Lampost Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 (edited) Yesterday I decided that from today and onwards I'll go NC for 30 days. I usually text the guy I love when I wake up, and I guess he noticed because its only 12pm and hes text saying "I guess you dont text me anymore" Now I feel sad and guilty, knowing that he actually looked for the text :{, even worse, I have my read receipts turned on so he knows I've read the text, I'll have to turn them off now. Even so, I love him so much and don't know what to do D: Feel so awful ignoring him when he technically hasn't done anything wrong. I didn't reply and then a few minutes later he text again saying "okay bye then :/" I don't feel like this is the right way to start No Contact what do I do? Edited August 20, 2013 by Lampost
jesse93 Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 You just have to be strong, he expects you to text him but you need to just push forward now it will be very hard at first and I'm sure he will continue to message you because you've just disappeared out of the blue but eventually he will realize and stop trying, NC will truly help you heal if that is what you really want try not to worry about he feels and just remember you're doing this for you and just you, this is something you need and as much as itll hurt you can do this distract yourself as much as possible! 1
mcfcjay Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 (edited) Why are you going NC to the guy you love just out of interest?... Maybe explain the situation to him, waking up one morning and just randomly going no contact when everythings going fine and hes done nothing wrong is pure cruelty, he deserves a explanation surely :S And do worry how he feels, a simple explanation could solve it all, a simple phone conversation for instance! I dont get women, claim to love someone but dont want to be with them... if you love them you wouldnt want them with someone else, which is exactly what is going to happen! Edited August 20, 2013 by mcfcjay
Author Lampost Posted August 20, 2013 Author Posted August 20, 2013 Why are you going NC to the guy you love just out of interest?... Hi, he broke up with me 4 months ago, and I chased after him for 2 months but he didn't care. I then stopped speaking to him for 6 days and he came back, he would cuddle and kiss me again and spend money on me and then decided we should stop because it's wrong. I don't know where his feelings are at, but I can't allow myself to continue to be in love with him. I have just explained it to him, and he's really annoyed about it He was all "wtf why?" and stuff, and I told him if I don't stop speaking to him and we stay friends I'll just continue to have feelings for him, and he doesn't seem to understand why thats a bad thing haha He was more bothered about it then I thought. But he said he won't make effort for me any more then if I don't want to speak to him, even though I do but it just hurts too much
JDPT Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 It's a great way to start NC. You are getting your point across that's what NC is all about. This may actually work in your favor as he is starting to understand that you are setting boundaries and will eventually move along with his life as well. You are no longer in a position to feel bad for him, it's all about you from this point forward. Focus on the many things you will like to accomplish now that you are a free agent and perhaps you couldn't since you were in a relationship. There are certain times in life when it's ok to be selfish and this is one of them.
Author Lampost Posted August 20, 2013 Author Posted August 20, 2013 It's a great way to start NC. Yeah it was, but he didn't understand why I wanted to do it I kept telling him "surely you don't want me to continue being your friend when I'm always gonna want more and it hurts me" and he just ignores that and says stuff like "you've made your decision i'm not gonna make any more effort for you then", he just doesn't understand it and why I can't be his friend and move on at the same time :/ He's just text "**** you", I don't know why he's acting like that :<
mcfcjay Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 he will be angry at first, if you stand your ground from anger he will go onto begging, i know because im going through it right now with the woman i love, after starting off really aggressive now shes made it clear we arent getting back together i started begging, so now im begging NC and hoping she will either start missing me or ill get over her
Author Lampost Posted August 20, 2013 Author Posted August 20, 2013 so now im begging NC and hoping she will either start missing me or ill get over her That's pretty much the situation I'm in :> When he broke up with me, I chased after him for 2 months, I became something I didn't like, I've never been so unhappy in my life. When I decided to stop bothering and go onto no contact, I went out and enjoyed myself, and we ended up speaking 6 days later. He said he missed me and that he had been locked up in his room avoiding everyone because of it. When he visited me he would cuddle me and kiss me and we basically started seeing each other but unofficially. We would see each other like 3 times a week, we'd skype and play games every night & text before bed. But now he says it should stop, and that he was trying to like me but I irritated him. It seemed promising though, when he went away he wore my old necklace around his wrist, little things he didn't have to do. And now he seems mad that I'm not speaking to him, which shows me he cares but is still confusing. Just like you, I'm hoping he'll either come back telling me what I've craved to hear for nearly 5 months, or my emotions will eventually just let go
Author Lampost Posted August 20, 2013 Author Posted August 20, 2013 Yesterday I decided that from today and onwards I'll go NC for 30 days. Full story: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/417954-i-m-desperate-trying-nc-but-i-love-him-so-much
Foulton Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 he sounds confused and slightly immature at the minute. My guess is he likes a lot, but is struggling to give you the commitment you need. Just ignoring him is cruel without explaining things to him, no matter how angry/upset or an idiot he's being. You need to communicate with him that you no longer want to be in a relationship like this and that he needs to respect your space. That way you can ignore him because you've told him not to contact you. It depends how you wish to play it, some contact can be okay, but meeting in person is generally a no go. It could be that in some weeks time he may come crawling back to you. You then need to decide about what to do, whether you want him or not. My advice then would be to see the tangible changes he has made, and be led by his actions, not his words. You may have make him work for it, if he loves you, he will. hope that helps
Author Lampost Posted August 20, 2013 Author Posted August 20, 2013 if he loves you, he will. Thanks, it did help :> When we were together I did do some stuff that pushed him away for me. I do think he's been enjoying the power he's had for the past 4 months, knowing that I've always been available for him and that he can act how he wants to me because he knows I'm not gonna go anywhere and I'll just put up with it. Now I'm hoping he'll realize that that's not how it's gonna stay, I'm a little bit sad that I seem to have made him unhappy by doing this, but there's just no way on earth I'd be able to carry on seeing him like he wants to if I'm still gonna be in love with him and he's still gonna not want anything like that for us right now.
JDPT Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 Yeah it was, but he didn't understand why I wanted to do it I kept telling him "surely you don't want me to continue being your friend when I'm always gonna want more and it hurts me" and he just ignores that and says stuff like "you've made your decision i'm not gonna make any more effort for you then", he just doesn't understand it and why I can't be his friend and move on at the same time :/ He's just text "**** you", I don't know why he's acting like that :< NC means exactly that no contact. Hypothetically speaking he can reach out to you and tell you that he has been diagnosed with cancer and you know what you should do? absolutely nothing as you are no longer in a positions to care for him. NC is not a back and forth discussion or explanation as to why you are doing it, NC is for you and no one else to understand. The more you reply the more he will probe, it's a vicious cycle and round and round she goes. I'll tell you why he is sending disrespectful messages such as "**** you" because you are allowing it, you keep responding which give him the freedom to escalate and continue to reply. Save yourself some future grief and commit to NC since you now have a better understanding of its logistics behind it.
dgiirl Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 I think it's important to explain once that you cannot be friends with someone you love and this contact is not healthy for either of you. If he is confused or having doubt about his decision, you are still willing to talk, otherwise you need your space and will not be reaching out anymore. Then go completely no contact. Then, after a year, if your paths should cross and if you want to be friends then by all means try, but it is incredibly unfair for the dumper to expect their cake and eat it too. Either he wants ALL of you or not, he doesn't get to pick friendship without lover when you want more. It's unfair to ask nd you shouldn't feel guilty for drawing boundaries for yourself.
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