Here goes

[worldgonewrong]

Not sure if it's clear in my thread, but the "5 guys" were all pre D-Day. Once I discovered the affairs, she came clean with everything. Not that it makes it any better, but I didn't "take her back" 5 different times. However this is probably me playing semantics.

 

It IS semantics, my friend.

 

Pre D-Day, Arbor Day, Groundhog Day, Doris Day - whatever. You're in deep denial, so you're compartmentalizing in order that you don't lose your mind.

[RightThere]

More than anything - I wish you'd find a boundary and stick to it! Lowering YOUR standards and expectations each time she exhibits MORE bad behavior is never going to fix anything.

 

Alright. Take two on setting some boundaries.

 

- Any forms of infidelity (emotional or physical affairs) are unacceptable.

- Any contact with the OM will put our relationship in serious jeopardy.

- Any functions or events (running, yoga) you attend where you believe the OM may be would make me believe you are not serious in committing to reconciliation.

- We will need to attend MC

- My expectation is for open and honest communication. Any attempts to hide things, delete emails/texts would put our relationship is jeopardy.

- Any refusals to answer any questions I may have would make me doubt your commitment to the relationship.

 

A start?

[Yasuandio]

It IS semantics, my friend.

 

Pre D-Day, Arbor Day, Groundhog Day, Doris Day - whatever. You're in deep denial, so you're compartmentalizing in order that you don't lose your mind.

 

True enough, Worldgonewrong. But, as you, yourself know, you cannot fix denial overnight. Semantics or not, few respond to ultimatums. Those that do, often hold contempt for doing so.

 

Denial, RT, is the first process of grieving. I think that is also an area you might want to look into in the Pinned Critical Readings section. The first stage of grieving may be why you are so perplexed, and your choices seem to be odd to the LS community.

 

Nonetheless, I like the different approach to your standards of marital partnership with your wife should a reconciliation be what you ultimately decide you wish. I think you should ask her to write up a similar assignment, before she sees your's. Then mesh them, and sign like a contract.

 

The only thing I would suggest is to use more of your own language. And collapse it a bit.

 

Much better positioning in your responses. And do look into the stages of denial, per Worldgonewrong's suggestion; - they are all written out on one page - easy breezy. Yas

[Mr.Milked]

Alright. Take two on setting some boundaries.

 

- Any forms of infidelity (emotional or physical affairs) are unacceptable.

- Any contact with the OM will put our relationship in serious jeopardy.

- Any functions or events (running, yoga) you attend where you believe the OM may be would make me believe you are not serious in committing to reconciliation.

- We will need to attend MC

- My expectation is for open and honest communication. Any attempts to hide things, delete emails/texts would put our relationship is jeopardy.

- Any refusals to answer any questions I may have would make me doubt your commitment to the relationship.

 

A start?

If you don't state that any male contact that you do not approve of will be prohibited entirely, what is the point of the contract?

 

 

All I'm seeing, as a casual observer, is your condoning her actions as acceptable.

 

 

Sorry...

[2sunny]

Alright. Take two on setting some boundaries.

 

- Any forms of infidelity (emotional or physical affairs) are unacceptable.

- Any contact with the OM will put our relationship in serious jeopardy.

- Any functions or events (running, yoga) you attend where you believe the OM may be would make me believe you are not serious in committing to reconciliation.

- We will need to attend MC

- My expectation is for open and honest communication. Any attempts to hide things, delete emails/texts would put our relationship is jeopardy.

- Any refusals to answer any questions I may have would make me doubt your commitment to the relationship.

 

A start?

 

A start... So has SHE made the appointment to see the counselor yet?

 

Is she owning her bad behavior and doing everything possible to REPAIR that damage she has caused?

 

Or is she wallowing in pity because her boyfriend is no longer viable?

 

As long as she's thinking MORE about how she feels than how YOU must feel - she's not doing enough to fix what she has purposely broken.

 

 

And don't think she's not going to be looking for her next victim/conquest.

 

Handing her all your power - and continuing to - will only get you what you've already had for a LONG time.

 

Take charge of your own life man...and show her what living looks like without her around! She may as well see you taking action to live a full life whether she's around or not!

 

She could stay standing still and "depressed" for years! Meanwhile, if you keep so focused on the R dependent upon what she will or won't do, you could still be at the mercy of her "doing nothing" to make the M any better than it's been for this past long while.

