I can't stop loving her...

[Trufita]

She's 18, I'm 20

 

Can you explain how she would go from finding me attractive enough to finding me unattractive? I mean, it's not like I've had my face smashed in with or anything!

Also, she tells me she's shown him pictures of me.

 

 

I'm considering just asking her for a straight answer of where I stand with her. What do you think?? Am I crazy? :/

 

I agree with most of what hoping2heal said. But being 18 is not an excuse for such a behaviour. When I was 18 I would have never done those kind of things.

 

Of course your face is the same, you don't have to overthink that. She is just an inmature girl who doesn't know what she wants, well, she does: she wants to be with more guys and have fun. She finds in you somebody who treats her right, and when she needs you she is nice to you and let you buy her things, but what happens when you need her? She is being very unfair to you, she knows you love her and she knows she doesn't want to be with you but with another guy, and she still gets your hopes up and let you spend money on her (how convenient!), and tells you about that new guy when she SHOULD know that might hurt you.

 

Ask her for a straight answer if you want, ask her where you stand if that's what you need to do. But since what you tell, I don't think her answer will help at all.

 

There are more girls out there, and some day you will find one who will treat you right and make you feel silly for being like this about Sarah.

 

Can't you see how harmful is she being to you? What do you expect to get?

[EvansR]

Okay, let's take her away. Who are you? I want to know.

 

Good question.

I'm about to graduate from Law School with a strong degree and good future career prospects of becoming a Barrister. I get along with men easily, but I rarely find time for women on an emotional level, but when they do enter my life I prefer them to be more independent (I took my emotional levels waaaaaaaay over the top with this girl and smothered her). I can confide in my close circle of friends, but I don't expect them to give me any advice I can really work with. They're a lot like me, and if I told them all about this they wouldn't even believe it was me who felt this way. I have various hobbies from daily things such as gaming and fixing up my VW T1, to more monthly hobbies such as sailing.

I care a lot about the people in my life, but I rarely show them, and they end up leaving my life - another reason I didn't want this girl to leave.

What else do you want to know?

[EvansR]

I agree with most of what hoping2heal said. But being 18 is not an excuse for such a behaviour. When I was 18 I would have never done those kind of things.

 

Of course your face is the same, you don't have to overthink that. She is just an inmature girl who doesn't know what she wants, well, she does: she wants to be with more guys and have fun. She finds in you somebody who treats her right, and when she needs you she is nice to you and let you buy her things, but what happens when you need her? She is being very unfair to you, she knows you love her and she knows she doesn't want to be with you but with another guy, and she still gets your hopes up and let you spend money on her (how convenient!), and tells you about that new guy when she SHOULD know that might hurt you.

 

Ask her for a straight answer if you want, ask her where you stand if that's what you need to do. But since what you tell, I don't think her answer will help at all.

 

There are more girls out there, and some day you will find one who will treat you right and make you feel silly for being like this about Sarah.

 

Can't you see how harmful is she being to you? What do you expect to get?

 

She may not be there for me right now, but she was there for me when I truly needed her and suffering from depression. I think she sees nowadays as more of a "You're bored so you're trying to bother me and refusing to give me time to myself, even though that's what I need", and in that respect she's right. I message her to show affection, but it's not like I go out of my way to do so. Surely, if I'm being brutally honest, I'm being quite selfish and controlling in that respect. She finds this new guy to show affection through day to day speech, not by inserting himself into her day to show he likes her.

One of the big obstacles to getting over her is how much she was there for me when I needed someone. And it didn't matter what time of day or night I needed her, she was there for any reason whatsoever. I think I became abusive of her time. I think that is why she wanted space.

[hoping2heal]

Good question.

I'm about to graduate from Law School with a strong degree and good future career prospects of becoming a Barrister. I get along with men easily, but I rarely find time for women on an emotional level, but when they do enter my life I prefer them to be more independent (I took my emotional levels waaaaaaaay over the top with this girl and smothered her). I can confide in my close circle of friends, but I don't expect them to give me any advice I can really work with. They're a lot like me, and if I told them all about this they wouldn't even believe it was me who felt this way. I have various hobbies from daily things such as gaming and fixing up my VW T1, to more monthly hobbies such as sailing.

I care a lot about the people in my life, but I rarely show them, and they end up leaving my life - another reason I didn't want this girl to leave.

