chemistry is a great start,

but compatibility needs to be proven over time.

 

Awesome advice. I agree.

[Leigh 87]

She most probably is. What you don't understand that when women really like someone they start making things up that just wasn't there. She has met this guy for like a day, went home with him from a bar, there is no way she knows that the guy found this as amazing as she did and that's why she is nervous. Point is, a lot of this are probably in her head. Not saying these things never happen but...for the most part, real life is far from what you see in the movies or Disney cartoons for that matter.

 

 

 

It is not all in my head.

 

He is just as into me.

 

........................................

 

We met Friday. Saw each other again Saturday. And spent all of Sunday together until late at night.

 

Without saying it too often, he has made it clear that he cannot stop thinking about me and he has never felt like this about a girl before that he has only just met..

 

We can't stop kissing when we are together. This is not good in the long run, as by the time I am tired and actually want to sleep, he will not be able to stop kissing me. Not in an overtly sexual way, just kissing. Then he will want to sleep and I will keep him awake.

 

We tell each other how annoying that habit is:lmao:

 

I eventually told him on Sunday that I was getting a bit sick of him after hanging out every day since we first met:lmao:

 

Anyways.

 

So I realise this will probably NOT be the last relationship that I will ever be in. I am totally cool with that. I have lost a big love before and life goes on.

 

I do wear my heart on my sleave and I STRONGLY believe in meeting someone for the first time and falling hard for them.

 

I think you just know sometimes. If you have the chemistry and you are nuts for each other, personality wise......

[Leigh 87]

Ok voice of reason here. It sounds really great!

 

But if you want this to take off and go somewhere I highly suggest that he takes you on a real date.

 

 

Inviting him over to chill and watch DVDs just makes it sound like you want to finish what you started last night.

 

 

And yes- CHILL THE EFF OUT! And enjoy.

 

 

 

We did talk all night Friday, watched a DVD Saturday then on Sunday we actually spent all day together.

 

He says he loves being around me a lot. That is makes him very excited/happy.

 

We have had sex but we both talked about it and said that we like each other far too much to let that negatively impact our fledging relationship.

[Leigh 87]

Leigh, what happened to waiting -- and growing -- for a year or two after your recent breakup with Andrew?!?!

 

This is awfully fast...

 

And I can tell you why it feels so different; because it is a different person. But I am afraid your issues still remain (how is therapy going?), so many of the same problems will rear their ugly heads...

 

 

 

It is terribly fast. I am taken aback. I was not seeking out a relationship. I was, in fact, averse to them. Then I met another guy in Berlin where we both felt we had something special even just for the one day we spent hanging out... Without sex.

 

He was due to fly home months after, so I actually agreed with him to see where things went when he came home; I thought a few months would be a good opportunity to work on my issues. With my therapist.

 

I am still in therapy working on my issues.

 

I honestly was staying clear of any emotions when it came to men; I had very good looking FWB. Both of whom I very much liked (especially the second one:love:). However, I contained my feelings and was not invested. Nor did I care if they met someone they wanted to date. I knew they though I was awesome. We are still good friends. They paid for dinner and movies while with me. They are genuine friends and treated me well.

 

So yeah. I was enjoying drama free casual sex with one guy, since I have been trying to stay clear of random hook ups.

 

I have been around enough guys to know when something feels so good, so fast.

I need that sort of relationship, where you are totally crazy for each other on the very first night you meet.

I believe in something amazing and exciting happening on the very first time you meet a person.

 

I do not want a relationship where it takes "time" to fall hard for them.

 

I think you damn well KNOW straight up if your nuts for someone.

[Kimmie80]

I am hurting so much reading your post I fell HARD for this one guy who we were only together for 9 weeks. He knew everything about me, he cared about me from day 1 and we became inseparable. When we weren't together we were texting from the time we got up till the time we went to bed, and even in the middle of the night when we both couldn't sleep.

 

He left as fast as he came because of me. I said some pretty nasty things because of my low self esteem and insecurity issues. It was too much for him to handle. And I don't blame him at all.

 

Now, here I am, hurting, depressed, anxiety than I ever have in my entire life. I am taking this one way harder than the end of my 15 year relationship with my common-law partner. I think its because this one left so sudden and it was still in the wonderful beginning stage where theres butterflies.

