Having a Crap Day

[thecharade]

Goodbye, he was happy with you on the side. That's not the same as wanting you, only you, all of you. Try to put him in a negative light and not feel sorry. He's not thinking of your best interests and will crush your world if there is a dday. Don't allow it.

 

Sadwithouthim, your posts are making me very angry because they are playing into my chief complaint: victim mentality WSs that focus on only their desires and pain. You are not an OW, you do realize that? You are a WS trying to cake eat with little regard for the feelings of the two men in your life. I am sorry if I am being harsh, but your belief that you should go against his wishes because he NEEDS you is so self-focused. He needs you to what???

 

I have a cautionary tale: a MOM did this to a MOW I know, pulling her back when she tried to end things. She then had a dday and freaked. She didn't know how to handle it, so she turned to her AP. But he blocked her from everything, "protecting his family." Didn't speak to her for 6 months while she fell apart (he heard). Then the storm passes and he gets lonely, needs a fix. He starts trying to reach her. She writes one sentence back, "Leave me alone." He was crushed, obsessed about 'how she could turn off her feelings and abandon him.' She is disgusted by him now, will never believe or trust a word he says. She hates him. Forever.

 

I am feeling the same thing for my MOP who is feeling like the victim. I am starting to feel hatred and disgust for what my exAP has put me through. I have lost all trust and respect I ever had for him. If you contact your ex and open the wound just to turn around and remind him that nothing has changed in your life and you both "want something you can't have," he will end up hating you, too. He will see you as emotionally abusive.

 

You have to stop thinking of your life as something that is happening TO you. You are in the driver's seat and in charge. Only you.

[LimeBlue]

I have a cautionary tale: a MOM did this to a MOW I know, pulling her back when she tried to end things. She then had a dday and freaked. She didn't know how to handle it, so she turned to her AP. But he blocked her from everything, "protecting his family." Didn't speak to her for 6 months while she fell apart (he heard). Then the storm passes and he gets lonely, needs a fix. He starts trying to reach her. She writes one sentence back, "Leave me alone." He was crushed, obsessed about 'how she could turn off her feelings and abandon him.'

 

I can personally vouch for this as well, and it probably happens far more than we all believe. My EA partner did this to me again and again. When I needed someone to talk to, he would fob me off with some random text about how it will pass and to 'be strong', and that was that and I would not hear from him again for days at a time. But when he is lonely, crying his heart out because of various events in his past, and he reaches out to me I was ALWAYS there no matter what. But never was the favor returned, and now he can sit and cry his heart out all he likes on those hard days he suffers through, which are more often than not. I am done. It breaks my heart, but I am done.