Dear ex-boyfriend,

[youngnlove89]

I'm tired of being used. I'm tired of you telling me about your future plans and I'm not involved (example: you going to Vegas in November). I'm tired you talking about getting married and having kids one day and it isn't with me. I'm tired of being your comfort zone. I'm tired of you coming to me when you are lonely and horny. I'm tired of being second best when you can't get any other girls (perhaps the 6 you went on the lake with this weekend). I'm tired of waiting for you to change. Because fact is, you aren't, you won't. I'm tired of you telling me you don't want to f*ck with my feelings but what do you call all of this?!

 

I'm done being used. I deserve better than this.

[Texas90]

I'm tired of being used. I'm tired of you telling me about your future plans and I'm not involved (example: you going to Vegas in November). I'm tired you talking about getting married and having kids one day and it isn't with me. I'm tired of being your comfort zone. I'm tired of you coming to me when you are lonely and horny. I'm tired of being second best when you can't get any other girls (perhaps the 6 you went on the lake with this weekend). I'm tired of waiting for you to change. Because fact is, you aren't, you won't. I'm tired of you telling me you don't want to f*ck with my feelings but what do you call all of this?!

 

I'm done being used. I deserve better than this.

 

If you stick to this. You are the winner in the situation.

[youngnlove89]

If you stick to this. You are the winner in the situation.

 

I am doing my best to stick to it this time. I need to stay strong. I need encouragment. I'm tired of feeling like second best to him, when he is a priority. I've given up so much for him and he hasn't done anything for me.

 

I'm tired of unrequited love.

[Dblock10]

this post is good, rings a lot of truth's you know its unhealthy.

 

not sure what the rules of linking on this website are but the following one is about how to detach from unhealthy attachments. i think it is a great thing to read

 

Reason, Commerce, Justice & Free Beer: HOW TO BREAK UNHEALTHY ATTACHMENTS TO PEOPLE

 

one key part is "If you have an unhealthy attachment to a person and they are not showing you the love you want, you must convince yourself that they have nothing you want. Once you do that, you will stop obsessing about them. You will regain your peace of mind and dignity. You will reorder your desires and think clearly again. True, it is hard to do. But you will thank yourself if you can pull it off."

[youngnlove89]

this post is good, rings a lot of truth's you know its unhealthy.

 

not sure what the rules of linking on this website are but the following one is about how to detach from unhealthy attachments. i think it is a great thing to read

 

Reason, Commerce, Justice & Free Beer: HOW TO BREAK UNHEALTHY ATTACHMENTS TO PEOPLE

 

one key part is "If you have an unhealthy attachment to a person and they are not showing you the love you want, you must convince yourself that they have nothing you want. Once you do that, you will stop obsessing about them. You will regain your peace of mind and dignity. You will reorder your desires and think clearly again. True, it is hard to do. But you will thank yourself if you can pull it off."

 

Thank you! I'll read that. And yes, me actually writing this out has helped me realize HE ISN'T WHAT I WANT. All this time, he has been saying I'm not the one for him, yada yada, but he isn't the one for ME.

 

I like your quote, very true. My ex is not giving me the love I want, so why do I want him? I wonder why we find it so hard to let go of something that clearly makes us unhappy!

[Tree_Salmon]

Thank you! I'll read that. And yes, me actually writing this out has helped me realize HE ISN'T WHAT I WANT. All this time, he has been saying I'm not the one for him, yada yada, but he isn't the one for ME.

 

I like your quote, very true. My ex is not giving me the love I want, so why do I want him? I wonder why we find it so hard to let go of something that clearly makes us unhappy!

 

Because you had a picture in your head of what you wanted from all of this and you never got it. So now you're angry because it didn't go that way.

 

You feel it's time wasted or that the future is uncertain. This is how most of us are in these situations.

 

And there's also nothing wrong with sex btw. You probably miss that too. With someone you love of course.

[Texas90]

I am doing my best to stick to it this time. I need to stay strong. I need encouragment. I'm tired of feeling like second best to him, when he is a priority. I've given up so much for him and he hasn't done anything for me.

 

I'm tired of unrequited love.

 

I'm sure you have plenty of friends but I have found the best cure is meeting 'new' people.

 

In a month since our breakup I have met and become friends or atleast friendly with 11 people I wouldn't have met and my life feels far more fulfilled as it has allowed me to see the benefits of the breakup.

 

You're now an open book to anyone and there are no pages people can't browse.

[Dblock10]

Thank you! I'll read that. And yes, me actually writing this out has helped me realize HE ISN'T WHAT I WANT. All this time, he has been saying I'm not the one for him, yada yada, but he isn't the one for ME.

 

I like your quote, very true. My ex is not giving me the love I want, so why do I want him? I wonder why we find it so hard to let go of something that clearly makes us unhappy!