 

She's a cheater - a blatant cheater - until she proves for years otherwise - treat her as the cheater she's been.

Edited March 11, 2014 by 2sunny

[RightThere]

If you don't state that any male contact that you do not approve of will be prohibited entirely, what is the point of the contract?

 

 

All I'm seeing, as a casual observer, is your condoning her actions as acceptable.

 

 

Sorry...

 

Maybe I need to state it better, but that would be any emotional type affair with another man. I can't prohibit her from talking to other men, but probably need to spell out that there is a boundary that cannot be crossed.

[RightThere]

A start... So has SHE made the appointment to see the counselor yet?

 

Not yet. We have discussed it and after our last counselor, we may look for a different one as we both felt the previous one was pretty wishy washy.

 

Is she owning her bad behavior and doing everything possible to REPAIR that damage she has caused?

 

Or is she wallowing in pity because her boyfriend is no longer viable?

 

As long as she's thinking MORE about how she feels than how YOU must feel - she's not doing enough to fix what she has purposely broken.

 

She is owning it. During out very early attempts at R, it was a lot of "I am sorry but...."

 

Now it is just straight up apologies for it. No excuses. When she talks about it, she talks like someone out of the fog. She talks about her actions and says how wrong it was to do this or that. But also talks about the hurt that it caused various people. She has brought up a couple of times that questions if she is even a "good person." I interpret that as someone not looking at what they are doing from the fog.

 

I wouldn't say she's wallowing in self-pity. She doesn't try to put that burden of it on anyone else. I can tell when she's suffering from it, and I bring it up to allow her to talk about it, but she doesn't bring it up to me thinking that I'll tell her that is her own ball of crap to deal with.

[Yasuandio]

A start... So has SHE made the appointment to see the counselor yet?

 

Is she owning her bad behavior and doing everything possible to REPAIR that damage she has caused?

 

Or is she wallowing in pity because her boyfriend is no longer viable?

 

As long as she's thinking MORE about how she feels than how YOU must feel - she's not doing enough to fix what she has purposely broken.

 

This is a good point 2Sunny makes a good point. My proposal is to devise two contracts, each of which have boundaries.

 

Marriage Vows Contract:

 

RT and wife work together to compose a future contract that re-states their vows to one another, since the original contract has been trashed. Therefore, they start anew, fresh marital contract they both will agree to from here on out (aka: Marital Vows). Marriage builder website will provide all the insight to avoid future infidelity. Then you both edit and sign this contract. These Marital Vows will not take place until RT is feeling safe, and wife has proven herself over time. But it doesn't hurt to have something to reach for, an incentive, if you will, which is a new marriage. I don't see this happening for at least a year, according to the plethoria research I have read.

 

Boundary/Breech Contract:

 

Then, RT, continues editing his boundaries regarding man #5, and the specifics he will require to feel "safe" again in the marriage. We continue to help him hone this to perfection. Marriage Builders website offers information on these matters also. And much work is done on this "Boundary/Breech Contract" already. This contract must be met before reconciliation.

 

Reconciliation Contract:

 

The two of you will have to agree on a method of reconciliation, DB, Marriage Builders, MC. She doesn't just come back home and everything is all peaches and cream. If you have had a look at "piecing" experiences, you know what I mean. It is like starting a new relationship if you do it right. You begin with courting, dates, etc. Slow. Then you begin to learn what you loved about each other again. She, particularly, needs to understand what she stands to lose if she gambles again.

 

And you are calling the shots on how this matter will proceed. You must carry yourself with confidence and control. Do 180. I think you gotta back way off her real fast. And take some time off. If she wants you, she's not going where. And, like Worldgonewrong said, your slowly going mad. Man, I'm telling you, what you are dealing with is going to take a year to get to the "real reconciliation" stage.

 

So --- Here is my plan. Get all fuzzy woozy with the future "Marital Vow" the two of you envision. Let her write her part, you do your part. Tell here this is what we are "reaching for." Observe her commitment to the project. Then drop it. Go 180. Act totally cool. Stop being the sheriff in town. [And, yes, be the undercover sheriff in town alright - check and bug everything]. Ask for the things you need to feel safe, honestly - discuss this with her. Show her your resource. For instance, maybe u want to know an anatomy question. That is not unusual. Ask, she must agree to tell you everything - total transparency.

