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MM/MW not sleeping w/ BS a "myth"

bentleychic

By bentleychic
in The Other Man / Woman

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bentleychic Established Member

bentleychic

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Heck, from what I hear(and I have been around a while), most people that are married for a looong time(20plus yrs) even the "happily" married ones are having sex pretty much "once in a blue moon" or not at all..

 

That's pretty depressing. :eek: Why is this? No time? No desire? Bored?

thefooloftheyear Established Member

thefooloftheyear

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That's pretty depressing. :eek: Why is this? No time? No desire? Bored?

 

 

Its only depressing when the two people care about it, otherwise its like taking out the garbage..just another chore..:laugh:

 

How old are you?

 

TFY

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bentleychic Established Member

bentleychic

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LOL Does it really matter? I'm recently divorced from a marriage of almost two decades. I cannot imagine a sexless marriage or very rarely having it.

 

I want to be like the other posters 92 yr old aunt in the old folks home, still having a very active sex life. LOL

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Pierre Established Member

Pierre

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my guy friend who has been in a sexless marriage for 20+ years, but believes that you do not stray, period. Never had an affair of any sort. Sexless marriage, but totally against affairs and is mad that MM is "taking advantage of me" (to which I say, he couldn't if I wasn't willing, but nevertheless!).

 

Sexless requires two people. Your guy friend is to blame at least 50% for being sexless. He does not stray, but perhaps the wife is doing the hispanic guy that mows the lawn.:laugh::laugh:

Pierre Established Member

Pierre

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LOL Does it really matter? I'm recently divorced from a marriage of almost two decades.

 

Truthfully, did you go sexless at the end?

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bentleychic Established Member

bentleychic

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Sexless requires two people. Your guy friend is to blame at least 50% for being sexless. He does not stray, but perhaps the wife is doing the hispanic guy that mows the lawn.:laugh::laugh:

 

LOL He said after their daughter was born, she just no longer wanted it so they stopped. I have to give him kudos for staying faithful, but I would have left a long time ago. I see no need to be miserable.

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bentleychic Established Member

bentleychic

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Truthfully, did you go sexless at the end?

 

I wish I could say yes, honestly. I feel guilty that I didn't b/c I was just using him for my own sexual gratification (not that he complained, mind you and I am a very up front person so he knew the deal. He probably knew more than he wanted to about how I felt! :rolleyes:). Now once I decided it was over and told him we were divorcing, that was it. Until then, no, we still...uhhh...scratched each other's itches. :eek:

Pierre Established Member

Pierre

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I wish I could say yes, honestly. I feel guilty that I didn't b/c I was just using him

:laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh:

 

My brother wants to know. Do you have any sisters??:o:o

thefooloftheyear Established Member

thefooloftheyear

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All I can say is that blowing up your whole life,destroying your kids, leaving an otherwise good and viruous person for the sake of sex alone is a total waste of time and a huge mistake...There isnt a good enough piece of ass on the planet, frankly...

 

Do I have the answer to the "what then"? No...I dont..

 

All I know is that I wont make my kid suffer one minute of pain over it..Not one God damned minute..Especially with the flakes and losers that are out there...Why bother.??

 

TFY

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bentleychic Established Member

bentleychic

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:laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh:

 

My brother wants to know. Do you have any sisters??:o:o

 

hahaha No, but stay tuned, I may be unattached soon. :laugh:

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bentleychic Established Member

bentleychic

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All I can say is that blowing up your whole life,destroying your kids, leaving an otherwise good and viruous person for the sake of sex alone is a total waste of time and a huge mistake...There isnt a good enough piece of ass on the planet, frankly...

 

Do I have the answer to the "what then"? No...I dont..

 

All I know is that I wont make my kid suffer one minute of pain over it..Not one God damned minute..Especially with the flakes and losers that are out there...Why bother.??

 

TFY

 

I'm sure this won't be well thought out, but after MANY years of faking a happy family and trying to make everyone else happy by doing what I thought I should, I deserved some happy, too. Lack of sex is not why I left my marriage (again, it's really the only thing exH and I did right. Sex and making babies. LOL) and our issues were more complex, but obviously if there's no sex and no affection, there's a big disconnect and something missing.

