My progress thread

[youngnlove89]

Ok hon you need to re read your list, this is cycling and not good. Your list was great, and right. Stop doing this. You come off as desperate and a stalker and it isn't good for your healing.

 

First delete and block him from everywhere (phone, text, Facebook, email). You have your answer and waiting, hoping, checking, is obsession and bad for you. Do this because you are not strong enough yet.

 

He is not your boyfriend

 

He is not your friend

 

He does not have your best interests at heart.

 

You need to do positive things to help yourself.

 

I didn't text or call repeatedly. I did it once. And I was nice about it. I wasn't acting crazy or anything. I have a right to know what is going on. So it hurts when you say I'm desperate and a stalker. I am nowhere near a stalker. I'm within my limits I believe.

 

I understand all what you said. But I don't know how to accept the cheating part. That hurts.

[It-is-what-it-is.]

I didn't text or call repeatedly. I did it once. And I was nice about it. I wasn't acting crazy or anything. I have a right to know what is going on. So it hurts when you say I'm desperate and a stalker. I am nowhere near a stalker. I'm within my limits I believe.

 

I understand all what you said. But I don't know how to accept the cheating part. That hurts.

 

 

I am not calling you a stalker. I am not. I want you to respect yourself enough to just STOP. I have lots and lots of experience with brain chemistry issues. Please stop cycling.

 

And you know what's going on...he did not chose you. The rest are details that are not going to help you one way or another.

 

You need to let this go and heal yourself.

[youngnlove89]

I am not calling you a stalker. I am not. I want you to respect yourself enough to just STOP. I have lots and lots of experience with brain chemistry issues. Please stop cycling.

 

And you know what's going on...he did not chose you. The rest are details that are not going to help you one way or another.

 

You need to let this go and heal yourself.

 

You are right about this: The rest are details that are not going to help you one way or another.

 

How do I stop this? Can you help me with the brain chemistry issues? I recently started Celexa to help me manage my emotions while I go through this.

[It-is-what-it-is.]

You are right about this: The rest are details that are not going to help you one way or another.

 

How do I stop this? Can you help me with the brain chemistry issues? I recently started Celexa to help me manage my emotions while I go through this.

 

It's really important to be really cognizant that new meds take a while to work and, take a while to be sure it's the right meds for you.

 

You need to get exercise, eat well, no alcohol (drugs), lots of water.

 

Go to bed and get up at the same time every day. D something positive every day. Work out, take up a hobby whatever.

 

One of the most important things is to keep your mind occupied with positive stuff as much as possible, so limit your sadness (e.g. I will cry for 1/2 hour then I am going to the gym)

 

One last thing is that you have to know that your thinking is muddled. It is. It's like looking through dirty eyeglasses. What you are seeing isn't exactly real. So you need to pause and think before reacting.

 

If celexia is the right meds it could be three to 8 weeks before you notice change. Are you also on anti anxiety meds? Do you see a general practitioner or a psychiatrist? Getting the meds right is so important.

 

BUT, you have to do your part too. Set the right physical and emotional stage.

[youngnlove89]

It's really important to be really cognizant that new meds take a while to work and, take a while to be sure it's the right meds for you.

 

You need to get exercise, eat well, no alcohol (drugs), lots of water.

 

Go to bed and get up at the same time every day. D something positive every day. Work out, take up a hobby whatever.

 

One of the most important things is to keep your mind occupied with positive stuff as much as possible, so limit your sadness (e.g. I will cry for 1/2 hour then I am going to the gym)

 

One last thing is that you have to know that your thinking is muddled. It is. It's like looking through dirty eyeglasses. What you are seeing isn't exactly real. So you need to pause and think before reacting.

 

If celexia is the right meds it could be three to 8 weeks before you notice change. Are you also on anti anxiety meds? Do you see a general practitioner or a psychiatrist? Getting the meds right is so important.

 

BUT, you have to do your part too. Set the right physical and emotional stage.

 

thank you. I guess all this stuff is very obvious. I know what I need to do, but doing it is another thing.