 

I'm telling you to "do something different." This is called the "Moving Target Technique," and the "Mouse and Cheese" technique, mixed with 180, and the basic Pavlos Dog theory. Normally, you just stand around and let stuff happen. But, you are coming up with a "prize" (i.e. Cheese) - the Wedding Vow Day. Isn't that romantic? Something to look forward to? A new beginning? Maybe not now. But when you back off the project real fast and go 180, she won't be able to erase it from her mind. Everytime she sees something wedding related, your "renewing your wedding vows, and a romantic trip" starts making her salivate.

 

Meanwhile - you dropped the idea like a lead balloon, changed up your look BIG TIME (and you gotta go for the make-over), working out at the gym, get "Obsession" - there is something magical in that man spray. RT, you need her to desire and want you. You need her to fall in love with you again. If you are always available, that's not gonna happen. And you play it cool. 180. Go on a trip. Then get nice again, ask her for a date. Then don't call. Mix it up. Moving target. No dates until "Real Recon" and we need 2-3 months clean record.

 

180 means don't always answer phone. Take the child to Disneyworld. Just tell everyone, if you have to, had opportunity to be in FL or wherever - thought might as well let daughter have a good time too!

 

Agree with everything she says. Ok. That's enough for now. Yas

[Yasuandio]

Maybe I need to state it better, but that would be any emotional type affair with another man. I can't prohibit her from talking to other men, but probably need to spell out that there is a boundary that cannot be crossed.

 

It is elementary, guys. It is spelled out in the marriage vows. Marriage Vows just need to be re-newed, when RT's terms are met. I would would take a lot of time before re-newing vows as I explained in my post.

 

In my honest opinion, I think RT should DIVORCE her for the record (while she is in slut mode). That is the SMART thing to do. Get's him out of alimony and child support, get's him full custody, get's him the house. Then, they can start dating again. Even get married again.

 

I don't think RT is inclined to go thru with filling a divorce - although it is in his and his daughter's best interests. His wife could act like a nun for one year - and then divorce him and take the kid and everything. For all we know, that's her plan.

 

Her Mia Culpa regarding the "Farewell" sex, I think, was a Red Herring, BIG TIME. What cheater in their right mind is going to make such a confession, at the 11th hour, when they don't have to? No way. It was Reverse Psychology she pulled with that BS. The 11th hour bomb was timed at the start of "reconciliation" and was a strategic move to gain RT's trust - "Shock and Awe," deliver subliminal message (i.e. trust) through devastating means.

 

When emotions are rattled, or highly stimulated, the subconscious may be more vulnerable. Ive heard somewhere, doing very exciting, advendurious activities together, like roller coaster rides or bunji jumping in tandum, sky-diving, etc., can develop a special bond between a couple, much stronger than a date at Starbucks. I wonder where that saying came from, "all's fair in love and war?"

 

RT, I have my opinions, but I do not mean to judge or criticize you. My opinions are no reflection on you. In good faith, im trying to offer you solutions that you may be able to cope with. Denial is not unlike shock. In fact, shock can put you into denial.

 

However I would not be serving you correctly if I did not tell you my honest opinion, as stated above. The people on LS are pretty sharp. This explanation I just gave you is pretty sharp. The lightbulb came on for me just a little while ago when I was reading someone else's post. Yas

 

PS I should credit "The Bachalor" TV series for the Bunji Jumping in Tandum idea.

Edited March 11, 2014 by Yasuandio
Spelling, mistakes, add details, footnote

[2sunny]

If I were your wife - and I knew that you took me back after finding out that I'd cheated 5 times - that included living with another man ---> I would assume I could do anything I wanted and you would still take me back.

 

That is the mindset you need to change with YOUR actions.

 

She knows fully well she can do whatever she wants - yet you don't impose any consequences that invoke change to happen. You just wait for her next move and tend to forgive whatever crap she's thrown your way.

 

She uses you - and you allow it.

 

Figure out your plan and stick to it.

[Steadfast]

I understand the motivation behind the hundreds of posts written to help you RT. Boiling it down, the bottom line is you love her, want to be married to her and as long as she says she's willing, you'll try. That's the crux.

