How do you make friends? Your stories.

[Babolat]

As a heavy smoker, pack or pack and a half a day (depending on stress), I can say it is a very addictive habbit that is hard to shake. It will cost lots of money, around $5 and some change a day, so a little over $150 a month, and it will kill you... and of course make you sick, I've had pneumonia and bronchites several times this past year and I'm only 25. So don't go down the once in a blue moon path, because then it will turn in to once in a while, and then it will turn in to once every day, then once every other hour...

 

Thanks man, and I agree. My dad smoked 2 packs of Pall Malls my entire childhood/teens, my grandmother died from smoking so I actually hate cigarettes.

 

Pretty ironic timing, the ex gf just texted me to tell me she is Vaping now.

[Taramere]

Absolutely 100% agree with your three points. Another thing that helps us, shy, introverted types is having an ounce of self-belief. Ya'kno, to rate yourself and approve what you bring to the party, so to speak. I'm 25 but it's only now I've mustered up some self-worth. I don't need people to tell me what a swell guy i am, I know.

 

Where did you travel, Taramere? I'm considering doing a working holiday in Canada next year

 

I took the tried and tested trail mainly. I started out in Hong Kong and stayed with friends for a few days, so that was a gentle introduction. Then I went to Singapore - which felt very safe, but I managed to have a freaky experience by staying in a hotel that seemed to double as a brothel. Then it was Australia. I travelled and worked a bit too. Everywhere I went, I was getting offered jobs on the black market - and I also got to do an advanced diving course for next to nothing.

 

Before I travelled I'd had a really rough working experience which had given me confidence in some ways but also taken an awful lot away. Australia gave me something really special. I absolutely loved the people I met there. Their sense of humour, positivity, how friendly and down to earth they are...I just absolutely adored the place and the people. Then I went to New Zealand.

 

I'd lived there as a kid - and the Kiwis are great too. Just a touch more reserved than the Aussies, but still very friendly and great fun (and such a beautiful place). After that, Canada. Again, loved the people and the scenery is just astonishingly beautiful. Then I finished up in the US, which was a trip and a half. Loved New York and San Francisco...and probably liked the desert best. It was a long time ago now. I've done a couple of trips since, but nothing like that one.

 

Unless a person is very lucky and travels for a living, or is wealthy enough to spend their life travelling, that's pretty much a once in a lifetime trip...so you have to make it a good one. I met so many great people - but it was way before Facebook, and over the years you end up losing touch. I still have good memories of them all, though. I would absolutely recommend going to a few countries if you can take out a chunk of time to do it.

[Taramere]

Yes well if you ever go to Eastern Europe you will find a lot of people like that because we are not taught of the importance of social skills - the result of living in a less commercialised world for decades I suppose, social lubrication isn't so important when you are not selling things. That's my theory on grumpiness anyway

 

I went to Hungary a couple of years after my big trip! I found the younger people absolutely lovely, but some of the older ones were incredibly surly. I remember palling up with these girls. One of them got stung by a wasp and started crying because she had a bad allergy to stings. These old crones were watching and cackling. We didn't exactly feel loved by them.

 

Then when I went to the train station and approached the desk announcing "English speaking" the woman just shooed me away when I started asking a question. I started to slope off and then this young Hungarian guy behind me stopped me. He said "no. Don't take that from her." Then he started berating the woman and pointing to the English Speaking sign. She shrugged so he translated for me.

 

He was really helpful. The whole impression I got was that younger people were really keen to send out an "friendly and open for business" message, but that they sometimes had their work cut out for them. That was back in the late 1990s.

[Taramere]

Yes it is an interesting dynamic... I think it has something to do with the act of smoking itself. You know that you are viewed as an outcast by most when you smoke because it is nasty and will kill you, but you do it anyway... so us persicuted band together over the addiction. Kind of like how drunk people at a bar will talk to random other drunk people at a bar, often times while outside smoking. lol. i've made lots of friendships these ways. I've landed a one night stand that turned in to a horrible relationship over smoking. lmao

 

I met my furious French friend as a result of us both being the only smokers in a group of non-smokers (back then I was a smoker...I gave up years ago. Nicotine Lozenges). It's one of the big pulls of smoking, isn't it? People talk about it being anti-social, but there's that bonding over doing something naughty.

