lonelyctg Posted April 29, 2005 Share Posted April 29, 2005 You know what? Some of us have been married for over 3 years and never recieved a ring, not a diamond, not even a fake ring. If I were you, I would be soooo happy to receive any ring at all. By your man giving you a ring (even if he can't afford the real thing) he is showing you that he loves you so much. Please be happy that you have a man that cares so much for you. I have been married since 2001 and still no ring. It's sad. I wish I were in your position. I would love a cz ring. Link to post Share on other sites
katie79 Posted April 29, 2005 Share Posted April 29, 2005 lonelyctg- Have your man buy you a cz e-ring then. You can get one for as cheap as $25, but since it's an e-ring, maybe you can get a good one for $60. Why not have him give it to you on an anniversary ?? Link to post Share on other sites
babybear Posted April 29, 2005 Share Posted April 29, 2005 To the original poster: I don't think men realize how special a woman feels when she has a "real" diamond on her finger, and one to show her girlfriends, co-workers, etc. Whether it's society, marketing, or whatever that makes us think this way - a lot of us just feel really special knowing that it's a diamond. That being said, I bet your fiancee saw a bunch of rings - and probably just wasn't that happy with any of the diamond rings in his budget. Wanting to get you the prettiest one he could find, he went for the CZ. I doubt he was trying to pull one over on you, OR save a buck - he probably thought you'd like it best cause he liked it best. He spent $1000, and that IS a lot of money. Honestly - I love jewelry, I love gold, silver, diamonds, whatever. But, if I knew my bf spent all that time and effort in a store, trying to pick something he thought I would love - it would be the thought that counted, and I'd love it so much even if it were just a piece of glass. Babybear Link to post Share on other sites
yuv Posted April 29, 2005 Share Posted April 29, 2005 babybear's said it probably without realizing it: "Whether it's society, marketing, or whatever that makes us think this way" Bingo! Men realize how ----ing stupid it is to blow a LOT of money that could go into the wedding or the downpayment on a house for a chunk of carbon because a woman's friends and the g--- d----ed television commercials programmed her to think that sparkly thing on her finger has anything to do with love. ... But wait. Oh, no, I'm not done. WOMEN realize how ----ing stupid it is to blow a LOT of money on the toys that men get and enjoy, from gadgets in the home to gadgets in the yard, from those eight wireless speakers for the Dolby EX DVD collection to the new truck (to tow the fishing boat). Look, a lot of external factors massage our psyche and we think we have to have certain things in order to feel okay with ourselves, with our lives, etc. You felt one way, had an argument with your fiancee, and this made you realize just how wrong you (yep! you!) were to think what you thought, and that it wasn't CZ versus carbon, which you seem to recognize at the end of your post (good for you). Unfortunately, he chose to back down and then lie, which means every time he thinks you're being unreasonable, or thinks your mind has been influenced by externalia, he'll be tempted to fib to get through. I hope for you guys that you can hit "reset," agree that it's not the atomic structure of the rock that matters, agree that lying to dodge issues he needs to stand up to you on is a really, really bad way to start things off in a marriage, and ditch this incident, only revisiting it when you have enough saved up to replace the CZ in a few years, if that's what you both wish. BTW. You typically need a jeweller's loupe to see the difference (just ask a jeweller). I'd also like to add this, for a laugh. I gave my wife a 2 (two) carat diamond engagement ring. Because she has a job where it could be damaged, we are now forced to have a cheap duplicate made... of Zircon. She'll wear the real thing rarely. It will sit locked in a box on her dresser, and no one but us will ever know. Link to post Share on other sites
pretyangel Posted May 9, 2005 Share Posted May 9, 2005 I feel that this was very cheap and tasteless! AN engagement ring is something very special and should not be fake! Link to post Share on other sites
Mz. Pixie Posted May 9, 2005 Share Posted May 9, 2005 For me, it's not about the money- my bf can easily afford a diamond- I don't WANT him to spend the money on something like that. I'd rather have a trip to Hawaii or new furniture! The relationship is to be the special part, the ring is just gravy. Link to post Share on other sites
scarlyjones Posted May 9, 2005 Share Posted May 9, 2005 How come for some of you ,......the love is based on how much some piece of jewelry on your finger costs? I feel sorry for you. What if he couldnt afford it? Would you think he didnt love you? Or would you not love him? Why is so important to some of you that the guy MUST pay two months salary (a ritual I think is so stupid) on your wedding ring. That is supposed to be a symbol of love,.....not a symbol of how much of a fat wallet your fiance has. I think it all comes down to alot of women like to adhere to the ritual spending and size and making sure its 100% real JUST so when they SHOW it to their girlfriends,...they will be in awe or jealous. Thats the truth! And THAT..............is also quite sad. Real love would be the girl and guy who even though they may NOT be able to afford a real diamond ring ,...marry out of shear LOVE anyways. Plus even though Im a girl,....i have to say this.............if suddenly it became tradition that women should spend 2 months salary on anything for the man,...it would be met with major disapproval. AND you KNOW IT!!! I just think its sad that men have been over the years expected to do certain expensive things whether or not the women deserve it . Link to post Share on other sites
