Girlfriend going clubbing

[chucksagent]

Nervispervis - you seem like a legit good dude...you gotta tell the guy...he may be mad, he may be upset, but brother, do what I do when in tough spots..."How would I want want it handled if roles were reversed?" This chick is a making a fool of him and nobody deserves to live like that. Reach out to him on FB and tell him you have no reason to lie, you're girlfriend knows about it, if he still doesn't believe maybe you can get some corroboration from your friends or set her up somehow through texting....she needs to be brought down.

 

And all of you fools saying "some girls just like to go out to have fun."

 

GROW UP!!!!! Ever hear of dinner, movies, book club, TV shows, Yoga Classes, Spa Days, Swimming pools at each others houses...if you really LOVE DANCING WITH YOUR BESTIES, set up a boombox in your living room and dance...the only difference is alcohol will be cheaper at your house, and no strange crotches will be grinding on you...heaven forbid.

[The Way I Am]

Yes, yes, we should all just grow up and stay inside our homes where we only ever see people we already know of the same sex. Anyone who speaks to another person of the opposite sex or enjoys going places where people routinely interact with people of the opposite sex is immature and unfit for any relationship.

 

OP, even though I know nothing else about your relationship or regular behavior of your SO, I'm recommending you immediately dump your gf who would have the nerve to go out with friends to a club or speak to a male she already knows. She even posed for a picture with males she knows. I'd never stand for my man being in a picture with another female or going anywhere where women are likely to flirt with him. It doesn't matter how trustworthy he is or isn't.

Edited September 13, 2013 by The Way I Am

[The Way I Am]

Don't be ridiculous.

 

I would ask the same of yourself, but unlike me, you clearly have no clue that you're being ridiculous. Your idea of what *all* women do at clubs and why *all* women go to them is absurd. (And don't pull that "I'm not saying all women" crap, because you're clearly implying it. If you weren't saying all women, you wouldn't be so adamant about judging a woman just because she goes to clubs without any other evidence of untrustworthy behavior.)

 

We are talking about clubbing.

 

No??? Really??? Are we talking about clubbing? Sh*t. I didn't realize that from the ridiculous number of idiotic posts about it that keep coming up long after the OP has gone away. D*mn. We're talking about clubbing. That changes everything!

[chucksagent]

The "we just wanna dance" excuse is so dumb...SOOO dumb...you can dance at a bingo hall, at a firehall, in a living room, at a normal bar, etc. BUT NO...girls gotta go to the CLUB!

 

I like playing video games...Do I take my X-box to the strip club where half naked women are dancing around? No. I play in my home or at a friends house. Same thing with chess....with bowling....with card playing...with fishing...DANCING IS AN ACTIVITY...CLUBBING IS AN ACTIVITY...Dancing is just dancing...clubbing is getting crunked and looking to grind with members of the opposite sex...you can lie to yourself if it makes you sleep better at night, but it's not something committed people do.

 

How many Dr.'s, lawyers, judges, politicians, dentists, teachers, community leaders do you see at clubs? Are you saying NONE of those people enjoy the act of dancing? Lol.

 

Only attention whore girls use this excuse and actually believe it. Hilarious.

[chucksagent]

GROW UP!!!!! Ever hear of dinner, movies, book club, TV shows, Yoga Classes, Spa Days, Swimming pools at each others houses...if you really LOVE DANCING WITH YOUR BESTIES, set up a boombox in your living room and dance...the only difference is alcohol will be cheaper at your house, and no strange crotches will be grinding on you...heaven forbid.

 

"TheWayIAM" - Yeah, I said to stay at home and not talk to anyone else. Accurate rebuttal...lol. Try reading...You act like "no clubbing" means NEVER LEAVE THE HOUSE. What are you, 6 years old?

[aliveagain]

I must be the only idiot that keeps meeting women that go to clubs because they love to dance but instead end up getting laid or end up in Vegas getting laid, I can't be the only one can I? Come on, women, married or single go to clubs because there are men there, I would bet that most of them have weighed out the possibilities if the opportunity arose and they thought they could get away with it. The difference is not all will act on it just like not all women will accept a drink from a stranger. They go there to act out on their fantasies, just like guys go there to pretend to be who they are not.

