Why is this happening to me?

[lovemates]

I just wanna start by saying, i suck when it comes to relationships.

 

After being single for a longtime, i met this wonderful girl online. We became friends and this friendship developed into love. Like all LDR, we spoke everyday using all available online communications - Skype, Yahoo Messenger, Whatsapp etc expect facebook, because she says she is not ready to introduce me to her friends and family yet.

 

We also exchanged lots of pictures whenever possible. everything was just fine and i was supposed to meet her last month in her place.

 

However things in her life changed and she lost her job. She is roaming all over europe looking for a ideal job. Now she starts to ignore me, she never even responds to my texts, sometimes for weeks.

 

When we talked about it eventually, she tells me that she is working super hard at her job and has no time to even to say "hi". But i see her online all the time in whatsapp, YM and talking to her gal pals.

 

She says she still loves me and wanna meet me, but how can you ignore and love a person at the same time? I have made lot of changes in my life to be with her and now she behaves like this.

 

I'm really confused right now and i don't know what to do - Must i wait for her or move on with my life?

 

I need your help guys...

[TheWhitestRice]

It seems that she's stopped making you a priority - mainly because she is working at her new job.

 

Perhaps it is less stressful for her to talk to her girlfriends because there is no "pressure" of a relationship present in the conversation. However, I do find her actions rather strange, considerating what she tells you.

 

I would start moving on; either she doesn't know what she wants, or she is leading you on. Talk to her and make it clear how you feel. If she doesn't feel the same, then there is not much that you can do to change that.

 

Good luck.

Edited June 20, 2013 by TheWhitestRice
Typo - ahh!

[hoping2heal]

I just wanna start by saying, i suck when it comes to relationships.

 

After being single for a longtime, i met this wonderful girl online. We became friends and this friendship developed into love. Like all LDR, we spoke everyday using all available online communications - Skype, Yahoo Messenger, Whatsapp etc expect facebook, because she says she is not ready to introduce me to her friends and family yet.

 

We also exchanged lots of pictures whenever possible. everything was just fine and i was supposed to meet her last month in her place.

 

However things in her life changed and she lost her job. She is roaming all over europe looking for a ideal job. Now she starts to ignore me, she never even responds to my texts, sometimes for weeks.

 

When we talked about it eventually, she tells me that she is working super hard at her job and has no time to even to say "hi". But i see her online all the time in whatsapp, YM and talking to her gal pals.

 

She says she still loves me and wanna meet me, but how can you ignore and love a person at the same time? I have made lot of changes in my life to be with her and now she behaves like this.

 

I'm really confused right now and i don't know what to do - Must i wait for her or move on with my life?

 

I need your help guys...

 

Has she since shared her Facebook with you? If not, the most obvious answer to me is that she's hiding something from you. When you're supposed to meet suddenly something comes up. Then, she withdraws from you and explains it away as being busy with work and yet you see her online all of the time. Things aren't adding up here. Have you ever webcammed with this person?

[lovemates]

Have you ever webcammed with this person?

yes, many times.

 

Has she since shared her Facebook with you? If not, the most obvious answer to me is that she's hiding something from you.

No, she never did. She says she needs to meet me first before letting me into her life.

[justwhoiam]

This reminds me of Tk123's thread... http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/long-distance-relationships/394369-she-moving-slow-am-i-moving-fast

 

Don't change your life for someone you basically don't even know. Work excuses are just that: excuses. There could be various reasons for that... if you read the thread above carefully, you can apply most of it to your situation.

[hoping2heal]

Won't argue with you there. Just the fact that you're wasting your time chasing some computer "girlfriend" that you've never even MET and giving her THIS much time and thought is just downright frightening.

 

Are you just going about and posting non-constructive, judgemental opinions to people's posts? It's not needed and helps no one.

[The Darkness]

When we talked about it eventually, she tells me that she is working super hard at her job and has no time to even to say "hi". But i see her online all the time in whatsapp, YM and talking to her gal pals.

 

What is important to her in her life has changed. Perhaps she doesn't have the mental energy to commit to a serious conversation with you due to stress from her job. Or maybe she's lying to you. Regardless, you mentioned you changed a lot about your life in order to be with her. From what you've said, it definitely does not seem worth it. In general, people feel more comfortable over text and online due to the lack of the physical presence of the other person; they never have to actually see who they're talking to.

