outofleftfield1987 Posted July 14, 2013 Posted July 14, 2013 Hey all, For those not familiar with my story, here it is. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/393885-just-over-month-no-contact-now Anyways, the town I live in has a big festival going on right now, where the city essentially shuts down for ten days. Just a barrage of drinking, partying, corporate offices shut down etc. So, the short version of my story is, I got dumped in April, likely a case of GIGS I'm thinking, it seems to match pretty accurately. It's now been 3 months of full NC. Not a breadcrumb, nothing. True enough she was busy vacationing and starting a new job etc, so I didn't really expect her to say or initiate anything. Fast forward to this past week, she has run into a number of my friends, and has asked about me. Not sure if she's just asking to be polite, but I've avoided these places, knowing that she'll be there, allowing me to stick to my NC. A girl that I'm friends with today sent me these texts, after seeing her last night: "I don't remember a lot of our conversation, but I distinctly remember her asking how you were, and I said you were doing great, and she seemed sad about it" "So you're still on her mind I think, but by disappearing you created that, she was genuinely interested" "She wasn't talking to any guys, I got the impression she wants to reach out but doesn't know how. She seemed sad the whole time, really low key, not laughing or being in a super party mood" I also blocked and deleted off FB, so we have had no interaction there, no viewing each others pages etc. Is NC working/maybe she'll reach out and miss me? Or is she just sad because I 'seem' to be getting over it? Any opinions? Thanks!
ggas Posted July 14, 2013 Posted July 14, 2013 I think you shouldn't get too excited. As soon as you show off this excitement all of her "interest" towards you will dissipate IN A HEARTBEAT. Leave her wonder. Act natural. Do whatever makes you happy and if she specifically comes to you and says something like "look. I'm sorry. I think I made a mistake. I want to work this out" blablabla then you can ask the same question you're asking now. You're obviously not over her. Go out and make friends and be happy. Everything will come to you afterwards!!!
Author outofleftfield1987 Posted July 14, 2013 Author Posted July 14, 2013 No, not fully over her, but I've made huge strides towards that. As the dumper, she still needs to be the one to break NC right? Think this is a right step in the direction of a potential reconciliation? Or is her interest maybe just peaked cause she's curious and has no idea what I've been up to? Does this sound like the start of her potentially thinking of communicating?
ggas Posted July 14, 2013 Posted July 14, 2013 A dumper, even a "GIGS" dumper will still have feelings for you. Not thekind of feelings for a relationship but she still cares for you. Asking how you are is just her way of saying "hey look I still think about him does he still think about me?" BUT that DOESN'T MEAN she wants to get back together. Is just memories. As long as you will ask yourself the question when is she coming back or what does it mean she WILL NOT come back. Who would ever want to come back to a clingy person. People fall in love with confidence with attitude with a strong character. I can detect emotional weakness in what you post. Be stronger my friend, make your self happy and you will thrive with or without her. Cheers
Simon Phoenix Posted July 14, 2013 Posted July 14, 2013 I wouldn't react too much to this. If she wants to contact you, she will, but otherwise just keep on keeping on. She might be having a moment of weakness that will dissipate in time.
Author outofleftfield1987 Posted July 14, 2013 Author Posted July 14, 2013 Fair enough. Think maybe it's guilt for the way she cruelly dumped me? Or, maybe since mutual friends have all taken my side, she feels like she may need to say something to me to open up the lines of communication again, so other people will deal with her like they used to when she was with me. Isn't it odd that she got upset after finding out I was doing well though? My friend said she started to tear up when she told her that.
Simon Phoenix Posted July 14, 2013 Posted July 14, 2013 Fair enough. Think maybe it's guilt for the way she cruelly dumped me? Or, maybe since mutual friends have all taken my side, she feels like she may need to say something to me to open up the lines of communication again, so other people will deal with her like they used to when she was with me. Isn't it odd that she got upset after finding out I was doing well though? My friend said she started to tear up when she told her that. Stop overanalyzing this.
maturityassets Posted July 15, 2013 Posted July 15, 2013 Just don't let it phase you. people make their decisions and we cope with them. 3 months ain't long enough for her to come back and you guys to have a healthy relationship, having had worked on the things that drove you guys apart. This is a bit of a setback for you. For the next month you might be hoping she does reach out. But the fact that you care how she reacts is an indicator that you are not ready for that contact unless she outright says she wants you back. Other than that, even if she did break NC casually within a month, I suggest ignore it. Your expectations might be too high
Author outofleftfield1987 Posted July 15, 2013 Author Posted July 15, 2013 Well, she just broke 3 months of complete NC with an email. Email said she cares about me, and wants to meet up to talk in a neutral setting. Should I go? Or is this just her looking to alleviate guilt at this point?
aloneinaz Posted July 15, 2013 Posted July 15, 2013 I wouldn't do it. Pin her down and ask her specifically what she wants. If it's just to relieve guilt, F-that. Let her suffer. You need to worry about you. She made her decision to end your relationship. Let her deal with the consequences of it. At three months, I'd think you'd be over the majority of her and that relationship. Have you dated at all? If you had and met someone you liked, I bet you wouldn't be thinking so much about a girl who kicked you to the curb.. Im at 6 weeks NC since break up after an intense up/down relationship that lasted 1.4 years. She already seems like a stranger to me. I couldn't imagine her approaching me again after three months? I'd be like, "it took you three months to realize you screwed up, really?" She's clearly bored, lonely or curious as to why you're not being her little puppy, chasing after her. She dumped you once, she'd do it again.
maturityassets Posted July 15, 2013 Posted July 15, 2013 What do you want and what do you expect? Those are the two things you should ask yourself. If you want to get back together but you don't expect that, then keep the expectations close to your chest. Only you can know what you can handle. Could you handle her just apologizing and nothing more? Will you plea for her to work it out? Or will you be fine with just having a conversation with this person. I don't know if I would necessarily ignore the request, so I'm not one to tell you a definite answer. But I can tell you to do some deep thought before deciding what is best. Might want to wait for the opinions of others on this website as well. While people have some similarities in their relationships, everyone's is still unique to theirs. best of luck regardless whatever you do. Keep us posted
Simon Phoenix Posted July 15, 2013 Posted July 15, 2013 I'd ignore it. If she really wants to reconcile, she'll do more than send a half-ass email. 2
happydate Posted July 15, 2013 Posted July 15, 2013 Well, she just broke 3 months of complete NC with an email. Email said she cares about me, and wants to meet up to talk in a neutral setting. Should I go? Or is this just her looking to alleviate guilt at this point? A lot of girls do this after dumping their guys. Just so they can get them into their friend zone puppies list. Certainly, that's not where you want to end up with. There is no second chances with these ladies despite what tons of internet relationship gurus try to sell you, because if they dump you once, they will do it again. The only thing they're good for is FWB, and that's if you can convince them to do so. And that's how you call their bluff. If they really truly sincerely made a mistake about dumping you, they will have no problem sleeping with you again just to make up. 99.99% of the time though, it will keep their mouth shut for good and they just dissappear. 1
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