 

I was prescribed Celexa. I have Xanax, but not prescribed. I haven't mixed the two. I'm thinking about calling my doctor to talk to him about more medication and what I can take for anxiety. I'm also going to ask him to refer me to a therapist.

 

I deserve better than a cheater, right? How come I am depressed and he gets to be happy? How is that fair?

[It-is-what-it-is.]

thank you. I guess all this stuff is very obvious. I know what I need to do, but doing it is another thing.

 

I was prescribed Celexa. I have Xanax, but not prescribed. I haven't mixed the two. I'm thinking about calling my doctor to talk to him about more medication and what I can take for anxiety. I'm also going to ask him to refer me to a therapist.

 

I deserve better than a cheater, right? How come I am depressed and he gets to be happy? How is that fair?

 

Yes, its logical stuff, but you must do your part!

 

And don't ever take anything not prescribed, you have no idea how it will react with your brain, it could actually do the reverse of what you expect.

 

A therapist (talk) would be very helpful to you, but you also need a psychiatrist who is a professional with brain chemistry and diagnostics. An internist is fine for your run of the mill depression but you may have something more at work here.

 

What makes you think you know what your X is thinking? What difference does it make?

 

Focus on a better healthier you.

[mercuryshadow]

If you are going to seek out a therapist, I suggest finding an actual doctor of psychology if you can. He/she can then work in conjunction with your psychiatrist. Be very choosy about psychiatrists, though. IME, some just want to prescribe. When I was going through the roughest points during my last relationship, they had me trying drugs that did more harm than good. I felt inhuman. My therapist (psychologist) took on central role in my recovery. A psychologist can also give you options aside from medication, while a psychiatrist likely won't. For me, there were too many side effects, often times unspoken by the psychiatrist, and I had to do my own research to find out. Be very careful with prescribed meds. Do your own homework on them.

 

There are also some great holistic options these days if you want to seek them out in the meantime. Herbal supplements to help calm you at night or during the day can be found at health food stores. There is an anti-anxiety supplement called "Calms" that may help you with your tachycardia and other anxiety related symptoms. I'd also suggest that you seek out some kind of formal meditation or yoga (or both). These kinds of practices will help you immensely.

[youngnlove89]

Thank you. I just got the numbers of 5 different psychologists that take my insurance. I'm going to call them on my day off tomorrow and set up an appointment. I think I got a sign. One of the psychologists number has the last same very digits of my phone number: 8420. How funny. I'll call her first.

 

I can ask them questions about how they treat before making an appointment right?

[It-is-what-it-is.]

Yes but you may want to meet them, you want someone you can feel comfortable with.

 

I am very proud of you! Good job in taking positive steps today!

[na49]

I think that keeping a big journal thread like this will be great for you YNL. Take it from me, I had a big thread where people here talked me off the ledge and told me what I needed to hear multiple times. It was very comforting and acted as training wheels for my healing in a way. The advice I got helped push me in the right direction. and I think you're moving in the right direction too.

[youngnlove89]

I've decided in order to do this properly and heal I am going to log out of LS for a little. I don't know how long. I think seeing all these threads about cheating and lying and people leaving each other is breaking my heart. And me focusing on it and writing about it every day probably isn't helping me either.

 

I'm going to block him off my gmail chat so I don't see when he is online. That is my first step. I'm hoping my psychologist will help guide me through the other steps of blocking him as I'm not strong enough to do that yet.

 

I'm going to continue taking my Celexa and see a psychologist the soonest I can get in. I have plans with friends for the next couple weeks. My birthday isn't ruined, my mom and family are so sweet for trying to make it worth it during this hard time for me. I love them.

 

Thank you all for the great advice. But I realized I need more than advice now. I can't do this on my own.

 

I will be back to share my journey with you and how I've come along and I hope by then I can say I've improved. Until then I wish everyone the success and I hope you all move on from your heartbreak, heal and recover. We deserve it!!

 

Best wishes!! <3

[Els]

thank you. I guess all this stuff is very obvious. I know what I need to do, but doing it is another thing.

 

I was prescribed Celexa. I have Xanax, but not prescribed. I haven't mixed the two. I'm thinking about calling my doctor to talk to him about more medication and what I can take for anxiety. I'm also going to ask him to refer me to a therapist.