 

No matter what she's done.

 

The past doesn't figure in your eyes. Only the present. Not to say you like whats happened in the past, but you're hoping it'll go well. You're posting info about her behavior and attitude with an encouraging slant.

 

Somewhere deep inside you have reasons for this line of thinking. Meanwhile, the majority of us are wondering why you still bother. Most of us loved our exes RT...and still do, even if it's the memory of what once was. I'd say you love her more than you love yourself. Should you?

[RightThere]

I understand the motivation behind the hundreds of posts written to help you RT. Boiling it down, the bottom line is you love her, want to be married to her and as long as she says she's willing, you'll try. That's the crux.

 

No matter what she's done.

 

The past doesn't figure in your eyes. Only the present. Not to say you like whats happened in the past, but you're hoping it'll go well. You're posting info about her behavior and attitude with an encouraging slant.

 

Somewhere deep inside you have reasons for this line of thinking. Meanwhile, the majority of us are wondering why you still bother. Most of us loved our exes RT...and still do, even if it's the memory of what once was. I'd say you love her more than you love yourself. Should you?

 

I think that about sums it up.

 

To answer you, should I love her more than I love myself? I don't know. Realistically, no, in my head I think that is not healthy to make sure my own happiness is not being taken care of by me.

 

Last night she told me she wanted to go running the next day. It was going to be with her old running group. She said that OM wasn't going to be there. So I asked "What will you do if he is there?"

 

She said "I might say Hi, but that's it." I told her that wasn't going to work for me. I reiterated that NC means No Contact at all. After reading Marriage Builders again, I told her it's like withdrawal and she needs a minimum of 3 weeks NC before she might start to not feel the effects of withdrawal. Any contact and she's back to square one.

 

She begrudgingly agreed. Although she's following through on it, I could feel us both putting up our defensive walls knowing this was some of the hard work we're going to encounter.

 

She's looking into some new marriage counselors as well.

 

I'll admit, the last 24 hours I've been more on the fence of "This isn't going to work long term. May as well just end it." Reading some more I don't think we're actually at any kind of real reconciliation phase. She's still going through withdrawal and that needs to run its course.

[aliveagain]

You should know her withdrawal symptoms by now, you've been through it enough times. Why not just have an open marriage, she's going to have another boyfriend sometime soon just based oh her history with you. Loosing you doesn't appear to be enough to stop her from a future infidelity, you might as well get some strange. Have you talked to her about this?

[Yasuandio]

What bothers me about your conversations of recent with wife, is that there is a type of 3rd degree going on. Man, I'm not blaming you. Look, everytime she leaves, do you want to enter into a series of what, when, where, will he be there? If he is what will do? Your are not her Dad.

 

The fact she still wants to attend this activity is problematic in itself. You are not her therapist either. Surely there are other running clubs she can get involved with. how much research has she completed on this subject?

 

I tell you - 2Sunny hit the nail for me last night. Why has this gone on and on and on? To the you are numb to it? What's the missing link? CONSEQUENCES. That is what has been missing all along. Consider letting the divorce go through, as planned. (Actually, when that plan was in place - you were sounding much better).

 

The divorce, like I said before, is in the best interest of you and your child. The timing (during her affair stage) is perfect. She abandoned her family. You will be in the driver's seat in Court - and it doesn't normally work out that way. You will get the home, the kid, and you will not get stuck paying her alimony and support. This is the perfect moment.

 

I can almost guarantee you that the more you tell her not to see the guy, the more she will crave him. She has to come to you with remorse, and provide you with assurances of her own volition, not the other way around. When you are trying to enforce or monitor proper conduct with the third degree, or article research stat, you are telling her what to do. She has to decide to enter the boss of withdrawal from her affair partner. OK, she has the information, and actually, it's kinda of obvious - and worrisome that she's in this deep. I don't think MB estimation of 3 months is gonna fly on this one. He'll probably dump her though. And then when she has no nice husband to go to - she may or may not hit rock bottom.

 

Seriously, consider getting back to the old plan. Look back on your posts - you were presenting more confident and in control. When this woman is in the picture, you become an indecisive numb abused male spouse - not is attractive, but it pays the bills. Take control man.

