lonegirl Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 Well I told a bit of my story and my experience as a forced dumper here http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/417010-dumper-s-side and right now i'm having a different problem, would like some opinions on what I should do and if i'm thinking straight. I've met this guy right after my break up. I don't dare to call him a rebound, with this meaning, because he is truly special. In the first 1/2 an hour of talking, we connected immediately. Same tastes for everything, music, food, hobbies... i'm usually a loner and he is too, he likes to stay at home, cook, everything i enjoy so much doing. We are "together" now for 2 months. The thing is, like me, he was also leaving a bad relationship. His ex, by what he told me, was verbally abusive and he dealt with her behavior for a good amount of time... he said himself i was a breath of fresh air on his life finally and he was needing someone like me, with similar backgrounds and same life wishes. Seriously, was everything so perfect I almost couldn't believe. He was even extremely honest and shared things from his life someone in the "knowing each other" stage would never do in fear of scaring the other person... but this is a quality i appreciate on a person. He is a caring person, and due to some life problems from the past, he suffers from a major depression. I am on my side also dealing with mine, as my past relationship damaged me very much, but thanks to heaven not to the point of making me closed to other persons. Here's the deal... he mentioned a few times he too hurt his ex a bit, in response to her abuse... being sensitive, he still feels it very hard, and doesn't matter what I can say for him to move on... since she too was abusive and controlling. His ex didn't handle well the break up (he was the dumper) and the other day came to his house to pick some stuff she left. He felt guilty and became bad because she lost weight, cried and said he destroyed her life, etc... I said to him, as mentioned the words "accept my advice as a friend only if you want but you MUST move on!". But, being someone that is already somehow connected to him in a different level, and he said also he was in love with me, i felt extremely unconfortable into this situation. Thinking alone yesterday, i called him and said this, and said i thought the best thing would be if he could solve this issue, his guilty thoughts about his ex, alone and calmly, and then if he's ready we can go on... because i didn't want too to end up hurt again, and to not bring more confusion to his life. He got extremely mad. He said he didn't need this, said he fell in love with me, his business with her belongs to them and i had nothing to do with this, and it's past... i said i respected this but asked if he was sure i wouldn't end up hurt, and it was his decision to share things in the first place... because his confusion still is very much present, the guilty feelings... he simply didn't get and thought i was fooling him and wanted simply to end things Well i have a bit of experience and my reactions after this were more of a test to myself... i waited last nite and today morning and apologized... he barely talked to me. I went quiet and 1 hour later asked if we could forget that and maybe continue as we were... he attacked me a bit, pointed a few flaws on me etc... i defended myself without attacking... and then he started to say things like "you will grow tired of me anyways, life with me will be hard, you will see", etc... Anyways, I was with a huge headache, agreed with everything for having no arguments for his things and said just "i tried, ok, good luck in life". I know i must have made a few mistakes... and i know it somehow seems shady in a few things. But i trust this guy because the way he said things since the beginning, telling me things about him so i could already have a choice of staying or leaving... i don't know. Not thinking straight... what are your opinions? I plan going no contact, and period. I truly like him, he really have so much in common
flitzanu Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 kinda sounds like he thought you were trying to dump him, got angry and tried to dump you, and then you both just kind of broke up. maybe neither of you were ready for something serious.
Recommended Posts