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Have you ever been so heartbroken you are afraid to sleep?

youngnlove89

By youngnlove89
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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youngnlove89 Established Member

youngnlove89

Posted
Posted

Cry. Throw up. Sip on water. Eat some soup. Cry. Pass out for 20 minutes because I'm so exhausted from crying. Wake up anxious. Talk to myself. Throw up. Get really mad. Cry. Think. Love. Miss.

 

I'm so physically/mentally drained and exhausted. I can't fall asleep because I'm afraid to go to bed. I think it's because I'm so anxious and then when I'm laying there I think of him and how much I miss him and then I start to cry.

 

When I do fall asleep it's only for a little and then I wake up and it starts all over again.

 

I've never cried this hard before, I'm afraid I can't do this alone.

 

Is this normal? How do I get over this?

theonlyjuan Established Member

theonlyjuan

Posted
Posted

I eventually got so tired I had no choice. Your going to think about them while your awake anyway. It's not 100% that you will dream about them.

 

Having some alcohol always made me sleep. Don't get dependent or wasted on it.

AllTooWell Established Member

AllTooWell

Posted
Posted

From your posts its really obvious there is a LOT more to this than just a break up.

 

Don't be afraid to seek help from a counselor.

  • Like 1
JDPT Established Member

JDPT

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Posted

Sounds pretty common. Accept that you may feel like this for a little while. It's all up to us if we want to feel better no one will do it for us. We need to heal, just as if we were recovering from let's say the flu. If you don't take meds, rest, remain hydrated you will not feel any better so you proactively have to do all these things. And now you need to heal your heart, you will feel like you are stuck in this emotional rollercoaster but it's really up to you to get off it and say "I've had enough!" See your therapist, start working on yourself, go to the gym and let all your anger out, keep busy, surround yourself with people that truly love you and will give you positive advice. There are a ton of things we need to in order to move on and not remain stagnant. You had a life before you ex, think about it, I can think about life without my ex, I was truly happy, just having fun picking up girls bringing them to my apartment having a good time and it was all routine, now that's just how things were when I was single. Now what's stopping me from enjoying life the way I will like to? I've been liberated and perhaps this burden was lifted off my shoulders which was for the better. Know that you will have a lot of weak moments and that's all those weak moments are, just moments that will pass and you will eventually feel just a bit better but it's all up to you to feel better and heal.

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youngnlove89 Established Member

youngnlove89

Posted
  • Author
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No I don't like alcohol.

 

You are right, I think this has brought up really deep issues with my rape too. My ex was there to support me. I lost that support. Now I have to do it by myself and that scares me. It's nice to have that intimate person with you through hard times, but what do you do when they are gone?

 

And yes, I'm seeing a psychologist on Tuesday.

  • Like 1
HokeyReligions Established Member

HokeyReligions

Posted
Posted

Yes. For a couple years after each of my kids passed including the loss of some K9 kids I didn't sleep. I remember sitting out on my patio at 2-3AM and screaming their names into a pillow and having to go to work the next day. I lost a job because of it. I ended up buying an inflatable bed (actually went thru several) and slept in the living room with the TV on all night so the sound might drown out my racing mind.

 

I used to read every night but its been years since I read. I'm back in the bedroom but I have headsets so I can watch-listen to TV until I fall asleep and my husband wears an eye mask so the TV light doesn't keep him up.

 

I went thru grief counseling more than once. Each time I thought I was learning to deal with it someone else gets sick and dies. Since 1999 I have lost a dear loved one an average of every 18 months and I almost lost my husband last year.

 

I have found a way to cope with the TV at night and making quality time with the remainder of my family but yes - you fo need to get help so you are not going it alone.

Simon Phoenix Established Member

Simon Phoenix

Posted
Posted

It's the opposite for me. I generally don't want to wake up. Stay asleep, stay in my bed, not have to deal with it.

  • Like 1
lessica Established Member

lessica

Posted
Posted
Cry. Throw up. Sip on water. Eat some soup. Cry. Pass out for 20 minutes because I'm so exhausted from crying. Wake up anxious. Talk to myself. Throw up. Get really mad. Cry. Think. Love. Miss.