 

You can keep seeing each other (no sex) during and after the divorce is final. It's just paper to line up your affair in your favor while the getting's are good.

 

PS. I know I'm all over the map, but I'm trying. Like Steadfast said, we will always love our former spouses. I certainly do - even though his conduct was as egregreious as your wife's. It took me more than a decade to face the ovvious truth. And I didn't have the evidence you have.

 

I suppose the best reason of all to end a toxic relationship is for your child. I am pretty sure your child has met one or more of your wife's friends, during your marriage. Her mom is a role model. Dang, if I didn't turn out just like my mom - exactly. Is your wife the role model you want to stand by? "You always get remarried, and say, Mom decided she liked married life again.". It would TRUELY be a wonderful ending, and give your time to sit on this, and sow her oats.

 

OK. That's today's report. Signing off. Yas

[2sunny]

Going to her running group?

 

Just the fact that she would even CONSIDER that - much less put it on YOU to have to point out the obvious (that you're NOT ok with it) is evidence that she either - or both:

A) searching for another- or old - OM

B) not thinking at all about YOUR feelings.

 

Either one is not effort to repair the damage she KEEPS causing.

 

 

Looking at what evidence is real - I can't see her effort to set things right with YOU.

 

Do I see evidence that she thinks mainly of herself? Absolutely!

 

Thinking of herself is as far away from R as any m can get.

 

She's not afraid of any consequences - she knows you don't intend to enforce any new actions. In fact, she just keeps presenting more info that should allow you to fully understand she isn't "all in" or even "half in".

 

Yet you seem to find this to be enough for now.

 

And considering your own best interest last is backwards. Any good counselor would tell you that you show extreme co-dependent issues.

 

All you're bringing to the table is being at the mercy of what she will or won't do - thinking something is better than nothing.

 

Work on that unhealthy mindset.

 

It's about how YOU CHANGE.

[Yasuandio]

I think that about sums it up.

 

To answer you, should I love her more than I love myself? I don't know. Realistically, no, in my head I think that is not healthy to make sure my own happiness is not being taken care of by me.

 

Last night she told me she wanted to go running the next day. It was going to be with her old running group.

 

That doesn't sound like a good idea. In fact, it sound like the dumbest idea she could possibly come up with.

 

She said that OM wasn't going to be there.

 

How does she know if OM will be there or not? Where is she getting this information?

 

So I asked "What will you do if he is there?"

 

Must be a drag to keep lowering the bar, when you should be the Sheriff in town.

 

She said "I might say Hi, but that's it."

 

How cute is that!

 

I told her that wasn't going to work for me. I reiterated that NC means No Contact at all. After reading Marriage Builders again, I told her it's like withdrawal and she needs a minimum of 3 weeks NC before she might start to not feel the effects of withdrawal. Any contact and she's back to square one.

 

We alll comprehend this material, but my sense tells me she views the "review" as terms for her being grounded.

 

She begrudgingly agreed.

 

Yep, grounded.

 

Although she's following through on it, I could feel us both putting up our defensive walls knowing this was some of the hard work we're going to encounter.

 

That's what it's like to be a Dad. You cannot be the child's friend, you have to be the "bad guy" and enforce the house rules and delive the consequences of breaking the rules. You'll have some experience now, when your daughter reaches pre-teen age.

 

She's looking into some new marriage counselors as well.

 

I'd say nothing and do a wait and see on that.

 

I'll admit, the last 24 hours I've been more on the fence of "This isn't going to work long term. May as well just end it." Reading some more I don't think we're actually at any kind of real reconciliation phase. She's still going through withdrawal and that needs to run its course.

 

After the Denial Stage, comes the Anger Stage. But you can go in and out of the stages.

 

 

10 Characters. Yas

[Mr.Milked]

"How does she know if OM will be there or not? Where is she getting this information?"

 

 

I believe that is a mystery none could ever know.

 

 

 

 

"

So

I asked "What will you do if he is there?"

 

She said "I might say Hi, but that's it.""

 

 

"How cute is that!"

 

It's absolutely adorable!

 

 

Not even a glimpse through the FOG!

Screams every intention to carry on as usual to me.

 

 

People are right about getting the divorce now due to her infidelity.

The cards are in your favor at this moment and as you see now, people are asking if you are into an open relationship. I can guarantee you that the courts will have the same frame of mind. They love to see us Beta's in the courtroom, since it makes things much smoother with our chump agreeability.