 

yeah its a really good read YL, have a read and we can discuss it. also another great quote

 

Anthony DeMello: You're not in love with anyone. You're in love with your prejudiced and hopeful idea of that person.

 

how true...

 

and you say about 'My ex is not giving me the love I want, so why do I want him? I wonder why we find it so hard to let go of something that clearly makes us unhappy!'

 

i have found an article on this today to, and it makes a lot of sense, its about attachment and how its hard wired depending on how you were brought up.

 

Attachment Problems During Breakups - Why Breaking Up is Hard - Marie Claire read that through and we can discuss this also

[youngnlove89]

yeah its a really good read YL, have a read and we can discuss it. also another great quote

 

Anthony DeMello: You're not in love with anyone. You're in love with your prejudiced and hopeful idea of that person.

 

how true...

 

and you say about 'My ex is not giving me the love I want, so why do I want him? I wonder why we find it so hard to let go of something that clearly makes us unhappy!'

 

i have found an article on this today to, and it makes a lot of sense, its about attachment and how its hard wired depending on how you were brought up.

 

Attachment Problems During Breakups - Why Breaking Up is Hard - Marie Claire read that through and we can discuss this also

 

Seriously those two articles are very frank and real. It's exactly what is going on with me. But I still find it very hard to let go. I mean, I am trying, I want to. But if it's something I want to do then why can't I do it? Like, when I want ice-cream, I eat it and then I satisfy my need. I want to move on but I can't. Does that mean I really don't want it?

 

It doesn't help either that he texted me all day today too. He keeps emailing me on the dating site too. I asked him why he is even on a dating site and he said "to spy on you"

 

If he doesn't want me, then we can't he just let me go?

[youngnlove89]

Wanna know something else, something so ironic.

 

I was in a relationship about 4 years ago, when I just graduated high school. We dated for about 3 months (yea, pathetic) when he told me it isn't working out anymore and he doesn't have those kind of feelings for me. So I was heartbroken, but I got over it quickly, about 2 weeks. Then about a year later he started to contact me again and we both agreed to be friends. But he always wanted more. He has tried many times to date me again. In fact, I just got a text from him. He said he realized how great of a girl I was and how no other girl compares to me. TO THIS DAY, after 4 years, he still tries to get me back. I've been ignoring him though. He texts me at least twice a day and says I make him sad. But I don't want him that way and I don't want to lead him on. I just remember when he broke up with me and I was sooo sad and I wanted to be with him and how it took him other relationships to realize that I was a good girlfriend. Sometimes people don't realize what they have until they lose it.

 

AND this also happened with another ex-bf of mine. You can read that story here: Thinking your ex will come back..

 

I guess I'm just afraid of him realizing what he lost like these other two guys did. But I guess in the end, I was the one who got lucky. Right?

[Dblock10]

ill answer both posts !

 

yeah those articles are so real and yeah i to find it difficult to let go as well. yeah it seems like you are battling the rational and logical , emotional thing, im at that point to, i know rationally it makes sense as does it logically, but the emotional subconscious part is gripping on. we need to find how to let that part go.. if you find an answer let me know.

 

that dating site is weird. i think what it is, is, he likes to know he can have you, but its not enough for him to actually want to be with you. its twisted and yeah i think the best thing you can do is close the chapter on him, and if he comes back with regrets well thats his beef.

 

well its nice having ex's come back and say those nice things, but obviously people change and emotions change, so sadly you dont feel that way anymore. again its their tough ****!

 

briefly what is the other post 'thinking you ex will come back?'

 

so yeah, i know for me personally i move on when i meet the next girl that is pretty and that i get on with or click with. and that is a rare thing for me since i am picky.

 

where as my ex can get on with most guys, she is cute, ditsy and blonde.

 

I miss my ex and have been deciding whether to reply to her or not. dunno its hard.

[KatZee]

I'm tired of being used. I'm tired of you telling me about your future plans and I'm not involved (example: you going to Vegas in November). I'm tired you talking about getting married and having kids one day and it isn't with me. I'm tired of being your comfort zone. I'm tired of you coming to me when you are lonely and horny. I'm tired of being second best when you can't get any other girls (perhaps the 6 you went on the lake with this weekend). I'm tired of waiting for you to change. Because fact is, you aren't, you won't. I'm tired of you telling me you don't want to f*ck with my feelings but what do you call all of this?!

 

I'm done being used. I deserve better than this.

 

Why is this guy still not blocked and deleted?

[youngnlove89]

Why is this guy still not blocked and deleted?

 

I don't have the heart too. (don't yell at me, my tails already between my legs)

 

He is contacting me still, everyday. All day. He is sending me messages like crazy on the dating site I'm on. Acting like it's the first time we met, almost like he just wants to start over. He is flirting with me.