 

I'm so physically/mentally drained and exhausted. I can't fall asleep because I'm afraid to go to bed. I think it's because I'm so anxious and then when I'm laying there I think of him and how much I miss him and then I start to cry.

 

When I do fall asleep it's only for a little and then I wake up and it starts all over again.

 

I've never cried this hard before, I'm afraid I can't do this alone.

 

Is this normal? How do I get over this?

 

This is perfectly normal.

 

There are so many elements to being with someone, resentment/love/infatuation/attachment etc.

 

You will feel better, anxiety will lessen as emotions fade, and I promise you they well.

 

Hang in there. x

lessica Established Member

lessica

Posted
Posted
Yes. For a couple years after each of my kids passed including the loss of some K9 kids I didn't sleep. I remember sitting out on my patio at 2-3AM and screaming their names into a pillow and having to go to work the next day. I lost a job because of it. I ended up buying an inflatable bed (actually went thru several) and slept in the living room with the TV on all night so the sound might drown out my racing mind.

 

I used to read every night but its been years since I read. I'm back in the bedroom but I have headsets so I can watch-listen to TV until I fall asleep and my husband wears an eye mask so the TV light doesn't keep him up.

 

I went thru grief counseling more than once. Each time I thought I was learning to deal with it someone else gets sick and dies. Since 1999 I have lost a dear loved one an average of every 18 months and I almost lost my husband last year.

 

I have found a way to cope with the TV at night and making quality time with the remainder of my family but yes - you fo need to get help so you are not going it alone.

 

I know grief is all relative to what we have suffered prior. But this post should give us perspective, what have we really lost in these breakups.

supaflyz Established Member

supaflyz

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I'm the opposite. I have no trouble sleeping. I sleep sometimes for more than 12 hours a day. I wish I sleep less because I know it isn't healthy to sleep too much either.

D-Lish Established Member

D-Lish

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I've been so heartbroken that I couldn't sleep- but never been afraid to sleep.

 

I lost 50lbs during my divorce, and dropped down to a dangerous weight because I felt so sick. I barely slept for months- and often went for days and days without eating because I had no appetite.

 

You feel so helpless initially- and it always feels like you're going to feel that way forever. You can push through it, but you have to be pro-active, participate in your own recovery.

 

It's really important to take responsibility for your own recovery. It's difficult to embrace such a notion initially- but it will happen if you become an active participant in your own healing process.

JDPT Established Member

JDPT

Posted
Posted

Not afraid of sleeping but concern with dealing with what the day might bring.

D-Lish Established Member

D-Lish

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Posted
Not afraid of sleeping but concern with dealing with what the day might bring.

 

In what way?

 

Is this in regard to your break up, and not feeling like you can face the day, or something else?

 

Are you afraid of breaking down? I can tell you that I had a difficult time going to work or the grocery store after a certain break up that left me incredibly distraught. You know what ended up happening? I cried spontaneously in front of strangers a few times. Big deal- and not something any of those strangers remember or judged me for.

 

Are you afraid of facing the day or something more sinister?

JDPT Established Member

JDPT

Posted
Posted
In what way?

 

Is this in regard to your break up, and not feeling like you can face the day, or something else?

 

Are you afraid of breaking down? I can tell you that I had a difficult time going to work or the grocery store after a certain break up that left me incredibly distraught. You know what ended up happening? I cried spontaneously in front of strangers a few times. Big deal- and not something any of those strangers remember or judged me for.

 

Are you afraid of facing the day or something more sinister?

 

Essentially the guaranteed pain that the day brings. I found myself almost crying in public there were time when I held it in and there were time when I couldn't get the tears out. I never had a good cry I guess is a coping mechanism that I've inadvertanly learn by not allowing myself to shed a few tears which is completely wrong of me. I guess I have so much pained bottled up that needs to be released.

skydiveaddict Established Member

skydiveaddict

Posted
Posted

 

Is this normal?

Yes

 

How do I get over this?

 

Ambien

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youngnlove89 Established Member

youngnlove89

Posted
  • Author
Posted

I'm not afraid of not waking up or dreaming of him or anything like that.

