Lampost Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 (edited) Hey, This is a really long story so I'll try my best to narrow it down. I really need help so please bare with it, a lot of the information is necessary but skim read if necessary About 4 months ago my boyfriend broke up with me. There had been a lot of pressure on our relationship but I know he still loved me when he did it. He was really sad about it but he said it would be for the best. I said I didn't want us to break up and he said he didn't either, and that he couldn't leave me because he loved me too much, so that night he stayed over. There was a clear distance between us, and as we went to cuddle to go to sleep he felt cuts on me which he thought were from self harming even though they weren't. He got annoyed and went to sleep and the next day left and I said they weren't what he thought they were. Anyway he again said we should break up, at least have time apart. Here I done the worst thing possible, instead of giving him time apart, I constantly messaged him because I was panicking and not in control of myself. I kept telling him my feelings because I know I hadn't been the greatest girlfriend lately due to stress of exams and family situations. His main reason for breaking up with me is that I was inconsiderate. This went on for 2 weeks and the only things he would reply with is "I do still love you" when I'd ask. At one point I gave up, told him we should give each other our stuff back. And he said "I thought you wanted another chance?" and said he'd come see me on Saturday. He didn't end up seeing me because he fell asleep all day, and said he'd make it up to me on Sunday. But I ended up going over because I was feeling awful and I asked him if he really wanted it to be over and he said yes. So we gave each other our stuff back and I left him a note, when he read it he said it made him emotional and he asked to take me to the cinema. We went and it was really nice, we flirted and he walked me home and he said he was thinking of a fresh start for us as friends and seeing where it goes. At first I was happy, but he said "it doesn't definitely mean we'll end up together" and that kept making me sad. When we'd become good friends, I'd end up telling him my feelings which would set us back. In the end I decided to go no contact, I didn't speak to him for 6 days (planning on going for 30) however I seen loads of stuff that reminded me of him. I also know he had activated his Facebook again to see what I'd been up to and why I'd disappeared. I got back into contact with him and he was made up, he said he'd missed me and that he hadn't left his room and has avoided everyone because of it. He asked if he could see me, and he did. When he did he put his arm around me and kissed me and stuff and we started seeing each other unofficially. I thought it was so he could see if I would be a better girlfriend this time, so I done everything right. This lasted for 2 months, we stayed over at each others house constantly and had so much fun and he spent loads of money on me. As nothing was moving forward, I made the mistake of asking him was he using me, I didn't think he was but I wanted him to say it. This made him ashamed of himself for me thinking that way and said we should stop it all and just be friends, and when he stays over he'll sleep on my floor and stuff. I felt like I'd been broken up with again even though we weren't together. When I asked what he was doing, if he wasn't using me, he said "trying my best for you" and I'm not sure what this means. I feel like it means he was trying to like me again, but it seemed like he did. When we went out he would hold my hand and kiss me in public, he'd want to skype with me every night either alone or with me and his friends, he'd always ask me to play games, he'd ask to see me again after 3 days, also during the break up he kept his half a heart keychain on his keys, and his desk is full of all the stuff I ever gave him still, he never cleared anything away during the 2 months of us not getting along, and whilst we were seeing each other he went on holiday for 9 days and wore my old necklace from our relationship around his wrist and said he missed me and stuff. Last night was the night he said we shouldn't see each other that way as though it meant nothing to him, but only the night before he really wanted me to stay at his so he could cuddle me when he went to sleep. And it wasn't about sex at all by the way. When we were seeing each other he didn't say what his feelings for me were but he tried bringing it up a few times, saying his friends were asking what we were but he doesn't know, and he asked how I felt about him but I got too shy to reply, and then at one point he said I was "so beautiful" which was the first interaction of that kind in a while. I just don't get it He was saying that I won't always love him and that I'll fall for someone else so not to worry, but whilst we were seeing each other he made it clear he didn't want me to meet anyone else and to be loyal and that he was going to be loyal too. So I done the bad thing of telling him about some guy who I met on one night, nothing happened, but he asked to take me out in the future. And my ex seemed a little bit sad about this like he wasn't really expecting me to try move on. He said we shouldn't see each other because, and he said these exact words "apparently you're going to get hurt". I said I was scared to get hurt which is why I asked him was he using me, and he used the word "apparently" which makes me think he was being genuine with it all but just didn't like that that kind of thought crossed my mind. I knew him better than to use me, I just wanted him to tell me himself I'm just confused on his feelings. And if I do 30 days no contact, and he messages me, what do I do? :S He'd only get mad at me if I kept ignoring him, and he'd dwell on it, because he's bad for dwelling. Please help Edited August 20, 2013 by Lampost
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