Joyvke Posted July 17, 2013 Posted July 17, 2013 There's some older threads of mine, but these are the most recent in case people want to re-read things. New to old: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/coping/384143-i-think-i-finally-had-enough http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/364665-i-really-don-t-know-anymore So we have been trying ever since October. Broke up a few times. He wanted to give it a try and I was really happy he wanted to do that. Still over the past few weeks, he came over. We were intimate and had good fun. When he's home he's different and I still didn't know if he did or did not love me. So I asked for the answer last weekend. And yet again he was avoiding the subject "we talk about it tomorrow". I got fed up and hung up the skype call. The next day I ask him again and he tells me there is no real or clear answer to it. I'm fed up saying to him just tell me, do you want to be with me, yes or no? Apparently we are only friends. So friends are intimate with each other? "No.." The jokes on me. Apparently I forced him to try again, apparently I forced myself on him when we were intimate. Because "you should have known I can't say no. I don't like to upset people". I apparently should have been able to read his mind and should have known he didn't wanted to be intimate with me at all. Whilst he was the one who wanted to cuddle with me pretty much every time he came over. If he had just told me after a months worth of trying he still doesn't feel us being more then friends I wouldn't have been crazy enough to hang around with him. Still I never got an answer, yet he kept coming over, which costs alot of money, which made me believe he wanted to be with me, but now I "forced" him to coming over. I really thought there was still something there. He knows how I feel about being intimate and relationships. I'm not out for flings, hell I've never had a one night stand, simply because love and sex are one thing for me. Two weeks ago we went to my friends birthday party and it would be his birthday too. They gave him cinema tickets, he brought them home, so I assumed he knew he was coming over again. So I put it to him straight, we're done talking. I don't want to be just friends and I felt pretty used. So I thanked him for using me like that. Probably not the best words I could've used, but it sure felt like it at that moment. I felt used, betrayed and every emotion coming with that. I told him how selfish he has become and he still believe he's not selfish. Examples: - I wanted to come over, so we could see each other. He doesn't want me to come over, because there's nothing to do in his town (pretty much the same things we got in my town, but yea). - I wanted to go away for a weekend. He doesn't want to spend his holiday days. Yet if his family is going to do something he can take as much as he want to spend with them. He can't even take one extra holiday day to be here for more then 1 night, and he never wanted to take even a week off either.... - A few weeks ago I wanted to buy a 3DS because Zelda was coming out. He's never even spoken about a 3DS. The same day he "HAD" to get one asap. Then he went out and bought it within 15 minutes of me talking how much I would like to have one, but not having the funds for it yet. He showed on the webcam how it looked and how he was unpacking. These are just a few examples of how selfish he can be. Whilst when we first met he wasn't like this. I had a surgery when we were just dating and he even came over to be with me. If I were to have a surgery now he wouldn't do it. I got a dyplasie of my utiris and it turned out I had PAP2/ CINN II. I'd have to come back in 6 months to see if it's an infection, but I'll probably have to come back sooner. He wasn't even remotely supportive. If it was something serious they wouldn't let me walk around for 6 months before testing it again. Mind you on my mums side, three of her nieces had their utiris removed due to utiris cancer so yes I am afraid. Just reading this all back makes me so angry. How is this someone I used to love. I know he's young, but how can a person change so much like this? I've never been demanding or the pushy type of girlfriend, but now he tells me everything is on me. So yea I'm done with him again. I noticed he activated his facebook, we're not friends, he can't see anything on my wall, even if he's friends of friends, everything is shut off. He admitted previous times he activated just to see how I was doing and if I was doing fine. If he thinks I'm coming back, he couldn't be more wrong. I'm going on with my life. I deserve better than this selfish piece of junk. /rant over.
Philosoraptor Posted July 17, 2013 Posted July 17, 2013 Good for you. He was using you and flipping things to absolve his role in everything that has happened. Stay your path and find your own happiness. I wish you well.
mammasita Posted July 17, 2013 Posted July 17, 2013 Well, I can relate wholly to your situation. I went through the same thing. Good for you for pulling the plug. I told my ex I didn't want to be "just friends" as well. He didn't understand why.
Author Joyvke Posted July 17, 2013 Author Posted July 17, 2013 Good for you. He was using you and flipping things to absolve his role in everything that has happened. Stay your path and find your own happiness. I wish you well. Like a friend of mine said to me last week, you must have been in love to keep up with this for such a long time. Thinking back of it, I think I was in love with who he used to be. Thanks and I shall find my own happiness . At least it feels good I got tons of friends to fall back on and the only friend he had was me.
Author Joyvke Posted July 18, 2013 Author Posted July 18, 2013 Had a hard time last night. Sat downstairs, thinking bout my budgy that's having some sort of epileptic attacks, thinking it probably won't last that long before I decide to let him sleep in. Suddenly my mind was saying "you already lost so much this year". Three weeks ago my cat Odin had to be put down as he was having severe attacks due to kidneyfailures due to a tumor in his kidneys. He had stopped eating. Earlier this year one of my other budgies passed away and our parrot of 55 years as well. Then losing the person I loved so dearly changed so much and was so selfish... I know it was good that I cut ties, but I really loved this guy. I should have dumped hem when my gut feeling told me that it was going to end like my previous relationship.... 2013 is a **** year already and we're only half way....
Eivuwan Posted July 19, 2013 Posted July 19, 2013 I can totally relate. Sometimes people get more and more selfish over time and you wonder if they ever truly loved you.
Author Joyvke Posted July 19, 2013 Author Posted July 19, 2013 I can totally relate. Sometimes people get more and more selfish over time and you wonder if they ever truly loved you. It's weird. I must be doing something wrong in my relations or so. I'm not demanding, I won't change a person, they should stay as they are. However the only thing I asked him was not to burp/ fart all the time when he was here and if he could possible do longer weekends as all he did was sleep, eat, be intimate and than sleep again. This is where I was upset about most of the time. Oh and being loyal ofcourse. If he felt the need to get his fix elsewhere have the courtesy to break up with me. It's weird to see how a person can be a very considerate and gentle person to being so selfish and not even seeing it themselves... I guess his age and the fact his mum is pretty immature at times might be a factor. I doubt he will ever fully mature. He wants to be a dad in the future, but he can't even take care of his own.
Author Joyvke Posted July 20, 2013 Author Posted July 20, 2013 I can't shake of this feeling if he was cheating or not. I've had it for a few months. He has never hidden his phone when he was here. However: * He started to do alot of overtime on Saturdays for work - I really want to believe this as his company is retarded with timing. * On reddit, he posted a picture of himself asking to be rated, why would he even do that? He knows I thought he is a handsome guy. * He didn't wanted me to come over to his home town, with the reasoning "there's nothing to do here" and that it's more fun in my town. He did tell me about it though. * There are so many divorces in his family and some of his family members have been cheating on eachother - which might set some example that love is not lasting forever. Perhaps I'm overthinking it. When I asked him he said he wouldn't do that, because he knows how much it has hurt his dad. Though with these things and the fact that we've been "trying" since October and him not being fully dedicated to us and always avoiding if he loved me or wanted to be with me always being answered with "I don't know", "maybe"... He keeps logging on skype some times and then logs out after 2 minutes or so. Is he hoping I've send him a message or that I will say hi or why does he do this? Or maybe he's looking if someone else is online. He's not blocked or deleted me as the icon is not a ?. I've not had the urge to contact him at all, I'm happy about that. Though as I said, I can't shake the feelings off.
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