 

I'm afraid of just laying there, trying to go to sleep and my mind goes on hyperactive mode and all I do is think of him. I think of how much I love him, miss him and then I remind myself what he did and how he lied and how he keep breaking up with me. Then I get dizzy and very upset. And my heart starts to race and I can't breathe and I get so sad that I can't fall asleep anymore.

 

During the day, I can DO things to help keep my mind focused and off of him. It's a minute to minute commitment of course. But I can be more proactive during the day by keeping my hands busy or my mind busy.

 

But at night I become completely vulnerable as I just lay there right before I fall asleep. My mind is open, my body relaxed and it just floats above me like this dirty cloud. I want it to go away.

 

Last night it happened again when I woke up out of nowhere. My body jolted straight up and it felt like I just took my first breath after being underwater for several minutes. I began panicking and my body got this uncomfortable feeling surrounding it. My mind was him. I got dizzy and thought I was going to throw up, but nothing was coming up. Probably cause I haven't eaten, but no bile or anything.

 

I called my mom again and she helped calm me down. I kept asking her if I'm going to be able to handle this. I just feel like I can't. I am so exhausted and I can't get quality sleep. It's messing with me.

 

I just want to take this pain away. Never have I dealt with a breakup this intense. I'm scared for my health. I don't want to go to a hospital because I can't deal with a broken heart.

 

So here I am, an hour before I need to wake up, typing this. I can't sleep. I can't eat and I can't focus.

sweetkiwi Established Member

sweetkiwi

Posted
Posted

It's completely normal. I usually get uber wasted and cry/puke/pass out.

 

I don't suggest it.

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youngnlove89 Established Member

youngnlove89

Posted
  • Author
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I found this on a site about coping with anxiety, I did not write this:

 

Buy a white-noise machine and use it when you go to sleep. The soothing sound will help you fall and stay asleep. A good night’s sleep is critical when you’re stressed, since sleep deprivation fuels anxiety even as anxiety leads to sleep deprivation.

 

Choose one thing that is making you anxious. Now sit down and write out all the fears you have about that one thing. If it’s money, write down what would happen if you lose your job, if you can’t pay your bills. What is the absolute worst thing that could happen? Now look at each item and mark it on a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being highly unlikely it would ever happen, 10 being likely that it would happen. You’ll be surprised at how few items rank above a 5. This understanding should help reduce your anxiety. If something does rank higher than 5, you may want to develop a contingency plan for it. Nothing works better to calm anxiety than turning from pure worry to an action plan.

 

Rent a comedy and watch it. Let yourself laugh out loud. The act of laughter stimulates endorphins that help blow stress hormones (which contribute to that feeling of anxiety) out of your system the way a good thunderstorm can blow away hot, humid weather.

 

Follow the Relax, Detach, Focus steps. Created by Marcia Reynolds, M.Ed., author of Outsmart Your Brain! Get Happy, Get Heard, and Get Your Way at Work, the routine goes like this:

 

  • Relax your body from the toes up.
  • Detach from your thoughts.
  • Center yourself in the moment (e.g., feel your head upon the pillow, or your feet on the ground, etc., depending on where you are).
  • Focus on who you want to be and how you want to feel.

Turn on the news and watch the disasters unfurl. It will help you put your own problems into perspective and realize it’s a large world, filled with both triumph and disaster. The challenges in your life that make you anxious may not seem as great when you put them in world context.

 

Don’t borrow future problems. Many people get into a cycle of predicting and worrying about future concerns, says Larina Kase, Psy.D., a psychologist at the Center for Treatment and Study of Anxiety at the University of Pennsylvania and president of Performance and Success Coaching. Ask yourself, “Is this something I know can happen and is it something I can do something about right now?” If the answer to either of these questions is no, tell yourself you will revisit it later.

 

Simply experience your anxiety for 45 minutes. That’s usually all it takes for you to become used to it and for the anxious feeling to dissipate, says Dr. Kase. The worst thing you can do is try to ignore it, she says, because anxiety tends to fight back if you push it down.

 

Talk to yourself. Remind yourself of how you handled similar situations in the past, your strengths, and how long you will need to get through it. Show yourself that this anxiety is manageable and time-limited.

 

Go to the museum, see a movie, read a good book, or take up oil painting (or some other hobby). People who are bored tend to score higher on tests designed to measure levels of anxiety.

