Gonna see them together tonight

[Chi townD]

LOL! Thanks but I think you need to put that beer on ice. I don't think she's done yet. Not by a long shot.

 

And even if she does buy a clue and decides that you're seriously not coming back. She could start to get vindictive.

[SMALLTOWNBLUES]

I don't know what she wants from me as she is not necessarily saying she wants to get back together. Or that she will stop hanging with new guy. So I just don't get it.

 

Seems like she can't let go or needs someone to give her attention and she thinks that since I'm all beat up over this I'll take any attention from her I can get. Don't get me wrong, I like to know her new awesome new life w/o me that she so desperately wanted is anything but, but I don't see how or why stringing me along is gonna help her.

 

I've gone from being sad, to mad, to sort of indifferent, to headscratching!

[The Way I Am]

She sounds exactly like the type of person who only wants what she can't have. The less attention you've given her, the more she tries to get you back. She doesn't really want you, but as soon as she started to realize you no longer want her, she started to "have feelings" for you again. That's in quotes, because she doesn't really have feelings you, but she probably thinks she does. People like her can't tell the difference between real love and infatuation caused by not getting what they want.

 

It sounds like you're not the least bit interested in giving her another chance, but just in case she comes around professing her love and manages to make you question that decision, keep in mind that as soon as she knows she has you, she's going to lose interest and treat you like crap again. There's no chance of a healthy relationship with a person like this.

 

Answering the phone worked out well for you, because you got confirmation that she's totally screwed up and has no respect for herself or the person she's dating no matter who it is. You have total confirmation that her actions don't reflect any inadequacy on your part. But don't answer again.

 

After hearing the content of the phone call, it's obvious that she'll feed on drama. Don't even bother trying to figure out her motivations. If you want to move on faster, don't give her anything. Just ignore everything she says and does. Keep her and your ex (non)friend blocked and removed from your phone and all social media.

 

Ignoring her is the fastest way to get her to go away. But once she realizes that you really are done with her, her insane behavior could get worse before it gets better. Remember that the less you want her, the more she'll want you -- until she eventually realizes she's not getting anywhere. If you give her anything, you'll just prolong the drama.

 

(If she happens to get nuts enough to do anything illegal, don't hesitate to call the police.)

 

Good luck.

[SMALLTOWNBLUES]

She just texted about an hr ago asking what time I get off work. I'm not responding.

 

Considering she had restraining orders put on her last two bfs before me, i'm aware of the drama that could be brought. I mean, I have to stop and remind myself that ours was chaos too, she was just really pretty and good at mind games.

 

I'll be glad to get to the point (sooner than later) to offer advice like you all have offered me to someone. It's a mindf*ck in the beginning.

[eddyctv]

You may want to get the restraining order on her first...

 

Wow, she is a total nutcase. I hope you are finding humor in all of this.

 

She just texted about an hr ago asking what time I get off work. I'm not responding.

 

Considering she had restraining orders put on her last two bfs before me, i'm aware of the drama that could be brought. I mean, I have to stop and remind myself that ours was chaos too, she was just really pretty and good at mind games.

 

I'll be glad to get to the point (sooner than later) to offer advice like you all have offered me to someone. It's a mindf*ck in the beginning.

[crederer]

It sounds like you don't really want to be with her, so I'd definately have sex with her, do some degrading things and then not talk to her ever again. Boom!

[SMALLTOWNBLUES]

prolly would be better than we ever had. but I actually loved the girl and when she left me she shattered me. Its just mind games with her. I havent texted her back in 5 hrs since she asked me when i got off of work and she hasnt texted back. she just wants reactions. she has no concept of accountability. just whatever pleases her at any given moment on a whim. i'm chilling. no worries here. if she came through with a sincere, heartfelt apology, I'd prolly be like the posters on here who dont know what to do (which I was and still may be!!!) ....she's not. she just wants to eat cake and have some for later. I feel so much better to finally see through it all!!!

