25yo female and single all my life. Want to have a bf/sexual experience.

[atomicdog]

I've been in a similar situation to you, and am still working on improving my social life and meeting people.

 

You're right that there's a social stigma about women taking the lead in dating, or paying for escorts.

 

However, I do think that the next time a man you're even remotely attracted to makes an advance, you should let him know that you're interested, and even force yourself a little to pursue it, even though there might be a little voice in your head saying "no".

 

Romance isn't smooth sailing as it's portrayed in the movies. There's often a bit of effort involved on both sides.

 

I've found that sometimes you have to push yourself a bit beyond your comfort zone. But then you can get to have some intimate experiences that are way better than you had expected, and worth a bit of nervousness or discomfort.

 

And please don't be jealous. It's a terrible way to be, and it will destroy you emotionally. I'm constantly having to fight my own feelings of jealousy, whenever I see a beautiful woman with a boyfriend/partner.

 

The truth is, no one deserves to be loved. Love is a result, a consequence, not a right or an endowment.

 

Love has to be earned. It can be through physical looks, or through character, or through both, but it has to be based on something.

 

Best wishes to you.

[Onward_Upward]

Wait a minute... You've been to America, Australia, and you even lived in the U.K for 3 years. but you couldn't find a single "white" guy who wanted to have sex with you?!

 

And among those that did, you didn't find even one of them remotely attractive enough? ... But, you are willing to "lose" your virginity to some Asian male prostitute who very likely has some kind of STD?!

 

Something is seriously wrong with this picture... You're leaving something out of the equation... There is something you're NOT saying...

 

One of the following must apply to you, either:

 

1. You're not just a little "plump"... you're obese (and perhaps "fugly") beyond all measure...

 

OR:

 

2. You are a Chinese/Malay girl with relatively wealthy parents (which explains the many overseas trips), who has been spoilt-rotten all your life (a "Daddy's girl"), and who has thus developed the dreaded little "princess syndrome"...

 

Personally, I'm going for the second option: If it is so, then you are possibly very arrogant and "choosy", coming across cold and distant to all the men who try to approach you, because they don't fit your extremely narrow set of criteria.

 

Again, something is not right with your story...

 

It is NOT hard for a female - ANY female - to find a man who wants to "bed" her... And as for "white" men (<--- hate that term, we're more "pinkish" aren't we?), you could travel to ANY city in America, Australia or the U.K, and ask 100 "white" blokes if they wanted to sleep with you, and I would be absolutely flabbergasted if 99 of them didn't say, yes! Yes!! YES!!!

 

---

 

As for the notion of only seeking out Caucasian men... Well, that's understandable. Many people do have a "secret" preference, even if they don't follow through with it...

 

My former wife (of ten years) was a girl of Indian origin... I'm a "white" fella... Before we married, she always had a secret preference for Caucasian men. Besides the physical attraction she personally felt, one of the other reasons was because in her culture it is common for cousins to inter-marry... which is fine when it is a "once off", but in her case she was the descendant of cousins, who'd married cousins, who'd married cousins!

 

After studying biology and genetics (right here in Australia) she became terrified of being asked to marry yet another cousin... So she went out of her way, so to speak, to find a Caucasian man... And I was the lucky bugger!

 

Right... enough about me.

 

Perhaps, like others have said, you need to lower your standards, and start dating just the men around you. You don't have to sleep with them, but at least you'll gain some experience into the "real" world, and how men - in general - behave...

 

One last note... whilst you don't seem to put much value, or weight, on the fact that you are still a virgin, to many men, and in MANY cultures, "virginity" is seen as something very valuable and precious. And whilst it is NOT for me personally, many men find it an incredible "turn-on"... You could use it to your advantage, if you play your cards right. Besides, if you "throw" it away on some 2-bit male whore, when you finally meet your Mr. Right, you may regret it later on

 

Have patience... It is time for some serious reflection, and self-analysis, on your part. At 26, you are still very young, and a most appealing demographic to the vast majority of men. Don't be in such a rush, but at the same time, expand your horizons a bit more...

