Emilia Posted August 7, 2013 Share Posted August 7, 2013 Congratulations Jane! I'm tired even just from reading the thread and imagining how you must feel. I understand the importance of the birth certificate but I think I would want to wait until after the birth with the wedding - but then I'm looking at it purely from tiredness and stress point of view. The whole thing together sounds exhausting. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted August 7, 2013 Share Posted August 7, 2013 Is there a reason the father's name can't be on the birth certificate if they're not married? I know this is the case in more traditional Asian countries, but didn't think it was the case for Western ones... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Janesays Posted August 7, 2013 Author Share Posted August 7, 2013 Is there a reason the father's name can't be on the birth certificate if they're not married? I know this is the case in more traditional Asian countries, but didn't think it was the case for Western ones... No, the baby will have his name whether we're married or not. It's MY name that will be the "different" one. A minor thing in the grand scheme of things. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Janesays Posted August 7, 2013 Author Share Posted August 7, 2013 Congratulations Jane! I'm tired even just from reading the thread and imagining how you must feel. I understand the importance of the birth certificate but I think I would want to wait until after the birth with the wedding - but then I'm looking at it purely from tiredness and stress point of view. The whole thing together sounds exhausting. Thanks Emilia. I think my body is just taking it really hard too because I'm older (34) and I have some health problems that I can no longer take meds for now that I'm pregnant. Honestly, I'm a little surprised at how awful this feels. What happened to being the "earth mother" with shiny hair and glowing skin? I feel near dead 90% of the time. *sigh Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted August 7, 2013 Share Posted August 7, 2013 No, the baby will have his name whether we're married or not. It's MY name that will be the "different" one. A minor thing in the grand scheme of things. Oh, you mean you wouldn't have changed your name yet? Don't see how it's an issue in that case. Given that he seems amenable to having the wedding at the most suitable time for your health, seems like it's all settled then? Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted August 7, 2013 Share Posted August 7, 2013 Thanks Emilia. I think my body is just taking it really hard too because I'm older (34) and I have some health problems that I can no longer take meds for now that I'm pregnant. Honestly, I'm a little surprised at how awful this feels. What happened to being the "earth mother" with shiny hair and glowing skin? I feel near dead 90% of the time. *sigh From what I've seen it's the luck of the draw. My colleague sailed through her pregnancy from what I could see and worked until about 2 weeks before her due date. She used her motorbike I think even in the 8th month. I'm sorry about the health problems, I'd imagine that affects you psychologically too, not just physically. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Janesays Posted August 7, 2013 Author Share Posted August 7, 2013 From what I've seen it's the luck of the draw. My colleague sailed through her pregnancy from what I could see and worked until about 2 weeks before her due date. I hate her. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted August 7, 2013 Share Posted August 7, 2013 I hate her. We all do. She is very capable Link to post Share on other sites
serial muse Posted August 7, 2013 Share Posted August 7, 2013 (edited) I'm sooo hoping that is true for me, too. But I won't be there until October. Hi there - I'm just over the 6 months mark, and I can tell you that when I hit the fourth month it was a like a switch flipped - I was suddenly so much more energetic. My first trimester I wasn't especially nauseous (although I did have some odd food cravings) but I was TIRED ALL THE TIME, to the point where some days I just felt like I never really woke up, no matter how hard I tried. Bleh. The absence of that was a real relief. Now that I'm getting bigger, there are other things going on physically (swollen ankles, stiffness in extremities from excess fluid flow, etc.). But the fourth month was kind of the sweet spot - it's probably hard to see it right now while you're feeling icky, but I suspect you WILL feel much better then. Edited to add: And that might be a good time to plan a little local ceremony, for both of you. Edited August 7, 2013 by serial muse Link to post Share on other sites
Silly_Girl Posted August 7, 2013 Share Posted August 7, 2013 Thanks Emilia. I think my body is just taking it really hard too because I'm older (34) and I have some health problems that I can no longer take meds for now that I'm pregnant. Honestly, I'm a little surprised at how awful this feels. What happened to being the "earth mother" with shiny hair and glowing skin? I feel near dead 90% of the time. *sigh I really do feel for you. I was 19 (so not an age thing) and I felt TERRIBLE. Shaky as though I'd run a marathon, hungry, headaches, dizzy all the time, constantly nauseous, aching, emotional, extremely anaemic, latterly pre-eclamptic, and as though I had a permanent headcold. I barely worked through the pregnancy and in turn that pi$$ed me off something awful, saw me get massively fat and just was a rubbish place to be. And put me off trying for another (for a very long time). I can't offer any words of reassurance because you *may* just feel like that the whole time. Is your fiancé supporting you with the physical and emotional stuff? Are you able to get plenty of rest? On the plus side of pregnancy, the rewards are immeasurable If you're not well enough to get married, just don't. Leave it, as long as it takes, even if baby is walking before you get around to it (which would be so cute!). If you think you can, it seems to be the simplest option. Hope you feel better soon. Link to post Share on other sites
Nyla Posted August 8, 2013 Share Posted August 8, 2013 I am not treating him any such way. He would like us to be married, sure, but he's not 1/4 as concerned as you're making him out to be. In fact, he's more concerned about the health and physical well being of his future wife and child....as honestly neither one of us is doing all that hot right now. In fact, we're quite ill, as I've repeatedly pointed out, and I'm legitimately worried that I may lose this child in the womb. But, yeah, I totally get what you're saying....I should just go ahead and force a wedding anyway. Potential miscarriage be d amned! Sorry that you are worried about miscarriage and feeling ill. That must be awful. I don't think Radu was saying that you should force a wedding. He was simply pointing out that your future husband's wishes are just as important as yours, since he is the father of your unborn child and your partner. Since you are feeling terrible and you are concerned about losing your baby, it makes more sense to elope to Hawaii when you are able to enjoy it much more. Why take such an expensive trip to get married when you are feeling wretched? You certainly don't need the added stress. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Janesays Posted August 8, 2013 Author Share Posted August 8, 2013 Sorry that you are worried about miscarriage and feeling ill. That must be awful. I don't think Radu was saying that you should force a wedding. He was simply pointing out that your future husband's wishes are just as important as yours, since he is the father of your unborn child and your partner. Fair enough. But I don't think now (When I'm at such a high risk of miscarriage and throwing up in the sink as I brush my teeth) is a good time to imply that divorce is in the future for me. There is no one I respect more on the planet than the man I'm about to marry....but that doesn't negate the fact that I'm terribly, terribly sick right now. Were he this ill, jetting off to an island would be out of the question. I really think sometimes posters need to show some care and consideration before they open up their big, fat mouths and say something absolutely wretched to people that are in a very bad place. Link to post Share on other sites
Nyla Posted August 8, 2013 Share Posted August 8, 2013 Fair enough. But I don't think now (When I'm at such a high risk of miscarriage and throwing up in the sink as I brush my teeth) is a good time to imply that divorce is in the future for me. There is no one I respect more on the planet than the man I'm about to marry....but that doesn't negate the fact that I'm terribly, terribly sick right now. Were he this ill, jetting off to an island would be out of the question. I really think sometimes posters need to show some care and consideration before they open up their big, fat mouths and say something absolutely wretched to people that are in a very bad place. You are right that posters should show care and consideration. There are much more polite ways to say that your partner's feelings matter as well. *hug* Link to post Share on other sites
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