 

He left it as he forgives me, but that everything happens for a reason. And he said that he's sure our paths will cross again someday. Was that his way of letting me go gently forever or does he mean he is not closing the door permanently? I will never know. I just know that I so hurt and destroyed and the guilt is killing me.

 

So embrace every second you can with him. I had no idea he would be gone in a split second.

[Leigh 87]

I agree that you know whether or not you feel potential right away or not.

 

I find myself falling more and more for my boyfriend the more time goes on, however. Yesterday was his nephews baptism and there was a party afterward. Just seeing him around his family and friends was awesome and I'm learning more every day about his true character. Those things matter to me much more than the initial physical rush.

 

 

Keep your eyes open in addition to your heart. Over time men will show you what they're really made of.

 

 

Did you feel anything special about your current guy right away, that you lacked with other men you dated?

 

I just felt so great about this guy from the moment we talked really. HE is a tad overweight, has a gut and does not have nice skin really, but I was still so drawn to him and attracted to him for the way he was. The way we interacted.

 

I HAD a very charismatic FWB who was fcking SMOKING. Hot. I assume I know the different between a guy being a great person to talk to and also HOT, Versus meeting a guy and just feeling "something" special.

 

I am totally cool with this fledging romance not working out. It probably won't. I am just not scared of loving fully and completely, and falling hard in the early stages.

 

The time spent getting over a relationship is never as lengthy as the time you were both happy together; it has taken me all of 3 months to get over my ex. And I was crazy for him.

And I was thinking about/hooking up with new guys 2 months after Andrew..... Andrew is someone I love deeply, but not in a romantic sense anymore....

I would react if he met the love of his life, but I would not be upset.

 

So yeah. I expect this romance to fail, actually. I just don't care about that fact.

 

I look forward to enjoying some great times with another person, and also enjoy the perk of regular sex (which, by the way, is INREDIBLE!) and cuddles in bed some nights from a person who is crazy about you.

 

The pro's far outweigh the cons:bunny:

[Star Gazer]

He says he loves being around me a lot. That is makes him very excited/happy.

 

We have had sex but we both talked about it and said that we like each other far too much to let that negatively impact our fledging relationship.

 

You met on Friday and have already had sex and now you're claiming you're crazy about each other...

 

He's known you for two days, Leigh.

 

You've known him for two days.

 

Please, keep that in perspective.

[Leigh 87]

I am hurting so much reading your post I fell HARD for this one guy who we were only together for 9 weeks. He knew everything about me, he cared about me from day 1 and we became inseparable. When we weren't together we were texting from the time we got up till the time we went to bed, and even in the middle of the night when we both couldn't sleep.

 

He left as fast as he came because of me. I said some pretty nasty things because of my low self esteem and insecurity issues. It was too much for him to handle. And I don't blame him at all.

 

Now, here I am, hurting, depressed, anxiety than I ever have in my entire life. I am taking this one way harder than the end of my 15 year relationship with my common-law partner. I think its because this one left so sudden and it was still in the wonderful beginning stage where theres butterflies.

 

He left it as he forgives me, but that everything happens for a reason. And he said that he's sure our paths will cross again someday. Was that his way of letting me go gently forever or does he mean he is not closing the door permanently? I will never know. I just know that I so hurt and destroyed and the guilt is killing me.

 

So embrace every second you can with him. I had no idea he would be gone in a split second.

 

 

 

Oh, I am so sorry about that:( That sounds really awful.

 

How did he leave? Did he literally wake up one day and tell you he did not want to be with you anymore?

 

I know this happens. I am willing to take that risk; that this guy may suddenly never call me again, after we seemed as close as can be.......

 

We have only just parted ways, but he has not texted me so far? I have no idea if we will be texting all, every day!

 

I have a good feeling about Jack. You make a good point though, and thanks for sharing your post with me; it may have been painful for you to write it out, and for that I am sorry. It may have just helped me though, as it is IMPORTANT for me to realise that guys come and go at he blink of an eye.

 

I feel very thankful and fortunate to be able to enjoy this person for the time being.

 

That is all I really hope for.

[Leigh 87]

You met on Friday and have already had sex and now you're claiming you're crazy about each other...

 

He's known you for two days, Leigh.

 

You've known him for two days.

 

Please, keep that in perspective.

 

 

 

I realise he could end this at anytime. I know it will hurt a lot.

 

I think he is crazy about me. He has not met a girl before who that....he has had a reaction to this strongly.

