purplemania Posted June 25, 2013 Posted June 25, 2013 I just think it's unbelievable he could move on so well and not be the least bit curious about how I am; where I'm at or... ugh, I'm just frustrated that he stopped caring basically. If you want to read my full story: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/398390-how-likely-he-ll-back-why-did-he-break-up-me I know it's stupid, but I keep hoping he's going to turn up again and admit to missing me, because I sure as hell miss him. I just got a new job, and we all have this deadline at the office, making it a stressful environment. And every day when I'm at work, I think about how happier I'd be if I still had him in my life. How do you cope with your urges to break NC? Should I check up on him this one time and then just get over him if I realize he's doing well?
Author purplemania Posted June 25, 2013 Author Posted June 25, 2013 NO! He dumped you. It's over. If he wanted to talk to you, he would. This is the hard part. It's been a month, you think you'll be fine if you send a little text. It will send you back to square one. Find something to scracth the itch. I dole out advice on these boards. Loveshack is my nicotine patch. I've honestly been working hard at keeping myself busy. I just wish I could abandon the hope of him coming back. Is it normal to keep waiting for his call?
StrongLass Posted June 25, 2013 Posted June 25, 2013 Is it normal to keep waiting for his call? (Unfortunately) Yes, but it won't help you feel better & will prolong your overall misery. Plus, what if he never does? Don't waste time that could be spent more productively/positively waiting for something that may very well never come to pass. 2
aloneinaz Posted June 25, 2013 Posted June 25, 2013 He dumped you. Why stroke his ego by contacting him. F-that. Don't give him the satisfaction. I'm male and have dumped women. TRUST ME, if I felt like I made a mistake and wanted them back, THEY'D know it. The fact that he dumped you and you haven't heard from him should HELP you understand the relationship is over and that you need to move on to your next awesome relationship. 2
HopelessRomantick Posted June 25, 2013 Posted June 25, 2013 Stay NC. Read the many posts here of others that broke NC. Most if not all end in pain and regret. Don't do it! Distract yourself from it. Think of something else that is very important to you. A family member you love like a younger brother or sister or perhaps a niece or nephew that you adore. I find that to distract me I can't think of objects or things, I have to think of someone I love dearly and that makes it easy to concentrate on them. 1
Leigh 87 Posted June 25, 2013 Posted June 25, 2013 Read your other thread. Because it was down to the fact that he clearly told you that he just did not love you enough to be with you, that is a clear sign to move on. If it were for other reasons, and he was adamant that he WAS, in fact, into you enough, but outside factors unrelated to his feelings for you got in the way? Even then I would wait for him to reach out. At least then, though, there would at least be a CHANCE that he would realise he made a mistake and did not actually want to let you slip away from him. In your predicament, there is literally no chance he would genuinely want a second chance. He said he did not feel strongly enough about you. In words. He did not allude to it; he told you. Men who do not have the capacity to fall deeply enough for you to warrant a relationship? Well, once they TELL you this fact, they CANNOT just magically CHANGE how they feel about you. How a man feels about you is set in stone from the outset. They may not like a girl a lot, for example, but there can still be a "feeling" about the girl that draws them in. The feeling is either there or not with men from the start. Sorry to say, that there is no hope for you with THIS guy. The good news is, you are now able to go and wait for the RIGHT guy. You're young. Your educated. You have so much to look forward to in life. Do not let the fact ONE man did not feel strongly enough about you hold you back. 1
sprucegoose Posted June 25, 2013 Posted June 25, 2013 (edited) How would knowing how he is benefit you? What if he's great? What if he doesn't miss you? Would any of that make you feel better? He's having the time of his life without you. Knowing that won't make you feel better and on top of that, you broke NC to find out. You're at 31 days of NC, that's great....you wouldn't want to break that just know that he's "well". Edited June 25, 2013 by sprucegoose 1
simplyamazing Posted June 25, 2013 Posted June 25, 2013 You sound like you're doing well in other areas in your life. Don't give him the satisfaction of relieving his guilt by knowing you're doing okay. Just assume that he is doing his thing, and forget him. It's hard, we've all been or are going through it. It's hard. Delete his number. Block his facebook. I dealt with urges to break NC by doing something else as soon as I felt the need to want to contact my ex. I went for a run. I played a video game. Saw a movie. Etc. Anything that will change your focus. As others have said, if the dumper wants you back... they'll find a way to let you know. Just take his NC as the sign that it's over... and continue trying to move on.