 

I refuse to spend another 20 years unhappy with ANYONE and I would be miserable in a sexless/affectionless marriage. I am SO touchy feeling and have to have my hands on whoever I'm attached to in some capacity or another. Touch is huge to me. I'm not saying YOLO and let the cards fall where they may and who cares who gets hurt in the process, but dangit, this is my only life. I don't get another chance. I want to be happy, gosh darn it! ("How's that working for you?" Well, not very well atm, thanks for asking! ;) )

HopingAgain Established Member

HopingAgain

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Heck, from what I hear(and I have been around a while), most people that are married for a looong time(20plus yrs) even the "happily" married ones are having sex pretty much "once in a blue moon" or not at all..

 

As for the guys I know, they are having their needs met I do know that, but I doubt they are in affairs-its not their M-O..

 

Trust me, if I told you my story-you probably wouldnt believe it.I dont care what you have heard....:laugh:

 

Again, most of what I read on here is NOT the norm...Or I am one boring son of a bittch..

 

TFY

 

Wow, I can't even imagine getting to that point. I know for some couples who've been married a very long time it's no doubt a reality that sex may start to go on the back burner, but I would hope and pray for us that is not the case barring any health related issues, etc.

thefooloftheyear Established Member

thefooloftheyear

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I'm sure this won't be well thought out, but after MANY years of faking a happy family and trying to make everyone else happy by doing what I thought I should, I deserved some happy, too. Lack of sex is not why I left my marriage (again, it's really the only thing exH and I did right. Sex and making babies. LOL) and our issues were more complex, but obviously if there's no sex and no affection, there's a big disconnect and something missing.

 

I refuse to spend another 20 years unhappy with ANYONE and I would be miserable in a sexless/affectionless marriage. I am SO touchy feeling and have to have my hands on whoever I'm attached to in some capacity or another. Touch is huge to me. I'm not saying YOLO and let the cards fall where they may and who cares who gets hurt in the process, but dangit, this is my only life. I don't get another chance. I want to be happy, gosh darn it! ("How's that working for you?" Well, not very well atm, thanks for asking! ;) )

 

If I had no kids, that would be one thing...I am a very sexual person..But I refuse to kill my kids life over it..I dont care what anyone says..Once you blow it all up, my kid is going to suffer immensely..I dont care what other peoples experiences, all I know is what will happen to me and my daughter..

 

And OK, great..so now you have this dynamite little hottie..great in bed,,,blows the doors off the ol lady...But....Shes an emotional wreck and a nutjob and has about as much virtue as the old battle ax has in her pinky toe..Now what?

 

TFY

thefooloftheyear Established Member

thefooloftheyear

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Wow, I can't even imagine getting to that point. I know for some couples who've been married a very long time it's no doubt a reality that sex may start to go on the back burner, but I would hope and pray for us that is not the case barring any health related issues, etc.

 

 

Back Burner..??

 

It goes in the cupboard with the goofball cake molds and George Foreman grille that you never use..:laugh:

 

 

TFY

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waytogo Established Member

waytogo

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Sexless marriages do happen. I don't believe every MP that says they don't have sex with their spouse really doesn't. I do know a couple of people who had no person incentive to tell me this of their marriages who flat out said it was they case.

 

One couple was even in separate bedrooms. That one is now divorced. The other still together.

 

XMM complained of no sex. I now believe it just wasn't as often as he wanted. I picked up on something he said in general conversation but didn't confront him about it. It was the beginning of me asking myself, "this is what you want, REALLY!!"

 

Still took me time, but out I got, with much less pain than expressed by others here. Guess when I'm really done...it was for sure easier than continuing.

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bentleychic Established Member

bentleychic

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And OK, great..so now you have this dynamite little hottie..great in bed,,,blows the doors off the ol lady...But....Shes an emotional wreck and a nutjob and has about as much virtue as the old battle ax has in her pinky toe..Now what?