[Yasuandio]

Mr. Milked, thank you for the emphasis.

 

I am going to repeat this other portion one more time:

 

At any moment, she could insert her way back into the home, and give the appearance of Suzie Homemaker. One, just ONE sexual encounter, (any type) is considered by law condonation of infidelity.

 

A judge will NOT hear of any of #1 thru #4, since, obvious, sex occurred sin then. If they have had sex since she has been with #5, RT has forgiven her for the infidelity by law, said and done, period. (In some states, infidelity is grounds to bar alimony.)

 

So, the facts state that she had sex with #5 again during so-called "Real Recon" that was infidelity. RT hasn't told us anything on that intimacy score. And it's not our business. Hopefully, he didn't have sex with her after that confession. If so, he, by law, condoned the infidelity. It is critical these convo's be captured on VAR.

 

If you have anything - she is going to give you the fight of your life. Her personality is so "in-your-face" narcissistic, it's really kind of creepy. Yas

 

Yas

 

I provide this information for educational purposes. Yas

[Mr.Milked]

What bothers me about your conversations of recent with wife, is that there is a type of 3rd degree going on. Man, I'm not blaming you. Look, everytime she leaves, do you want to enter into a series of what, when, where, will he be there? If he is what will do? Your are not her Dad.

 

The fact she still wants to attend this activity is problematic in itself. ...Surely there are other running clubs she can get involved with...

 

Why has this gone on and on and on? [Are] you are numb to it? What's the missing link?

 

 

CONSEQUENCES.

 

 

That is what has been missing all along. Consider letting the divorce go through, as planned. (Actually, when that plan was in place - you were sounding much better).

 

The divorce, like I said before, is in the best interest of you and your child. The timing (during her affair stage) is perfect. She abandoned her family. You will be in the driver's seat in Court - and it doesn't normally work out that way. You will get the home, the kid, and you will not get stuck paying her alimony and support. This is the perfect moment.

 

I can almost guarantee you that the more you tell her not to see the guy, the more she will crave him. She has to come to you with remorse, and provide you with assurances of her own volition, not the other way around.

 

 

When you are trying to enforce or monitor proper conduct with the third degree, or article research stat, you are telling her what to do...He'll probably dump her though.

 

Seriously, consider getting back to the old plan. Look back on your posts - you were presenting more confident and in control. When this woman is in the picture, you become an indecisive numb abused male spouse -...

 

You can keep seeing each other (no sex) during and after the divorce is final. It's just paper to line up your [future] in your favor while [you can have the say, while] the getting's are good.

 

...Like Steadfast said, we will always love our former spouses. I certainly do - even though his conduct was as egregreious as your wife's. It took me more than a decade to face the obvious truth. And I didn't have the evidence you have.

 

I suppose the best reason of all to end a toxic relationship is for your child. ...

This is most important. Continuing to condone these actions from his ww will only hurt every innocent party involved. Financially and emotionally.

[2sunny]

I agree - if getting divorced now will save you from extended spousal support - then divorce her while it's feasible.

 

You can decide later to remarry her IF she earns your respect in a year or two.

 

 

This is a money matters decision... Not based on your emotions - just based on what her past behavior should tell you what she will do I the future.

[maskedpianoplayer]