 

The amount of times, in the past, that I started a new job and resolved not to smoke...and then five minutes later some mischievous face would appear from around a door waving a packet of cigarettes and asking "do you smoke?" It's hard to resist that whole bonding over a cigarette thing.

[will1988]

I met my furious French friend as a result of us both being the only smokers in a group of non-smokers (back then I was a smoker...I gave up years ago. Nicotine Lozenges). It's one of the big pulls of smoking, isn't it? People talk about it being anti-social, but there's that bonding over doing something naughty.

 

The amount of times, in the past, that I started a new job and resolved not to smoke...and then five minutes later some mischievous face would appear from around a door waving a packet of cigarettes and asking "do you smoke?" It's hard to resist that whole bonding over a cigarette thing.

 

It is true it does bond us. Also, I think smokers groups are the most racially and ethniclly diverse groups you will find... we are all united to smoke and get mean glances from healthy people. lol. Yes, in my job we have a smokers clique, which thankfully my big boss is a part of.

[Taramere]

It is true it does bond us. Also, I think smokers groups are the most racially and ethniclly diverse groups you will find... we are all united to smoke and get mean glances from healthy people. lol. Yes, in my job we have a smokers clique, which thankfully my big boss is a part of.

 

You'd be surprised. Reformed smokers are also a diverse group, united in being judgemental about the habit. I think we're far worse about it than "never did smoke" people are. Except when we're a bit boozy, and then we sidle up to you and inhale your exhalations longingly.

[tbf]

Have you ever heard of the Ben Franklin effect?

[todreaminblue]

I have always been introverted and solitary. There was a few years when I went out a lot, most of it office happy hours. I no longer have the metabolism for that nor do I wish to drink a lot anymore.

 

I like a lot of alone time. I like to go to the gym by myself and left weights. I take walks for exercise. I like to read or watch tv at home.

 

I find it hard make or keep friends. I have found that male friends eventually reveal that they are interested in more than friends (even if they are married) and then they don't want to be friends anymore when they realize it isn't going to happen, female friends eventually get a boyfriend and become very busy with that. I have a had a few female friends over the years that we just grow apart because they either get married or they want to stay out all night clubbing and I'm not into that.

 

How often does everyone go out on here? What kinds of things do you do with your friends? How do you go about making new friends?

 

This is aimed towards the non-partying crowd.

 

I am a mix of introvert and extrovert......i open conversations.....i smile....i am not pushy...i once said to soemoen i am fragile ...they smiled and said you are not....but i am...i just dont project it ...

 

 

i can open a conversation at a supermarket or on the street......there's this old adage...a friend in need is a friend in deed...most of my friendships have been people who have helped others...through volunteering and the like....who i have helped or offered advice, i have never lost a friend...bar one...that haunts me...cant find her she was my highschool buddy an di miss her..............its a circle for me and friends i have made....are friends for life......even exes.......deb

[carhill]

My best friend and erstwhile project partner resulted from my turning his business down for credit around 20 years ago.

 

Generally though, I make friends over shared interests or with people who believe in a sense a synergy regarding my skillset. As an example, a close friend, whom I'll be flying to visit next month, 'met' me on a vintage car forum around 15 years ago and our online sharing of interests turned into personal 'get togethers' and moved on from there, separated only by physical distance today. I count he and his wife amongst my close circle.

 

As far as 'going out', I'm not exceedingly social, though I did have a good time at a beach bar or two with a married male friend over the holiday last week. Met a number of interesting ladies and had a good time. Some of the guys we met ended up at my friend's house where we talked some shop (mainly real estate and cars) and drank some wine and beers. That's how it usually goes. Things come up and I go with the flow.

[pink_sugar]

Most of my good friends I have met at school or work. Since my recent schooling was online and I work at a small company, I haven't had many other opportunities, but when I finish school and have more free time, I am going to join hobby groups and such.

