AppleFudge Posted July 1, 2013 Posted July 1, 2013 (edited) Me and my ex-boyfriend had been together for 13 months, there were bumps along the way but we had the ideal and perfect relationship, we were very well suited together, we shared many interests as well as having other interests, and we both wanted the same things in our future etc... We had a lot of love, trust and care for each other, but because we always brushed arguments aside and preferred to just reconnect instead all of the time, stuff never got sorted out. We never had the right kind of arguments to blow off steam and let each other know how we felt about some stuff. He used to get bothered by some little things, and he felt like he was losing me, but I never noticed, he sent me little signs but I wasn't thinking straight, I thought it was just nothing. He sent me a song that was about "needing me" and I thought it was cute, but only just now realized that he needed me and I wasn't there for him. I've realized everything now, and all those little things I didn't do that I should have. It was hard to keep a cool head about everything because he would say he'd give me another chance and then say it's too hard, which happened for a while. We went the cinemas and had a really nice time together, he said he wanted a fresh start for us, but because I was so insecure and too upset (I shouldn't have tried to be friends so soon), I ended up getting too upset and telling him all my feelings, and I became too much for him to handle. I done the huge mistake of sending him a countless amount of texts on how we can work through it. For a month and a half after the break up I had hope, little signs, little silver linings. I took these for granted though, because I wanted to have him back NOW, and I didn't realize time was key. We had gotten to an okay friend stage, we played some online games together and we text a little bit, he wasn't ignoring me and it was light chit chat. But it wasn't enough for me because of how I'm feeling, so I tried to confide in him but it was a mistake. He ignored all of the texts I sent, and when I asked if he could just talk to me properly instead of letting the relationship end like we were two 12 year olds, he said: The relationship was great at first, but it became exhausting, we had arguments about pointless things, it became too much effort and not very joyful anymore. I picked at him over little things that didn't matter. Sometimes I did give others more attention. - I was just stressed, and didn't realize. He said "after all of the text spam I realized that it's probably not a good idea to try and get back together, and instead we should just stop talking to each other"... We always said we'd work through our problems, and I know he had so much love for me, and I know that love is still there. He can say anything by text, but I know he still has all of our little memories around his room, and that he can't bring himself to really delete my number or say an official "goodbye forever" kind of thing. Well he wished me the best for the future, and said it'd make him happy if I was excited for the future rather than how sad I am now. I'm worried it may be too late to do the no contact rule, because I became such a pest to him. But love doesn't really die that quickly does it? He did try at first, when I suggested we gave each other our stuff back he said he'd give me another chance, but then decided not to. He said he needed time apart a lot, but I was too upset to really listen to that. He said we'll take it slow, and it doesn't mean we'll definitely end up together but we'll see where it goes, and I'm so stupid that I was too upset over the "not getting back together" part that I didn't realise it didn't rule out the possibility ! I was just not thinking straight at all, but he was willing at that point, even if it was just a little bit, maybe we could reconcile? I did change towards the end of our relationship, I was so stressed with exams and stuff I was just never thinking straight, I suggested we went on a break and he was devastated and done everything for me, we never really worked it out though, and because things were still awkward he broke up with me a week later and all this happens. How can he go from trying so hard for me and then just thinking we shouldn't try. I know he was genuine when he said all of those things to me in the past though. And now he should know I'm genuine. I want to not talk to him for 30 days (or however longer it takes), and find that person I know I am, the one he loved. And then get back in touch with him, hoping he doesn't enjoy his life without me as much as he may think he will:( I know people will be tempted to tell me to give up and move on, but I'm not going to give up until I want to give up, I have a lot of faith in our relationship, and stranger things have happened right? It wouldn't be the first time, the reason we got together is because we used to talk in 2009, and stopped for 3 years then he randomly text me because I was on his mind! 3 years later... and then we got together. Maybe the relationship has run its course but I'd like advice on the matter whilst I'm still going to try and try and try until one day, maybe someone will come along and distract me. The problems we had is that I made plans with others, didn't give him as much attention, made him feel like I was treating others better, I didn't make him my priority at some times when I should have, but I guess I just didn't think it would result in this. I knew I was stressed, I wasn't letting myself have any fun or really see him much because I had so much going on, but I shouldn't have became so self-absorbed. I do think time can help a lot, especially if all of that love we had for each other was real, which I'm sure it was. When we talked about our relationship, even over a month after the break up, he still spoke about some parts of it negatively, for example: "I gave up watching films with you, you insulted my choice of films and refused to even consider watching them", and I could tell he was still bothered by how I was being, he mentioned it about a few little things I was being a bitch about. But I know I can change, you don't know what you have until it's gone and I want to change! Not just for him, but because I know I'm not supposed to be who I became... But during these days of NC, I would really love to know if there is any way I can stop myself from crying pretty much every day, when I wake up, when I go to sleep. I overthink but I can't help it. I can't go and see friends because they either live too far away, are too busy all the time, or it requires too much money which I don't have. I have got some ways to put myself out there, but the hurt is so fresh right now, I can't get out of bed! Edited July 1, 2013 by AppleFudge
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