Hey RT. I spent the last 3 hours reading most of the post you and others posted up here. What I'm gonna say may hurt but it's the truth. you need to grow some balls, be a man, and leave this woman. The ONLY reason she is even back with you is because things didn't work out with her boyfriend. That is the ONLY reason. She don't love you, she loves what she can get from you. As soon as she finds another man to fill your shoes she's gonna take it but since she don't have anyone at the moment she settling for your azz and gonna make all the promises in the world. Its all lies. If you take her back I'm 100% sure she will cheat on you again when the opportunity presents it self. And when she does, I don't want to hear your azz complaining about it on this site. In fact, If you will not take the advice of the people here on this thread then you might as well stop posting because you are wasting your own time and ours. You see what you only want to see and hear what you only want to hear. Now if you cheated on your wife with 5 different women, do you think she would have mercy on you? Heck no! she will strip you for ALL your worth and you would've been kicked out the house long ago with no remorse. Be a freaking MAN and move on with your life. Leave her behind. You cant turn a hoe into a house wife. I've made the mistake of trying to get back with my ex but people don't change. They just DON'T. Divorce her while you still can prove she cheated on you. Don't get back together. If you get back together it's like getting back on a dead end road. I swear If I could I would come over there and knock some sense into you. Don't you remember what she DONE!. She WILL do it again. You are so desperate and needy that you are gonna sink that low and take that piece of slime back who don't give a dang about you. If you get back with her then you are on your own. Don't come back on here posting your complaints because it's gonna fall on deaf ear. Stop being a Beeatch and be freaking MAN already. You are in your late 30's. Cut this baby sh*t out! Grow a pair, divorce her azz and move on with your freaking life already! So frustrating. I promise you this girl don't care about you and to prove it all you need to do is set a hidden camera a say you will be gone for a day or two. I guarantee she will have a man over. I can bet money on it. Cheaters always cheat. Don't be so desperate. She's been cheating even before you were married so the entire marriage is based on a lie anyway. Yes it will hurt or whatever put when you pull a splinter out your finger it will hurt for a while put you don't insert the splinter back in? You leave it out and let it heal. Don't insert back in your life. Heal, move on, and you can find a girl in her 20's who will date you whos a lot finer than her. It's easy for men to find younger women but not the other way around. You could get with a 25 year old who treats you and your daughter like a king and you won't even think about that lieing hoe. Or you can try to work things out and fail miserably which you indefinitely will. Like the song goes in the Disney movie "Frozen" You need to "Let it go..........turn away and slam the door"

[Mr.Milked]

I'm thinking one of the hardest things for men to do with their ww (wayward wife) is to remove thy pedestal you have placed her upon in your mind.

 

 

It's as if we have a protective gene built in us for our woman, as if to say they are different than all others.

 

 

It's definitely a weak spot of ours that only comes naturally.

 

 

However, there are thousands upon thousands of women whom have not met me yet and are still just dreaming about finding me. The key is that I need to be out there.

[2sunny]

I'm thinking one of the hardest things for men to do with their ww (wayward wife) is to remove thy pedestal you have placed her upon in your mind.

 

 

It's as if we have a protective gene built in us for our woman, as if to say they are different than all others.

 

 

It's definitely a weak spot of ours that only comes naturally.

 

 

However, there are thousands upon thousands of women whom have not met me yet and are still just dreaming about finding me. The key is that I need to be out there.

 

I'm not sure he has her on any pedestal due to this post of his:

 

Quote:

Originally Posted by RightThere

Not sure if it's clear in my thread, but the "5 guys" were all pre D-Day. Once I discovered the affairs, she came clean with everything. Not that it makes it any better, but I didn't "take her back" 5 different times. However this is probably me playing semantics.

 

 

I think he has just accepted what he knows - that she has cheated with at least 5 guys - yet he seems to erase that as part of who she is.

 

It's as if he believes that is her past - when it really is who she is now.

 

She hasn't proved otherwise. She just had sex with the OM just a week or two ago.

 

She also wanted to return to her running group - the group where she had resources for other men.

 

 

She's still searching for places to obtain her OM - or a new OM.

 

But the OP isn't willing to hand out severe consequences.

He's is willing to keep trying to overlook or passively avoid what behavior she presents...new or not.

[Yasuandio]

Give RT a little credit, 2Sunny. Once Worldgonewrong introduced the word this week, I think RT has begun to realize that he is in denial. His latest post regarding on "on the fence" had a totally different mood to it. RT, I believe is listening more, rather than being defensive, and holding his ground.

 

There is no doubt that he has been in denial for a long time. But too, he sustaintained a severe shock last week with th "farewell sex" announcement. Shock and Awe. Intended to throw him off guard. Another shock to put his system right back into denial. But I think we really got through to him the last few days. He sees the denial.

 

Next come the Anger Stage.

Edited March 13, 2014 by Yasuandio
Deleted graphic section. RT not ready 4 my bluntness yet.

[TheBladeRunner]

Rt is doing the right thing.....he'll do what's right for him. It will be over and the denial will end when he says it does. You know what needs to be done RT.....I get it......I'm a slow learner too. Let's just keep sticking by our homie, he'll do the right thing before we know it.