[SMALLTOWNBLUES]

is I've been saving the texts she sent to me while with my ex friend.. I'd love to show them all to him one day if they stay together. then just walk away...but thats the petty dream scenario that doesnt do much....

[nescafe1982]

is I've been saving the texts she sent to me while with my ex friend.. I'd love to show them all to him one day if they stay together. then just walk away...but thats the petty dream scenario that doesnt do much....

 

I won't lie, I did something very similar to this when I was in the same situation. My ex tried to keep me on a string for months after he cheated; he was actually dating the woman he cheated with and was writing em emails about how "she was a mistake" and how "we should get back together. At first he effectively manipulated me, but eventually I was tired of being hurt and I told him in explicit terms to bugger off, that I'd moved on.

 

He just couldn't take it. He wrote me something so self-pitying that it just set em off; something to the effect of "I wish you didn't hate me." In return, I emailed both him and the other woman he was seeing, appending all those compromising emails he'd sent.

 

Of course, no good came of it. But it made me feel better. Mature? Perhaps not. But I can darn sure tell you that he never bothered me again after that. (side note: he's now married to the other woman, and the little I've heard sounds just awful. poor woman.)

[Chi townD]

is I've been saving the texts she sent to me while with my ex friend.. I'd love to show them all to him one day if they stay together. then just walk away...but thats the petty dream scenario that doesnt do much....

 

 

And if you did that, he wouldn't give a rat's ass anyway..

[SMALLTOWNBLUES]

So look,

 

My head is clear (as much as it can be). This is what is going down. She will be completely out of my life on Sunday, as she is getting her stuff, landlord is coming by to finalize deposits, etc.

 

Here's the thing....She asked if I'd help her lug her **** into a van. It's just that. Nothing more.

 

If I don't help, she's gonna bring dbag here and they may very well f**k on the bed. She likes to do that stuff, at least when we moved in she did.

 

Anyways, I have some stuff here that is ambiguously mine and I want to be around when she takes stuff so she and dbag dont make off with my stuff.

 

She already tried to lay claim to a couch that her mom gave me for my bday.

 

What should I do?

 

Plan is to cut her off and never speak again after this goes down. I am not feeling sadness anymore, she went her way and her life sounds like it is not so cheery right now. I'm just indifferent and want to cut ties for good.

 

the thought of that guy in my house around my stuff makes me cringe. Also, I've lost a bunch of weight and am doing fairly well, so I DO kind of want her to see what's she's missing (for stupid kicks). as I said, mostly indifferent to the situation now. I don't want her back, I don't want to talk about her plans, about our relationship. I just don't want the guy in my house.

Edited July 24, 2013 by SMALLTOWNBLUES

[Chi townD]

Hmmm.... tough one.

 

Look, I understand that you want nothing to do with her and you are "indifferent" towards her (which, I have a hard time with considering I don't believe enough time has gone by. But, different strokes for different folks). But, seeing her alone may bring back some feelings that you think you have under control. Her looking all sad and then flashing you the doe eyes might make some old feelings resurface. Believe me, you would be surprised.

 

BUT! I also understand that you don't want to come back to an empty apartment either. SO! If you have a trusted friend, have him help her out. Let him know what is 100% fully yours and she can't take with her.

 

OR! Have the friend with you at the apartment that day while she's moving stuff out. The point I'm trying to make is do not be alone with her.

[SMALLTOWNBLUES]

No not enough time has passed. I do want her to realize she lost a good thing, but I have reconciled I can't take her back. also, if she flashed the doe eyes, I would put up a stone wall. I can't be physical with her anymore, I'm not trying to follow in my former footsteps after my "friend" has gotten intimate with her.

 

I just wanted to end things gracefully, with me being the bigger man and sending her off A) without my stuff getting taken and B) without her and new guy screwing on the bed.

 

As far as people being around, landlords will be there momentarily, so I am going to try to load up her stuff while they are here. Just wanted opinions on how to put up the "wall" and play it cool.