FolderWife Posted May 9, 2005 Share Posted May 9, 2005 I hate when someone posts a thread and then NEVER returns to it. If the wedding went as planned, then she's already been married five months...and they probably have a whole new set of problems by now Link to post Share on other sites
scarlyjones Posted May 9, 2005 Share Posted May 9, 2005 Or are divorced already. But dont worry,..she'll be back soon to post "Looking for a good pawn shop,...any suggestions?" Link to post Share on other sites
FolderWife Posted May 9, 2005 Share Posted May 9, 2005 Originally posted by scarlyjones Or are divorced already. But dont worry,..she'll be back soon to post "Looking for a good pawn shop,...any suggestions?" Link to post Share on other sites
princefrog Posted May 26, 2005 Share Posted May 26, 2005 Depends on your price. Your not a rent girl, you are a full purchase number. Is the "goodwill deposit" enough for you - a CZ will be bigger, and more sparkly, but a diamond is the current traditional symbol of intent to put down a deposit, and make payments. You have to decide what you are worth, dear. Link to post Share on other sites
UltimateZen Posted June 1, 2005 Share Posted June 1, 2005 Take the focus off the ring already!!!! You think everyone in the world is giving real diamonds for the proposals???? Get over it, if you love this guy it shouldn't matter; a string would do. If it does matter you obviously have more important priorities other than finding the true love of your life. Link to post Share on other sites
Grinning Maniac Posted June 4, 2005 Share Posted June 4, 2005 Originally posted by princefrog Depends on your price. Your not a rent girl, you are a full purchase number. Is the "goodwill deposit" enough for you - a CZ will be bigger, and more sparkly, but a diamond is the current traditional symbol of intent to put down a deposit, and make payments. You have to decide what you are worth, dear. Buy a TV... Buy a car... Buy a wife. Nice image there, babydoll. For an extra chunk of change do you lot come with a "auto-blow" feature of some sort? Perhaps a "mute" button as well? This is just me, but if I'm going to be "making payments" on a wife, I'd prefer to spend my money towards purchasing one with some character or intelligence... No sense buying a shiny lemon that guzzles gas and needs tune-ups every 500...feet. Ugh. Princefrog...I'm really hoping that you're just being sarcastic and I'm just way too sleep-deprived to get it. You do realize that DeBeers MADE UP the tradition of diamond engagement rings. They made it up. It isn't real. What tradition are you following? The one that a corrupt diamond corporation pulled out of their asses in order to *SHOCKINGLY* sell more diamonds? That's somehow more important than another human being wanting to pledge their life to you? Whoa...I have to go now. My brain can't process this much candy-coated-stupid so late at night. PS: Women wouldn't dare spend two month's salary on anything for us. Deal. Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted June 4, 2005 Share Posted June 4, 2005 It's gonna be an interesting marriage, to say the least. Make sure to keep a journal. Link to post Share on other sites
trudy Posted June 12, 2005 Share Posted June 12, 2005 My fiance's desire to buy me a big, fancy ring delayed out engagement for ages. Ages and ages. "I want to do this properly...", "I wish I could give you what you deserve"... blahdy blah blah blah. In the end, I got a diamond, and I thanked him for it and said "yes, yes, yes!", but I really wish he'd kept the money and put it into the house deposit or the wedding. Right now I'm terrified I'm gonna wash the stone down the sink or something! I dunno, I guess I never felt the need to have a ring to show off and prove how much my man loves he. He cares for me, puts up with my moods, tolerates my long hours and chaotic lifestyle and tells me I'm the most beautiful woman in the world (so not true!) every single day. You can't buy that kind of thing, and wearing a ring doesn't symbolise it's value. Now, if I can just convince the finance of that so that we can return to expensive ring, buy a cz and spend the money on something useful... Link to post Share on other sites
mental_traveller Posted June 15, 2005 Share Posted June 15, 2005 Quick question to the ladies here - why is spending money on a bauble considered a sign of love? Wouldn't it be better if the guy spent the same amount for a charitable cause, downpayment on a house, to pay off debt, or invest it for your future childrens' education? What's so good about a tiny little stone that you can hardly see? Link to post Share on other sites
Sal Paradise Posted June 15, 2005 Share Posted June 15, 2005 Originally posted by Sukotto I always believed that an engagement ring should be at least 1 months salary. Regardless of what stones are in it. I don't think there is any 1 rule. I think the ring is symbolic and putting a price on it cheapens it. If a guy can only afford 200 dollars for a ring the girl should be happy with a 200 dollar ring. As others have said you can always upgrade later. Some people live pay check to pay check and expecting a guy to shell out thousands for a ring is unrealistic. If you love the guy it shouldn't matter. Link to post Share on other sites