 

I think I am the sort of girl that some guys will very well think this about. I do not think I am crazy for thinking he is likely crazy about me

 

However, this is all premature; it could very well change once I get to know this guy. He could turn out to be a jerk.

 

I am willing to take the risk with him.

 

I actually plan to not post about him, besides on here; telling people how I am feeling if they continue this thread.

 

I want to stay clear of writing threads about him or talking about him directly in other peoples threads, as that inadvertently places way too much importance on such a new "relationship".

[Ruby Slippers]

Leigh, I love the way you're getting on with your life, unafraid! I admire your courage and open heart.

 

I think you're going into this with eyes wide open. Sure, you might get hurt, but that is always true, throughout life.

 

That initial chemistry and wow factor is amazing! True, it doesn't always last, but it's a great start.

 

I hope this goes well for you. But I get the impression you're going to have a wonderful time with him no matter what

[Star Gazer]

I am totally cool with this fledging romance not working out. It probably won't.

 

I realise he could end this at anytime. I know it will hurt a lot.

 

These posts were made 14 minutes apart. Are you a sadist?

[Star Gazer]

I think he is crazy about me. He has not met a girl before who that....he has had a reaction to this strongly.

 

Those are called hormones and a strong erection, Leigh. He doesn't know enough about you - or you him - to be reacting like this in an emotionally healthy way.

[Kimmie80]

He walked suddenly after an amazing afternoon together. We talked a few times that evening and then I didn't hear from him for 24 hours. I jumped to conclusions due to my insecurities. It turned out that his cell was disconnected for non payment. Within 48 hours of his phone being hooked up, he contacted me expressing how hurt he was that I looked at him in such a negative way. And that was it. I guess I destroyed his ego. I deserve the pain im experiencing, I just hope than in time he will give me another try?

[BluEyeL]

He walked suddenly after an amazing afternoon together. We talked a few times that evening and then I didn't hear from him for 24 hours. I jumped to conclusions due to my insecurities. It turned out that his cell was disconnected for non payment. Within 48 hours of his phone being hooked up, he contacted me expressing how hurt he was that I looked at him in such a negative way. And that was it. I guess I destroyed his ego. I deserve the pain im experiencing, I just hope than in time he will give me another try?

 

I'm sorry this happened to you. He might come around, especially if you are capable to go no contact, don't initiate, don't beg etc. I know the anxiety can be overwhelming when we don't hear from them, or the pattern changes in some way, but we have to realize we are sabotaging ourselves and apply the CTFD principle. (CTFD=calm the f*ck down). I remind myself of this when I experience anxiety over him not contacting or something of sorts, and it always works!

 

Good luck, Leigh! Enjoy! Hope it lasts long!

[Kimmie80]

Thank you I really hope he does come back around. Guess time will tell

[Leigh 87]

These posts were made 14 minutes apart. Are you a sadist?

 

I mean to say that, although I am very much enjoying getting to know him and I think he is very much into me, I am not holding out any great hope that we will necessarily last.

 

I know for a fact that most guys I meet will not turn out to be my life partner. Even if the beginning is wonderful.

 

I am just really enjoying Jack but I am not expecting it to last, because in all likeliness, it probably won't. Like you and most other people here, it is not likely that Jack will end up being my future husband.

 

I think I am being realistic, yet still enjoying the ride along the way. With him.

[Leigh 87]

He walked suddenly after an amazing afternoon together. We talked a few times that evening and then I didn't hear from him for 24 hours. I jumped to conclusions due to my insecurities. It turned out that his cell was disconnected for non payment. Within 48 hours of his phone being hooked up, he contacted me expressing how hurt he was that I looked at him in such a negative way. And that was it. I guess I destroyed his ego. I deserve the pain im experiencing, I just hope than in time he will give me another try?

 

I too, have insecurity issues and personal issues that could hinder me when it comes to entering into a loving relationship.

 

Thing is though, I feel like I can avoid the whole "freaking out" after not getting a text for 24 hours thing.

 

I have been there. With my ex... Always wanting him to text me all the time. Although once we were in an established relationship months later, he always did tend to text ANYWAY, and never left it that long....

 

I am so sorry your freak out ruined things. To be fair though, he obviously did not want to be with you ENOUGH at the end of the day, if he let that freak out perturb him.

 

I mean, he would have liked you a whole lot, I am not doubting that! At the end of the day, though, he let you go over one episode? I am sure he WAS very much into you, but not ENOUGH for what you deserve.