[The Way I Am]

Good lord. You guys really can't understand the concept that some women would go to a club not because they love it and want guys rubbing up on them but to be with their friends who enjoy going to clubs? Do you never do anything that you really don't care all that much for because you enjoy spending time with your friends?

 

"TheWayIAM" - Yeah, I said to stay at home and not talk to anyone else. Accurate rebuttal...lol. Try reading...You act like "no clubbing" means NEVER LEAVE THE HOUSE. What are you, 6 years old?

 

Little late on the attempted come back. See comment 2 above yours for rebuttal.

[The Way I Am]

EXCELLENT post! I keep telling my wife I want to go to that Korean massage parlor just to get a massage. She says no because men have been known to go there to get handjobs or worse. I said, does EVERY man go there to get laid? No, of course not. THAT would be illegal. That would be prostitution. Get some self confidence and let me allow Kim to massage that kink out of my back.

 

You all sold me. Thanks. I'm going to direct my wife to this thread and maybe she'll allow me to go to that handjob house...er...uh...massage establishment. It's the same thing, only SAFER, than going to a meat market...er...uh...dancing establishment.

 

You're almost there. Difference is there's no real reason to go to an asian massage parlor instead of a legit place like a chiropractor for a massage than to get sexual gratification. And that's not a group/social activity. There's no other reason you would go than choosing to on your own.

 

For the sake of making your argument carry any weight, let's hypothetically assume that like dance clubs, there are no other viable alternatives to asian parlors for getting a massage. (Like there are no other places to go out dancing.) If that were the case and you were not going to a massage parlor to get a hand job, then you should get a massage. It wouldn't matter if other men go there to get hand jobs. If you're trustworthy otherwise and have a good relationship, that shouldn't be a problem in this hypothetical where there are no other places to get a massage. On the other hand, if you're going for a hand job but gaslighting your SO and using the fact that what you're doing could be innocent even though you know your intentions aren't at all, you really shouldn't be married.

 

"Why don't you and a couple of your friends dance in your own living room?" Is like "Why don't you and a couple of friends watch the football game in your living room?" Sure, you *can* do both of those things, but they're activities that lend better to the energy of crowds. Three people in the living room is okay. (Though if you're talking about dancing, most people would consider you weird and childish if you suggested that -- the same way they would if you started trying to do the wave with 3 people on your couch and weren't drunk when you did that. It's just not socially acceptable and therefore a ridiculous suggestion.) A large group (like superbowl party or house party) or going out where there's a crowd of people is a different experience than doing these things with a couple of friends in your house -- and the difference of that experience has nothing to do with crotches. I only watch sports in a crowd and I only dance in a crowd.

 

I'm sorry you guys are so insecure that you take the worst behavior and get that locked into your heads as the norm. I haven't been to a club in a few years, but I've been probably over a hundred times. I can only think of 3 times where I danced closer than a foot away from a guy I just met. I slept with only one guy I met at a club in over 5 years of going to them. (And I started dating that guy briefly until I found out he was a lazy stoner.) If any guy's crotch was rubbing up on me, it was a guy I was dating or who I came with and was interested in dating.

 

There seems to be no point to continuing this discussion. You're never going to convince me of what all women do at clubs and what their motivation for going is, because my own personal experience contradicts that. And I'm never going to convince you to see past your paranoia.

 

My advice to you guys is to just steer clear of any woman who goes to clubs ever, even only once in awhile. Let your potential gf know that clubs are not ever acceptable to you. I think that's kind of extreme, the same way I think it's extreme for women to tell their bf's they can never go to a bachelor party, but for you and those women, the fact that you can't get past the worst case scenario means you won't ever be able to trust a partner who ever does that. Hopefully you'll find a woman who agrees with you. Good luck to you all.

