Nyla Posted July 17, 2013 Posted July 17, 2013 In reading the Other Woman/Other Man forum, lots of times marriage is spoken about as this obligation/piece of paper/business arrangement/roommate scenario etc. I am certain some marriages are this way, but in reading, sometimes it seems as though marrying because you of love, being compatible, wanting a life with this person, it was a progression from an enjoyable relationship etc. is far-fetched and it's some "natural fact" that marriage is a trap and married people's true love will naturally be their affair partner they meet while married. Granted...if you're in an affair, then it's not hard to see how this opinion would be beneficial. However, I'm curious, both because of these types of conversations on LS, as well as when I see people post in the "Getting Married" section or hear about it in real life. Why do people marry? What forethought did they put into it? So: Why did you get married? What idea did you have about marriage before you did it? What idea do you have now that you're married? Would you do it again? Thanks I got married because my husband and I wanted to solidify our relationship with a formal promise. We knew we were tired of dating others and we were also very happy to have finally met someone who did not want children. The ideas I had about marriage was that it would be wonderful, but not always a perfect fairy tale. We have been through so much together in nearly three years of marriage. I was concerned that our sex life would dwindle after more than six years together, but marriage has added a certain romance and passion to sex. I would marry my husband all over again, but I would have waited until we were more financially stable before doing so. We are doing better now but we will still never own property or be able to go on expensive vacations all the time.
youdunsay Posted July 18, 2013 Posted July 18, 2013 Yes -- I was always the one who was dumped. The girls seemed to have one foot out the door from the get-go, like they were very aware of the options they had. I, on the other hand, didn't have options and was just glad to be out of the meeting/attracting rat-race. I was bad at it and didn't want to be a part of it. Curious, were you the type that have tough luck getting normal dates or did you aim high for girls who were too popular or you have quite a few ladies friends whom were potentials?
quankanne Posted July 18, 2013 Posted July 18, 2013 Why did you get married? interestingly enough, marriage was never part of my lifetime plan, but when he brought it up, I realized that he was the one I wanted to be married to. I guess it was because a life together with him just felt *right* ... What idea did you have about marriage before you did it? What idea do you have now that you're married? from watching my parents' and my sisters' marriages, I knew that it was the kind of commitment where sacrifice was a huge part, and while I didn't have a problem with it on my end, I worried about a potential spouse having that same level of commitment. And I think that's a large part of why I never really considered marriage, because I figured there wasn't going to be someone who'd feel the same way about "us" as I did! We're an old married couple now – celebrated our 21-year anniversary last month, my thoughts are that yeah, sometimes you get lucky, and God blesses you not only with someone to love (what you wish for), but with something you never realized you needed :love: Would you do it again? honestly can't answer that because there are too many variables to consider: Would I be that same girl? Would he be that same guy? Would our paths have even crossed? Would one of us made a single different decision that would alter the course of our destinies? But I love being married, and would like to think that I'd be open to entering into a new relationship should my husband pass away ... 1
carhill Posted July 18, 2013 Posted July 18, 2013 Why Did You Get Married? I loved my exW and wanted to have children and a family with her. I presumed, over the 18 months or so before we got married, that she felt the same way. Nothing more complicated than that. What idea did you have about marriage before you did it? What idea do you have now that you're married? I viewed my parents marriage as a guide. They were married for life. Would you do it again? Yes
Author MissBee Posted July 18, 2013 Author Posted July 18, 2013 I got married because my husband and I wanted to solidify our relationship with a formal promise. We knew we were tired of dating others and we were also very happy to have finally met someone who did not want children. The ideas I had about marriage was that it would be wonderful, but not always a perfect fairy tale. We have been through so much together in nearly three years of marriage. I was concerned that our sex life would dwindle after more than six years together, but marriage has added a certain romance and passion to sex. I would marry my husband all over again, but I would have waited until we were more financially stable before doing so. We are doing better now but we will still never own property or be able to go on expensive vacations all the time. Just curious, why never?
Silly_Girl Posted July 18, 2013 Posted July 18, 2013 I knew that it was the kind of commitment where sacrifice was a huge part, and while I didn't have a problem with it on my end, I worried about a potential spouse having that same level of commitment 'Sacrifice' is a big word, I don't recall seeing it linked with getting married before. Could you expand on that?
underwater2010 Posted July 18, 2013 Posted July 18, 2013 Why did you get married? We lived together a year prior to engagement. Once he proposed we found out that I was pregnant and we had a "shotgun" religious wedding when I was 6 months pregnant. However, I would not have married him if I did not want to. We had already talked over all major issues and enjoyed each others company. Both of us come from non divorced households and agreed on parenting and life's goals. And quite simply I loved him. What idea did you have about marriage before you did it? What idea do you have now that you're married? My ideas have never changed. To me it is two people bonded against the world for better or worse. Your partner is the one person that should have you back no matter what. But both people should put forth their best effort in the marriage. If both are giving people and not takers it makes marriage easy. Both people must be present to raise the kids and should make the household a loving place for the kids to be raised. Both should participate in keeping up the home, but should not be harassed for "not doing their share". Any major decision should be made jointly and if there is a "no" it wins, compromise. Would you do it again? With all the broke times and the EA on his part.....YES, I would. Nobody promises that marriage would be all highs. It is all over place and how you deal with the lows and flat lines make all the difference. 1
underwater2010 Posted July 18, 2013 Posted July 18, 2013 Okay I misunderstood the last question of "Would you do it again?"....I thought it implied marrying my husband again. The answer is Yes I would. If it was meant would I marry anyone else.....no I wouldn't.
Author MissBee Posted July 19, 2013 Author Posted July 19, 2013 Okay I misunderstood the last question of "Would you do it again?"....I thought it implied marrying my husband again. The answer is Yes I would. If it was meant would I marry anyone else.....no I wouldn't. Yes, I meant knowing what you know would you do it all over again with your current spouse. Some people took it as would they get married again if their marriage ended, that wasn't my intended question, but a good one to answer as well.
GoodOnPaper Posted July 20, 2013 Posted July 20, 2013 Yes, I meant knowing what you know would you do it all over again with your current spouse. Oh, I took it the other way. In terms of dating/relationships, I would completely overhaul everything I ever did and experienced since I was 16 years old. My senior year in college would be worth saving - I actually felt comfortable in my skin then - but that's about it. My approach to things would be so different, I'd be surprised if I'd even meet my wife.
carhill Posted July 20, 2013 Posted July 20, 2013 Yes, I meant knowing what you know would you do it all over again with your current spouse. Based upon MC and presuming neither of us substantially changed our base personalities, no. Apologies for misunderstanding the original question. Still 'yes' to getting married again, in general.
rockyboat Posted July 20, 2013 Posted July 20, 2013 Why did you get married? it seemed like the logical thing to do What idea did you have about marriage before you did it? What idea do you have now that you're married? earlier - nothing changes. now - EVERYTHING changes Would you do it again? probably. but very very carefully.
KungFuJoe Posted July 20, 2013 Posted July 20, 2013 I got married because my gf proposed to me and I was completely happy with her. I had NEVER though about marriage or had any ideas of it prior to getting engaged. I would do it again, with my current wife, in a heartbeat. 1
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