What else do you want to know?

 

Not to be rude, but how are you about to graduate law school at age 20?

 

Name something you're passionate about and actively involved in. This would go beyond just a hobby. I'm talking about something that lights you up in a similar manner to this girl.

[EvansR]

Not to be rude, but how are you about to graduate law school at age 20?

 

Name something you're passionate about and actively involved in. This would go beyond just a hobby. I'm talking about something that lights you up in a similar manner to this girl.

 

I got into University when I was 17 since I took AS Levels during GCSEs and A Levels during Year 12, and skipped Year 13 and was taken in at university. Law School is a 3 year course here. Finished the LLB with a First and though I didn't get into the Inns of Court this time around, I'm reapplying in this cycle and because I'm the standard age, there shouldn't be a reason for me not to get in. There's nothing rude about asking this

I think the closest thing I'm passionate about would be restoring my van. But this girl lights me up more than anything... But beside lighting me up, she's also a very calming presence in my life (I know she doesn't sound like it, but she is), and it's a very welcome atmosphere to be in when she's around.

I think that's what I got out of the relationship. The ability to be calmed down with only a few words, because I knew that no matter what happened, she'd always be rooting for me. I think I may have just pushed her too far.

[EvansR]

I decided that no matter what, I had to move on, but before I could I asked her where I stood with her and why she's being so cold and distant nowadays. She didn't respond for about 1 hour (despite being online the whole time) but posted this:

 

"After all we've been through how can you doubt that my love for you is real. But we both know that neither one of us is cut out for this kind of relationship right now. I do do do do do dooooooo love you more than I every thought I could love anyone and you have my heart forever and always. But there are things I couldn't overcome. You were so needy. It was like I couldn't breathe without you asking how I am. I'M FINE RYAN. AND I WILL ALWAYS BE FINE. If I wasn't fine, I would have told you. I didnt - therefore I was fine. Asking me a million times a day was just f***ing annoying. How can you say that I don't find you attractive? The only thing wrong with how you look is that stupid haircut you should never have got. And as for Andoni. Yeah. I like him. He's cute. I like cute guys! So sue me! But for now he's just a friend. If you ever want a chance with me you've got to work on this constant craving for my attention. I get it. You love me. And I love you so ****ing much that I'm not going to let you degrade yourself by allowing yourself to be my doormat. I want you to be happy on your own as well as happy with me. And if you can't do that, then that's something you'll just have to learn WITHOUT ME. Look I told you I was never gonna leave you. And I so didn't want to. But you left me with no choice. I couldn't live like that. At the start of the relationship, I was fine with all that cheesiness and romance. And in small doses I still do. But every day?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! Our relationship moved on from that stage. You did not. As for the gifts I was expecting something small and cute. I didn't tell you to go out spending loads of money on me. That's stupid. It's sweet. And it's a very you thing to do. But it's stupid. I don't expect that from you. Ryry, you just tried waaaaay too hard! I can't believe you could even consider that I would lie when I told you I loved you. I tell you it every night because I do. And I never want you to forget that. But if you ever want me back, you have to change. You're so ****ing sweet, but needy to the point of craziness! I'm going out now, and yes, Andoni will be there. You're welcome to talk to me tonight. I love you."

[EvansR]

OH MY GOD.

HOW WAS I SO ****ING STUPID?!?!?!?!

 

This girl has been playing me all along.

 

Tonight she told me that she was over Andoni

AND SHE WAS GOING ON A DATE WITH HER TEACHER FROM SCHOOL

He taught her when she was a child, and this is clearly a legal issue under Abuse of Trust in SOA 2003

I wanna get this guy fired. I want him brought up on charges.

He took her out to a field, gave her alcohol and started feeling her up.

And she thought I wanted to know about it!!!!!!!!

WHY WOULD I WANNA KNOW THAT?!

Then I asked what she'd have done if I'd kissed her when I came to see her a few days ago

She said "Idk, you're not Ben...."

Then I said "But I'm Ryan!!!"

And she said "Yeah, but I like Ben, not Ryan"

I asked "Not even a little"

She responded "No......."

I asked "Did you ever like me?"

She responded "Kinda..."

I asked "You just wanted the gifts and someone to fill the slot between being single and having a real boyfriend, didn't you?"