 

I've already involved my friends enough or I'd go with suggested plan. It's a farewell, just don't know how to act.

[Chi townD]

Well, what's probably going to happen is she going to pull out all the stops. When gathering up her stuff, she remind you of where and how you've obtained the object that she's holding. You know, remind you of the "good times". Be prepared for her to ask to speak to you again in a more private setting. OR she could just start talking to you right there and then. Hell, she's been trying to do that since this whole mess started.

 

She may want a hug and then she'll probably try to sneak in one last kiss. and I really don't care how thick your wall is. At one point in your life, you really cared and loved this girl and your brain is going to trick you. Even though she wronged you three ways from Sunday, you're gonna see her sad and crying. The natural instinct is to reach out to her and comfort her. Don't do it.

 

Just remember, this is about getting your stuff and bolting out of there. That's it. Remember, she lied to you and continues to do so. She told you she was done with Matt and it's obvious that she isn't. So, keep reminding yourself that.

[SMALLTOWNBLUES]

one thing I know is that she is most likely gonna stay at his house the night before she comes over, cos she stays at her parents a town away when she's not with him and she's lazy and he lives 3 blocks away....so she'll probably get her fill from him and then come over here. she's a creature of convenience.

 

it'd be tempting to do a driveby the night before, but that's not my style. it'd be good to know for sure tho if she does try to pull something where she was hours before.

 

Eh, breakups.

[nescafe1982]

it'd be tempting to do a driveby the night before, but that's not my style. it'd be good to know for sure tho if she does try to pull something where she was hours before.

 

Yeah. Bad idea. I'd go with what ChiTown said. Having a third or fourth party limits her ability to cause drama.

[crederer]

Her mom gave you a gift of the couch, keep the damn couch man!

 

Go get your **** asap and then you don't have to worry about what she takes or leaves.

[The Way I Am]

Doesn't matter if she stays at his place the night before. Don't lower yourself to trying to find out. You're done with her either way, right?

 

When she comes to get her things, say as little as possible and move anything she asks for help with without argument. Anything that's not yours anyway...

 

And that's where having a friend there will be crucial. If you're the only one there, you could end up in a fight over who owns what. Or she could start getting touchy feely to try to get you back. If a friend is there, both of those are less likely to happen.

 

Ideally, it should be a guy friend or a female relative she knows. A female friend not related to you could make her go off.

[Chi townD]

it'd be tempting to do a driveby the night before, but that's not my style. it'd be good to know for sure tho if she does try to pull something where she was hours before.

 

Eh, breakups.

 

LOL! Actually, that's not a half bad idea. You see her car there, the next day when she shows up and starts slinging the BS about missing you, not wanting to lose you, working it out....blah...blah...

 

you could say to yourself, "Bitch, you can sell that bullsh*t somewhere else and shut off the crocodile tears. I know where you were last night."

 

You'll be less inclined to feel sorry for her and wanting to comfort her.

[SMALLTOWNBLUES]

prolly will.....i mean, it's 3 blocks away hahaha.

 

 

Anyways, I'm just bummed cos I am FINALLY accepting everything and it sucks but moving her out of the house means we are not tied together anymore. There is no reason beyond mind games she can contact me after this.

 

I need to meet someone else. It KILLS me she has a go to "man friend" when i'm here in an empty house slugging 40's and trying to stay positive. I've taken breadcrumbs in another way, where I realize she is crazy and in the wrong, but she seems to still keep going back to this dbag. I honestly think I will heal when she drops HIM. For some reason it really bugs me it's a "friend" of mine. Cos I know him so well and he SUCKS. He's that friend you see sh*t on everyone and keep them at a distance so they can't do it to you. But he did!!! haha

 

Women. I love them. But DAMN!

[The Way I Am]

Not sure how serious/joking you were about driving by to check on her. But don't. With how much it bothers you that she's with that guy, you really don't need to see first hand that she's there with him so you can go home and stew about it all night. You need to be doing things that help you avoid thinking about her.