 

My school friends and I became friends unexpectedly. I annoyed the heck out of them and even used to make fun of them...who knew we'd become friends?!!

[Emilia]

I went to Hungary a couple of years after my big trip! I found the younger people absolutely lovely, but some of the older ones were incredibly surly. I remember palling up with these girls. One of them got stung by a wasp and started crying because she had a bad allergy to stings. These old crones were watching and cackling. We didn't exactly feel loved by them.

Ok that's not exactly standard behaviour by people though we are not as 'soft' as Westerners when it comes to these things (not saying allergy is not serious).

Then when I went to the train station and approached the desk announcing "English speaking" the woman just shooed me away when I started asking a question. I started to slope off and then this young Hungarian guy behind me stopped me. He said "no. Don't take that from her." Then he started berating the woman and pointing to the English Speaking sign. She shrugged so he translated for me.

 

He was really helpful. The whole impression I got was that younger people were really keen to send out an "friendly and open for business" message, but that they sometimes had their work cut out for them. That was back in the late 1990s.

It is lack of social skills just not having an idea of how to handle challenging situations. The younger generation is better travelled. I think it's all quite different now of course. People get fired after too many bad marks against them anyway so that's obviously an incentive.

[thefooloftheyear]

I have all the friends I can ever want/need at this point in my life..I generally do not make any small talk with anyone on the street and I dont really feel all that comfortable when strangers engage me in conversation..Not that I am unfriendly or anything, just that I tend to keep to myself., so....(shrug)

 

My problem is that for some odd reason, I seem to be a magnet for very needy people. Because i lke to give, that usually results in a situation where I wind up giving/doing and not really getting anything in return.. I know I probably shouldnt be keeping a scorecard, but its only human nature to start to feel like a doormat in this scenario..It becomes all one sided..Its a trait that I am trying desperately to get rid of..

 

TFY

Edited July 10, 2013 by thefooloftheyear

[Jasper123]

I'm resonationg with alot of what has been said on this thread, some real common sense on here, great to be here.

[Sugarkane]

I'm also an introvert and I hate how this is frowned upon in our society. Introverts just work/ think differently. I'm at a disadvantage because most people meet friends through work. I didn't. The people were much older than me. Then when young people did join the company they were a clique who were already friends and always excluded me. Also they were all smokers and I was the only young person who didn't smoke. The others were foreigners who don't mix with others. I've had a few bad experiences where I've put myself out there only to be betrayed or just out right ignored for no reason. It seems when people have a couple of friends, they don't bother wanting to know new people. I admit I've made that mistake before perhaps, only to be betrayed by a group of people. I've found it hard to make friends again when I consider myself a loyal person but only to get betrayed.

[GG3]

I'm also an introvert and I hate how this is frowned upon in our society. Introverts just work/ think differently. I'm at a disadvantage because most people meet friends through work. I didn't. The people were much older than me. Then when young people did join the company they were a clique who were already friends and always excluded me. Also they were all smokers and I was the only young person who didn't smoke. The others were foreigners who don't mix with others. I've had a few bad experiences where I've put myself out there only to be betrayed or just out right ignored for no reason. It seems when people have a couple of friends, they don't bother wanting to know new people. I admit I've made that mistake before perhaps, only to be betrayed by a group of people. I've found it hard to make friends again when I consider myself a loyal person but only to get betrayed.

 

How do you go about trying to make new friends? Or do you mostly stay home?

 

I have a hard time making myself go out and try. It's too easy to stay home and my things or do the things I like by myself. I know that I need to have people in my life but yet I just enjoy being alone. And the friends that I have let in...I have felt betrayed or disrespected by some of them so it makes it harder to try.

[mano]

same here , i am such an introvert , but a very sincere person , i never abandon any friends no matter what .

i do have friends but to be honest not one of them is too close to me, i don't know if its just me or them , mostly i have been betrayed n taken advantage of, i am quite self dependant too n like to be alone at times,

but these days i really really feel the need to have a best friend i could confide in. would be just so great