The Typical "I Need Space" Situation

[Gixxer6]

My ex and I were together for about 2 years before we broke up. We were doing fine before everything happened (or so I thought) so this break up took me by complete surprise; I never saw this coming.

Everything happened about a week after Valentines Day. We last saw each other on a Sunday and everything seemed fine (other than the fact that she decided to leave pretty early). She decided to leave early because she needed to go to a family member's house (which she does every Sunday), I thought it was a little odd that she was leaving so early but I didn't question it because I trusted her (my mistake). That would be the last time we got together as a couple.

I ask her a question the next day (through text) and I don't receive a response all day. I knew something was wrong. So I ask her what was wrong because I felt as if she was giving me the silent treatment. She responds with nothing was wrong and that I was being "weird". I didn't believe her but I let it go figuring she was probably upset over something.

Again the next day I ask her again if anything was wrong, and she responds with "nothing" was wrong. I didn't believe her because I haven't heard from her all day. We work together so she comes into work later on in the day and doesn't even look at me, doesn't say anything to me, it was if we didn't even know each other. At that point, I get irritated and I leave her alone for the rest of the day (and night).

Come Wednesday I continue to keep asking her what's wrong. She only responds with "drop it", "let me be", and that she "wasn't ready to talk about it". At that point I'm thinking she's cheating. Now mind you I trusted my gf, and I have never thought or accused her of cheating, but the way she was acting was new to me, she never acted the way she did that week with me. So continuing on I let her be for the rest of the day but then I see she adds this guy on fb that she refused to add for over a year (too long of a story to tell but he almost caused us to break up a year prior to this). At that point I was thinking what anybody else would have thought in my position, she basically made me believe even more that she was cheating. I try calling her after that, no response, so I leave a vm asking her what was going on? Why she added this kid? She doesn't call back but texts me back that adding him onto fb has nothing to do with this. I asked her was she mad at something I did. Something I said. Was it anything I did. She wouldn't even give me that. All she kept saying was "drop it" and that she wasn't ready to talk about it.

Fast forward to that Friday. She finally cracks that night (after me constantly asking, I know it was a bad move but who wouldn't have been concerned). She told me that people got into her head and that usually she could shake it but for some reason that time she couldn't. Supposedly people were talking badly about me at work (no I didn't do anything bad, screw up, or anything, I don't even know what was said to this day). So basically whatever was said to her really messed with her head. I tried to get her to meet up with me because that wasn't a conversation we should have been having over text, she said no. I said let's talk about it over the phone, she said no again. As we continued talking about it, she kept throwing excuse after excuse my way as to why we're not going to work out. It seemed as if she didn't want to be the one to break us up, so she was pushing me to do it. She would say things such as "I want to see how my life is without your name attached to me", and the typical "she doesn't know who she is anymore". After an hour of reading all of her excuses, I asked her if she wanted to me with me or not. She responded with she didn't know, that some days she did, some days she didn't, and that some days she had to talk herself into it. I asked again, was it a yes or no? She responded that she didn't know. I'm thinking after two years, if she didn't know, she wanted out plus adding all of the things she said to me, it really felt as if she wanted out. So I told her goodbye. I didn't want to do it, I did love that girl, but it felt as if it was something she wanted.

Next night I send her a long text, she responds with an email stating that she had no intention of ending the relationship, that she only wanted us to take a couple of weeks off from each other and everything she wrote to me (the excuses) just came out wrong through text. She wrote I should have known that it wasn't about me and if it was she would have told me but she was so stressed out over everything that she needed a little time to think (if that was the case she should have told me it wasn't about me and I would have given her a little bit of space). She added that this was the result of her not being ready to talk, and that I should have just given her the space she needed. Lastly she added she just needed to take the time to "find herself" and fix her life and that she refused to let us end the way we did.

We continued to sort of speak a little bit after everything, and she repeatedly swore that there was nobody else and that she was just doing this because she felt like she hit an all time low in her life and that she needed to focus on fixing it. I still think that is hard to believe. For example, we still work together, ever since we broke up, it's as if we never were a couple. We don't look each other, we don't speak to each other, it's as if we've become strangers. The only thing she did was text me here and there.

That's my story. In my opinion, I think there is somebody else. It wasn't like her to act the way she did. She disappeared for a week, didn't tell me why, snapped at me for being a concerned, and then she throws excuses my way that pushed me to walk.

Any opinions? Everybody I have spoken to thinks that there is somebody else, last time we spoke (a month ago, thorough e-mail), she still swore that there was nobody else. Would anybody else believe that story if you were in my shoes?

[Chi townD]

Yep! There's another dude. Probably the guy she added to Facebook. she probably met up with him and he got into her head. She probably talked to her friends about it and her friends, more than likely, sold you out and encouraged her to try this new guy out.

 

The reason why she wanted a break veruses a break up is because she's testing the waters with this new dude, and if things don't work out and he actually turns out to be a douche rocket; well, she'd have you waiting on the sidelines. And you can't get mad if you find out she was sleeping with this guy because "We were on a break!" It's not her fault you didn't date. Don't you love technicalities. But, if things do work out with this other dude,as soon as she discovered that he's completely on board with entering and exclusive relationship with her, she would make the "taking a break" more permanent.

 

Another selling point on another guy is when she said that she needed to "find herself" That is the most stupid excuse I've ever heard and I frickin hate it. You should have told her to look in the mirror, " HOLY SH*T!!! THERE YOU ARE!" so, stupid. It means, she needs to find herself in this dude's bed. At work she won't even look you in the eyes! You know why? Because she feels guilty. She kept on telling you excuse after excuse on why you weren't going to work out. She did this to convince herself that what she's doing is the right thing. It wasn't about getting YOU to believe it, it was for her benefit to try and ease her guilt.

 

And you can ask her about all of this, but it's useless. All you'll get is lies. So, what you need to do is go complete NC on her. No Contact!

 

I have a feeling you have a job and not a career. Therefore, I strongly suggest that you dust off that resume and start looking for another job. Don't tell anyone that you're doing this. And when you land a new job, put in your two weeks and DON'T TELL ANYONE! Just one day, she'll notice that you're just gone!

[jphcbpa]

I second what Chi said.

 

Seriously, why would you want to be with someone who cannot have a candid in person conversation with you about their feelings like an adult, especially after 2 years of dating.

 

NC ASAP and don't take her back.

[Gixxer6]

Yea bro I don't know why people still used that excuse, it's outdated. That's as bad as using the "it's not you, it's me" excuse (she fed me that one as well after we broke up; real pro).

 

I never believed a word this girl said to me. She tried to convince me so hard that it was because of her life. If I brought up the fact that I thought there was somebody else she would flip. I know for a fact now that she isn't seeing that kid from last year though, I think she's seeing one of her ex's.

 

Secondly if it was about her life, she wouldn't be acting so strangely towards me. Anyway we haven't spoken in a month and I don't plan on trying to figure out what happened anymore. Once a liar, always a liar. They won't tell the truth unless they know they are caught. The worse part about this is the last thing she said to me is that it was only "temporary" and that I kind of pushed her to make this permanent because I've been acting disgusting throughout this whole thing (ie trying to figure out what happened; like a normal person). These people never admit that they messed up and will try to play that reverse psychology roll where they will put the blame on you. If they do the damage, they need to own up to it. They did the damage and made themselves look bad already, might as well finish the job.