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How do I still miss/love her? How is she viewed as so innocent?

frostythesnowman

By frostythesnowman
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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frostythesnowman Established Member

frostythesnowman

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So Ive been having a ****ty day and was just thinking- why do I still care about this girl? How did I put up for this for so long and why am I not completely disgusted with her by now? I've cut her out of my life completely, but waited too long. Reading through these you will see that I put up with way too much, and it definitely makes her sound like a horrible person while typing it out, but she is viewed as completely innocent by everyone and liked by everyone. She even thinks she is innocent. It makes me mad and makes me feel like I got the short end of the stick in every way possible. Here is a list in a timeline sort of manner of ****ty things she has done and done to me.... I don't understand how I can still be missing this girl

 

-Kissed me while she was with her boyfriend before me and texted me constantly. Even told me "I love you" while she was with him. This was when we were very young, earlier on in high school.

 

-texted some guy she met on a cruise a lot while she was with me. Even made plans to visit him during the summer while she was with me. I asked her to stop and she didn't

 

-kissed two other guys playing "spin the bottle" while she was dating me. (one of these guys will turn out to be her next boyfriend) She was very upset after and said she did it because "she wanted to make sure she felt the way she did about me". Later on she even pointed the blame on me, getting mad at me for not getting mad at her for that... Looking back, I don't really know why I didn't get mad/do something about this. I guess because she was so upset

 

-Went on a bunch of walks with her old boyfriend while she was with me (harmless, maybe not something to get mad about, but still)

 

-While I was on a long trip in California, suddenly broke things off with me the first couple days I was there and started hooking up with some guy while I was gone. I was miserable for 10 days in California because of this

 

-after our relationship, whenever I would start talking to any other girls, she would start coming back to me, get me interested, and then just drop me

 

-acted very upset for me after I got in a fight, part of it due to her, and then proceeded to tell me a week later "good luck getting any girls with that broken nose"

 

-gave me **** for "not hooking up with other girls and not moving on", but the next time I hooked up with someone, she was furious and told me she was "no longer going to prom with me" (something we had planned on doing/she had promised)

 

-When I called her to wish her a happy birthday a couple months after our break up, she then told me That she had sex with her new guy for the first time that day

 

-kept me interested somehow throughout all of senior year and acted innocently like she never did anything to keep me around. This was while she was with her new boyfriend. Her reasoning for everything like this was "I care so much about you but just as a friend" even when later on she would tell me she had feelings for me that whole time. And then, maybe a month later, tell me that she didn't.

 

-acted like she was going to be something with me that summer and told me she wishes she could hook up with me. Ended up making me miserable all summer and never ended it with her boyfriend until before we went off to college

 

-Texted me pretty consistently throughout freshman year of college,each time either telling me she misses me and making plans with me and then either canceling and hanging out with her now other ex boyfriend, or then hanging out with me and then lying to me and hanging out with her now other ex boyfriend.

 

-texting me several times randomly "I miss you" and once even drunkenly told me she wants to have sex with me this summer, and then when asked about this later she said "she just misses me as a friend, not in THAT way"

aloneinaz Established Member

aloneinaz

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Really? You haven't gotten over her for two reasons-

 

* You keep talking and texting her even though she's an extremely immature girl.

 

* You haven't found anyone else. As soon as you do, you'll forget all about this train wreck.

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frostythesnowman Established Member

frostythesnowman

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Really? You haven't gotten over her for two reasons-

 

* You keep talking and texting her even though she's an extremely immature girl.

 

* You haven't found anyone else. As soon as you do, you'll forget all about this train wreck.

 

I am done talking to her for good. Haven't talked to/seen her for a few weeks now, and the difference between now and past times is that I legitimately want to move forward from her. Even if she has been immature and terrible to me, it's not easy to help how I feel, but I'm trying. My posts and all of these things may seem redundant, but continuous feedback really helps, as you probably know.

 

Maybe I put up with that for so long because I was immature too. She was my first love and so far my only love, so it's been hard to let go. I'm motivated to move on and meet someone new, but everyone has those days where it isn't easy

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frostythesnowman Established Member

frostythesnowman

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Your "girlfriend" sounds A LOT like my girlfriend in high school. In a few years, once you get your self esteem issues worked out, I highly recommend you do what I did to her... http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/404037-ever-get-back-ex-revenge

 

Not sure if this is what I want to do. I don't intend on ever having her in my life again

SimonSerenade Established Member

SimonSerenade

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Girls like that love the attention and validation, it's a pathetic act, she may never accept responsiblity for her part so don't expect her to, you know in your mind there is no justification for what she did and your the only person that needs to know that, if it makes her life easier by painting you as the bad guy then rise above it, there's no need to maul it over in your mind, there's no way to dictate her actions so you might as well roll with the punches and get out of there while you can.

eddyctv Established Member

eddyctv

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Not sure if this is what I want to do. I don't intend on ever having her in my life again

 

Once you heal up and have a few relationships under your belt, you may feel differently!

aloneinaz Established Member

aloneinaz

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I am done talking to her for good. Haven't talked to/seen her for a few weeks now, and the difference between now and past times is that I legitimately want to move forward from her. Even if she has been immature and terrible to me, it's not easy to help how I feel, but I'm trying. My posts and all of these things may seem redundant, but continuous feedback really helps, as you probably know.