She said "No!"

But I know she feels absolutely nothing for me.

And it ****ing sucks, because she means the world to me.

I just wanna punch someone, and I'm thinking about her teacher. I don't mind going abroad just to punch this guy.

How could she let me spend so much money visiting her, and buying her presents, when she KNEW I didn't have a chance with her?!

WHO DOES THAT?!?!?!?!?!

Who takes someone's love and just throws it back in their face?!?!?!

Why would you have any reason whatsoever to do that?!?!

I feel used. I feel abused.

I just wanna.... Idk, but I wanna do something big, and I'm gonna make a point that I DO NOT GET ****ED OVER.

You were all right.

She played me.

I was a backup. In fact, I wasn't even a backup. I was a doormat.

Not anymore.

I don't know how I'm gonna manage it, but I want her out of my life for good.

No more messages at 2am telling her how much I love her

No more messages during the day wishing her a great day.

No more being here for her to rely on.

No more buying her presents.

No more visits.

No more love.

She has lost out. And she lost out big. Because she's just being used by HER OWN TEACHER.

She could have had it all, and now she'll have nothing but her dull miserable life, and it's what she deserves.

I deserve better. I will have better.

I don't even wish her luck anymore. I just don't want to feel anything towards this scum of a human being anymore.

 

Over the next few weeks, I will probably become enamored with her again. But I need this here so that I can keep remembering that she has screwed me over. And she doesn't deserve me in her life.

[amkxoxo]

I'm so sorry things played out like this for you. I will give you advice...don't do anything. I know your like ready to kill something but its the legit best thing you can do right now. It makes the biggest statement. Ignore her. Dis add her on every social media outlet. Erase her number. It hurts and you won't forget but pretend she means nothing. She is nothing. She is a piece of ****. She deserves nothing. She deserves the teacher douche bag. Ignoring her makes the biggest statement. She wants attention. She wants you to care and make a big deal of it because it strokes her ego. Tough love but be a man and get away from her and never look back. Meet someone else. I'm telling you. I had a hard time getting over a guy a few years ago. What helped was meeting all new people. I took the rose colored glasses off and was like wow there are quality people out there. Not even to date I just started meeting new friends and realized how much I matter and how much he didn't. How much people out there were better than him. Take the glasses off man. Be strong and get over this. She is not worth a tear. Trust me she isn't sad.

[EvansR]

Why didn't I take all your advice before it came to this...

 

Last night she comes home and for some reason thinks I'd like to know that she'd had sex with her teacher.

She went into detail too - even to having to use a combination of handjob and blowjob to completion.

It's torn me apart inside.

This girl - this stupid ****ing girl - she's taken away everything.

I feel dead inside

[TaraMaiden]

Did you know that a healthy liver not only functions perfectly when half of it is removed - but then that it actually regenerates and grows??

 

Think of that when you say you feel 'dead inside'.

 

She's taken a great, healthy, loving piece of you away and left a void: But you can and will function, and you will return to normality, and you will 'grow' again, through this and feel good once more.

 

The heart is a pump, and keeps circulating your emotions round, and round, and round continuously, until your head's in a whirl and you can't think straight or see the wood for the trees.... Same old same-old, over and over again....

 

The Liver is the filter, the cleanser, the purifier, it sifts and separates the dross from the pure, and keeps you going on full throttle.

 

I really think when we fall in love, we should do it with all our liver - not all our heart.

 

At least the liver self-mends......

[EvansR]

Did you know that a healthy liver not only functions perfectly when half of it is removed - but then that it actually regenerates and grows??

 

Think of that when you say you feel 'dead inside'.

 

She's taken a great, healthy, loving piece of you away and left a void: But you can and will function, and you will return to normality, and you will 'grow' again, through this and feel good once more.

 

The heart is a pump, and keeps circulating your emotions round, and round, and round continuously, until your head's in a whirl and you can't think straight or see the wood for the trees.... Same old same-old, over and over again....

 

The Liver is the filter, the cleanser, the purifier, it sifts and separates the dross from the pure, and keeps you going on full throttle.

 

I really think when we fall in love, we should do it with all our liver - not all our heart.

 

At least the liver self-mends......

 

I fell in love with all my heart though... I really thought she was 'the one'.