 

I can't blame it all on him but he definitely isn't making this process of moving on any easier!!

[youngnlove89]

and every time I change my photo or about me on my dating site, he always tells me how he noticed it. he always asks why i'm online. he is just completely stalking my profile.

 

why is he doing this?

[Mike_d]

because you continue to respond, because you continue to seek it

[KatZee]

I don't have the heart too. (don't yell at me, my tails already between my legs)

 

He is contacting me still, everyday. All day. He is sending me messages like crazy on the dating site I'm on. Acting like it's the first time we met, almost like he just wants to start over. He is flirting with me.

 

I can't blame it all on him but he definitely isn't making this process of moving on any easier!!

 

 

......

 

Trying not to yell at you. I'm not sure what you're looking for when you come and make posts on here anymore. You cry about being hurt and not moving on, yet YOU are not taking the steps to do this.

 

Your pain, right now is your fault. You're doing this to yourself. You are putting your love for someone else, above the love of yourself... and I'm going to be quite frank with you. You will never move on the way you're going. You never will. Is this how you want to spend the rest of your life? Lapping up whatever crumbs this guy tosses at you? Living your life on LS posting "letters" to your ex about how bad he is to you? But then refusing to do a thing about it?

 

Also, why are you back on the dating site? Just last week you deleted it saying that it was "too good for you" and you had "better things to do with your life" and that it "wasn't worth your time" so you were deleting the profile. Now you're back? Now you're on there changing pictures? Trying to attract his attention? (And don't say that's not what you're doing. You know damn well he looks at it... and before you deleted everything on it, the entire spiel you wrote was basically for HIM, taking jabs at him, and trying to make him feel like a POS for hurting you, so lets be real here.)

 

Everyone has given you perfectly good advice on how to move on, and if you would have listened to that advice you would be healing and moving on right now. Not stuck in the same cycle. You're not going to wake up one day feeling good about yourself. As long as he's in your life, this is what it will be.

 

Take action or accept the consequences of what you're doing and accept that this is your life.

[KatZee]

and every time I change my photo or about me on my dating site, he always tells me how he noticed it. he always asks why i'm online. he is just completely stalking my profile.

 

why is he doing this?

 

Because you're easy and weak. He can smell it 10 miles away. He knows what he has to do to get in your pants, so he'll continue to try it. You already admitted you're weak, you already admitted he knows you're weak. He wanted to drive by your house for free sex. This is what you really think you're worth? THE GUY DOES NOT LOVE YOU.

 

The sooner you realize this, and the sooner you start to love yourself above this tool, is the second you will start to move on. I'm really not quite sure why you think this is the only guy you can get. A bald, ugly, toolbag, loser.

[KatZee]

 

He is contacting me still, everyday. All day. He is sending me messages like crazy on the dating site I'm on. Acting like it's the first time we met, almost like he just wants to start over.

 

Did he SAY he wants to start over, or are you just making that assumption because he's trying to get as$ from you?

 

You dumped him. It's over. You're not together. He hasn't done, or said ONE THING to try and get you back... besides, "Hey I almost drove by your house because I'm horny and want sex."

 

REALLY?

 

If he wanted you that much, if he loved you that much, if he wanted to "start over" like you're hoping, he'd be acting MUCH differently than this. Not to mention, you guys dated for A YEAR AND A HALF. That's plenty long enough for someone to fall in love with you, and if they really are, will do a hell of a lot more to show that love beyond what he's doing. He's not showing you love at all. After a year and a half, this is the best he can do? This is what you think you're worth? If he wanted you all that bad, he'd be driving to your house with flowers. Not with his pants down. He'd be asking to take you out to dinner, he'd be saying what an idiot he is for letting you get away. He'd be kissing so much as$ it would be disgusting.

 

You probably are really great in bed, that's why he's still sniffing around... but I don't see any more depth than that. A vagina does not define you.

Edited August 29, 2012 by KatZee

[youngnlove89]

KatZee, I hate how your ALWAYS right. You and my mother are the ones to kick me back in the right frame of my mind, I swear!

 

I'm literally goinig to copy and paste and print out every piece of advice you have given me! And I will read it everytime he contacts me or everytime I miss him.

 

I wish you weren't right though. But golly, you are overly correct. If he DID want me back he would be doing everything he could. I want flowers. I want a letter. I want him apologizing. I want him to say "you are the one!"

 

But he hasn't. And he won't.

 

Thanks, but the truth still hurts me. It still makes me sad that I'm not good enough to want by him.

[Tree_Salmon]

This isn't going to get better over night.

 

You're just starting to deal with the breakup.

 

There is a long way to go. And you are preventing your progress by not blocking him.

[youngnlove89]

This isn't going to get better over night.

 

You're just starting to deal with the breakup.