Edited September 15, 2013 by The Way I Am

[chucksagent]

The Way I am - So you're saying that there is NO PLACE you can dance at other than a dance club? Like there's no place you can get a massage other than a shady massage parlor.

 

You can't dance in your living room with friends? Or go ballroom dancing, or salsa dancing, or square dancing, or a hole in the wall bar or ANY OTHER PLACE where you can listen to music and shake your body?????

 

What makes a "club" the ONLY place to dance???

 

And you're telling me your friends ONLY will hang out at a dance club? Not very good friends. They don't like movies, or dinners, or bowling, or golfing, or mini golfing, or shopping, or spa treatments, or walks, or sitting on a patio grilling, patio talking, patio swimming, patio hot tubing, joining a pool league, a book club, a social club, a country club, playing video games, blah blah blah ANY NORMAL ADULT HUMAN activity?!?!? It's clubbing or bust???

 

Sounds like BS and a "good BS reason" for the clubbing.

[miss_jaclynrae]

I don't really go clubbing anymore.

That being said, I went out last night and danced my ass off with my girlfriend.

 

 

 

 

I go out twice a month maybe, without my boyfriend, and I drink, dance, mingle, and do all this fun stuff. It is the fact that I am out of the house that I love.

My man is 100% supportive, and he doesn't even drink. Why?

Because I honest to god have the best man in the world and no shmuck who hits on me at the club could ever grab my attention the way my man does.

 

 

It is called being social.

It is called having a life.

Are some people seriously saying that when my girlfriends plan a night out I should tell them to come dance at my house?

That defeats the whole ****ing purpose of GOING OUT.

 

If a guy wants to be that insecure than he isn't the man for me.

If you have a good woman, she will know what boundaries to not cross.

Some men have stupid ****ing boundaries. Lucking the mister and I are on the same page and very open and honest.

 

I mean seriously, last night my best friend and I went out and had a blast! I got tons of attention, lots of free drinks, and the mister was happy I had a good time. The attention is nice, and it is FUN. I don't get pissed at him when he goes out. I know I am the best he could ever have and that he loves the **** out of me, and unless he starts doing stuff that he knows I would not like... I have no problem with him going out either.

 

 

Men should feel honored why guys offer their gals drinks, or hit on them. That means you have a desirable woman, and if you are confident enough in yourself, you won't care in the slightest.

[atreides]

lol... the debate is fun but the arguments always tend to come off as a personal questioning of one’s morals.

 

The issue here is not about morals but risk assessment and opportunity costs or to be very blunt it comes down to the numbers and the outcome of possible variables. IE risk assessment.

 

It is a fact that not all attached is someway women or men<(maybe debatable) go to a club for some sexual encounter or prospect. This ironically if one reads the posts is admitted by those that advocate “going to a club is a bad idea” for a crude paraphrasing.

 

The accusations of having a lack of trust or paranoia is non sequitur because one can have trust in another and no paranoia but at the same time have a valid reason to be on the side of caution.

 

We all differ here because some completely leave out entire sets of possible variables and so be it, because it is also valid based on that one does not intend to “stray” from their significant other but to simply have a good time among friends.

 

I use the word intend because it is an argument about what could be and not what is. This is where numbers and opportunity costs come into play and addresses trust and paranoia.

 

To have paranoia there has to be irrational thought attached with delusional foregone conclusions. None of which is present in this argument.

To successfully argue the lack of trust issue, you would then have to apply it to all situations, no cherry picking as trust is either there or not. We misinterpret lines of caution as mistrust. The very same thing that also needs explaining from time to time to the teenagers in my extended family when they make the infamous “you don’t trust me” argument.

 

The trust is there, so we then move to the real argument, opportunity costs with associated risks. For many, dancing with friends at night clubs and having fun is the choice made as best “value” vs a foregone choice of avoiding risks which would diminish the value of the first choice, a second best choice if you will. IE, if one has a significant other, we have to assume they have significant value thus for “girls night out” or “night on the town with friends” which is being argued, for that moment has greater value for the time spent.