 

Stop being so God-damned "picky", or you WILL end up a lonely, old and bitter, spinster.

[MilkyWay]

REPLY TO poster Onward_Upward

 

AS AN OP, LET ME MAKE SOME CLARIFICATIONS.

 

My trips to USA and Australia were BACKPACKING TRIPS with friends,

where i crashed in DORMITORIES/YOUTH HOSTELS, in a friend's place,

and in a friend's friend's place. So i get almost free accommodation and the limited money is used for food and entrance tickets.

Even in one city in USA. i stayed with my relatives - my malaysian chinese aunt and her family.

 

I had a lot of hot-dog meals, Instant noodles and fast food in those trips.

 

In fact, i also have a half white half malaysian chinese cousin (who looks white) from the UK who has been to Colorado and Los Angeles PURELY by staying on board for free in her friend's dormitory or house.

She was working for a fashion house in the UK AND LIVING WITH HER SISTER so she does not have to pay rent.

She has recently been transferred to Shanghai FOR WORK and HER COMPANY is PAYING HER ACCOMMODATION.

Therefore she is now luckier than me, now LIVING in another country for work.

 

So tell me, poster Onward and Upward, is she spoilt?

What makes me more spoilt than her?

You seem to be jealous that i get to travel to these countries and yet, every year, thousands of WHITE british, australian and american tweens younger than me

travel around continents.

 

Loads and loads and loads and loads and loads and loads

of British, Australian and American students backpack and travel

in Europe, USA, Asia, Australia DURING UNIVERSITY SUMMER BREAKS

AND THEIR GAPS YEARS BEFORE UNIVERSITY AND AFTER GRADUATION.

So are they spoilt?

 

So, are they spoilt as well?

 

During those city exploration trips. my time was very limited because i want to travel to a lot of cities. Therefore i DID NOT AT ALL try to pick up guys to sleep with during those trips.

 

My FIRST LOVE has always been and will always be TRAVELLING AND GETTING NEW EXPERIENCEs AND LEARNING NEW THINGS (not talking about sexual experience here) *********

i have never picked up guys to sleep with in my lifetime DURING HOLIDAY BREAKS because the days are very limited. Well airfare is expensive so better maximise the days visting places, am i correct?

 

NOW AS A WORKING ADULT, i DO NOT HAVE HOLIDAY BREAKS OF THE SPOILT LUCKY EUROPEANS LIKE THE FRENCH OR GERMAN OR ITALIAN PEOPLE WHO BY LAW, HAVE PAID VACATION TIME OF 6 WEEKS TO TWO MONTHS AND ABOVE

I am working in malaysia and in Asia, we do not get paid vacation of this length, NEVER by law.

 

when i was in UK for unviersity, i was not in London but in a small town called

Portsmouth. i do heavily regret my choice of university in that town location even though i chose the university based on curriculum.

Should have chosen London instead.

 

To be honest, i was not really looking for a boyfriend during my university years. It was just not in my mind.

I was really trying to adapt to a new country (and was a little homesick for Asian food), studying and bowed down with studies and assignments, class tests, attending classes and lab classes, and working parttime.

I know right, since i am there, why not get a white bf? But that was not one of my goals. Now i am working in malaysia and do not have to study or take exams, i do find i have more time in my hands than before.

Oh yes, in some of the university summer breaks i flew back to malaysia before the next school term started.

 

That does not mean i am UGLY OR FUGLY.

And seriously, there were white guys in my class but i was not physically attracted to them and didn't feel like "bedding them", not attracted to them in that way, but there were also lots of guys from other races as well.

 

You know what,

the internationally famous China actress Zhang Zi Yi has made aboUT 20 million US dollars in the past year. And i am called "spoilt" for having been

to the USA, Australia and Europe. pUH pLEASE.

 

Me and my schoolmates are all working adults now.