 

You sound like a confident, together guy. It'll suck for awhile, but unless you're horribly unattractive, you'll find another woman soon enough. This one is just an obstacle in the way of a better woman. The less thought and energy you spend on her, the closer you are to finding someone else.

[SMALLTOWNBLUES]

So I guess I'm nearing the end of having to be involved in this crappy situation but some new stuff has come up that I need some advice on and then I'll be done.

 

Where I'm at with it now is that I totally realize I am better off without this girl, her life has gotten sad and karma has kicked her ass.

 

She has been texting me she misses me constantly, that she loves me but also I just know she is lonely and most likely on the outs with new guy (I don't care what they are anymore). She hasnt mentioned getting back with me, so I just think she is having a hard time letting go. Just putting that out there so its clear shes not asking for reconciliation.

 

She asked yesterday if she could come spend three nights at the house until the 1st cos she has nowhere else to go. Of course, I should say HELL NO!!!!

 

The thing is, she is on the lease, has been paying rent while she has been kicked out and....the bed is hers.

 

So if I say no, I'm out of a bed for a month (she was gonna loan it to me til I was out in Sept). I would say fine and go elsewhere, but I've used up all my couch crashing options.

 

Not wanting to sleep with her, which means I will have to sleep on the floor. Would get a hotel room but the amount of crap I've had to deal with has left my pockets empty.

 

She has offered to help fix up the place, but she is lazy and thats a load of BS.

 

Just wondering what everyone's thoughts are on this. As of Aug 1st, we have no ties to each other, financially or through this house.

 

I am already meeting other people and starting to have fun. It hurts a little less each day, but yeah I'm still dealing with it.

 

Gonna see them both tonight at yet another show. if they are together, im just gonna tell her she can stay with him. the reason she is asking to stay at the house is apparently they are not together.

 

Done with the head games, just want to be rid of it.

 

Thoughts?

 

 

Oh.....and as I was typing this, the OM (my ex friend) just texted me if he could talk to me tonight. SO WHOAAAAAAAA! Help out. I want to text back, your actions have said enough. Or tell him she still texts me she loves me everynight.

[The Way I Am]

Wow. What I mess. You've handled things pretty well so far though.

 

She's really trying to get to you. If you let her stay with you, you're practically guaranteed that this won't be the last dramatic situation you'll need advice on. She'll either bring some guy over and torment you with that, you'll end up caving and sleeping with her which will add even more layers to the f*cked up triangle she's put you in, or there will be some other crazy situation that you don't need.

 

IMO, a month with no bed and hotel costs are worth your mental health. I don't normally recommend spending money you don't have, but in the circumstances, just put the hotel on a credit card.

 

I'd start by telling her she can't stay with you, because you don't feel comfortable staying together. If she gets pissed, just avoid the argument and tell her she can stay at your place while you get a hotel.

 

(There's a good chance you won't actually need to spring for a hotel. Once she knows you won't be around, she'll probably find somewhere else to stay.)

 

As for the non-friend, he can f*ck off. I definitely see the appeal in rubbing his face in the texts she's been sending you. That could feel pretty damn good. But he'll probably confront her about then she'll be pissed at you and bug you even more. In the long run, it won't be worth it. Just ignore him.

Edited July 26, 2013 by The Way I Am

[SMALLTOWNBLUES]

they had a bad breakup hahaha

 

im gonna let her move in and get a bed for my spare room.

 

i told her we arent gonna bring other people to the house and that if we want to spend the night somewhere else, we can....

 

I told her im over all this and they both suck.

 

I REALLY dont care anymore. Im better than this bull****.

 

Id put it on a credit card for hotel room, but thats MY house. I did the reno, I did the work. Im not gonna shack up a block away so she can bring anyone over.

 

Time to man up.

[The Way I Am]

Doesn't sound like manning up to me. Sounds like caving...

 

Hope it works out, but it's pretty likely to end up a disaster.