Inviv_girl Posted June 25, 2013 Posted June 25, 2013 Find something to scracth the itch. I like that!! And purplemania, No!! do not contact him, he dumped you and its been 31 days he has no effort on making contact with you is a clear indication he has moved on, probably in another loving relationship already with another chick! loving yourself, be happy and move on. I know its not easy, but really always come here whenever you in need to vent, we are here for you! Take care! 1
Own Worst Enemy Posted June 25, 2013 Posted June 25, 2013 or that he is enjoying dating? could you talk to him about his new relationship? if those things would hurt - and i know mine would hurt like an acid bath after a million papercuts! - then no. don't do it. ignorance is bliss. it really, really is. 2
may_girl Posted June 25, 2013 Posted June 25, 2013 I just think it's unbelievable he could move on so well and not be the least bit curious about how I am; where I'm at or... ugh, I'm just frustrated that he stopped caring basically. If you want to read my full story: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/398390-how-likely-he-ll-back-why-did-he-break-up-me I know it's stupid, but I keep hoping he's going to turn up again and admit to missing me, because I sure as hell miss him. I just got a new job, and we all have this deadline at the office, making it a stressful environment. And every day when I'm at work, I think about how happier I'd be if I still had him in my life. How do you cope with your urges to break NC? Should I check up on him this one time and then just get over him if I realize he's doing well? Don't act on impulse and do it. I usually give myself a day to think it over and by the time that day has passed, the urge isn't there anymore. What are you wanting to hear? Your ex tell you how much they miss you or want you? Realistically though, that isn't going to happen - if that is how they feel they will be begging for you back. You will either 1) be ignored or 2) have your ex tell you how amazing their new life is without you. Sometimes, ignorance is bliss. 1
Author purplemania Posted June 26, 2013 Author Posted June 26, 2013 He dumped you. Why stroke his ego by contacting him. F-that. Don't give him the satisfaction. I'm male and have dumped women. TRUST ME, if I felt like I made a mistake and wanted them back, THEY'D know it. The fact that he dumped you and you haven't heard from him should HELP you understand the relationship is over and that you need to move on to your next awesome relationship. Yeah, I agree. I think that as dumpees, we often latch onto whatever hope is left, and say things like ''Oh maybe he regrets it but just doesn't want to offend me/cause me more harm or admit he was wrong'' But yeah, it seems logical. If somebody really wants to be with you, why wouldn't they come find you.
Author purplemania Posted June 26, 2013 Author Posted June 26, 2013 Stay NC. Read the many posts here of others that broke NC. Most if not all end in pain and regret. Don't do it! Distract yourself from it. Think of something else that is very important to you. A family member you love like a younger brother or sister or perhaps a niece or nephew that you adore. I find that to distract me I can't think of objects or things, I have to think of someone I love dearly and that makes it easy to concentrate on them. Thanks; I tried thinking about my mom and best friend today. It actually worked. And it also made me realize that not all is bad in my life.
Author purplemania Posted June 26, 2013 Author Posted June 26, 2013 Read your other thread. Because it was down to the fact that he clearly told you that he just did not love you enough to be with you, that is a clear sign to move on. If it were for other reasons, and he was adamant that he WAS, in fact, into you enough, but outside factors unrelated to his feelings for you got in the way? Even then I would wait for him to reach out. At least then, though, there would at least be a CHANCE that he would realise he made a mistake and did not actually want to let you slip away from him. In your predicament, there is literally no chance he would genuinely want a second chance. He said he did not feel strongly enough about you. In words. He did not allude to it; he told you. Men who do not have the capacity to fall deeply enough for you to warrant a relationship? Well, once they TELL you this fact, they CANNOT just magically CHANGE how they feel about you. How a man feels about you is set in stone from the outset. They may not like a girl a lot, for example, but there can still be a "feeling" about the girl that draws them in. The feeling is either there or not with men from the start. Sorry to say, that there is no hope for you with THIS guy. The good news is, you are now able to go and wait for the RIGHT guy. You're young. Your educated. You have so much to look forward to in life. Do not let the fact ONE man did not feel strongly enough about you hold you back. You're absolutely right. I think a lot of what's keeping me from letting go is the fact that I know his ex-girlfriend and I know for a fact that he devoted himself completely to her for over a year even though she cheated on him. It's difficult not to compare myself to her and frown, thinking ''I could have offered him so much more.'' But in the end, I guess if there's no ''chemistry'' as you say, then it's pointless.
Author purplemania Posted June 26, 2013 Author Posted June 26, 2013 You sound like you're doing well in other areas in your life. Don't give him the satisfaction of relieving his guilt by knowing you're doing okay. Just assume that he is doing his thing, and forget him. It's hard, we've all been or are going through it. It's hard. Delete his number. Block his facebook. I dealt with urges to break NC by doing something else as soon as I felt the need to want to contact my ex. I went for a run. I played a video game. Saw a movie. Etc. Anything that will change your focus. As others have said, if the dumper wants you back... they'll find a way to let you know. Just take his NC as the sign that it's over... and continue trying to move on. Yeah. Thank you for that. I don't want to relieve him of anything, that's for sure. I don't want to give him a satisfaction of any sort, and I realize that breaking NC could very well stroke his ego. I guess it really is time to let go.
Leigh 87 Posted June 26, 2013 Posted June 26, 2013 You're absolutely right. I think a lot of what's keeping me from letting go is the fact that I know his ex-girlfriend and I know for a fact that he devoted himself completely to her for over a year even though she cheated on him. It's difficult not to compare myself to her and frown, thinking ''I could have offered him so much more.'' But in the end, I guess if there's no ''chemistry'' as you say, then it's pointless. Sadly, guys can feel the "it" factor with girls that are no good for them; such as this guys cheating ex. He stuck by her because he felt compelled to, by his feelings. With you, he just was not feeling strongly enough emotionally, in spite of the fact you could be better than his ex in many ways, or on paper. Just know that you do not always need to take it personally, when a guy chooses to be devoted to a girl who treats him poorly, opposed to settling for a nice girl like yourself. It is just love. Love is like that. People are funny. In most cases, when a guy does not want to be with you, it is down to them not feeling strongly enough about you. At least your guy was HONEST. He did not string you along until he found a girl who really knocked his socks off. It is best for both of you if he finds a girl he does feel strongly about enough to stick with her, and YOU also find a guy who is more into you and who will not so easily let you go. Good luck! Enjoy being single! I sure am 1
Recommended Posts