 

Keep a journal of what makes you anxious. Then revisit these same items when you’re feeling calm and develop plans to deal with them.

 

Name your fears. The most anxiety-producing thing of all is the unknown. So drag your worries out of the shadows. Worried about your son/daughter/spouse getting hurt or killed in a car crash? Discuss it—at least with yourself. Look up the statistics on driving and injury to relieve your mind. Do the same for whatever else makes you worry, whether that’s West Nile virus, bioterrorism, cancer, or plane crashes. Once you name your fears and learn about them, you can take steps to minimize your risk. You’ll also find the fears you name and tame are far less menacing than fears left to lurk in the shadows of your imagination.

 

Make sure you’re getting several servings of whole grains, fruits, and vegetables every day, along with healthy protein sources such as fish, poultry, lentils, soy, or lean meats. The combination helps your brain make serotonin, a chemical that induces a state of calm relaxation.

 

Watch a meditation, t’ai chi, or yoga video. They are all effective, nonmedical ways of dealing with anxiety.

 

Share your anxieties with a confidant. You need to find someone who can help you understand why you worry too much. Try to play the same role for that person. We are usually better at placing someone else’s worries in perspective than we are our own.

 

I'm going to practice these tonight

  • Like 2
Mack05 Established Member

Mack05

Posted
Posted (edited)

So you wrote this more or less a year ago..

 

 

I composed a list:

1. He never bought me anything besides dinner every now and then (and then even complained about how broke he was, but yet had enough money for everything he needed and wanted)

2. He didn't take me on any of his trips that he went on with COUPLES

3. Never bought me anything for holidays including my birthday, not even a card

4. Called me a disgusting pig once

5. Was horrible at communication

6. Told me I was only 95% the one. Who says that?

7. Always nagged on me about not screwing the lids on things (that really annoyed me)

8. He was controlling, if I drank a Red Bull he wouldn't talk to me for the rest of the day. He wanted me to quit coffee and if I didn't he was mad at me.

9. Ignored me for 4 days on his recent trip because he didn't want to "confuse" my feelings. HA!

 

He just basically used me when he wanted something.

 

Now, I am free and I can find what I really want in a guy! Now I have given myself the opportunity to love again and be loved in return! I'm excited!

 

Yet here you a year later still hung up on a guy you have no future with who treats you like crap. Endless back and forths, threads, endless musings, ramblings, poems, and everything else in between. You are a beautiful young girl in the prime of her life wasting precious time on a total loser who never deserved you.

 

This obsession with this man is costing you so much. When are you actually going to take control of your life back? When are you going to walk the walk instead of just talking the talk.

 

First step I have no idea if you are in therapy. If you are not, go. If you are, switch therapists because this one clearly isn't working. Second step you make a promise to NEVER speak to this man again. Right now when he see's you he see's doormat across your head. He doesn't respect you because you don't respect yourself. He is the pied piper and you dance to his merry tune. Respecting yourself is showing strength and removing negative influences from your life. He is a negative influence, remove it..No more excuses.

 

There is a HUGE amount of potential in you, but right now you are selling yourself so short. This website has it uses, but in truth you are relying too much on it. I think its come to a point its having a negative impact on you instead of a positive influence. It appears to me you use this website to avoid truly dealing with what is inside. You feel uncomfortable, post new thread..answers maybe give you a temporary relief I dunno, but right now LS is not working for you IMO.

 

You are not turning this inwards, you are not growing emotionally. Just stuck stagnated in the same rut. This behaviour is so unhealthy its not even funny. Most people learn and grow from a breakup. From the outside I don't see any real or genuine progress from you...

 

Tomorrow is not guarenteed. I've had a work colleague my own age suddenly die in a tragic accident two days ago. I've seen my best friend's dad have a routine checkup and has now gotten 2 months to live.

 

What the hell is it going to take to jolt you out of this slump??We have one shot at life. You need to really start taking yours...

Edited by Mack05
  • Like 4
iouaname Established Member

iouaname

Posted
Posted

Just a suggestion on the meditation: I am not good at meditating, I just never know what to focus on, but what I do that I have found helpful is that I put on soothing music and then stretch. Stretch every muscle slowly. The music is calming and the stretching releases tension and stress. I recommend it a lot for anxiety!

mtnbiker3000 Established Member

mtnbiker3000

Posted
Posted (edited)
I'm not afraid of not waking up or dreaming of him or anything like that.