 

Despite this, she still does not contact you. Let me put it bluntly; she does not love you. She may love the idea of being in a relationship with someone like you, but she does not love you. Otherwise, she would call you often. She would ask how you were doing and how you felt. She would at least text you back. In my opinion, I say to just let it go. You don't deserve to spend each day stressed over this situation when you could go out and meet girls in your own area.

[lovemates]

she does not love you. She may love the idea of being in a relationship with someone like you, but she does not love you. Otherwise, she would call you often. She would ask how you were doing and how you felt. She would at least text you back.

 

Yeah, you are probably right. She used to call me and text me all the time but not anymore.

 

I guess, people change and so does their priorities in their life.

[veggirl]

Are you just going about and posting non-constructive, judgemental opinions to people's posts? It's not needed and helps no one.

 

Getting invested before the R is taken off line is a horrible idea. That was forum lurkers point and he/she is correct. Get to the irl meeting before you decide you're in love with a computer relationship...one that hides part of her life no less!

[umirano]

she is working super hard at her job and has no time to even to say "hi". But i see her online all the time in whatsapp, YM and talking to her gal pals.

Yeah... sure.

 

She says she still loves me and wanna meet me, but how can you ignore and love a person at the same time?

You can't. She's lying to you. Tough luck. She wants to keep you around but yet doesn't feel like you're interesting enough right now. In other words, she is taking you for granted.

 

I have made lot of changes in my life to be with her and now she behaves like this.

Too much too early. So she knows you'll stick around no matter what funny stunts she pulls off.

 

I'm really confused right now and i don't know what to do - Must i wait for her or move on with my life?

Scale down your attention. She isn't as much into you as you are into her. And that FB thing? She probably knows she'll have to explain a lot of sweet posts by other admirers or shut them up if you're serious and have access to her FB wall. But she likes the attention from others and is not as serious about the RS as you are.

 

So, what do you do of this? You clearly feel you're not treated the way you should be. Let her know, you want to see change in her behavior or you move on. You're not a doormat, and if you're treated like one, then it is your problem, because you accept it.

[lovemates]

Yeah... sure.

 

You can't. She's lying to you. Tough luck. She wants to keep you around but yet doesn't feel like you're interesting enough right now. In other words, she is taking you for granted.

 

Too much too early. So she knows you'll stick around no matter what funny stunts she pulls off.

 

Scale down your attention. She isn't as much into you as you are into her. And that FB thing? She probably knows she'll have to explain a lot of sweet posts by other admirers or shut them up if you're serious and have access to her FB wall. But she likes the attention from others and is not as serious about the RS as you are.

 

So, what do you do of this? You clearly feel you're not treated the way you should be. Let her know, you want to see change in her behavior or you move on. You're not a doormat, and if you're treated like one, then it is your problem, because you accept it.

 

Nobody can explain her behavior better than you did.

 

I know what i must do now and i would like to thank everyone for your advice and suggestions, I really appreciate it!!

[Tk123]

Hey lovemates, sorry to hear about what's going on in your relationship. I don't know if you read the other threads on this forum, but I had a situation almost EXACTLY similar to yours. I'll sum it up so you get an idea before I give you my advice:

 

I met her online just like you did, starting just as friends but becoming more than that very very quickly. We talked every day whether it be via Skype, text messages, phone calls, video chats, etc. Over the course of our relationship, I was extremely eager to meet this girl, especially since we never met in person before.

 

However, any time I mentioned meeting up or hanging out, she would either make an excuse or quickly change the subject. A few examples of her excuses were: "losing her job, her mom being diagnosed with cancer, her grandmother dying from an illness, her friend getting into a sever car accident, etc. etc."

 

The way she made these excuses seemed so real to me, she knew I would stick around because I became so emotionally attached to her. But little did I know almost all of these excuses were most likely lies. When she told me she lost her job, I grew a little skeptical and called the place she supposedly worked at. The manager picked up and told me in all of his years working at this place, he had never even heard of my "girlfriend" before.

 

I was shocked by this and immediately called her out and once again she started laying out more excuses to me about why she lied to me. This is when I knew it was the beginning of the end, that I could no longer trust her. That I truly didn't know who this person was or who she claimed she really was.