 

There is a long way to go. And you are preventing your progress by not blocking him.

 

 

Blocking him. That just sounds so final. Have you ever had the want to block an Ex that you are still in love with? That is brave and takes courage which having a broken heart completely abondons you of any bravery or courage. Take my broken heart into consideration.

 

It would be nice if he just would leave me alone. I know that won't happen. But when an ex doesn't want you, they should just let you go rather than playing these mind games with you. But that'd be asking too much, that would make it too easy to let go. I had other ex-bfs leave me alone and I got on just fine because THEY let me go. Because they truly didn't want anything to do with me and my only option was to let go!

 

I just need to find courage, but that might take some more being used by him. Sadly.

[Tree_Salmon]

Blocking him. That just sounds so final. Have you ever had the want to block an Ex that you are still in love with? That is brave and takes courage which having a broken heart completely abondons you of any bravery or courage. Take my broken heart into consideration.

 

 

I've done it three times in my life and it was worth it every time.

If you think it hurts to block him wait until you waist another 6 months and see the hurt when hes with some other girl.

 

This is all for your benefit. Most of us have been there. Believe me i know how much it hurts but clearly what you're doing isn't working. You have to change things up.

[youngnlove89]

I've done it three times in my life and it was worth it every time.

If you think it hurts to block him wait until you waist another 6 months and see the hurt when hes with some other girl.

 

This is all for your benefit. Most of us have been there. Believe me i know how much it hurts but clearly what you're doing isn't working. You have to change things up.

 

UGH. It just hurts because what if he comes back? What if he does change? What if he does really love me? I seriously feel this way, I know it's pathetic, I know that after how he is treating me I should NOT feel this way.

 

I suppose you are right. I will start blocking him one technology at a time...deal?

 

I just hate letting go. It hurts. But I guess in the end...I'll find someone who truly does care about me the same way I care about them.

 

Why hold onto someone who has nothing to offer me anymore?

[youngnlove89]

Okay, I made a promise to myself just now.

 

I re-read most of the advice I've been given on here (still reading actually), and put it all on paper and printed it out.

 

Everytime I get sad, miss him, or he contacts me, I'm going to re-read it.

 

My promise to myself is this: I will not contact him, I will not take him back. Only under ONE condition, I will even consider contacting him would be that he literally tells me, "I love you, you are the one and I will prove it to you that I have changed."

 

That will probably never come out of his mouth, which is even more of a reason why I need to stick to my promise.

 

I will move on right? I will get through this, right? I will no longer contact him unless he proves that he has changed. I will not reply to his messages, his texts, his emails, his calls unless he is willing to change.

 

This will be the hardest thing I have emtionally endured. But I feel that as time goes on, so will I.

 

If it's meant to be, it will be. If he really loves me, he knows what to do.

[Floored]

UGH. It just hurts because what if he comes back? What if he does change? What if he does really love me? I seriously feel this way, I know it's pathetic, I know that after how he is treating me I should NOT feel this way.

 

I suppose you are right. I will start blocking him one technology at a time...deal?

 

I just hate letting go. It hurts. But I guess in the end...I'll find someone who truly does care about me the same way I care about them.

 

Why hold onto someone who has nothing to offer me anymore?

 

You ask this as if you don't believe it yourself, so I'll tell you- he has much to offer you still, all of it in the way of pain, torture and esteem-drain. Don't take our words for it, reread every post you've done the last few weeks: you are stuck in a limbo of not wanting to go over the edge, as if you're still waiting for things to go back the way they were. You are perpetually holding yourself away from the pain of breaking up, and therefore the healing that follows.

 

Things aren't going back to the way they were. You aren't getting back with him, he's not going to come crawling back to a no-self-esteem girl, and most of all, you can honestly do SO much better. You really can. Everything that your EX (in case this is not obvious) did for you or made you feel, someone will do exponentially better, and they will feel so blessed to even get the opportunity to do so. I'm not saying there's just a chance that someone is better, I'm saying that there is, and you're not letting yourself move on to find him.

 

Remove him from your e-life altogether, not bit by bit. It's gotten to the point of frustration that you are both hurt but not facing reality that it won't get better on it's own. You need to take those steps, no more calling or texting him either. Moving on from a breakup requires difficult action, not passive moaping. He won't change, and you sticking around with a crushed self-esteem is only solidifying his stance on treating women as merely warm, wet holes. Keep this up for a few months and you'll be fourth- or fifth-string booty call, because you're letting him continue to run your emotions. Is that what you want? To be part of his life only to screw you in every sense of the word, and only that?

 

Today. Remove him today. Start the pain today so you can come out a few months down the road a better woman.

 

edit: ack, should have checked for newer posts, he will tell you he loves you if that's how to get into your pants that night. Don't just believe a string of words that mean more to you than they do to him.