 

I'm afraid of just laying there, trying to go to sleep and my mind goes on hyperactive mode and all I do is think of him. I think of how much I love him, miss him and then I remind myself what he did and how he lied and how he keep breaking up with me. Then I get dizzy and very upset. And my heart starts to race and I can't breathe and I get so sad that I can't fall asleep anymore.

 

During the day, I can DO things to help keep my mind focused and off of him. It's a minute to minute commitment of course. But I can be more proactive during the day by keeping my hands busy or my mind busy.

 

But at night I become completely vulnerable as I just lay there right before I fall asleep. My mind is open, my body relaxed and it just floats above me like this dirty cloud. I want it to go away.

 

Last night it happened again when I woke up out of nowhere. My body jolted straight up and it felt like I just took my first breath after being underwater for several minutes. I began panicking and my body got this uncomfortable feeling surrounding it. My mind was him. I got dizzy and thought I was going to throw up, but nothing was coming up. Probably cause I haven't eaten, but no bile or anything.

 

I called my mom again and she helped calm me down. I kept asking her if I'm going to be able to handle this. I just feel like I can't. I am so exhausted and I can't get quality sleep. It's messing with me.

 

I just want to take this pain away. Never have I dealt with a breakup this intense. I'm scared for my health. I don't want to go to a hospital because I can't deal with a broken heart.

 

So here I am, an hour before I need to wake up, typing this. I can't sleep. I can't eat and I can't focus.

 

I recommend the audio book by Eckhart Tolle called "The Power of Now" It is a kind of a spiritual guide. It speaks of how to quiet your mind and actually only use it as necessary, like a tool for a specific job. A hammer to drive a nail. And then, when the job or task is done, you put the tool down. You turn your thoughts off. Compulsive thinking afflicts almost everyone and never has a positive purpose or outcome. This book also explains how we should strive to live in this exact moment only. The past only holds, anger, bitterness, regret and resentment. While the future only holds worry, stress, unease, anxiety and tension. Of course this is a 50,000 foot view of the ideas expressed in this book, but it helped me, and it sounds like it may be of some help to you as well.

 

If you want, I will send you a flash drive with the mp3 file of the book.

Edited by mtnbiker3000
  • Like 2
JDPT Established Member

JDPT

Posted
Posted
I'm not afraid of not waking up or dreaming of him or anything like that.

 

I'm afraid of just laying there, trying to go to sleep and my mind goes on hyperactive mode and all I do is think of him. I think of how much I love him, miss him and then I remind myself what he did and how he lied and how he keep breaking up with me. Then I get dizzy and very upset. And my heart starts to race and I can't breathe and I get so sad that I can't fall asleep anymore.

 

During the day, I can DO things to help keep my mind focused and off of him. It's a minute to minute commitment of course. But I can be more proactive during the day by keeping my hands busy or my mind busy.

 

But at night I become completely vulnerable as I just lay there right before I fall asleep. My mind is open, my body relaxed and it just floats above me like this dirty cloud. I want it to go away.

 

Last night it happened again when I woke up out of nowhere. My body jolted straight up and it felt like I just took my first breath after being underwater for several minutes. I began panicking and my body got this uncomfortable feeling surrounding it. My mind was him. I got dizzy and thought I was going to throw up, but nothing was coming up. Probably cause I haven't eaten, but no bile or anything.

 

I called my mom again and she helped calm me down. I kept asking her if I'm going to be able to handle this. I just feel like I can't. I am so exhausted and I can't get quality sleep. It's messing with me.

 

I just want to take this pain away. Never have I dealt with a breakup this intense. I'm scared for my health. I don't want to go to a hospital because I can't deal with a broken heart.

 

So here I am, an hour before I need to wake up, typing this. I can't sleep. I can't eat and I can't focus.

 

Nights are rough, I usually force myself to go to sleep but it makes me feel like a prisoner as if I'm not allowed to enjoy moments because of the pain. This is something I work on day in and day out. Eventually with time it will get better, I keep telling myself that and I can go back to being my usual self.

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