I Hate My Sister

[Mopparon]

i decided to drive her crazy enough that she would want to move on her own terms. and i think it is working, slowly but surely. In order to drive her crazy, i pick verbal fights with her for any little thing and go against her on everything she says. i want to kick her out but since its not my house and i cant tell her to leave, i have to do it under the radar without any violence, cops or insults. she said she is moving in Feb 2015,

 

How can you be so cruel?

[IfWishesWereHorses]

The advice wanted to give while reading this thread is above. I'm in a situation similar to Quiet Storms. Only difference is its a 55 year old SIL my MIL is taking care of. Same diagnosis and cause. I loath that SIL is making her final years miserable! It makes me so angry when MIL has scrimped and saved all her life and now must support and cook and clean after the most hateful person (most days) I've ever met.

 

It doesn't make me happy that when SIL spends every last dime of MIL's it is my family that will be taking care of her. I hate that MIL has to put up with the lies, manipulation and mostly the constant raging from SIL.

 

Is it fair that the money we've saved for my son's college tuition will have to be split with his cousin? We had no choice but to get her out of SIL's home (MIL's House). She had never been to a dentist or a doctor and was rarely fed. Once we found out, it wasn't fair to our children but what could we do???? Leave her with her crazy mother????

 

I'm the only person MIL can call to vent, and I understand how much she needs that. She has five kids and she can't rely in them to listen. Want to guess why???? Because they say, kick her out, you're getting what you chose and deserve. I UNDERSTAND their frustration, but being a parent I also understand that you don't stop loving and feeling responsible for your children.

 

Are you being an ally for your father or are you adding more stress. Are you supporting his wishes even though you don't agree?? You are saying you want what's best for your dad but you are letting your disgust for your sister interfere.

Why not change your tone and be a supporter for you father. I bet he would appreciate it! Become part of the solution and not the problem.

 

When she leaves you realize that if he has to bail her out financially that will be more money he puts out.

[Mopparon]

 

Are you being an ally for your father or are you adding more stress. Are you supporting his wishes even though you don't agree?? You are saying you want what's best for your dad but you are letting your disgust for your sister interfere.

Why not change your tone and be a supporter for you father. I bet he would appreciate it! Become part of the solution and not the problem.

 

When she leaves you realize that if he has to bail her out financially that will be more money he puts out.

 

This ^^

 

I agree with IfWishesWereHorses, you could easily be making matters worse by forcing your mentally ill sister to move out.

[Mopparon]

I just don't think you realise how serious an illness depression is, and how devastating an effect it can have on someone's life and thinking.

 

I've suffered from depression for a long time now and at one point it was so bad that I spent a long time doing not much more than zoning out and crying, just thinking about ending my life so I wouldn't be a burden to my family or anyone else any more.

 

But luckily for me, my family and especially my parents, never gave up on me and lovingly helped me through that tough time in my life. Without their help and support I honestly believe that I may not be here today.

 

Do you really want to be responsible for increasing your sister's struggles, responsible for isolating her from the support that may be vital to help her deal with her illness? Especially knowing that your father wants to help her all he can?

 

Would you be able to live with yourself if she ended up committing suicide because of your actions? (which is a real possibility )

 

I know I could never live with that.

[anika99]

****UPDATE**** (1 year later) hey guys, im still living with my dad and my sister is still here:( but i have thought of a new plan. i decided to drive her crazy enough that she would want to move on her own terms. and i think it is working, slowly but surely. In order to drive her crazy, i pick verbal fights with her for any little thing and go against her on everything she says. i want to kick her out but since its not my house and i cant tell her to leave, i have to do it under the radar without any violence, cops or insults. she said she is moving in Feb 2015, i plan to move also but dont know when since im having employment issues rite now. im hating miami for the last 5 yrs, dying to move back to new jersey, lets see what happens, ill update once something happens.

 

 

 

You don't sound any better than your sister when it comes to mooching off your father. You're in your 30's, unemployed and living with daddy. You say you live there because you help him but I call bullsh*t on that. If that were true you wouldn't be trying to make your sister leave while you are also making plans to move. Who is going to take care of your dad when everyone is gone? You don't care about your dad, you're just jealous of your sister because she gets more out of your father than you do.

 

 

Your new plan makes you sound pretty screwed up in the head. Maybe both you and your sister have mental problems.