 

Maybe I put up with that for so long because I was immature too. She was my first love and so far my only love, so it's been hard to let go. I'm motivated to move on and meet someone new, but everyone has those days where it isn't easy

 

I understand your pain my man. Ignore her for YOU. It will help you put her in the past. Change your phone number, block her number. Block her on Facebook. She needs to be dead to you.

 

First loves can be tough emotionally to move on from. Her actions should only make it easier for you though. When you get some time of NC under your belt, you'll fell better. You could also speed up your recovery by trying to hang out with a girl or two. Maybe even start to date again. This will help you put her out of you mind for good.

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frostythesnowman Established Member

frostythesnowman

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I understand your pain my man. Ignore her for YOU. It will help you put her in the past. Change your phone number, block her number. Block her on Facebook. She needs to be dead to you.

 

First loves can be tough emotionally to move on from. Her actions should only make it easier for you though. When you get some time of NC under your belt, you'll fell better. You could also speed up your recovery by trying to hang out with a girl or two. Maybe even start to date again. This will help you put her out of you mind for good.

 

Been trying to hang out with different girls etc., unfortunately I'm weirdly picky and I can't get myself interested in what comes my way. Happened recently with someone who my friends were shocked I wasn't interested in; I just wasn't interested and there was no spark

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frostythesnowman Established Member

frostythesnowman

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Girls like that love the attention and validation, it's a pathetic act, she may never accept responsiblity for her part so don't expect her to, you know in your mind there is no justification for what she did and your the only person that needs to know that, if it makes her life easier by painting you as the bad guy then rise above it, there's no need to maul it over in your mind, there's no way to dictate her actions so you might as well roll with the punches and get out of there while you can.

 

You are completely right. The only person who matters in this scenario is me, and karma will bite her in the ass someday. Just listing those things out disgusts me and I hate that I've wasted so much time on her. I wish I had moved forward by now and was happy with someone else, it's taken me an embarrassingly long time to make real moves to be over her

HopelessRomantick Established Member

HopelessRomantick

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Yes all about YOU now.

 

How long were you together? How long BU?

eddyctv Established Member

eddyctv

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Its got to be hard to get a girl like that out of your head. You are starving for her attention, which she rarely gives, but when she DOES give it to you, its like "ahhhhh..." Like a drug.

 

I'm telling you, cut the cord. My high school girlfriend was the same EXACT way.

 

You dont have to get in another relationship right away, just go out and have fun! You WILL find that girl that gives you the attention you deserve.

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frostythesnowman Established Member

frostythesnowman

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Yes all about YOU now.

 

How long were you together? How long BU?

 

Long story short, we had "feelings" for each other and were pretty close as early on as middle school (as early as you could have any "feelings"), started dating halfway through high school, were together for a year, on and off hooking up for half a year, and then she started dating another guy. Several months ago she admitted to having feelings for me the whole time, which she would then more recently say wasn't true.

 

So we have been broken up for over two years

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frostythesnowman Established Member

frostythesnowman

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Its got to be hard to get a girl like that out of your head. You are starving for her attention, which she rarely gives, but when she DOES give it to you, its like "ahhhhh..." Like a drug.

 

I'm telling you, cut the cord. My high school girlfriend was the same EXACT way.

 

You dont have to get in another relationship right away, just go out and have fun! You WILL find that girl that gives you the attention you deserve.

 

It is hard man. I am finally cutting the cord. We didn't just break up recently, but a couple years ago if you couldn't tell. So I think finding another girl would really help me out, if not get me over her almost completely

JustAReformedGirl Established Member

JustAReformedGirl

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She cuckolded you, over and over, and I'm sorry to say this-you let her.

 

I can see you letting go 2, maybe 3 of those things. But for this to go on for how long, and how frequently? Yes, she was abusing the power she had over you-a power you let her have, and after taking so much already, should have cut the chord.

 

But, what's done is done. You can't change the fact that you let her get under your skin that much. What you can do is change the here and now. Break contact with her, entirely. Make it perfectly clear you've had enough of her garbage, and that if she really cared about you as a "friend", she should have shown it.

 

After you've had your say, go NC. It's the only way you'll be able to get over her, and move forward in your life.

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frostythesnowman Established Member

frostythesnowman

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She cuckolded you, over and over, and I'm sorry to say this-you let her.

 

I can see you letting go 2, maybe 3 of those things. But for this to go on for how long, and how frequently? Yes, she was abusing the power she had over you-a power you let her have, and after taking so much already, should have cut the chord.

 

But, what's done is done. You can't change the fact that you let her get under your skin that much. What you can do is change the here and now. Break contact with her, entirely. Make it perfectly clear you've had enough of her garbage, and that if she really cared about you as a "friend", she should have shown it.

 

After you've had your say, go NC. It's the only way you'll be able to get over her, and move forward in your life.

 

She really did abuse my love for her and now I'm starting to see what our relationship really was- just one big way for her to feel better about herself while someone was there for her every step of the way. I guess that's why I spent more time chasing her/being her backup than I did actually being with her.

 

And regarding what you said about making a statement to her and then going NC, I did a few weeks ago. I told her if she doesn't want me in the same way that I want her, then she is out of my life for good. Blocked her on everything possible, and once the new iOS comes out for iPhone that lets you block numbers, I will be blocking her just in case she gets selfish and tries to contact me. I want to move forward with my life, I just need some time I guess

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