RedRobin Posted June 13, 2013 Posted June 13, 2013 Well, your post implied that she was sticking around because the sex was good. Just because the sex was good does not mean that someone will stick around. That's why I gave you the example of that guy I had a date with. He was smart, a gentleman, etc., all the things I look for in a guy, and the sex was amazing. But I didn't stick around, even though I WAS looking for a relationship. It got too sexual too fast, and he didn't pull back after that one time we had sex. Instead he sent me texts implying he wanted to have sex with me again. Yep. This is what I tell women. If they ARE going to have sex with a man on the first date or first few handful of dates, make sure that's the last date. Kind of takes care of the "will he call me?" garbage after the fact. Just dump him. If a guy is looking for a relationship, he can act like it and sit on his hands for a change instead of leaving it up to the woman to manage. Not sure what to say about the OP's situation. She doesn't seem all that bothered. Doesn't really even sound like a girl, TBH. 1
Eternal Sunshine Posted June 14, 2013 Posted June 14, 2013 This reminds me of a guy I have known for 9 years or so. He is single, my age, PhD educated, we were born in the small same town, have a lot of common interests. He is tall and reasinably attractive. I mean, girls approach him at parties for one night stands. I have seen it happen. Yet I feel ZERO attraction for him Logically, he would be perfect for me. Emotionally? Just not there. 1
NoMoreJerks Posted June 14, 2013 Posted June 14, 2013 Yep. This is what I tell women. If they ARE going to have sex with a man on the first date or first few handful of dates, make sure that's the last date. Kind of takes care of the "will he call me?" garbage after the fact. Just dump him. If a guy is looking for a relationship, he can act like it and sit on his hands for a change instead of leaving it up to the woman to manage. Not sure what to say about the OP's situation. She doesn't seem all that bothered. Doesn't really even sound like a girl, TBH. Yeah, exactly. I don't see why it is always deemed to be the woman's fault, and why it's always the woman who should say no to sex. If he's interested in more than just sex with me, and if it's such a dealbreaker for a woman to have sex with him on the first date, then he could've said no ?? 1
CptSaveAho Posted June 14, 2013 Posted June 14, 2013 You serious? I don't think there is any one or major reason why men are unsuccessful. It varies. I , for one, would not be swayed by a man who tries to "appeal to my vagina." In fact, I went on a date with a guy the other night, and I took him home and banged him, but when he sent me some sexual mssges, I just ignored him and will keep on ignoring him... It's over, as far as I am concerned. If he had just said, would you like to go some place for dinner, or some other place ? I would've said yes ,because I want a relationship, not just some fun in the sheets. says the woman that created this thread http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/400281-asking-bartender-out all women are more "attracted to men" that appeal to their vagina's... human nature... in general women are good at trying to lie to themselves about it 1
NoMoreJerks Posted June 14, 2013 Posted June 14, 2013 says the woman that created this thread http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/400281-asking-bartender-out all women are more "attracted to men" that appeal to their vagina's... human nature... in general women are good at trying to lie to themselves about it Excuse me ? Did you even read the thread? Clearly not.
Author Fivedollarshake Posted June 14, 2013 Author Posted June 14, 2013 I think you are both in the wrong. Him being immature, and you playing off his jealous side by posting pictures on a social network. You don't seem very dateable to me. You go on dates, are dating other guys, but you are sleeping with someone else ? Those guys you are dating have no clue you are wasting their time. Grow up. Hahaha. So I should worry about what my FWB feels when I post things on MY social networks? Please ill post whatever I like. He's not boyfriend. I'm 23 years old. I'm young, single and i will also do what i please. A relationship right now isn't on my top to-do list. I'm concentrated on school, family, my internship, getting into grad school and my job. If someone amazing comes along or if something great happens with one of guys I'm dating then so be it. I'm going along with the flow of things, taking my time and not rushing things. These guys that I date/talk to know I'm dating/talking to other guys at the same time. I also tell them that i have only one FWB as well and he's the only one im having sex with out of all of them. i don't do one night stands or random hookups. I'm not going on dates with these guys just to hurry up and have sex with them. If it leads to it then it leads to it, but as of right now I don't see that happening with any of them because I want to take things slow. I'm straight up honest with all of them. I'm not ashamed of what I'm doing. And if they have a problem with it then that's it. So tell me how i should grow up again?
Author Fivedollarshake Posted June 14, 2013 Author Posted June 14, 2013 OP: clearly you are not made for FWB. Why continue screwing this guy, especially that you appear to have no trouble getting dates and having sex with other men???? I don't get it. It's not fair to the other men. i'm not having sex with other men. i'm straight up honest with the other guys i'm dating. i tell them straight to their face that i am dating other guys and that i do have a FWB. if they have a problem with it then that's it. as of right now i'm not looking for anything serious. if something leads to more with one of the guys or someone amazing comes along then so be it. i'm taking my time with things and not rushing into anything right now.