 

I deserve better than a cheater, right? How come I am depressed and he gets to be happy? How is that fair?

 

Referral to a therapist would be great.

 

You don't need new meds. At least, not until you've taken Celexa consistently for a whole month and it still doesn't work. AFAIK you've been taking it sporadically and stopped for a while - it won't work like that.

 

All the best. I know it's hard, but you'll be a new person once you've finally shed the baggage from your life.

[bdizzle]

I've decided in order to do this properly and heal I am going to log out of LS for a little. I don't know how long. I think seeing all these threads about cheating and lying and people leaving each other is breaking my heart. And me focusing on it and writing about it every day probably isn't helping me either.

 

I'm going to block him off my gmail chat so I don't see when he is online. That is my first step. I'm hoping my psychologist will help guide me through the other steps of blocking him as I'm not strong enough to do that yet.

 

I'm going to continue taking my Celexa and see a psychologist the soonest I can get in. I have plans with friends for the next couple weeks. My birthday isn't ruined, my mom and family are so sweet for trying to make it worth it during this hard time for me. I love them.

 

Thank you all for the great advice. But I realized I need more than advice now. I can't do this on my own.

 

I will be back to share my journey with you and how I've come along and I hope by then I can say I've improved. Until then I wish everyone the success and I hope you all move on from your heartbreak, heal and recover. We deserve it!!

 

Best wishes!! <3

 

 

Check your PM before you leave.

[youngnlove89]

I know I said I'd log off, but I need help.

 

I made my first appt next Thursday with a psychologist.

 

My ex just got on the phone and said he doesn't want to be with me anymore. He said we never should have gotten back together and the only reason we did was because of my rape. He doesn't love me anymore.

 

I'm shaking. I feel like vomiting. I'm so scared. I am holding in my tears because I'm at work. He cheated and now he dumped me. How much can I take?

 

Oh my god, this pain is intense.

[bdizzle]

I know I said I'd log off, but I need help.

 

I made my first appt next Thursday with a psychologist.

 

My ex just got on the phone and said he doesn't want to be with me anymore. He said we never should have gotten back together and the only reason we did was because of my rape. He doesn't love me anymore.

 

I'm shaking. I feel like vomiting. I'm so scared. I am holding in my tears because I'm at work. He cheated and now he dumped me. How much can I take?

 

Oh my god, this pain is intense.

 

Good move on the therapy.

As far as he's concerned, you just take it, and roll with it. Easier (MUCH) said than done. By no means will it be easy. You're going to want to contact him. Cry, scream, yell, beg, shout, everything in between. He has now laid the ground work for you to start your full recovery from this relationship. Its a tough one to get over, cheating or not, but now its your turn.

 

I believe the whole getting back because of your attack is simply to ease his guilt and makes him look like "hey, she was assaulted, I came in and rescued her, so breaking up with her now doesn't make me feel/look as bad."

 

Take from it what you will. Yes it hurts, yes its going to leave a mark. I cant begin to say how sorry I am for you as I know its just words. But through it all, you kind of knew this wasnt the one for you. It was a security blanket. Blanket has been ripped away. He'll probably be back judging from your past posts and whatnot, its up to you if you want to move forward from this or let it keep happening...although thats for another day. Right now, finish your day at work. Go home, cry, scream, call up everyone you know and tell them, do whatever you need to to get through tonight, tomorrow begins, and you take one step at a time. Just know you can get through this, its not the end of the world, you're still alive, hurt broken yes, but you've made it through worse, you can make it through this ditch (rather than bump) as well.

[It-is-what-it-is.]

I know I said I'd log off, but I need help.

 

I made my first appt next Thursday with a psychologist.

 

My ex just got on the phone and said he doesn't want to be with me anymore. He said we never should have gotten back together and the only reason we did was because of my rape. He doesn't love me anymore.

 

I'm shaking. I feel like vomiting. I'm so scared. I am holding in my tears because I'm at work. He cheated and now he dumped me. How much can I take?

