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GF says she can't live or be with me after moving in together


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Posted

Hey everyone I posted earlier this week but I wanted more insight to my dilemma and maybe I got a little off track on my story so some of the advice might be off to. Lets try this again.

 

Started dating my (ex?) GF nearly six months ago. We hit it off well and literally we were both convinced we were in love at first sight. Until about a month ago we would stay at each others places and we both got to see what type of person the other was as far as living conditions. I am not a neat freak, a bit unorganized , and the type who will leave the dishes until the next day. She is a clean person, very organized, says she likes to clean, and is very independent. She is also a single mom of an 8 year old who I began bonding with shortly after we started dating. I have two big dogs. She knew I had big dogs from the beginning and obviously had an idea that I was a dog person. She didnt seem to mind my pups and even when I stayed at her place they came along with me. The reason I bring up the dogs is because she says us not working has a lot to do with them in her home. Anyways, we were very physical and intimate a little over a week ago. We always held hands in public and spent every moment together. We were happy as far as it seemed. My lease ran up at end of May and we decided that I should move in with her. After all we got along well, were in love, had an amazing intimate life, and even discussed how we were so perfect to be married and have kids. After three months she said she would marry me and I was convinced and started saving for an engagement ring. Yes things went fast but we were in love and I accepted her son and we even stopped birth control as if she happened to get pregnant we would take that chance because we were convinced we were inseperable.

 

After moving in things got a bit stressful. I did my share if keeping things tidy to the best of my ability but it made me feel a bit uneasy knowing this was her home and i felt like what i did wasn't good enough. I guess dynamics change when moving in together but I knew this and accepted it and was willing to make sacrifice and compromise. My dogs were always around and I would feel bad when the pups had accidents on the floor. They are still pups and for the most part trained on a schedule but because of the recent move perhaps their stress levels were up. I always picked up after my dogs and took them out. She would help but I took most of the responsibility and had no issues with that. I could tell she got bothered everytime they had an accident but she didnt seem to mind after i cleaned up. I could feel her stress though and a couple times it out me in a weird mood where I felt so bad that i wanted to keep my distance from her. It even got to the point where I felt so unwelcomed that I went and stayed at my moms house for one night. Obviously I know this wasn't the right thing to do but we got over it. Everything seemed fine. She did tell me how some little things bothered her like me leaving a couple glasses in the table and not putting them in the sink. We discussed I was still adapting and would slip here and there but I always picked up because I knew she liked things clean. I was willing to get past that and have it rub off on me. Other than another time of me being quiet and keeping to myself one evening (which at the end came out that it really bothered her), no yelling and no real fighting. She has been emotional and stressed because of the dynamics changing living together. But aren't we supposed to work those out? Anyways Monday we were both in a bad mood and she told me she can't take the dogs anymore at her place and it was giving her anxiety. I felt bad and told her I understood but we discussed the dogs are part of me and she accepted me and them from the beginning. She said she'll never live with a dog again and obviously that told me we couldn't be together for the future. If we did date and live seperate, time would be wasted if we couldn't all live together again one day. We did not fight but she wanted the dogs out and I didnt want to be there either as I felt unwelcome and she kicked part of me out. I went to my exes who told me I could stay w my dogs for a few days to help cool things off at home. When I packed up my things she was upset, cried, and left. She was hurt but I was attending to her stress of the dogs. She avoided my texts and was cold to me for a couple days and when I went back home to talk to her she seemed very stand off ish, distant, and as much as I told her i wanted things to work she said shes not ready for me to live with her and she was set on the dogs not living with her ever. We didnt fight. I hugged and kissed her and she reciprocated but seemed standoffish. She showed no emotion. She then began to tell me how I don't discipline my dogs correctly, I'm moody and it bothers her when I've gone silent and into my room to get away, she felt ignored a couple times. But the dogs were the last straw. Again she brought up we could stay together but I had to move out end of this month. I haven't even been there for a month! I respected her decision and told her I'd be out. She said I was welcome to stay until I got a place but the dogs were not welcome to come back. She said she was relieved when I took my dogs away. That hurt and upset me. I decided not to stay. How awkward would that be after she was dead set in her decision. I found an apartment, spent a lot in deposits, and I had just spent hundreds a few weeks ago moving to her house. I text her that I got a place and that I would be moving out this Tuesday. She only texts a bit and ignored most of my texts explaining I felt bad that she was giving me the cold shoulder and I shouldn't be the one to be mad at. Be mad at the situation but not me. She ignored most all my texts but did say she loves me still, cares for me but it won't work out and that she feels bad. I forgot to mention when we talked in person i asked if she was still in love w me and she said "I thought i was". That hurt the most. We were fine i thought and in love up until a week ago. My question is can someone fall out of love w you so instantly? Or if she still loves me why does she have to ignore me most of the time and seem so short. This weekend she went out w her gfs and a road trip and has been posting in Facebook. I removed all of our pictures after out in person chat and she deleted some but not all. Not that I'm reading into this but thought I'd mention it. So here I am heart broken and having to see shes having a good time without me. I texted her today that i got movers ready but she has completely shut me off. Ill prob run into her Sunday when I go start to pack my things. Why is she being like this? I know it won't work out but if she said it was because if the dogs mainly than why is she being cold to the man she was in love with?? Should I just get my belongings, move out, and not look back at this point??? Any insight? Is she hurting as bad and this is a defense or coping mechanism?? She is 30 and I am 36.