Eternal Sunshine Posted June 14, 2013 Posted June 14, 2013 I am sure he losing so much sleep. I don't care. To be honest, he has made many references that we should date plus inviting me to 1-1 outings and I have ignored him. He calls me randomly to chat and to invite himself over :S 1
suladas Posted June 14, 2013 Posted June 14, 2013 Excuse me ? Did you even read the thread? Clearly not. Just ignore him, it's much easier that way 1
Author Fivedollarshake Posted June 14, 2013 Author Posted June 14, 2013 She also stated that she's gotten attached to him / has feelings for him. I suspect it's more a case of her not having really gotten over her feelings for him. In fact, I suspect she used the mutual friends thing as an excuse to keep in touch with him... i guess you missed the part where i said my feelings aren't strong enough to act on them. we've always had mutual friends before we ended up in this situation. my good friends are also his good friends as well. please. i'm not desperate enough to use my friends just to stay in touch with him. if i wanted to text him just to text him then i would. it's just that simple.
ses Posted June 14, 2013 Posted June 14, 2013 You complicated the situation by deciding to have sex with him, and continuing to do so even though he has treated you like trash. Have some respect and walk away. Casual hook ups don't work for the majority of people because sex introduces the possibility of emotional attachment, and any emotional attachment will doom a casual fling. I get it. You have your priorities but want some lovin' on the side. You have needs and want to have fun. However there are consequences to having "fun" sometimes. Why are you so worried about this guy when he's just a f*** buddy? Your concern about contracting an STD is also hypocritical since you know he's openly bragging about the other girls he's banging on the side. Find a guy who will abide by your rules and hold him to it. Honestly, you have no right to be jealous or angry because it's just a casual hookup, right? If you don't like where you're at then leave the guy. The sex may be amazing but you have no right to complain when you're willingly acquiescing to your body rather than your mind. You do have self-control. 1
NoMoreJerks Posted June 14, 2013 Posted June 14, 2013 protip: having sex with him on the first date won't negatively affect ( unless you're terrible in bed ) your chances with him long term, provided he sees you that way in the first place. If he doesn't no amount of waiting or game playing will change his mind, all you'll have accomplished is not having sex with him. I honestly don't understand where women get this insane notion that waiting for sex will magically force commitment. I am hoping this REALLY is the case for most men. I hear men say this often but the results do not back it up.. maybe men are less open-minded than they outwardly admit.. But I wish you were right, as I hate this sort of attitude.
Phantom888 Posted June 14, 2013 Posted June 14, 2013 FWB is BAD idea. It always get complicated. We humans are not programmed to do this type of stuff. Sex is very intimate, so it's really not designed to be enjoyed between "just friends". Also, women who fall for the FWB trap are really being played, and have low self-worth. I mean, FWB basically means a man gets to have FREE sex with a woman without having to pay, nurture or be responsible at all. Sounds like a one-sided deal. 2
NoMoreJerks Posted June 14, 2013 Posted June 14, 2013 The results do not back it up because women will imagine a connection where there is none once they've had sex whereas for him it was just sex. She then projects this connection onto the male and decides that he's not contacting her despite their strong chemistry because she had sex with him too soon. When in reality she has fabricated the chemistry because she had sex with him. I doubt that is the case for most women. If a man does not contact her after sex, most women would assume he was a player / was only after p*ssy. She wouldn't assume he didn't contact her specifically BECAUSE she had sex with him too soon.
daisybuchanan55 Posted June 14, 2013 Posted June 14, 2013 The results do not back it up because women will imagine a connection where there is none once they've had sex whereas for him it was just sex. She then projects this connection onto the male and decides that he's not contacting her despite their strong chemistry because she had sex with him too soon. When in reality she has fabricated the chemistry because she had sex with him. I disagree with your point here. The reason women have sex so soon is BECAUSE there is "intense chemistry." I would never sleep with someone quickly unless I felt a crazy amount of chemistry. It depends on the man/situation, but sometimes (most times) it takes a bit of time for the guy to decide (more than one date) whether you're a hook-up or girlfriend material. Sleeping with a guy right away might give the wrong impression...he might think, "if she's sleeping with me THIS soon, how many other guys does she immediately sleep with?" And then put you in the "hook-up" category prematurely, thus ruining a chance at a relationship. The reason I hold out on sex is so I can have time to figure out if a guy is a good guy or not. I went out with a guy for a month or so and it took me 3.5 weeks to figure out that he wasn't AT ALL who I thought he was. I thought he was "together" and "mature," and all it took was a drunken St. Patrick's Day where he told me to meet him somewhere and then proceeded to not answer texts or phone calls once I got there to find out that he really wasn't the guy I thought he was. He never apologized and blamed it on me for "overreacting" and not responding to his initial text fast enough. I also think a lot of guys on LS are "nice guys" who have really excellent intentions/might be naive and wouldn't judge a girl for sleeping with him right away. In real life, there are a lot of players/"bad boys" who have the POTENTIAL to be good boyfriends but might judge a girl for sleeping with him too soon because he has been around the block a few times/has had one night stands etc. Just my two cents on THAT topic. As for OP's question, he sounds like more trouble than he's worth. Get rid of him. At 23 you have a lot of options. Go for someone who won't cause you problems and headaches...and in the future, if you want a FWB, make sure it's someone who is NOT in your social circle so you can make a clean break if things go sour.