 

Oh my god, this pain is intense.

 

Young

 

He's a dirtbag and you know it. Nothing has really changed from earlier, he was a dirtbag then, he's a dirtbag now.

 

Take a deep breath an know you will be fine.

 

You are on your way to being great.

 

You do not want someone who cannot see the great person you are.

 

Continue on your path.

 

BLOCK HIM - NO CONTACT MEANS NO NEW HURTS!

[youngnlove89]

Young

 

He's a dirtbag and you know it. Nothing has really changed from earlier, he was a dirtbag then, he's a dirtbag now.

 

Take a deep breath an know you will be fine.

 

You are on your way to being great.

 

You do not want someone who cannot see the great person you are.

 

Continue on your path.

 

BLOCK HIM - NO CONTACT MEANS NO NEW HURTS!

 

 

I think it was that initial shock of him telling me he doesn't want to be with me anymore. I wanted to say that, I deserved to say that, not him!!

 

He said he has my birthday presents and still wants to give them to me (he even said he still wants to go on my bday trip, I said NO), I told him to mail my presents to me. I know most of you think that is bad, but I deserve those presents. I just spent 100 bucks on his so I want mine! I told him if he needs to drop it off leave it at the door.

 

My body is going crazy right now. When does this initial rejection shake?

 

Funny thing is, I didn't want to take him back. But it's the rejection.

[bdizzle]

Young

 

BLOCK HIM - NO CONTACT MEANS NO NEW HURTS!

 

This more than anything. You're at your lowest right now. Do not give him the satisfaction of begging, pleading, calling, texting, driving, anything that could possibly be construed as an attempt to get answers/closure/3rd/4th/5th chance.

You'll hate yourself for letting it get out of hand. Having dealt with that same issue, I'm more mad at myself for looking like a ****ing idiot and lowering my worth and all but killing my self-esteem and dignity to try and make something work, but this isn't about me.

 

You start from here, take the advice of the people who have and will continue to reach out to you on here as well as your personal circle, and begin the walk to recovery.

[youngnlove89]

Good move on the therapy.

.

 

Thank you.

 

I need LS now. I need a place to vent. I didn't think this would happen. I thought he would call, want me back and I'd get the chance to ignore him!! but no!!! he was cruel.

 

and to use my rape as an excuse? how diabolical. i wish he wasn't around when that happened.

 

I deleted his number from my phone, I don't have it memorized so I can't call him. If he does call me, I'll block it then. I guess I can go online and get the number so I can block it. But I want my presents first.

 

I know he will be back. He always comes back. He is dysfunctional. This time I have to work HARD. I'm excited for my appt next week. I'm going to work hard this time. Gym. Try to force food down (I keep throwing it back up) hang out with friends and counseling. I can do this. I CAN DO THIS.

[youngnlove89]

Did he leave me because I was depressed?

Did he leave me because I was raped and used?

Did he leave me because I wasn't pretty enough?

 

Do guys leave girls because of that?

[bdizzle]

I think it was that initial shock of him telling me he doesn't want to be with me anymore. I wanted to say that, I deserved to say that, not him!!

 

He said he has my birthday presents and still wants to give them to me (he even said he still wants to go on my bday trip, I said NO), I told him to mail my presents to me. I know most of you think that is bad, but I deserve those presents. I just spent 100 bucks on his so I want mine! I told him if he needs to drop it off leave it at the door.

 

My body is going crazy right now. When does this initial rejection shake?

 

Funny thing is, I didn't want to take him back. But it's the rejection.

 

The bday gift is irrelevant. Again, trying to ease guilt. "Here, I thought of you on your bday, you deserve this!" Translation: she won't feel as bad because look I gave her a present.

 

Trip is absolutely a no-go for him, well done.

 

Initial shock doesn't subside any time soon so you might want to perish the thought. There's history good or bad, so its going to remain. You've been here before though. Up to you if you let it take control of your life. Days, weeks, months, who knows how long it'll reside. Doesn't matter. You focus on the now. Going to be a long night for you, best not to let it consume you any more than it already. Its not going to be easy. Harsh but true. You have a weekend with friends planned, for the time being focus on that. Count down the days/hours if you have to. Keep your mind focused on positives (as hard as it may be, or may not be able to actually see any positives), then you move to the next part, focus on monday starting fresh at work, then focus on counseling. Finding SOMETHING/ANYTHING to remain somewhat positive about or looking forward to helps resolve that immediate jolt to the heart.