 

Now for the other side of the argument, to side with caution: so long as the avoiding of risks does not become irrational in that to assume one result above any other the argument remains valid.

The misinterpretations of a lack of trust are argued in place of specific possible risks; therefore, with risks, one cannot assume total control of or they themselves make an irrational argument.

 

 

Specifically with clubbing from stories i have read here, there is boasting of getting free drinks for example with girls night out. Is it irrational to side with caution to say one’s judgment is diminished when we consume alcohol?

How about intent of others, or the demographic the club caters to, or peer pressures to name a few; thus, all have factual and legitimate results where the risks from other’s stories proved to come to fruition.

 

To be fair we also cannot leave out any pre-context of variables such as the relationship may already be in trouble but i touch on this only lightly because the arguments presented seem to stick to a “lack of trust” or paranoia.

 

Some good points i read which would come down to a different opportunity cost are: why a certain club? There are clubs for all kinds of demographics and dance types which have as argued, a diminished intent to “seek an encounter” vs others or to go out to do something else, IE why is fun type A greater than doing fun type B?

 

All points can be argued on why one wants to go to a specific club with friends where their significant other does not wish them to and can go on and on. Thus I present a bigger question. Do we not take on responsibility and the liabilities that come with it when we involve ourselves with a significant other? With it comes change, compromise and a whole new sets of variables that we agree to share with another.

Is it irrational to say, that if one wants lifestyle type A and the value of a certain type of fun is desired most, that perhaps having a significant other during that phase of life can diminish that value?

 

To be consistent with our logic we have to agree that risks are valid and thus we asses values and weigh them accordingly. As I have read from many posts, the boasting of having a significant other that has no issues with allowing their significant other to a specific club is also making a value vs risk assessment. They the significant other forego the risks that are factually there for seeing greater value in something else. Thus one has to ask themselves how comfortable are they with a significant other who diminishes the value in caution when it comes to the relationship.

 

It’s not a right or wrong answer, it is your own call in what you are willing to risk for a certain value in something vs another.

[piggyoink]

 

 

It is called being social.

It is called having a life.

Are some people seriously saying that when my girlfriends plan a night out I should tell them to come dance at my house?

That defeats the whole ****ing purpose of GOING OUT.

 

I hereby and solemnly declare +1

[atreides]

 

It is called being social.

It is called having a life.

 

I assume the intent of the statement is to be "free" to have fun in this case. The flip side of that same coin is that it also limits what is "having a life" or "being social" to a very narrow specific thing IE clubbing vs so many other options, just the opposite of the intent.

 

Men should feel honored why guys offer their gals drinks, or hit on them. That means you have a desirable woman, and if you are confident enough in yourself, you won't care in the slightest.

 

If a man has chosen to be with a women is she not already understood to be desirable? IE His main point of making a relationship with her? Should the value of another mans' opinion trump his own?

[chucksagent]

atreides - I'm not being rude to the rest of this forum when I say this, but your analysis is far beyond what any of them (except for maybe me and the OP) are capable of. And again, this isn't being a jerk about it; it's coming from someone who has had this argument 100 times with 1000 people of lesser intelligence.

 

You said it better than both the OP and I.

 

It is EXACTLY a matter of risk assessment. I have a theory on human beings. We KNOW nobody is perfect (so Miss_Jaclyn_Rae needs to read this carefully)...We KNOW human beings always make mistakes...it's in our DNA...so SMART people, tend to LIMIT RISK.

 

You know that moron friend who has been in MULTIPLE car accidents and you have been in NONE. You know that moron family member who can't pay his bills on time and you wonder why the criminals at the credit card companies charge such HIGH late fee's and over the limit fees. You know that moron classmate who would do stupid stuff and get the entire class in trouble? Morons are CONSTANTLY making poor decisions, and the REST of us are CONSTANTLY paying for it...whether it's high car insurance rates, or high interest rates, or less recess time as kids...it never ends.

