AppleFudge Posted July 1, 2013 Posted July 1, 2013 (edited) I made a post earlier, it got 150 views but no replies, and I really want some advice. Me and my boyfriend were together for 13 months, we had a great relationship, made so many memories and we were inseparable. It did get to a point where I was stupid though, and stressed, and I took my mood out on him sometimes. I done little things he didn't like by accident but he never really told me straight forward but all of these built up inside him. I suggested we went on a break because things were heated between us, and he text me for 3 days, he was so upset and he tried to see me in person and call me and everything, I replied in little amounts saying I wasn't going for good, that we needed some time apart to chill, but then it hurt me too much to see him feel that way and so I ended the break, and we seen each other in person and things were okay. But then about a week after this, he suggested we broke up. I said I didn't want that to happen, and so we stayed together but things were awkward and then a day later he suggested we broke up again, so he did. He stressed on at me how he just wanted time apart, but I failed at giving him that because I wasn't thinking straight. We've been broken up for a month and a half now, he kept giving me hope and then it would all go wrong, mostly because I would end up ranting on about my feelings to him because I wanted him back so much, I gave him loads of power and probably lowered my value a lot. He said the relationship was exhausting and that because I sent him so many texts they made him think it would be better if we didn't try to get together and instead stopped talking. We were so perfect for each other but had so much feelings built up because we didn't argue or anything and tried to keep disputes to a minimum - which is a bad idea, arguments can be good, and let you get your feelings out. We had a pretty perfect 13 months together with some little bumps along the way, so it was bound to have a huge problem at some point. I deleted him off every possible place I could contact him to make sure I don't, and I've deleted his number but entrusted someone else with his number so they can give me it back when I've improved myself. Because I haven't given up. I'm hoping some time of NC will allow him to clear his head, seeing as how that's what he wanted all along but I kept nagging at him. I just hope I haven't damaged things permanently with how needy I became after the break up, which was partly caused by the fact that he used to tell me in the past that if we broke up he'd want to know I cared and stuff, so I tried. I tried doing all the little things that pushed him away to show him I could be what he wanted, I was just more closed minded back then. (nothing sexual by the way, even though it sounds it, we just had silly things between us that I don't care to discuss right now). Anyway he really wanted it to be the end, he kept talking to me and saying we could try and take things slow as friends, but then I would end up letting my feelings get involved and he'd say its best if we don't speak (happened like 3 times). I'm sure he's still secretly holding on, I know he still has all of his gifts off me around his room, and other little stuff like that, plus he didn't remove me from the social sites, I did. Do you think NC could work? If absence makes the heart grow fonder? Which I'm sure really could be the case for us, knowing us as much as I do. I'm gonna use the time to improve myself and stop being that person I became, but I just want advice, something hopeful, just for now : ( I'm really sure he would miss me, but he's just had a lot of power and control at the moment, a part of me thinks he probably even thinks I'll end up getting back in touch soon cos I tried twice to do NC but lasted 3 days - this time it's serious though. Fuller story: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/405310-have-i-pushed-him-too-far#post5011457 Edited July 1, 2013 by AppleFudge
hoping2heal Posted July 1, 2013 Posted July 1, 2013 Take it as a lesson learned that games + relationships don't mix. Things weren't going your way so you attempted to fake break thinking it would get your guy going. Well, it got him going alright...going right on out the door. Breaking up is not a way to solve problems. I know, I've seen people mention it before. In reality, it just serves to further destruct the trust; whether it gives your partner a wake up call or not is kind of irrelevant given the trust issues it now leaves in its wake. It sounds like neither one of you knew how to effectively communicate. You can't do anything about his communication issues only yours. Work on yours so you have a better relationship in the future with whomever comes along.
Author AppleFudge Posted July 1, 2013 Author Posted July 1, 2013 I did it because we were getting annoyed with each other and I felt we needed a few days to cool down after it all, it was hard trying to juggle College and the relationship, but that was a mistake. I can't help but think that means its too late though, stranger things have happened but I guess so, either way its a lesson learned
hoping2heal Posted July 1, 2013 Posted July 1, 2013 You can't beat yourself up too much that you're inexperienced. Our relationship experiences teach us many things and hopefully we use it to grow. To learn what to do and what not to do. You'll get annoyed/bored/frustrated/insert adjective here towards your partner at times. It happens, it's normal and it's not solved by a break up or a "break". You put alot of mistrust into him when you did that. You sent the message that "when times get tough, I'm going to drop the rope and bail." People need to know they can still be loved and accepted even when they're not so romantic/sweet/funny/charming/nice/fun/insert adjective here.
Author AppleFudge Posted July 1, 2013 Author Posted July 1, 2013 Yeah I guess so, I explained to him that it was only so I could stop being so miserable towards him though and it was just to better myself for him, the reason he left wasn't because of that, it was because of other little things that I just didn't realize at the time, right now I'm in denial that its never too late if the love was true I guess only time can tell with these things
flitzanu Posted July 2, 2013 Posted July 2, 2013 NC isn't a tactic to get your ex back by garnering their attention. NC is to cut them from your life so that you can heal. 1
Author AppleFudge Posted July 2, 2013 Author Posted July 2, 2013 NC isn't a tactic to get your ex back by garnering their attention. NC is to cut them from your life so that you can heal. I'm doing it so that I can heal, but also because it's the best thing I can do for us right now. If there was any other option, I'd choose that.
aloneinaz Posted July 2, 2013 Posted July 2, 2013 I'm doing it so that I can heal, but also because it's the best thing I can do for us right now. If there was any other option, I'd choose that. You're relationship had a lot of issues with communication sounding like number one. You keep saying it was a "GREAT" 13 months but how can that be when you're both internalizing your frustrations with each other to the point of each of you breaking up with one another. You're both young. Right now, there's nothing for you two to talk about. You need to leave him alone to have any chance for him to think about you again. Go NC FOR YOU to heal and move forward with your life. Again, you're young, go out and have fun, date, enjoy your youth.. TRUST ME, it goes by fast enough.
Chi townD Posted July 2, 2013 Posted July 2, 2013 I'm doing it so that I can heal, but also because it's the best thing I can do for us right now. If there was any other option, I'd choose that. Okay, you're doing this to heal, but you also stated that you're doing it in the hopes that he'll come back. You're not going to heal if you cling onto false hope. Look, I know this isn't what you wanted to hear, but you need to live your life as if he isn't coming back. Because, chances are, he's not. If he does, great. But, you need to move on with your life whether he's in it or not. 1
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