  • Author
Posted

I understand but why is she seeming mad at me and ignoring me if its the dogs she can't take??

  • Author
Posted

Any other ideas?

Posted
Any other ideas?

 

You posted this exact same post several days ago... http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/401336-breakup-after-3-weeks-moving-together-rm-p

 

Nothing has changed I take it?

 

Look, you guys moved fast. She's slowing it down and/or decided she's no longer interested. Nothing you do is going to change that. Sorry dude.

 

I think you need to pick up your manhood (aka balls) and accept it. The answer isn't going to change my friend.

 

It sucks. Accept it. Move on.

 

The writing is on the wall. Reality is that living together is a whole other ball game. Too soon, too fast. Regardless of what was acceptable when you had your own homes, it's not working for her now.

 

P.S. Sorry, I'm feeling not very empathetic today.

  • Author
Posted

No I appreciate your answer. I've accepted it's not gonna work out. I just want to know why she act like her feelings for ME has changed overnight. She's cold. Says she still loves me and wants to be w me but then she goes and disappears and doesn't reply. I'm not trying to deny that we just don't work out. But I want to know why she isn't mad at the situation rather than act like she hates me because of the dogs and the living situation.

Posted

she wasn't comfortable with the situation.

 

women can be really picky about things.

 

sorry it didn't work out.

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  • Author
Posted

Again, and so they can lose their feelings in one day and act cold even though they love you? In figured since we both for ourselves into this mess she would be more cooperative and show some feelings even though it didnt work out. Bottom line the situation of us living together didnt work out but her love shouldn't change for me

Posted
No I appreciate your answer. I've accepted it's not gonna work out. I just want to know why she act like her feelings for ME has changed overnight. She's cold. Says she still loves me and wants to be w me but then she goes and disappears and doesn't reply. I'm not trying to deny that we just don't work out. But I want to know why she isn't mad at the situation rather than act like she hates me because of the dogs and the living situation.

 

 

It wasn't overnight... That's the thing. Unfortunately, you're not able to repeat every conversation you've had here. Who knows what you discussed about living together. We don't know here.

 

The reality is that people think about lots of things related to their significant other that they never voice. That's the reality.

 

People can have something in the back of their head that they don't like... Think it won't matter. And then they move in together and it's magnified.

 

Is this your first time living together with somebody?

 

For whatever reason, she does not like how you are handling your dogs once you moved in together. End of story. That is enough to end a relationship. I know it would be for me.

 

Time to give that thought. Because maybe you aren't diligent enough about watching them. Maybe they weren't transitioned well which was your responsibility.

 

Time to really give this some neutral thought.

Posted
she wasn't comfortable with the situation.

 

women can be really picky about things.

 

sorry it didn't work out.

 

As can men... Just sayin'....

  • Author
Posted

It's not how I handle the dogs. She claims they are dirty and cannot live w them ever. My dogs are well behaved. Have had a few accidents since moving in. Nerves!? But sorry when u find a pile of **** and don't know which dog did it you can't do anything. I am a dog Person. You don't smack the dogs nor yell after the fact. You must catch them in act and work on taking them out. Which I did. Dogs sense the fact people don't like em and will do stuff like that. She doesn't pet them or love them. She co insists with them. Dogs are like children. You avoid them or hate them and they will misbehave to get any attention.

 

Bottom line. We were in love and intimate up til last week. You just don't wake up one day and be a bitxh to the Man U love.

Posted
It's not how I handle the dogs. She claims they are dirty and cannot live w them ever. My dogs are well behaved. Have had a few accidents since moving in. Nerves!? But sorry when u find a pile of **** and don't know which dog did it you can't do anything. I am a dog Person. You don't smack the dogs nor yell after the fact. You must catch them in act and work on taking them out. Which I did. Dogs sense the fact people don't like em and will do stuff like that. She doesn't pet them or love them. She co insists with them. Dogs are like children. You avoid them or hate them and they will misbehave to get any attention.

 

Bottom line. We were in love and intimate up til last week. You just don't wake up one day and be a bitxh to the Man U love.

 

So may I assume that your dogs are pooping/peeing around her home that you moved in to?

 

Yeah... that would piss me off too.

 

Sorry, but it would.

 

You have to stop making it sound like the dogs are the issue. I mean no disrespect, but if the dogs were 100% trained, I'm not sure you would be having these problems. Add this to what you mentioned she might be bothered about some of your behaviors... Well, she doesn't want to be your mother. She doesn't want to potty train your dogs.

 

Much easier to hide that dogs aren't fully trained when you aren't living together. But if they're not 100% trained, she's going to analyze all of your behaviors that much more because they are interrelated.

 

I know this isn't what you want to hear, but yeah... I believe this to be true. Regardless of the dog owner.

 

You might have lost this one. Sorry.

  • Author
Posted

And that would make her cold to me?????

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