 

Well, the reason smart kids never got in trouble, or smart drivers don't get in accidents, or smart people pay their bills on time...is because THEY KNOW HOW TO WEIGH RISK AND REWARD!!!

 

Here is how an intelligent person weighs the decision when they truly love another person.

 

"I love my girlfriend. She really treats me great. My life would not be the same without her, she's so kind and beautiful and intelligent...I love her family..her friends and I get along well. Wow. I would NEVER do ANYTHING to jeopardize this. Oh wow, it's Friday night already. My single friends want to go to the club. Man, I remember how wasted I used to get at the club. And how chicks are grinding all over our crotches. Geez. I sure would feel like crap if my girlfriend were getting drunk and grinding on guys croches. That doesn't sound like a fair or reasonable situation. Shucks. I really like GOING OUT with my buddies though, what can I do? Well, they are my friends after all. Which probably means I can reason with them. Maybe if I just tell them I love my girlfriend, and don't want to put myself in a questionable situation, we can do something else? How about go for chicken wings and watch the Notre Dame game? Or maybe check out Insiduous 2, man that looks scary and I KNOW all my boys wanna see it. Heck, if they wanna drink, maybe we can GO OUT to the bowling alley, get pitchers of beer, only the risk is severlely lowered because I won't have HALF NAKED WOMEN GRINDING ON MY P*NIS!!!!!! Yeah, I will suggest the movies."

 

How hard is that?

 

The selfish person says:

"F it...I love clubbin...my friends love clubbin...my boyfriend is a GOD who trusts me...life is epic...peace."

 

In conclusion, if you MINIMIZE risk, there is LESS chance of something bad happening to an otherwise GREAT relationship.

 

Anybody else (because I have one) have a friend who blames luck for all his shortcomings. "OH man, you have ALL the luck!" That's what he will say to me. He has 2 DUI's (drunk driving) and a crap job. He will say "everyone drives drunk! Why haven't you gotten caught?!?" I'll make this easy to comprehend for people and will tell you what I told him. "Dude, you drive drunk 4 or 5 times a week. I drive drunk 4 times a year. 52 weeks in a year multiplied times is 208...If I drove drunk 4 times all year...Take 2 dice of your favorite board game. Let's say SNAKE EYES is bad luck/getting pulled over when drunk driving. If I roll those 2 dice 4 times, what are the odds I will roll two ones? VERY LOW. Now you roll the same dice 208 times, odds are, you will roll snake eyes a few times!!!!!!!!

 

Well drunk driving is the VARIABLE in the logical equation regarding bad decisions. You can put yourself in a bad situation and get away with it unscathed, no QUESTION. In this particular message board post, the bad decision is clubbing...getting drunk in the presence of horny men is a dangerous decision. You MAY do it a bunch of times and not cheat or have anything bad happen. What about roofies? What about rape? What about fights? What about getting too drunk (happens all the time when not intended)? What about natural attraction when drunk to a LEGIT good looking guy? What about a persistent guy? What about a stalker? LOTS of issues to worry about. Well, if you do that ENOUGH times, there's a good chance something bad happens.

 

As atreides said - you can CERTAINLY do it...that could be the way you choose to live...and MAYBE nothing bad EVER happens...it's just living smart vs. living the way you want.

[piggyoink]

feels like there's gorean relationship tendencies here

[chucksagent]

miss_jaclynrae - I TRULY appreciate your honest. That is awesome and judging by your post alone, you seem like a strong personality who is quite capable of dealing with herself in sticky situations. You also seem brutally honest to the point where your SO is confident in trusting you in a tight spot. About 10% of ALL people are like that and women are VERY rare who will be honest (as nervispervis and atreides both mentioned - its rare - most women lie to you a don't admit why they really like the club).

 

I'm a big believer in if ALL THE CARDS are on the table and EVERYONE is 100% honest, it's a lot easier to negotiate fair boundaries for everyone. See, from my experience, it's the opposite. The girl will wanna go clubbing but WOULD get mad at the man for the exact situation reverse...you don't sound like you would.

