LilySun Posted August 14, 2013 Share Posted August 14, 2013 Met him via dating site. Date went well, he said I looked nice and we had good conversation. He is from another town and said that I should show him around my area because he doesnt know much about it. So he said I should thnk about where we will go next. So it sounds like interest to me... But at the goodbye he attempted no hug, kiss or affection what so ever. Usually if a guy likes me there would be one of those 2 things on a first date. He just started walking to his car. But through the date he was a gentleman. But not even a hug? Confused. Link to post Share on other sites
TB Rhine Posted August 14, 2013 Share Posted August 14, 2013 Some guys are shy. If you like him, and if you found each other on a dating site, I wouldn't read too much into it. Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted August 14, 2013 Share Posted August 14, 2013 It is a bit weird...but I wouldn't jump to conclusions just yet, as the other poster said, he could just be very shy. Wait and see if he reaches out to you for a second date before you can determine that maybe he didn't like you as much. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LilySun Posted August 14, 2013 Author Share Posted August 14, 2013 It is a bit weird...but I wouldn't jump to conclusions just yet, as the other poster said, he could just be very shy. Wait and see if he reaches out to you for a second date before you can determine that maybe he didn't like you as much. He already said we will go out again and said I should pick a place. So thatis good but the total absence of affection confused me...not that I complainabout going slow. It iust felt like mixed signals. Link to post Share on other sites
BradJacobs Posted August 14, 2013 Share Posted August 14, 2013 What prevented you from making a move? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BluEyeL Posted August 14, 2013 Share Posted August 14, 2013 With the guy I'm currently dating, it was no touching at the first date, and like you, I thought wth, but he set up the second date on the spot and on the second date we had a picnic and he asked if he could kiss me, so we had a kiss/light public make out session for a couple of hours. So you never know. As long as he asked you out again, he seems interested for now. You'll see what happens on the next date. When I was doing this heavy dating this Winter/Spring, I was getting a second date most of the time, but then things didn't go much further. Until now. So wait, go on the second date and if you go beyond third, he is definitely interested. Don't put much stock on first and second dates though. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted August 14, 2013 Share Posted August 14, 2013 He already said we will go out again and said I should pick a place. So thatis good but the total absence of affection confused me...not that I complainabout going slow. It iust felt like mixed signals. See how it is next time. If he doesn't seem affectionate, you can comment teasingly saying, "You can give me a hug you know, I won't bite" lol or something along those lines, in a way that's authentic to you. The last guy I dated was a lot more reserved and very much a gentleman and purposefully wasn't super touchy the first few times we went out, because he didn't want me to think he was being fresh...it was cute lol. It confused me a bit though because most guys are ready to be all touchy and grabby, and I wasn't sure if he was attracted to me. But he kept seeing me and I could feel the sexual tension and saw how he looked at me. He warmed up though after a few dates and held my hand, held/me, it wasn't until after about 5 dates or so and they were over a course of some weeks that he actually kissed me. After that point though, the ice was broken and he was affectionate and touchy without reservation after that. Although....truthfully he did hug me at the end of our first date and at the beginning. I think I initiated it though. But besides that he was a lot more reserved with touching and I had to make him know it was okay. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted August 14, 2013 Share Posted August 14, 2013 What did you do upon meeting? Shake hands? Wave? Usually I hug my dates/meets hello, so to not hug them goodbye would be weird. Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted August 14, 2013 Share Posted August 14, 2013 With the guy I'm currently dating, it was no touching at the first date, and like you, I thought wth, but he set up the second date on the spot and on the second date we had a picnic and he asked if he could kiss me, so we had a kiss/light public make out session for a couple of hours. So you never know. As long as he asked you out again, he seems interested for now. You'll see what happens on the next date. When I was doing this heavy dating this Winter/Spring, I was getting a second date most of the time, but then things didn't go much further. Until now. So wait, go on the second date and if you go beyond third, he is definitely interested. Don't put much stock on first and second dates though. I agree. I think first dates can sometimes be iffy, you just met if it's OLD, or it's the first time going out with them so sometimes people are nervous or they need to feel you out and yes, in this day and age some men are polite and don't feel it's appropriate to be all on you, so take things slower. So as long as there is interest in further dates, I wouldn't count no kiss/hug as a deal breaker, I'd give it more time. Link to post Share on other sites
ThomasD Posted August 14, 2013 Share Posted August 14, 2013 Just affirming some comments already made . . . Especially given the nature and duration of your acquaintance, you should assume he's shy and/or a gentleman and/or simply nervous, until there's solid evidence that he doesn't find you physically attractive. Did he touch you AT ALL - hold hands, help you put on or take off your jacket, "accidentally" brush your arm with his, etc? If so, he may be looking for confirmation that the contact was acceptable before going any farther. And, in my mind (being one of those shy guys), it is definitely acceptable for the lady to drop some pretty obvious hints - or even make the first move. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Kizza Posted August 14, 2013 Share Posted August 14, 2013 He is shy and unsure on the first date or.... Not interested... the second date will give you the answer... If he does not make the first move, you do it. It is the 21st century Link to post Share on other sites
keepontruckin Posted August 14, 2013 Share Posted August 14, 2013 I am one of those "shy guys" when I first meet people. I don't consider it proper for me to be touchy, feely, and in your face with complete strangers. Different people have different personal boundaries, and I try to accommodate them all. Once I can gauge an individuals persona, then come the hugs, kisses and hand-holding. The first date is generally too soon for me to know enough about a person to initiate hand-holding. I mean, it's the first date! For all I know she could be repulsed by me, and the last thing I'm going to do is grab at her hands:laugh: And as another poster mentioned, it is the 21st century... Women are free to initiate these things also. And trust me, if the "shy guy" is in to you, he will reciprocate without hesitation. And if he doesn't, he's either a social reject, or just doesn't like you! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LilySun Posted August 14, 2013 Author Share Posted August 14, 2013 What prevented you from making a move? I sordof did...managed to give him a kiss on the cheek and then he just kept walking Link to post Share on other sites
Author LilySun Posted August 14, 2013 Author Share Posted August 14, 2013 To answer your questions: No, he did not touch me at all through the date. And upon greeting there was nothing, he said I look nice and found us a table. And he pulled a chair out for me so I can tell he is a gentleman...but I kiss him on the cheek and thank him, so maybe for next time he will knowits okay to hold my hand or something... Link to post Share on other sites
Buttercup84 Posted August 14, 2013 Share Posted August 14, 2013 To answer your questions: No, he did not touch me at all through the date. And upon greeting there was nothing, he said I look nice and found us a table. And he pulled a chair out for me so I can tell he is a gentleman...but I kiss him on the cheek and thank him, so maybe for next time he will knowits okay to hold my hand or something... I am in the same boat. When my date said hello, he was going to shake my hand, but I leaned in for a kiss on the cheek. And I got an awkward hug goodbye. Like you, I am used to my dates making a move and giving signals. But the dates that did kiss me on the first date did not work. Let us know how it goes ! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
PogoStick Posted August 14, 2013 Share Posted August 14, 2013 In the middle of date two, just pucker your lips, close your eyes...and wait. Pick a random time and be a little over-the-top about it. Golden! Link to post Share on other sites
Babolat Posted August 14, 2013 Share Posted August 14, 2013 Met him via dating site. Date went well, he said I looked nice and we had good conversation. He is from another town and said that I should show him around my area because he doesnt know much about it. So he said I should thnk about where we will go next. So it sounds like interest to me... But at the goodbye he attempted no hug, kiss or affection what so ever. Usually if a guy likes me there would be one of those 2 things on a first date. He just started walking to his car. But through the date he was a gentleman. But not even a hug? Confused. Not unusual at all for me. It's the second date where I will usually give a hug, a kiss, if it feels right. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Babolat Posted August 14, 2013 Share Posted August 14, 2013 I sordof did...managed to give him a kiss on the cheek and then he just kept walking Hmmmm..just read this...that would have been a signal to me to show some sort of affection..a kiss back, a touch, something...each case is different though. Link to post Share on other sites
rocketman122 Posted August 14, 2013 Share Posted August 14, 2013 He already said we will go out again and said I should pick a place. So thatis good but the total absence of affection confused me...not that I complainabout going slow. It iust felt like mixed signals. I said that before at the end of date and did the Houdini trick after. Ill call you tomorrow sweetheart, and just dont. im not saying he wont. but just be patient. wait and see. he could be conservative in the way he shows his affection. maybe he just like things to go slow. there are many people who were hurt from previous relationships and want to see that things are going right before getting impulsive. many people are hesitant because of previous relationships... Link to post Share on other sites
Skyraider829 Posted August 14, 2013 Share Posted August 14, 2013 Met him via dating site. Date went well, he said I looked nice and we had good conversation. He is from another town and said that I should show him around my area because he doesnt know much about it. So he said I should thnk about where we will go next. So it sounds like interest to me... But at the goodbye he attempted no hug, kiss or affection what so ever. Usually if a guy likes me there would be one of those 2 things on a first date. He just started walking to his car. But through the date he was a gentleman. But not even a hug? Confused. I have not been on a date before - so this is a rookie speaking. But, I would not assume hugs or a kiss is appropriate for a first date. Second date, and subsequent ones that follow, sure - if the two people hit it off. Didn't he say goodbye, that he had a great time and so forth with you before heading off? Link to post Share on other sites
TB Rhine Posted August 14, 2013 Share Posted August 14, 2013 **** me, I'm actually kind of curious to see how this turns out. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LilySun Posted August 14, 2013 Author Share Posted August 14, 2013 **** me, I'm actually kind of curious to see how this turns out. Haha...will keep you informed but we wont be going out again for about a week and a half. Due to having his children and also going on a summer vacation. So he implied that he will be free after that and told me to think of a good idea for next time. He randomly told me these things without me mentioning...so I don't think it was b.s.. Guessing he just isnt comfortable with affection too early on... Link to post Share on other sites
ThomasD Posted August 14, 2013 Share Posted August 14, 2013 Not unusual at all for me. It's the second date where I will usually give a hug, a kiss, if it feels right. The cultural "rules" that I picked up (about half a century ago!) said that at the end of a first "real date" it was standard (but not an obligation!) for the guy to try for an embrace and kiss. The girl was perfectly free to accept the advance, courteously and respectfully reject it, or reduce the scope (such as turn to receive a kiss on the cheek or forehead rather than the lips, hold her hands between them during the hug, etc). But the guy WAS obligated to accept whatever limits she set. I never had more than a handful of "first dates", and only once kissed on the first date. For the record - even though we had only first seen each other just 6 hours previous - she kissed back. REALLY kissed back! One year plus two weeks after that first-date kiss, we kissed at the altar in our wedding service, and are still married (to each other!) almost 39 years later. But there were some extenuating circumstances about that "first date" which made it an encounter between two people who were already very much "in like" with each other even though we had just met. Link to post Share on other sites
ThomasD Posted August 14, 2013 Share Posted August 14, 2013 Haha...will keep you informed but we wont be going out again for about a week and a half. Due to having his children and also going on a summer vacation. So he implied that he will be free after that and told me to think of a good idea for next time. OK, it's clear that we're not talking about a pair of 16 year olds here. He may be very shy - very conservative - or maybe very hurt from a prior experience and afraid to expose his feelings, or risk having a physical experience camouflage and corrupt his emotions. Don't write him off on the basis of what has happened so far. Link to post Share on other sites
ThomasD Posted August 14, 2013 Share Posted August 14, 2013 I have not been on a date before - so this is a rookie speaking. But, I would not assume hugs or a kiss is appropriate for a first date. Second date, and subsequent ones that follow, sure - if the two people hit it off. Didn't he say goodbye, that he had a great time and so forth with you before heading off? When the time is right I hope you have dates that lead to very satisfying and significant relationships. It sounds like you have the basics in place. If it ever came up I'd probably give you permission and encouragement to date my daughter - except that she is probably too old for you, and is already married and has her own kids! Did your dad fly A1E's? Link to post Share on other sites
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