 

You deserve a guy who will not want to let you go, and will try to work things out if you freak him out once or twice; he would want to give you the benefit of the doubt and see if you could change before calling it quits.

 

Then again, there are certain personality types that tend to cut their losses WAY easier than someone like me would: if I am seriously into someone and have strong feelings of wanting to be with them, I will try to overcome any issues together with them. I would want to leave only as a last resort.

 

Where as some people I know would rather call it quits and get over you, rather than want to work through any problems. It is not always an indicator of them not wanting to be with you very much. Some people are just like that. With any women.

 

The real test now is to wait with NC and see if he comes around.

 

I never used NC for more than 3 or so weeks with my ex, so I am not one to advocate the merit of no contact. I am, however, moving on from my ex to the extent of not caring if he met someone new. We talk and are best friends. We are just careful to not see each other or talk too often, as we know it is too early for that.

 

In your case I strongly recommend No Contact, as he will have the chance to see if he has made a mistake, while you are moving on in the meanwhile.

 

I just loved my ex as a person too much and we made each other too happy, by being in each others lives, to cut each other out for long periods of time. He knows I have been with new people.

 

Just when he rang yesterday and asked about my day, there was no way I was going to tell him that I hung out with a dude who gave me great oral and who I am falling hard for:lmao:

 

Be careful being friends with this guy in the future, seeing as you had such an intense chemistry.........

 

But yeah, wait it out and see if he contacts you again. If not, then I would wait a very long time before re opening the door to a friendship.....

 

I feel very bad for you, I can only imagine how sad I would be if this guy bails after one issue.

 

Fingers crossed my therapist can help keep me out of that trouble!

 

I am proud of how I have handled my ex though and how I have moved on. I think I am making improvements.

[Leigh 87]

I'd be wary of a few major things. I would be hit hard when you asked me "do you want me to stop seeing my FWB?" Seriously that wouldn't flatter me but make me think what! Also the still in contact with the ex you love I'd keep that to yourself. Also you being older than him.

 

A lot of guys think I am in my early 20's. Hence why I hook up with 19 year olds and guys who are almost always younger than me. He only a few years younger. I plan to keep in very good shape and use botox when I am in my 30's, so.... Looks aint an issue.

 

I was just being frank with him about my sexual past. And about my ex. He deserves to know. He was not perturbed. He said he would like me to stop seeing the FWB and we were both very happy with being exclusive.

 

I do not multi date if I am really into someone upon first meeting them, and he feels the same.

 

He deserves to know that I am close to my ex and still talk to him. He also deserves a girl who is not hung up on her ex and would take him back if he so wanted her...

 

Therefore it is not an issue. Since I have known for quiet a while now that my ex was not a good romantic match for me, and I am so much happier with different types of guys who meet my needs more than my ex ever could.

 

He can see I am into him and have lost romantic feelings and thoughts surrounding my ex.

 

Still though, I wanted to be honest that I still talk to my ex once or twice a week, via phone, and that it makes me very very happy talking to my ex, but that we are not in regular, daily contact and nor do I ever see him in person.

 

New guy seemed fine with it. He also got out of a R at he same time I did, pretty much.

 

The new guy is not very experienced with women; has had a low number of sexual partners, where as I have slept with many more dudes than he has with women.

 

He is okay with that also - he knows I do not feel good about the times I have slept around and that it is not something that interests me as a lifestyle. He knows I normally tend to have relationships or one solid FWB inbetween relationships.

 

He is one of the guys who do not judge a girl who has had one or two periods of sleeping with multiple guys; it is not what I am normally like, therefore it is not of concern to him.

 

His longest relationship was 1 and a half years. He said they were not right for each other and they also found it too awkward to be friends after everything....

[Leigh 87]

Yes. Best to lie and deceive.

 

 

I want a guy who accepts me for who I am.

 

I respect the fact that some men really do not want to be with a women who have had FWB's or who have slept with more guys than they have done with women....

 

Without having a huge discussion about my sexual past, he is aware of how I normally operate with men.

 

We both feel the same way, actually: that meaningful relationships are ideal, however, sh*t happens sometimes and you find yourself casually hooking up. We both have found those casual hook ups to be very unfulfilling and we have only go into them by accident, opposed to seek them out.