daisybuchanan55 Posted June 14, 2013 Posted June 14, 2013 I also want to add that a guy's mindset plays a BIG role in how he views women. If he is in the mindset of wanting/being open to a girlfriend, you will have a better shot at becoming a girlfriend. If he is JUST looking to hook up/play the field, you won't have a snowball's chance in hell at pinning him down. Timing is crucial and unfortunately you won't know when you first meet him where his head is.
Ripnet Posted June 14, 2013 Posted June 14, 2013 Yeah, exactly. I don't see why it is always deemed to be the woman's fault, and why it's always the woman who should say no to sex. If he's interested in more than just sex with me, and if it's such a dealbreaker for a woman to have sex with him on the first date, then he could've said no ?? I have said no to sex? OMG I must be a woman. She wanted to sleep with me without even dating first. Here is a reason why guys want sex right away. Because we are constantly being rejected with women. We deal with it by wanting sex. Men are expected ask out women, rarely does a woman ask a guy out, especially face to face. Then once we get a date we still get rejected after going on several dates. It can go on for a while before we might wind someone who wants a relationship. I'm not complaining though since I don't do the typical dating. I don't believe in courting.
daisybuchanan55 Posted June 14, 2013 Posted June 14, 2013 Why don't you believe in courting, Ripnet? Is it because you're afraid of rejection and are trying to be more efficient about everything by going straight to sex?
daisybuchanan55 Posted June 14, 2013 Posted June 14, 2013 It's because courting is an archaic practice wherein the man attempts to prove his worth to the female through all sort of ridiculous crap. Now that was fine in 1912 when I had already talked to your dad and I was going through the motions to make you feel special because you weren't ever going to be with anyone else but there's no way in hell any sane man would go through all of that trouble for girl #39 for whom you're guy #91. Why do you even think of dating like that? If you're both into each other it shouldn't matter if you're #1 or #101. All that would go out the window!
daisybuchanan55 Posted June 14, 2013 Posted June 14, 2013 I didn't say anything about dating. I specifically answered your question regarding courtship. Isn't dating the same as courting...?
It's Just Me Posted June 15, 2013 Posted June 15, 2013 I also want to add that a guy's mindset you won't have a snowball's chance in hell at pinning him down. OMG, woman. You crack me up.
Ripnet Posted June 15, 2013 Posted June 15, 2013 Why don't you believe in courting, Ripnet? Is it because you're afraid of rejection and are trying to be more efficient about everything by going straight to sex? Not afraid of rejection. In fact I have rejected quite a few women myself. It's an outdated tradition when women lived with their parents, women didn't have jobs or at least high paying jobs. Women and men work. I am not not going to court someone I hardly know. I might not even like her later on why should I court someone. I prefer just going out and getting to know someone. If there's common interest in going further that's great but it's on based on interest and effort on both parties.
daisybuchanan55 Posted June 15, 2013 Posted June 15, 2013 If you've asked a woman out to drinks or dinner I'm assuming there's SOMETHING about her you like. So why shouldn't you treat her? If someone isn't doing the treating then it's more like two friends hangin' out, not something with romantic potential.
daisybuchanan55 Posted June 15, 2013 Posted June 15, 2013 Oh and by the way if I were a man I would DEFINITELY pay for the girl. ...but I was born a girl. Therefore, I expect the man to treat me if he's asked me out. Once we're in a relationship THEN the girl should start reciprocating.
daisybuchanan55 Posted June 15, 2013 Posted June 15, 2013 JonasB...let me lay out a scenario. A great-looking, successful man with lots of options takes out an equally good-looking, successful girl. They have dinner. The bill comes. The man reaches for it without ANY hesitation. This guy has LOTS of options. Why would he bother paying the bill if he has so many women willing to sleep with him and he doesn't even have to take those girls out? IME it's always guys who have been beaten down/rejected who have a chip on their shoulder about paying for things. Why? You cite going to a "professional" which I assume means a prostitute. But a prostitute won't cuddle with you, hold your hand, do activities with you...there's a big difference.
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