Is it possible to love and hate your spouse at the same time?

[dichotomy]

I have had a difficult marriage at times (usually so) and many feelings.....times when I don't like her at all. Also, I have had extended periods with no feelings what so ever - an emptiness.

 

Maybe hate the things she has done, but not her.

 

Also I never stopped loving. Loving is not a feeling exactly for me (although it is sometimes). Love is an action, commitment and choice to the other's growth, care and well being. Based on this definition of love - If I hated her I could not love her.

 

However my wife's definition of love is very different than mine. This I think adds to our issues of both of us not feeling loved at times.

 

Complicated and different to explain - but no - not hate - as I define it in my marriage.

[dichotomy]

I have had a difficult marriage at times (usually so) and many feelings.....times when I don't like her at all. Also, I have had extended periods with no feelings what so ever - an emptiness.I have also felt so deeply hurt I could barely function. Anger and outrage.

 

But hate? I have hated the things she has done, but not her.

 

Also I never stopped loving. Loving is not a feeling exactly for me (although it is sometimes). Love is an action, commitment and choice to the other's growth, care and well being.It is about putting their needs above you own sometimes. It is sacrifice sometimes for the other. Based on this definition of love - If I hated her I could not love her.

 

However my wife's definition of love is very different than mine. I think this adds to our issues of both of us not feeling loved at times which is huge thing we are discussing in therapy right now.

 

Complicated and different to explain - but no feelings of hate for her - as I define it. I care about (love) her too much.

Edited August 1, 2013 by dichotomy