InmannRoshi Posted June 15, 2005 Share Posted June 15, 2005 Just when I begin to question how America can have over a 50% divorce rate, I read threads like this and I'm reminded .. "Oh yeah, people actually think this way". When you're finished worrying about keeping up with the Jonses about this engagement ring, next will be the wedding. Afterall, its "Your big day", and you need to be reminded that you're special. Yes, you thought the ring was the reminder that you were special, but that was before you found the "perfect dress". Then when the wedding is over, then you can judge how much he loves you by the kind of car payment he takes on to give you a cool car. And when you overpay for that luxory car, then you can worry about buying the house that you've dreamed about since you were a little girl. Its your dream, you're a special princess, and you deserve it. Then with the dreamhouse in place, its time to have a couple of kids. If your husband is really concerned about raising a healthy and happy family, he'll let you quit your job so you can devote your time to taking care of the kids. Please note ....make sure they all have designer clothes to let them know that they are special. Children in Payless Shoes think they're dirt. Make sure you spend a ton of money on toys on them each and every Christmas, they won't feel loved otherwise. How are children supposed to feel loved with anything less than expensive material items if grownups can't? You see, parents just don't understand how important new, expensive toys make kids feel loved, and how they can show off their new toys to all their friends to impress them. In the rare case that your marriage survives this martialistic hampster wheel, I hope your husband enjoys his line of work. Sounds like he'll be spending a lot of time at it (and, undoubtedly, catching grief for the fact that he has to spend so much time away from home .... quite a nice, little Catch 22 for him). I also sincerely hope for his sake that he can get at least get a couple of good years of retirement in to stop and smell the roses before he dies of stress induced illnesses before he reaches 70, like many men in his situation do. Link to post Share on other sites
Mz. Pixie Posted June 28, 2005 Share Posted June 28, 2005 I just thought I would post this for the ones who thought a ring should be a real diamond and not a CZ. As I said before, my fiance and I agreed on a CZ ring because I thought the money could be better spent on the house or such. Well, he proposed with a beautiful CZ ring. It's two carats total. You should see all the ooooohhhhhs and ahhhhhh's I get over this ring. I just smile and appreciate the comments all the while knowing in the back of my mind it's not a real diamond and that most people can't tell the difference anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
katie79 Posted June 28, 2005 Share Posted June 28, 2005 so many people on here speak of having cz rings. makes you wonder how many women own cz rings for their e-ring. everytime u c a nice e-ring, now you gotta wonder...''is it real????" seems many couples use cz/moissanite as an affordable option. hmmm......... Link to post Share on other sites
Karlise13 Posted July 16, 2005 Share Posted July 16, 2005 AMEN I agree with everything you said. Unfortunately, I know woman who actually have that sense of entitlement that they resent their husbands for 'making' them keep a job and help pay the bills or 'not letting them' buy a new car or spend cash on Disney World Link to post Share on other sites
kaliki88 Posted July 17, 2005 Share Posted July 17, 2005 I think you have the right to be upset. Does your fiance have a good job? If he can afford a nice ring, there's no reason for him to be cheap especially if you told him you didn't want a CZ. If he can't afford a nice big ring, on the other hand, then I say it's the thought that counts. Is the ring nice, besides the fact that it's not diamond?? Link to post Share on other sites
Kat Posted July 17, 2005 Share Posted July 17, 2005 Originally posted by Dakini On a tangent note - talking about diamonds - do any of you feel guilty about having and wearing diamonds? I always think how much blood was spilled and subjugation imposed to get that diamond... is it really worth it? I have some that were given to me as gifts, but I don't know if I could buy one myself.... any thoughts? Very much so. I have two rings, both between 3k and 4k each and I just can't wear them. It is too much bling for me and I feel like a fool with that much sparkle on my finger. I have also told my other half that any more than a 1.5k ring and I won't wear it... I would be too scared Link to post Share on other sites
CaraMia Posted January 2, 2006 Share Posted January 2, 2006 My grandmother and grandfather have been married for 56 years. They met after WWII, and got married, with no money. Lived in army barracks, then finally moved into a real home, had 8 children, with 2 bedrooms and a large closet. Now, it was a quick engagement/ wedding, so she only wore a suit, and didnt get a ring until after, but he sacrificed and saved, and at that time there weren't many 'fake' options available as far as diamonds go. He valued her enough to wait until he had the money to get the ring he felt she deserved. It isn't a problem if it's a CZ ring, but if you made your preferences known and he still went and bought at CZ, then lied about it when asked that says many things to me: 1)You and he didn't see eye-to-eye, and rather than work it out, he figured he'd fool you (and everyone else) by buying a CZ but saying it's real. This was to avoid conflict about the ring 2) There is nothing wrong with a CZ ring. Nothing. But when that person feels then need to lie about it, obviously they feel there is something wrong with it. He should be proud regardless of what it is. Therefore, he should proudly tell you: I saved my money and bought you a beautiful CZ ring. If he can't, he feels guilty, and maybe should have waited. 3) Lies may start out relatively small. This certainly isn't 'life or death,' but when it comes to larger things, how can you trust him in the future? 4) If you really wanted a diamond, could you have shared part of the cost, as your assets will be combined in the near future? 5) What about a beautiful setting with small diamonds in it, and your birth stone or a favorite other gemstone as the center? Guys, just be honest. Don't be ashamed of what you have- be proud that you have found hte person you'd like to share your life with! Link to post Share on other sites
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