[Georgia2014]

First my sister suffers from depression and she takes pills for the rest of her life. She is taking advance of my Dad. She asks my dad for money like almost every other day, she is super lazy and does not clean the house. she has NOT been working for like 3 years, she gets her disability check every month. She is always walking around barefoot in the house, she has 2 kids, one lives in another state but he is an adult and she lives with her daughter which is my niece with me and my dad so its 4 of us in a house here in Miami, FL. She is in her late 40's, i hate her because she does not act like a regular woman that cleans and acts normal, all she does all day is eat and sleep. Ok so this is where it gets worse, when i confront my dad about her always asking him for money he says "its my money what do u care" meaning he defends her, i dont know if he feels sorry for her with her depression problem or what. But here is the thing since she is not my daughter i can see outside the box and see that she is taking advantage of my dad and keep in mind that this has been going on for years, i just started noticing this the last 5 years. My dad is handicap (eye problems) and is 76 yrs old, I have reached out to her son, my other sister and i even told one of my older nieces, my other sister and her son did nothing and my niece gave some good advice but i want to here from strangers, am i wrong or right? there are much more details but this is the main issue

 

any advice? i plan to move cause i cant take it anymore...

 

I think your right. I am on anti depressants but don't act like her. I don't mooch off people. She sounds like she has a lot of mental problems. I don't think your Dad can see she is using him.

 

My sister uses my family for attention and I don't. She wants to always be in the spot light. I can't stand her. She is selfish and uncaring.

 

Your sister and mine seem to be users. Yours just wants money and my sister wants attention. My sister is one reason I am planning on moving to another county. That's how bad I despise her. Right now she lives ten minutes away and that's not far enough.

[brains and brawn]

You don't sound any better than your sister when it comes to mooching off your father. You're in your 30's, unemployed and living with daddy. You say you live there because you help him but I call bullsh*t on that. If that were true you wouldn't be trying to make your sister leave while you are also making plans to move. Who is going to take care of your dad when everyone is gone? You don't care about your dad, you're just jealous of your sister because she gets more out of your father than you do.

 

 

Your new plan makes you sound pretty screwed up in the head. Maybe both you and your sister have mental problems.

 

im not a moocher at all. i live with my dad cause he is handicapped (legally blind) plus he has diabetes and i take care of him. i pay him rent and im always taking him out to eat and what not. ive been working since i was 17 yrs old, its just now that im unemployed. But my stupid sister has NOT been working for 3 yrs already since 2011. im doing my plans to move cause ive put my love life on hold due to my dad's condition. But i am not gonna leave him here in miami, after 1 yr, we have plans that he will move to jersey with me.

[brains and brawn]

You see, these are the things that i hate::::It's 4am and my stupid sister decides that she needs to buy eggs at this time and wakes everybody up by making noise and waking my dad up so he can open the door cause she never ****ing carries her ****ing keys. i got into an argument with her cause of this, she is very INCONSIDERATE...ill be very happy the day she moves and the black cloud will stop hoovering over me

[brains and brawn]

hey guys, dont dwell so much on her depression issue cause she does act kind of normal and she even thinks quick and reacts quick when i argue with her. So i treat her as if she was normal. Ill bet if i took out that depression word from this thread that i created, all your answers would be different and you guys would be more on my side

[brains and brawn]

I think your right. I am on anti depressants but don't act like her. I don't mooch off people. She sounds like she has a lot of mental problems. I don't think your Dad can see she is using him.

 

My sister uses my family for attention and I don't. She wants to always be in the spot light. I can't stand her. She is selfish and uncaring.

 

Your sister and mine seem to be users. Yours just wants money and my sister wants attention. My sister is one reason I am planning on moving to another county. That's how bad I despise her. Right now she lives ten minutes away and that's not far enough.

 

i totally understand you. my dad will never see it cause thats his daughter but im outside of the box and i see it. And the funny part is that i just started noticing this the last 6 years !!! (the abuse to my dad) but this has been probably going on since i was a kid, cause she only married once and broke up with the guy very fast and ive known her all my life she has only lived without my dad 2 times only for a short time plus back in day, we were well off due to my dads job but not anymore. now we are just middle class people. but since my dad had money back then, she probably was a bigger leech then but since i was a kid i never noticed it.

[brains and brawn]

Read my recent response and DO read up on depression and mental illness.

 

You're incredibly cruel. Do you want her to suffer more, maybe lose her own children? Drive her death?