 

Its going to just be a long process and no time-telling of how long the shock/rejection/anger/yadda yadda will reside.

[youngnlove89]

The bday gift is irrelevant. Again, trying to ease guilt. "Here, I thought of you on your bday, you deserve this!" Translation: she won't feel as bad because look I gave her a present.

 

Trip is absolutely a no-go for him, well done.

 

Initial shock doesn't subside any time soon so you might want to perish the thought. There's history good or bad, so its going to remain. You've been here before though. Up to you if you let it take control of your life. Days, weeks, months, who knows how long it'll reside. Doesn't matter. You focus on the now. Going to be a long night for you, best not to let it consume you any more than it already. Its not going to be easy. Harsh but true. You have a weekend with friends planned, for the time being focus on that. Count down the days/hours if you have to. Keep your mind focused on positives (as hard as it may be, or may not be able to actually see any positives), then you move to the next part, focus on monday starting fresh at work, then focus on counseling. Finding SOMETHING/ANYTHING to remain somewhat positive about or looking forward to helps resolve that immediate jolt to the heart.

 

Its going to just be a long process and no time-telling of how long the shock/rejection/anger/yadda yadda will reside.

 

 

oh gosh. okay. you know my mind is so powerful at times like this. normally when xanax would knock me the heck out, if I take it a time like this, I'll somehow manage to stay awake but REALLY wiped out and zombie like because my mind and heart is so hurt and spinning in circles.

 

I have no way of emotionally releasing this pain.

 

I just have to push through.

 

I'm going to miss that jerk.

[bdizzle]

Did he leave me because I was depressed?

Did he leave me because I was raped and used?

Did he leave me because I wasn't pretty enough?

 

Do guys leave girls because of that?

 

What answers do you want here?

Depressed? Possibly...Yes...No. No way of knowing. Maybe hes depressed.

Assaulted? Possibly...yes...no...again, no way of knowing. Maybe hes jealous (meaning someone else was with you, forced or not)

Pretty enough? See a pattern? You're never going to know his full reasoning nor does it matter. Maybe he sees he doesn't measure up.

 

Point is, reasons dont matter. Whatever they may be. It happened. Cards have been dealt, now play the hand. He left. You were going to but he beat you to the punch. So his reasoning whatever it may be, doesn't matter.

 

Now when he comes back, which he most likely will, you can reject him. Or chose to just let it die and move forward instead of trying to be vindictive. Thats so far in the future though it doesnt even need to be mentioned. Deal with the here and now and get through the first 24.

[youngnlove89]

I bet you he broke up with me because I asked to meet his "friend" and he knew that couldn't happen because he was cheating on me with her. He knew he couldn't hide it anymore. He knew me meeting her was out of the question because he was lying. He can't lose both of us!!!!

 

I know it.

[youngnlove89]

What answers do you want here?

Depressed? Possibly...Yes...No. No way of knowing. Maybe hes depressed.

Assaulted? Possibly...yes...no...again, no way of knowing. Maybe hes jealous (meaning someone else was with you, forced or not)

Pretty enough? See a pattern? You're never going to know his full reasoning nor does it matter. Maybe he sees he doesn't measure up.

 

Point is, reasons dont matter. Whatever they may be. It happened. Cards have been dealt, now play the hand. He left. You were going to but he beat you to the punch. So his reasoning whatever it may be, doesn't matter.

 

Now when he comes back, which he most likely will, you can reject him. Or chose to just let it die and move forward instead of trying to be vindictive. Thats so far in the future though it doesnt even need to be mentioned. Deal with the here and now and get through the first 24.

 

I'm just so wrecked beyond any of this. I'm so emotionally unstable with life and now I've been left by someone I thought loved me, someone I thought could change. He lied to me this whole time.