My former Malaysian Chinese school mate who is working for a multinational Price water house coopers, is now in the USA to attend a friend's wedding in Kansas and also visiting New York.

Is he spoilt?

 

I am willing to send you a picture of me so you judge for yourself if i am obese or ugly or both. In fact i will do it soon and post it here.

 

Most importantly.

MY TRAVELS have nothing to do with my sexual situation.

Why are you trying to bring them together?

 

I am NOT ARROGANT.

My university friend called me "mature"

My white unviersty gal pal called me "a perfectionist"

My work colleagues call me "HUMBLE"

I NEVER EVER BOAST about my travels to other people in case they get jealous, and apparently, you have, Onward and Upward.

 

****************

 

When you said

"It is NOT hard for a female - ANY female - to find a man who wants to "bed" her.."

 

Really?

Not all guys that i want to bed are that sort of a person who is going for a quickie casual hookup.

Can you walk up to any woman in the street who you want to sleep with,

and try to get a hookup?

 

And come on, NOT ALL the guys who want a hookup are good looking or are the type i want to "bed"

 

Attraction is a two way thing. If he likes me enough to want to "bed" me but i don't want to do it with him, then nothinghappens.

If i like him enough to want to "bed" him but he doesn;t want to sleep withm, then nothing happens.

 

And to confess, i have not been expanding my social circle and i don't go to bars and clubs actively looking for potential boyfriends or hookups.

 

SO there you go!

[Col1]

I have a strong preference for Caucasian men

 

As a woman, I even have urges to have a baby,

 

Is your eventual hope for marriage to a Caucasian and birthing offspring together?

 

I know several married couples with the male being Caucasian and the female being Asian. All have been married and/or divorced with deciding not to conceive mixed-race children. One couple adopted instead.

 

btw, I don't know any married couples in which the male is Asian and the female is Caucasian.

[MilkyWay]

Is your eventual hope for marriage to a Caucasian and birthing offspring together?

 

I know several married couples with the male being Caucasian and the female being Asian. All have been married and/or divorced with deciding not to conceive mixed-race children. One couple adopted instead.

 

btw, I don't know any married couples in which the male is Asian and the female is Caucasian.

 

 

Yes, honestly my eventual hope is for:

"marriage to a Caucasian and birthing offspring together"

 

It's an attraction. It's a preference which does not hurt anybody,

so people should not care about who i am attracted to.

 

In my lifetime, I have met many mixed couples of various races who have conceived mixed children, without adopting.

I find it very odd that in your lifetime you have never seen a caucasian-asian couple have children of their own.

 

If, however, my life progresses amd i do not find a husband or partner,

i am thinking of going to the States and doing in vitrio fertilisation and getting pregnant using sperm from a sperm donor bank (of course i get to select the sperm donor)

 

I think it is ridiculous to rob myself of having children or rob myself of the experience of motherhood just because one cannot find Mr. Right before my menopause or before my biological clocks runs out of time.

I am 25 years old now but 10 years from now if i still haven't fallen in love with someone, i am thinking of this route.

[daisylane]

Hi MilkyWay,

First off, I'm sorry to hear that you haven't found someone to be intimate with. I am not sure my suggestion is of any help, but if I were you I would try meeting a man through joining a club or volunteering. Perhaps you can think of clubs which attract people from abroad (such as Rotary Club, Toastmasters or some sort of expat clubs). If you don't mind me saying this, I think you shouldn't focus too much on appearance and also give guys from your country a chance. I'm speaking from personal experience here and trust me you could fall in love with someone who doesn't meet any of your 'requirements'. But you will never know if you don't give anyone a chance.

So if you have some free time I would go out and do something you enjoy or volunteer for a good cause and see what kind of people you are going to meet. Even if you don't meet the love of your life there, you are going to broaden your network of friends and might learn something about yourself. I think the important part is to try out different things you can do right now, instead of already planning IVF etc.

I wish you all the best of luck finding someone (: