juliaY Posted August 5, 2013 Posted August 5, 2013 I have decided after a humiliating experience of contacting my ex yesterday and getting a less than stellar response to go NC. But I need practical experience from the community please please! I still have stuff that belongs to him and vice versa. How do I get it back with the least amount of drama? I want my stuff back so that I have no expectation to hear from him and so that there is no reason to contact him. Also, if he sends me the occasional "hi, how are you" text, what do I do? Do I calmly reply "fine" or do I not reply at all? What are the pro/cons of both approaches. What if he asks to see me and my kids? Also ignore? I just want to be done with him. I don't want to hurt anymore.
thishatteredsymphony Posted August 5, 2013 Posted August 5, 2013 Here you go. I know a somewhat updated version is somewhere, but this one is the posted thread in the "Coping" forum.
hippetyhop Posted August 5, 2013 Posted August 5, 2013 I have decided after a humiliating experience of contacting my ex yesterday and getting a less than stellar response to go NC. But I need practical experience from the community please please! I still have stuff that belongs to him and vice versa. How do I get it back with the least amount of drama? I want my stuff back so that I have no expectation to hear from him and so that there is no reason to contact him. Also, if he sends me the occasional "hi, how are you" text, what do I do? Do I calmly reply "fine" or do I not reply at all? What are the pro/cons of both approaches. What if he asks to see me and my kids? Also ignore? I just want to be done with him. I don't want to hurt anymore. I'm going through NC right now and it is hard, but needed. For items belonging to him, do you have a mutual friend that can pick up and deliver the items? It isn't necessarily putting them in the middle; just them doing a courteous gesture. Or, can you drop off at his place when you know he won't be there? No need for an exchange. Alternatively, if you think you will be in harm for a drop off, do it a police station in the parking lot. Notify the supervisor on duty a day before and give the heads up. I'm sure they won't mind. Are they his kids? If not, no need for him to see them. I know it hurts them and the bond if there was one, but you need to take care of yourself. Replying to texts--ehh..that is hard one. I'm not sure of your reason for the breakup. For right now, I would either ignore OR tell him you need space and you'll talk to him on your terms. I did that with my x not too long ago. Let's see how that lasts. If you reply, he'll keep on bothering you. That won't stop. He will consistently think it is okay to text you despite the break up. Good luck!
Author juliaY Posted August 5, 2013 Author Posted August 5, 2013 Thanks all who responded so far...I will go read all the links you have shared and will tattoo any pertinent advice on my forearm so I can remember it during the weak moments. IN response to hippetyhop, I was referring to my kids. He was especially close to the younger one, and I'm not sure how to handle. Breakups become infinitely more complicated when there are children involved. How do I explain to the younger one (7 years old) that yes, I loved him yesterday, but from now on, we will not see him any longer. Ohhh, my heart breaks that I have put her in this situation. I was married before, so you would think I'd be wiser and know what the hell I was doing....but actually in love, I don't feel any wiser. "We are all fools in love...." is a quote from jane austen.. She wasn't joking around when she said that. So do I respond when he says hi by text? What does it mean? What counts as NC? What would be better for me? Anyone out there?
Simon Phoenix Posted August 6, 2013 Posted August 6, 2013 Thanks all who responded so far...I will go read all the links you have shared and will tattoo any pertinent advice on my forearm so I can remember it during the weak moments. IN response to hippetyhop, I was referring to my kids. He was especially close to the younger one, and I'm not sure how to handle. Breakups become infinitely more complicated when there are children involved. How do I explain to the younger one (7 years old) that yes, I loved him yesterday, but from now on, we will not see him any longer. Ohhh, my heart breaks that I have put her in this situation. I was married before, so you would think I'd be wiser and know what the hell I was doing....but actually in love, I don't feel any wiser. "We are all fools in love...." is a quote from jane austen.. She wasn't joking around when she said that. So do I respond when he says hi by text? What does it mean? What counts as NC? What would be better for me? Anyone out there? No Contact means No contact. That means no communication, no checking what he's doing on social media, no asking around about him, nothing. It means exactly what it says. 2
Recommended Posts