Soat Posted August 22, 2013 Posted August 22, 2013 (edited) So having lurked this forum for a bit, here is a guide to moving on from a break up. It's based upon observations of messages here. I hope this is pinned eventually as I think this answers pretty much every question dumpees/ers ask here. I will update this with additional rules as appropriate. All the below can all be summed up with the following -- Get some pride! 1) Don’t be pathetic This person said they don't want to be with you. So your response is to beg, plead, and cry hoping to get them to be with you? Seriously? This is how much you think about yourself? You actually want to be with someone you have to beg your way into their life? Geesh, get some pride and self-esteem. 2) Stand by your/their decision If you’re the dumper, and you actually care about them, do what they likely won't, and cut them off sternly, politely, and with caring. Be clear that it's over without any false hopes (i.e. responses should be “While it’s nice to hear from you, we’re over and I don’t want to give you false hopes.” If you are the dumpee, see #1 above. 3) Friendship never happens in the long run At best it's a temporary friendship to make either side feel better. I have had friends who told me years ago “Oh yes, friendship is possible like a year or so later.” Well, they all have said to me that the friendship always disappears as both sides eventually get into relationships and drop the friendship. This person is gone, and the sooner the better for you to find someone better for you! Yes there is a 10% chance a “real friendship” evolves, but as I said, all my friends who were friends with their exs admitted years later they weren’t friends (at best acquaintances via facebook). 3) Take an honest look at this person you’re pining over or dumped It’s so pathetic what I read here about so many people’s GF/BFs. “Oh my ex, even though was a drug addict, stole from me, chronically depressed, bipolar, manic depressive, manipulated me, used me for sex, cheated on me, gave me a STD, dumped me 4 times but took me back, etc is just such an amazing person/match for me!” Seriously, you’re pining over a person like this? Get some pride… 4) Social media sucks Drop any connection to this person completely. If you don’t have the mental willpower to stop looking at the Facebook/Twitter/Whatever then de-friend, remove all friends in common (or if they are your friends ask them to de-friend her which I have done for my friends a few times). Worried the ONLY way he/she can reach you is via facebook? Yeah, that’s bull sh*t. So email, text messaging, postal mail, or the telephone won’t work? 5) Brain addiction If it helps, recognize it’s just your brain addicted to the dopamine rush. Here read: How Does the Brain React to a Romantic Breakup?: Scientific American What does this mean? It’s just time and will power to force your brain to change. Just repeat that it’s a brain addiction that will recover, accept he/she will be in your thoughts for some time, and when they are in your thoughts force your mind to clear and forget. A hard core exercise regime will help (endorphin rush is so helpful) 6) No Contact Yep, it’s over. Move on. See #1 above. Need help on NC, go read this: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/coping/337989-no-contact-nc-guide-long-walk-consolidated-discussion 8) Don’t f*ck your ex Yep it’s gonna hurt like crazy afterwards. Rarely it’s a “sweet” moment, it’s usually just one side is horny and wants some quick ass. 7) Endorphins are key Get your ass to the gym and workout like you didn’t think was possible. I am talking at least 5 days a week. Given that 60% of the USA is obese (and Europe is fast catching up) the chances are high you’re out of shape and fat, use your pain to change this and live a longer healthier life. Edited August 22, 2013 by Soat 1
Philosoraptor Posted August 22, 2013 Posted August 22, 2013 1) Don’t be pathetic 2) Stand by your/their decision 3) Friendship never happens in the long run 3) Take an honest look at this person you’re pining over or dumped 4) Social media sucks 5) Brain addiction 6) No Contact 8) Don’t f*ck your ex 7) Endorphins are key A lot of this seems overly critical and based on personal opinion. I don't see many of these as steps. Speaking of steps, there are 9 of them listed above. There are two number 3's and numbers 7 and 8 are mixed up. 2
Author Soat Posted August 22, 2013 Author Posted August 22, 2013 A lot of this seems overly critical and based on personal opinion. I don't see many of these as steps. Speaking of steps, there are 9 of them listed above. There are two number 3's and numbers 7 and 8 are mixed up. I would like to edit it but it won't let me Correct, it's not really steps. More observations. Wish I could edit it for feedback
Author Soat Posted August 22, 2013 Author Posted August 22, 2013 10) Food and Sleep Lack of food and sleep will make it WORSE. You have to force yourself to eat and sleep. If you’re nauteous follow the BRAT diet, and if you can’t sleep use over the counter sleep meds
mtnbiker3000 Posted August 22, 2013 Posted August 22, 2013 Matters of the heart are never easy to understand and deal with. Just doesn't work that way. If people could live by this easily, this forum, and heartbreak in general, wouldn't exist. Agreed, a little harsh and critical... 1
Author Soat Posted August 22, 2013 Author Posted August 22, 2013 Matters of the heart are never easy to understand and deal with. Just doesn't work that way. If people could live by this easily, this forum, and heartbreak in general, wouldn't exist. Agreed, a little harsh and critical... You're probably right. The inability for people to see things clearly is astonishing to me (especially the ones who are in love with clearly horrible people). Unfortunately this forum won't let me edit the post to tone it down a bit so it stands. I think it's on target though as i see the same questions repeated here and what I gathered is frankly what most people have replied to those questions with just shorter words...
winstonsdreams Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 this is brilliant and 100% correct anyone that says otherwise is fooling themselves. 1
Author Soat Posted August 23, 2013 Author Posted August 23, 2013 this is brilliant and 100% correct anyone that says otherwise is fooling themselves. Thank you. I really appreciate that. Most people here are saying it's too "strong."
Coping Vortex Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 This is great on paper (or computer screen).....but in reality when you are pining for the one you love its awfully hard to decide to become callus and unfeeling all of a sudden. If we could all just throw the switch and be tough on the BU, then yes its a good plan to live by. But its not reality. If you are in love with an ex, then being pathetic is part of natural course of events. sorry to say it just is. "Just hang in there until it stops hurting". Is probably a more realistic way to deal with the loss. Maybe that should be number one on your list.
Author Soat Posted August 23, 2013 Author Posted August 23, 2013 This is great on paper (or computer screen).....but in reality when you are pining for the one you love its awfully hard to decide to become callus and unfeeling all of a sudden. If we could all just throw the switch and be tough on the BU, then yes its a good plan to live by. But its not reality. If you are in love with an ex, then being pathetic is part of natural course of events. sorry to say it just is. "Just hang in there until it stops hurting". Is probably a more realistic way to deal with the loss. Maybe that should be number one on your list. That's a great addition to the list. Kinda what I was conveying related to it being a "brain addiction"
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