 

Your story reminds me so much of my story and all of the memories. The advice I'm about to give you shouldn't be taken lightly or with a grain of salt, please promise me you'll think about it. I'd hate to see someone like you go through what I went through. I did 7 months of this online nonsense without ever seeing this person face to face...and it took me 7 months to realize she was probably someone that most people refer to as a "Catfish" or a person who pretends to be someone who they are really not. For all I know this girl could have been married, could have been 5 years younger then she claimed she was, etc etc. The possibilities are endless especially when meeting people online.

 

My advice to you is to get out while you can. Do not become any more emotionally attached to her than you are already. There is always that 1% chance that she could be telling you the truth, but honestly lovemates I think she is lying to you. She wants you to stick around cause she needs you, but deep down has no intention of ever seeing you. That is why she claims she still loves you, which I hate to tell you is a load of BS. For her not to even give the thought to send you 1 message for a week or two because of her frantically looking for a job, also means that you're probably not that big of a priority to her. I'm sorry if this advice hurts, but you need to hear it otherwise you're going to fall into the same trap I did. I denied what everyone told me for months and tried to believe it was real, when it really never was. Get out while you can lovemates, enjoy your life, there are plenty of girls who will appreciate you for who you are and won't lead you on like this other girl is doing. If you need anymore assistance or want someone to talk to, feel free to ask, I'd be more than happy to help.

[lovemates]

I promise tk123, I have already started removing her from my life. I have only myself to blame and I must have known better.

 

I'd be lying if I say I'm alright and I can forget her easily. I'm emotionally attached to her and it hurts so much. I hope in time I will feel better and forget about her.

 

Men aren't supposed to cry, so I'll try to keep my chin up as much as I can

 

I'm glad that I found this forum and spoke to people who care about another human being.

[umirano]

Men aren't supposed to cry, so I'll try to keep my chin up as much as I can

They can, just do it in secret Nah, seriously, don't be shy.

[Tk123]

I promise tk123, I have already started removing her from my life. I have only myself to blame and I must have known better.

 

I'd be lying if I say I'm alright and I can forget her easily. I'm emotionally attached to her and it hurts so much. I hope in time I will feel better and forget about her.

 

Men aren't supposed to cry, so I'll try to keep my chin up as much as I can

 

I'm glad that I found this forum and spoke to people who care about another human being.

 

Believe me, it's not easy. I am over 1 week into NC and still think about her every minute of every hour. I'd be lying if I said I didn't cry, it was hard not to. Don't be afraid to let it out lovemates, they say crying is good and is the beginning stage of your recovery. Hold your head up high, delete her from EVERYTHING and I do mean everything. Get rid of her phone number, her pictures, her Skype, all of it.

 

You will feel better over time and so will I, it sucks that situations like these happen to guys like us, but surprisingly I have learned a lot from it. Hang in there lovemates we are all on your side, and you can always vent to us!

[lovemates]

Believe me, it's not easy. I am over 1 week into NC and still think about her every minute of every hour. I'd be lying if I said I didn't cry, it was hard not to. Don't be afraid to let it out lovemates, they say crying is good and is the beginning stage of your recovery. Hold your head up high, delete her from EVERYTHING and I do mean everything. Get rid of her phone number, her pictures, her Skype, all of it.

 

Deleting everything about her is just the first step. I'm trying to keep myself occupied all the time to forget her but i couldn't do so. Yes, its not going to be easy at all but i think i will get there eventually mate!

 

You know you are right, we will learn a lot about ourselves in such difficult situations.

 

I'm hopeful that we will put the past where it belongs and move on with our lives.

[lovemates]

Its been almost 2 weeks of NC and i started to feel better.

 

She emailed me last night asking for my phone number because she wants to talk to me

 

Don't know what i must do - respond or ignore

[TMichaels]

Its been almost 2 weeks of NC and i started to feel better.

 

She emailed me last night asking for my phone number because she wants to talk to me

 

Don't know what i must do - respond or ignore

 

Tell her you're not comfortable "letting someone into your life you don't know" have your phone number.

 

Afterall, what's good for the goose is good for the gander, right?

 

Seriously, if you break NC be ready to go through the whole "grieving" process all over again as it's highly likely you'll end up in the same place.

 

If you're feeling better and have gained even a small bit of strength, draw on it, and don't get suckered back in again. You'll feel even better when you stick up for yourself aka believe that you deserve better than being someone's puppet on a string.

 

Let her find a new target on which to prey and play.

 

Best,

TMichaels