aisuru Posted June 13, 2013 Posted June 13, 2013 It was bound to happen. We live 2 blocks apart, work out at the same gym, shop the same grocery stores, and live within our little area. My office is off an area with many Asian restaurants and he's Japanese... It's the hot spot for good Asian cuisine. Was walking back to the office after lunch with my girlfriend/coworker and as we approached the crosswalk, saw a guy move kind of strange and step out of the way quickly. For some reason, it caught my eye and I realized it was my ex, turning away from me. My friend and I think by his movements, he saw me and turned to avoid me. I squelched the urge to call his name. Actually, I said to her, "there's ****." And froze for a minute. Then kept walking. Ugh. We broke up 3 months ago today. Go figure. He tried to call me last Wednesday, but I haven't responded and deleted his voice mail. I've been in a decent head space, accepting that it's over. Believing it's for the best. Still missing him and wondering if we'll ever talk. Trying to kill the hope of ever seeing him or speaking with him. In a decent place actually for 3 months out. So yeah... A catch in my heart. Glad the first random sighting is out of the way I guess. 1
SimonSerenade Posted June 13, 2013 Posted June 13, 2013 It's always going to be awkward, especially when you live so close, my ex is a 5 minute drive away and she works a 10 minute walk away from my house, I'm terrified while I'm out and about of seeing her, I remember seeing her for the first time since the break up where she works, I thought it was her day off and when she saw me she looked right through me like I didn't exist, I had to retreat to look at some beautiful tvs just to stop myself from crying, I'm moving out of town soon to be closer to my son so hopefully it won't be a problem. 1
BustedUpInside Posted June 13, 2013 Posted June 13, 2013 Oh my gosh! You did so well!! I think I probably would have responded very similarly to you. Just tried to keep moving and put on a semi-normal face. How are you doing now? How did he look to you? Has he tried to call again? I am very curious about this whole situation. There is very little chance that I will ever run into my ex by accident so I am a little relieved that I won't have to deal with this, but also a little envious because a piece of my heart would always like to just see his face. I just want to make sure that you're holding up ok. I know that this has to be hard and I really do feel for you 1
Author aisuru Posted June 13, 2013 Author Posted June 13, 2013 I am okay. I'll dwell for a few days, no doubt, wishing he had said hello or I had called his name and said hello. I'll wonder if he saw me or if I'm just assuming he saw me. I'll wish I could reach out to him, but I won't. I miss him. I still have an underlying hidden hope that at a different time in the future, we could have a great relationship and be together again. I sometimes think I just miss him as my best friend and that my feelings weren't love as I wasn't (and probably still am not) capable of loving him when we met. At the end of the day, none of it matters. He ended it. I accept that. 3
Author aisuru Posted June 13, 2013 Author Posted June 13, 2013 Okay, I lied. Can't stop thinking about it. Sitting at work and haven't done a thing since the encounter. Checked my phone a few times on the offchance he would text to say he saw me. This is going to be a long couple of days. Damnit.
BustedUpInside Posted June 13, 2013 Posted June 13, 2013 Okay, I lied. Can't stop thinking about it. Sitting at work and haven't done a thing since the encounter. Checked my phone a few times on the offchance he would text to say he saw me. This is going to be a long couple of days. Damnit. Awwww! I know how that goes. It is weird the way my mind (and I am assuming yours ) just invents these ridiculous scenarios so that when my phone rings or beeps I assume it is going to be the ex. Even given the fact that there is substantial evidence that we are never going to speak again, I still think it is going to be him calling or texting. Give yourself a break. It always takes awhile to recover from a shock. You will be ok in a few days. Sending you good vibes! 1
Author aisuru Posted June 13, 2013 Author Posted June 13, 2013 I had JUST hit the point in the last week or so of not constantly thinking of him. Of having the ability to shift my thoughts elsewhere when he popped up. Then this. ARGH! This is the universe's payback for not responding to him last week. Glad it didn't happen at one of the local pubs around our place and that I was sober. So there's that. 1
Author aisuru Posted June 14, 2013 Author Posted June 14, 2013 (edited) *sigh* I wish I knew whether he saw me or not... It sucks to know that if he did see me, he chose to avoid me. Although, as my friend I was with pointed out, he keeps thinking she must hate him. She doesn't. She's protective of me, but respects how I feel about him. So she thought he might not want to have said hi with her there. I would give anything to hear from him again. I'd give even more to try the relationship again. I ****ing miss him. This is going to be a rough night. SUCK. Edited June 14, 2013 by aisuru