 

Could you honestly sleep at night knowing you pulled it off and got her out of the house? Knowing that she would be homeless or living in a shelter with her 2 kids, aka YOUR nieces/nephews?

 

Not sure how old you are but I hope someday you mature and become an understanding and compassionate person and god forbid you ever go through bad times in your life and have to deal with a hateful and revengeful person who has it out for you.

 

im not cruel. you know why? cause if she would change at least 2 bad things that she does, i would TOTALLY change with her...the 2 things that bother me the most is: 1. that she gets a job - 2. that she stops asking my dad for money every other day. now i know she will never change so i will never change how i feel about her, i am not cruel or jealous like everyone says here, im not the jealous type, its just the abuse to my dad is whats bothering me

Almost forgot, she will not be homeless if she moves out. if she moves out, she has 6 types of incomes:::: 1. child support 2. daughter income 3. son's income 4. she can get a job under the books 5. and she gets the check for her mental disability 6. plus she gets food stamps...she will actually be better off them me if she moves, if she lives with her 2 kids and they all chip in, they will be good. And her 2 kids are over 21 yrs old already so she wont lose them like you said, did you read the backround story to my issue?

Edited October 10, 2014 by brains and brawn

[brains and brawn]

The advice wanted to give while reading this thread is above. I'm in a situation similar to Quiet Storms. Only difference is its a 55 year old SIL my MIL is taking care of. Same diagnosis and cause. I loath that SIL is making her final years miserable! It makes me so angry when MIL has scrimped and saved all her life and now must support and cook and clean after the most hateful person (most days) I've ever met.

 

It doesn't make me happy that when SIL spends every last dime of MIL's it is my family that will be taking care of her. I hate that MIL has to put up with the lies, manipulation and mostly the constant raging from SIL.

 

Is it fair that the money we've saved for my son's college tuition will have to be split with his cousin? We had no choice but to get her out of SIL's home (MIL's House). She had never been to a dentist or a doctor and was rarely fed. Once we found out, it wasn't fair to our children but what could we do???? Leave her with her crazy mother????

 

I'm the only person MIL can call to vent, and I understand how much she needs that. She has five kids and she can't rely in them to listen. Want to guess why???? Because they say, kick her out, you're getting what you chose and deserve. I UNDERSTAND their frustration, but being a parent I also understand that you don't stop loving and feeling responsible for your children.

 

Are you being an ally for your father or are you adding more stress. Are you supporting his wishes even though you don't agree?? You are saying you want what's best for your dad but you are letting your disgust for your sister interfere.

Why not change your tone and be a supporter for you father. I bet he would appreciate it! Become part of the solution and not the problem.

 

When she leaves you realize that if he has to bail her out financially that will be more money he puts out.

 

support what she does? so you want me to do nothing while she leeches off my dad for money and not let her have a job? she has to be a PRODUCTIVE person in society. i think she would be better off in a mental clinic and not giving my dad the burden. my dad already raised her daughter. my dad would wake up at 7am to get her daughter ready for middle school when she was little while her so-called "mother" slept on her fat obese ass !

[Tayla]

support what she does? so you want me to do nothing while she leeches off my dad for money and not let her have a job? she has to be a PRODUCTIVE person in society. i think she would be better off in a mental clinic and not giving my dad the burden. my dad already raised her daughter. my dad would wake up at 7am to get her daughter ready for middle school when she was little while her so-called "mother" slept on her fat obese ass !

WHos daughter is this? Is this your Dad's Step child?

Since you are each adults, do what is in your being to remain consistent with Tending to your dad. He gave you BOTH the gift of life, and he doesn't sound cruel to either of you. Mend your fences as best you can, and if that means you putting blinders on, do so. You're misdirecting the anger onto others when its really about how you can cope or influence positive change.You may not be able to change your sister , you can re-gain some trust to influence her behavior whilst she is there. Where has this anger gotten you so far? Use it in a way that creates results that are good for the entire family. I personally commend you for not being selfish and thinking that taking care of a family member is taking away from "your" life...It can actually make you be more understanding and compassionate if given the proper outlook.

[NJ123]

You might not get along with your sister but you need to have some compassion at least. The girl is sick whether you seem to want to admit it or not. I'm having a bunch of health issues myself at the moment, and I quit my job based partially on them & depression is one of them. You seem to think mental health issues are a joke & that you can just snap out of it. But it don't work that way.