 

ALSO...HILARIOUS that you say "It's called GOING OUT, GET A LIFE." Because I had a HUGE fight with a good amount of my guy friends the night of our fantasy football draft. EVERYONE brought beer, we had a TON of it leftover...we had leftover food...there was an EPIC college football game on TV...me and like 3 or 4 other guys wanted to stay in...and the other 8 wanted to go to the bar.

 

Well I'm an attorney, so I said "Guys, pretend I'm a Judge and give me a LOGICAL reason we should go spend money at a smokey, dirty bar when we have a 73 inch TV here and free food and alcohol."

 

The BEST answer they came up with was "We like GOING OUT."

 

I said, we went out last night AND since you're all at my house, you're TECHNICALLY out right now...Well I really took them to task logically...they finally said "ALRIGHT, the truth is, because there are GIRLS and we want to get LAID!"

 

I rebutted with "I've been to the bar 1000 times with you guys over the last 15 years, and maybe two of you have pulled girls that I've seen and it's only been once or twice. So I ask again, LOGICALLY, why do you want to go out???

 

I sometimes think people are BRAINWASHED about "going to the bar." We wound up going out, it wasn't that fun, and most of us wished we stayed in. LOL. Like most typical bar nights, overrated.

[Chi townD]

Geez, this thread is the thread that wouldn't die!!!

 

Can't believe it's still going......

[chucksagent]

Piggyoink - Why? Why is a man not wanting his wife to get have p*nis' rubbed up against her and her get black out drunk a GOREAN relationship? Do you have any idea how insane of a stretch that is?

 

Slavery...you are comparing NOT appreciating your wife partaking in CLEARLY SINGLE WOMAN activities....To....slavery. Lol. My god...that is amazing and BOLD.

 

The fact that you had to dig down deep like that and make such a justification and stretch, let's me know JUST how insecure YOU are about your point in the first place.

 

I have yet to see ANY LOGIC. Just stretches and accusations.

[chucksagent]

This is total and complete horsecrap. Where do you meet these women? Craigslist? In clubs / bars?

 

Dude, you cannot build walls high enough to stop someone from cheating on you. Look at how much bandwidth / effort / energy you spend worrying about a situation you aren't even in.

 

Finding women who do not go to clubs / bars is VERY VERY EASY. I know because I have been over "the scene" for quite some time and I meet / date women who are in the same exact place as my friends and I.

 

Focus on finding / meeting those "kind" of women instead of worrying about ones you are not compatible with or interested in.

 

Skidmark - I'm sorry man, I worded that wrong. I meant 10% of women IN THOSE SITUATIONS will be honest about what goes on/they do. I'm married and my wife DOES NOT go clubbing. Lol. She didn't even like clubbing before we met. We're in our mid 30's, our clubbing days are long behind us. I wouldn't even date a woman or take a woman seriously who in her 30's still went drinking at dance clubs regularly. It's more of a 20's thing to do in my opinion. But you're right, PLENTY of women don't do it. I meant OF the girls who do it, only 10% will stand up and own it like JaclynRae did.

[chucksagent]

WHY do liberals insist on GOING AGAINST natural body instincts that have been BUILT to sustain our species betterment and progression?

In the same vein conservatives do with religion, liberals do it with social stuff. THEY DEFY logic and gut instinct to almost prove some silly point to themselves or others. I read some of the crap on here and it just blows my mind.

"My man trusts me and thinks of it as a compliment and likes it when I get drinks bought for me and guys hit on me and rub up on me."

WHO REALLY F**KING FEELS LIKE THAT???? Honestly. Who ACTUALLY feels that way deep down in that situation??? Are you kidding me? It's honestly laughable. Unless your boyfriend is a SPACE ALIEN or he doesn't love you, there is NO CHANCE he is relishing in the thought of a woman he loves getting hit on and danced on by random horny guys at a meat market dance club. The science is too strong the other way, I'm sorry, I gotta call BS on that.

[yessy21]

Marty,

 

Im an insider at these things.

Sh*t im the one who started the whole shindig with my lady friends.