[TaraMaiden]

She was.

 

For that time.

 

In time, you'll meet another 'the one'.

 

 

Every person you engage with is 'the one' for that time.

You live, you learn, you accumulate knowledge, experience and insight.

 

Everything has a beginning, a middle and an end.

 

This ran its course.

 

Move on now.

[EvansR]

I know this won't be a big deal to anyone but me, but I just wanted to post because I'm proud of myself.

I've managed to go a whole day without any contact whatsoever!!! First time since we first said "I love you"

And suddenly I already feel myself starting to heal. I think last night was the real kick in the pants I needed to get myself moving on from her.

Yeah, I still love her and care about her, but it's getting easier to get through the days without her, and on top of that, I've been happy for most of the day

 

I recently sent her some gifts - I thought (stupidly) they would help reignite some form of relationship, but they were quite expensive and were only delivered today... She didn't say "thanks" or anything, and I really don't care that she didn't - but should I ask for them back??

 

1 day down!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D

[EvansR]

Well, I went 6 days NC and today she messaged me telling me she was bored and that she wanted to spend some time with me. She keeps calling me her friend, and that she really likes this guy she ****ed on their second 'date'.

I don't know why she would bother messaging me to tell me all this, but I still love her...

[Carenth]

Because she wants to see if she still has her hooks in you. Ignore it delete her contact and delete the text. Keep going strong you are doing good.

[TaraMaiden]

Well, I went 6 days NC and today she messaged me telling me she was bored and that she wanted to spend some time with me. She keeps calling me her friend, and that she really likes this guy she ****ed on their second 'date'.

I don't know why she would bother messaging me to tell me all this, but I still love her...

 

I take it you did NOT reply....

PLEASE say you didn't even reply!!

[EvansR]

I responded.

I said "Hi, I'm too busy for your teen drama right now. Hope all is well!"

 

I didn't want to send her into crazy bitch mode by not responding, but she kept messaging and I'm not sure whether to reply to the new messages.

I miss her like crazy, but I don't want her to see that!

[TaraMaiden]

NO!!

 

You do NOT reply!!

You go Full No Contact MODE!!

 

Download a call/text blocker (I have, it works wonderfully!!) and IGNORE EVERYTHING!!

 

The attention, is what she wants!

She gives an absolute, total flying ph.ukk about what you say to her - she's still getting your attention!!

 

Man, please!!

Fer chrissakes, do the right thing!!

[Carenth]

and your back to square one..... that didn't last long.

[EvansR]

I wouldnt say I'm back to square one exactly.

I've got a date tomorrow with another girl, I've been busying myself, and I quite simply don't have the time to waste on her.

I don't see why I should go out of my way to avoid her though, she still means a lot to me

[TaraMaiden]

If you've ever read the No Contact Guide, that tells you precisely why you need to eliminate contact with your ex - until you care for them - but in a detached and neutral way.

 

While you still have strong feelings for your ex, you're merely delaying and postponing your own healing.

[EvansR]

So tonight (and last night) I went on a date with this new girl and she's AMAZING and things are going well.

 

Somehow Sarah has found out and she's threatening the girl I'm seeing o_o

 

I've done what I needed to do, I read the NC guide and I've blocked her off (2 days now), but I don't need her harassing the girls I like. She's sending the standard texts about how I'm just her sloppy seconds and all that and that the new girl is just a rebound.

 

What do I do?? This girl was hard enough to convince to let me date her without having her being harassed... Side note: The new girl is not above going down to see my ex and beating the seven shades of **** out of her.

[TaraMaiden]

You're either such a close-knit community, that everyone knows everyone else - or... who exactly revealed details of who you're dating, so quickly?

 

You need to nip this in the bud.

1: Apologise to current squeeze.

2: Make it known to all who need to know that psycho-ex is jealous and you will not put up with this illogical behaviour, and she had better back off, because you've found better.

[EvansR]

Went NC (again) and today she messaged, and I suck. I responded.

And then we got into a big argument, and now I've burned all my bridges with this awful human being who I for some unknown reason still love. I've deleted her from my phone, blocked her number, removed her from all social media. Now I've got to move on. It's just so hard...

[TaraMaiden]

Well, she kicked you in the ass.

 

Would you like me to do it too, or is one kind of pain enough for now?