 

 

Sounds like you're screwed (no pun intended) no matter what choice you make. Did you realize she was "an emotional wreck and a nutjob and has about as much virtue as the old battle ax has in her pinky toe" before you decided to have her be your piece on the side or not until after you decided you no longer wanted her?

krazikat Established Member

krazikat

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My h and I definitely had an active sex life before amd during his A. Actually, we had sex multiple times a day frequently....so ya, pretty sure there were some days he got action from both of us...which absolutely disgusts me...knowing I would have gotten him after her in most of those days is just gross. The exception would be when I was out of town or having a visit from aunt flo, and even then he would try. So in my experience he was double dipping...gross, just gross.

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Silly_Girl Established Member

Silly_Girl

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I think sexless marriages do exist. However, alot of times these are due to one of the partners having no sex drive. If the MM has a high sex drive (which he obviously does if he's seeking sex regularly with the OW), it is most likely that he gets sex from her too. Maybe just once a month, maybe more, maybe less. Here are some scenarios:

 

 

Wanting regular sex doesn't necessarily denote a HIGH sex drive, just some sex drive...

dichotomy Established Member

dichotomy

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I believe the offical definition for sexless marriage would be 12 times or less a year.

 

With that - I might expect you would catch a wide number of marriages, for at least one year.

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thecharade Established Member

thecharade

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Yep, there is a lot of research that says sexless marriages (12 or less times per year) are a big and growing problem. I read 20% of all marriages?

 

My exbf/AP kind of lied because he knew my M was not sexless and his was (probably 6 or so times a year). He hates that I felt I had to continue a normal sexual relationship with my H, but my H would be very upset by anything less than once or twice a week. Free pass for my exMM, but he was more worried about me. So what motivated my exMM in the affair if it wasn't sex? Intimacy, however you want to define that.

But

Most people confide in me. I have that supportive interpersonal style. Of all the married people I'm close to, about 30% are mostly sexless. Why? Resentments and hurts. Small and large. That stuff kills intimacy. I would call many of these people "ripe for an affair." Has anyone watched "Cat on a Hot Tin Roof"? A perfect depiction.

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So happy together Established Member

So happy together

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Cold. It saddens me every time you share how much of his marriage he shared with you without her knowing...so very cold and calculating.

 

How did he answer her when she said it was because she was overweight? How sad she thought weight would stop someone from being sexual. Odd alcoholics aren't normally fat. They don't want to eat too much so they get more alcohol effect.

 

It was his relationship... he can share what he likes. He shared it with his lawyer too, what a jerk, huh? Jesus.

 

And when she said that about being overweight he told her that she knew damned well that her weight had nothing to do with it, that he never cared one whit about her weight.

 

And yes, alcoholics are sometimes fat. Do you know how many calories are in a shot of vodka? When one drinks a fifth or more each evening, that's a LOT of calories. Not to mention that once you are drunk you start chowing.

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bentleychic Established Member

bentleychic

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And yes, alcoholics are sometimes fat. Do you know how many calories are in a shot of vodka? When one drinks a fifth or more each evening, that's a LOT of calories. Not to mention that once you are drunk you start chowing.

 

Dangit. I love vodka. It doesn't make me hungry, though. It makes me randy. :laugh:

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So happy together Established Member

So happy together

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Dangit. I love vodka. It doesn't make me hungry, though. It makes me randy. :laugh:

 

Hey! I like it too! Just not so much of it in one sitting.

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bentleychic Established Member

bentleychic

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Last time I went out, I asked for my favorite drink and it was a new bartender who, of course, didn't know how to make it, could I tell her how? She said she'd look it up on the internet instead. LOL I asked her if she could handle a vodka and cranberry instead and she said sure, how much vodka? I said more cranberry than vodka b/c vodka tends to make me make bad decisions. :-p I swear she put maybe MAYBE a teaspoon of vodka in there. BLECH!!! BUT I did stay fully clothed and made good choices the entire night. ;)

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fanine Established Member

fanine

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Dangit. I love vodka. It doesn't make me hungry, though. It makes me randy. :laugh:

 

Vodka has has the lowest calories of any alcoholic drink though! Only 50 a shot so in a sense it is not so bad for you :D

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