 

These are the type of group nights that we do.

 

usually about 4 of us girls.

 

My friends are super hot... im just the slightly attractive but smarter than your average in the group.

 

I usually get to the club... if we don't get VIP we get in VIP.

 

We scan for our victims... once I locate my victim I start making moves. I Put the hottest girl in the front of the group... and have her walk around ... usually it only takes one time... and bam... free bottle. (I don't care what anyone here says... or thinks.... I am not paying for an overpriced bottle... let some other fool do that.)

 

THe rules are...

 

1. No dancing with anyone but each other...

2. no kissing or groping

3. no alone bathroom runs

4. once the last cup is served we go to the "bathroom" Which is our secret word for the Next club.

5. one drinks water. (we take turns every month.)

 

We all have bf's we go out there to dance and hangout but we DO pick out potential fools to keep the drinks coming for the night.

 

You have to trust your girl. if you cant trust her than you shouldn't be with her.

 

I haven't cheated and I wont. Just because we go to the club and dance doesn't mean anything because its just the way we are.

 

I don't think you have anything to worry about... If shes the type of girl that respects herself... she will respect you.

[yessy21]

This is the correct response.

 

Listen OP, I'm a guy that used to be VERY into the club scene. Do all girls there hook up? No. But if she's going out even on a semi-regular basis to "hang out with the girls", then I'd be suspicious.

 

There's something that you need to understand about women. VERY few go out to "just dance". They either go out to:

 

1) hook up

2) attention-whore

 

Or a combination of the two.

 

Again, this is my observations from dating and being friends with many girls, frequenting nightclubs, and actually working at a few.

 

Don't be fooled again.....and start dating home-bodies.

 

Uhh... You forgot...

 

3.) GET DRUNK

[atreides]

Here is another to add to the stats

 

This happened 20 years ago. Wife went on a ladies weekend and ended up at a club. When she came home she told me she danced with a few guys and that was it. No big deal. That is all I remember and we went on with our lives.

Last Friday I asked her if she had ever cheated. She said there was only the time that she told me about. I looked at her like she was crazy. I said what time and asked her to explain. She said it was the time she went on the ladies weekend. She danced with a guy and was kissing him and some groping went on. ......

[atreides]

Nice.

 

You know what really hurts about this kind of infidelity? They went looking for it. Falling for someone form church, or work, or the neighborhood is bad enough, but in most cases "it just happened". For the ones that choose to cheat at meat markets, they get dolled up and go out on the prowl. And the cuckolded husband has to stand there at home and watch his woman get ready for her dates. He's not allowed to say anything or he gets the "controlling" speech. And all of these defenders you see on these sites make it harder for these men to stand up to them.

 

I'm getting sick all over again.

 

so sad, too many "nice guys" i suppose. Ironically it was the opposite for me, before the kids we would go out salsa dancing but my wife began to not like it, i got hit on too much she said... she felt uncomfortable. I respected her wishes and we found less of a meat market salsa dancing place. 15 years and 3 kids later and still dancing. we have a cruise coming up too, lots of dancing to be expected

[chucksagent]

Nervispervis - yeah brother...they make these excuses and call people like you "controlling" because it makes their torrid behavior seem more acceptable. The VERY REAL reality is that infidelity is RAMPANT in today's world...and did you ever notice, there are only ever TWO kinds of people speaking up? People like us and people like them who wanna go out clubbing...where are the people who do the "cheating?" Well, of people I know locally, the more liberal they are and more they defend things like clubbing, it's the same people defending it, who cheat on spouses, cheat with other married people (even if they themselves are single), etc.

 

Once again, I will say...it's ALL ABOUT the position you put yourself in.

 

Even if you're at work or church, don't be flirty super friendly, talking all day long, with members of the opposite sex. Men and women have NOTHING in common. It's the same reason so many marriages are miserable after 3 years. The reality is, men like certain things and women like certain things...so if you find yourself CAPTIVATED at work with the person next to you, you probably are feeling attraction of some kind...don't keep feeding it.