 

Only difference is: I have FWB and he does not. However, many people are not switched on tot he idea that, between relationships (which u should never set out to find anyway), it is very enjoyable to find a person who you are very attracted to and really like being around, yet who you do not allow yourself to fall for.

 

In fact, MOST people I know of do not have FWB like I do, as I am able to get quiet close to mine without caring about when they find a person they want to date.

 

I seem to be a bit callous with my feelings at times; I was able to switch of romantic feelings for my ex and get real feelings for other dudes very fast, after a month post break up.

 

I also fall hard at times. I seem to be able to switch feelings off, and also get swept away with hard feelings for someone...

 

I think both me and the new guy are on the same wavelength with our feelings; we like each other a bit too much, yet we are not texting all day every day since we have been apart; we are not calling each other bf or gf, yet he has said he wants me to be all his and for no other man to be able to have me; he wants me all for himself..

 

He seems normal and balanced, yet still making it clear how into me he is. Without being over the top about it and creeping me out.

[Leigh 87]

Hey I'm having regular sex with some guy but I'll stop if you ask me to. I want take things slow with you. I'd be thinking what!

 

 

I knew what I wanted so I told him. I wanted to stop seeing Joel, my FWB, because I liked this guy so much that I only wanted to be with him.

 

So I told him how I felt. He strongly agreed with me that he wanted me to stop seeing Joel because he wanted me all to himself:love:

 

I would have stopped seeing Joel anyway. I guess I wanted to just tell the new guy how I felt about him, to see if he was feeling what I was; about not wanting to see other people.

 

From there, we became officially exclusive. Simply because I told the guy how I felt. If a guy is truly into you, he will not be scared away or put off by you being open and honest about your feelings.

 

I told him that between relationships, I like to have one solid FWB, because I enjoy regular sex but do not want to go and get it off random hook ups. That casual hook ups did not serve me well, so FWB is what I aim for between serious boyfriends...

 

So he had the right to know that I have FWB. Since it is a deal breaker for some guys who have different sets of values to what I do. I would rather he know NOW and have the chance to walk, opposed to when we are more invested...

[ScreamingTrees]

Well, I hope it was the right decision. You guys were far from exclusive, anyway.

[Leigh 87]

Well, I hope it was the right decision. You guys were far from exclusive, anyway.

 

 

 

Me and the current guy are exclusive. He has asked me. We have had that talk.

 

We texted today. Things are definitely heading in a serious direction so far.

 

He is not overbearing but he does say things like " I can't wait to see you again". And calls me cutie at times. But he is not overbearing and smothering me.

 

This is the best I have had with a guy so far.

 

I have decided to not see my ex. He wanted to be gym buddies. He also calls me his darling and sweetheart and even calls me babe.

 

I have quit the gym we both went to (not that I have seen him there in months) and will join a new gym.

 

My FWB and I also decided to not see each other for a month or so. We had only seen each other twice actually, but I really grew on him he said and he was shocked and taken aback by how soon I found someone I wanted to date.

We basically liked each other more than most FWB but did not want to commit. We wanted light fun, yet liked each other enough to date.

 

I respect the guy I am dating and therefore I need boundaries. I can't see my ex or my former FWB for some time.

 

I mean think about it; my FWB was super good looking, high flying career, and al all around great guy who I was VERY fond of....

 

Now, I certainly would not want my current guy to hang out with a really hot girl who was wonderful and who he briefly had feelings for. And had recently been screwing.

 

It will take a few months before I will allow myself to see me ex again. Lesser with the FWB, as we only slept together twice and saw each other on two separate occasions since I first met him overseas!

[Leigh 87]

You sure talk a lot about other men. Just sayin.

 

I do well for myself with amazing fwb and so far, one guy I fell a bit for since my ex. It did take me months mind u just to fall for one dude.

 

I like the new guy more every day. I feel more right with him than I have with any other guy I've met.

 

My fwb was lovely. I was very very fortunate to have such a respectful and hot guy to have fun with while I was single. We met overseas and we are both only children. We definitely love hanging out.

 

I have never been more into a guy than I have with Jack.

 

And I have been around plenty of guys to use as benchmarks

[Star Gazer]

I like the new guy more every day. I feel more right with him than I have with any other guy I've met.

 

It's been three days since you met him. THREE DAYS.

[Lansing]

I have to say I didn't read all of this thread but bits and peices.... Sure seems very extreme how much you are "into" this guy without knowing him that much. Why are you putting him onto such a pedestal?