Hockeyguy19 Posted June 14, 2013 Posted June 14, 2013 *hugs* were here for you. You've done an awesome job to get to the point of where your at, this will just be a tiny bump in the road, you will get past it. You've been so strong so I know this wont affect you for long, just keep posting here and we will keep helping you 1
Author aisuru Posted June 14, 2013 Author Posted June 14, 2013 Thank you hockeyguy. I just want to cry but I can't. I know for many reasons... Breakup, cultural, breakup... I can't. I know he called last week, but I just can't. This really sucks. It was bound to happen, but it sucks nonetheless. All I can wonder is if he thinks of me even 1/10 how much I think of him. DAMNIT. This is why you delete their information from your phone. I cannot drunk text him. My friend is on standby. HAHA
eachcomingnight Posted June 14, 2013 Posted June 14, 2013 Ditto what hockeyguy said! I enjoy reading your posts because it's refreshing to hear from someone who is processing a painful situation in a relatively levelheaded way and working stubbornly toward acceptance. And yet, even as we push toward this acceptance we need to be patient with how we handle the setbacks we face along the way. I'm a little bit behind you in the healing process, but reading this story has helped solidify my resolve to do anything possible to avoid contact despite the fact that he's just decided to come back to the summer job that we met at, and which I was hoping to return to for a short period of time next month. I feel thankful for that stubborn voice inside of me (and, it seems, inside of you too) that is insisting that I look out for my own well-being instead of giving in to indulgences. Best of luck 1
Author aisuru Posted June 14, 2013 Author Posted June 14, 2013 Thank you eachcomingnight. Most of the time, it is getting easier. I guess I'm allowing myself to embrace this for the evening. Much like many of our LSers hang on to their pain. It's not normal for me because I don't want to dwell and I do want to be in a good relationship with a guy that is good for me. I just wish I could have been ready for my ex when I met him. Wish we could have worked out. Wish we still could work out. I have many things to be grateful for. And I have many things to learn from. It's just one of those nights.
eleve82 Posted June 14, 2013 Posted June 14, 2013 Frankly you sound conflicted about whether you want him back in your life. If you are very, very clear there is no chance of you two working out and he has character flaws that are deal breakers, then moving on should not be a long drawn process. I've personally always been an advocate of transparency and honesty. If this relationship didn't work out for reasons outside of control, instead of ignoring someone (which frankly is designed to inflict pain by pretending the other person doesn't exist) I would just be upfront with him and tell him there is no way things will work out. If you ignored him, be prepared for him to do the same thing to you - and that you are 100% sure that you aren't secretly hoping this will provoke him to come after you even harder. This game of cat and mouse does not work and will only prolong your suffering. 1
Author aisuru Posted June 14, 2013 Author Posted June 14, 2013 Hi eleve82, thank you for your comments. It might help to give me perspective if you read my story: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/390409-my-breakup-story-long No major drama. Bad timing I think. Also, he is Japanese American and they handle ummm, emotions/feelings a little differently. Most of the time, his style worked well for me. In the breakup? Not so much. I'm not sure if I do want it to work or not. I'm torn. I can see the good and bad. I know that there were things I said during our last weekend that likely prompted him to do the actual breakup. So I have partial responsibility here.
Author aisuru Posted June 14, 2013 Author Posted June 14, 2013 OH, and I'm pretty much drunk now. And about to head out to the local neighborhood bar with my neighbors. Where I met said ex... *sigh*
eleve82 Posted June 14, 2013 Posted June 14, 2013 Aisuru, I read your link and boy... It sounds complicated. I suspect as you said you were not in the right state of mind and it sounds so much like you two just kept moving backwards and forwards, too much mind reading and aversion to being hurt. Him being Part Japanese may certainly have contributed to his avoidance to confrontation and lack of expression for affection but he clearly did like you regardless of how you two initially started out. I can identify with your problems but I think a part of you also recognises that you did behave in ways to make him doubt if you were serious about him (sometimes the way a relationship starts can create a complex that carries through, esp if one party feels like they were more invested than the other). I would like to say that I genuinely believe if you were willing to put yourself out there and be take a risk to be honest about your feelings, that you'll find less time being wasted on relationships that lead to nowhere. Also, I'm not sure if drinking is an outlet for you - but if it is, it's unhealthy for you and I hope you will consider more positive ways to distract yourself? The aftermath is not pleasant and it does nothing to help you feel better.
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