Is he really leaving her for me?

[Karina]

DONT DO IT. I CAN TELL YOU RIGHT NOW ITS NOT WORTH THE PAIN AND SUFFERING IT WILL PUT YOU THROUGH. NOTHING IN SITUATIONS LIKE THIS LAST. NO MATTER HOW HARD YOU TRY YOUR GOING TO FIND YOURSELF IN A REALLY BAD MOMENT IN TIME WHEN YOUR GOING TO REALIZE NOTHING WAS MEANT TO BE. HE LOOKS GOOD. YOUR ATTRACTED TO HIM. HE MAKES YOU FEEL LIKE NOONE HAS EVER MADE YOU FEEL. AND HE SAYS ALL THE RIGHT THNIGS.

BUT HE SAID THEM TO HER ONCE TOO. AND HE HELD HER LIKE HE HOLDS YOU. AND HE KISSED HER LIKE HE KISSES YOU. IT REALLY AND TRULYS NOT WORTH IT. THINK OF YOURSELF. AND WHAT YOU REALLY DESERVE.

IT COULD BE NICE LIVEIN WITH HIM. IT WOULD BE NICE IF HE DIDNT HAVE SUCH A PAST. BUT THE TRUTH IS ITS THERE AND YOUR ACTUALY IN THE SITUATION WHERE YOU GOTTA MAKE A SELFISH DECISION TO ACTUALY STOP THIS.

AND IT FEELS GOOD JUST THINKING ABOUT IT, BECAUSE YOU KNOW HE'LL PROBABLY NEVER LEAVE YOU ALONE.

BUT IT WILL END.

 

 

TRUST ME BECAUSE I HOPE IT NEVER HAPPENDS TO ME

KARINA

[Patiently waiting]

I had a thought......wouldn't it be wonderful if topics like this didn't exist at all? I mean if no one had to worry about whether their MM was going to leave their wife or not? Until this past January, this "issue" never entered my thoughts. Leave or not leave? It fills our lives with unbridled passion, coveting another's partner, a sin that will ultimately bring us to our maker with total humiliation and despair. Funny, but I am not even religious.......I guess it's more a moral issue. I have been on both sides, the wife who was cheated on, and the OW to another wife's husband. It always brings pain to SOMEONE in the triangle. I am finding that I am tired of the pain I have brought to myself and others and tired of the pain others have brought to me.

 

Yes, ultimately I would love to be with my MM, and in a perfect world, he would have been single when we met, but he wasn't..........

 

Even if you ultimately do wind up with your MM.....will you be happy forever? I have a friend who did wind up with hers, they have been married for over 20 years, she was his trophy......he has cheated on her from the beginning.......she just found this out in July........so much pain.........the best thing to do when you meet a married guy is to see the "ring" for what it stands for. Until it is removed without you "waiting in the wings", you should stay away no matter how hard it is........I wish I would have known this BEFORE I got involved. At that crucial moment I could have decided to walk away......but I did not, and now the pain will linger on for all involved for all eternity........

[Charlane]

Originally posted by Patiently waiting

I had a thought......wouldn't it be wonderful if topics like this didn't exist at all? I mean if no one had to worry about whether their MM was going to leave their wife or not? Until this past January, this "issue" never entered my thoughts. Leave or not leave? It fills our lives with unbridled passion, coveting another's partner, a sin that will ultimately bring us to our maker with total humiliation and despair. Funny, but I am not even religious.......I guess it's more a moral issue. I have been on both sides, the wife who was cheated on, and the OW to another wife's husband. It always brings pain to SOMEONE in the triangle. I am finding that I am tired of the pain I have brought to myself and others and tired of the pain others have brought to me.

 

Yes, ultimately I would love to be with my MM, and in a perfect world, he would have been single when we met, but he wasn't..........

 

Even if you ultimately do wind up with your MM.....will you be happy forever? I have a friend who did wind up with hers, they have been married for over 20 years, she was his trophy......he has cheated on her from the beginning.......she just found this out in July........so much pain.........the best thing to do when you meet a married guy is to see the "ring" for what it stands for. Until it is removed without you "waiting in the wings", you should stay away no matter how hard it is........I wish I would have known this BEFORE I got involved. At that crucial moment I could have decided to walk away......but I did not, and now the pain will linger on for all involved for all eternity........

 

 

No it won't. A little self respect is in order. If you are still the OW then you are choosing to be doormat. Kicking his ass out of your life is in order instead of being wimpy. People have reason to be pissed off at you. You give my gender a bad name just as he does the same with his. This is all IF you are still the OW. It won't hurt for an eternity when a new and more honest man enters the picture. You can take the short pain or the long one. You are in the short pain now if you end it now.

[Patiently waiting]

What I was saying was that the pain that was caused will linger on forever because of the damage done already, not because of the continuance of the affair......It's over, but the pain for all parties involved is still there and always will be.

[Charlane]

Originally posted by Patiently waiting

What I was saying was that the pain that was caused will linger on forever because of the damage done already, not because of the continuance of the affair......It's over, but the pain for all parties involved is still there and always will be.

 

 

It's a blip on the radar screen of your life. You might even laugh about it at some time but one thing is for sure, it is valuable information and makes you a better person for knowing what to do and what not to do. If this is something that was all of one year out of an 80 year life, then something else will come along to make it just a memory and more faint in the rear view mirror.

[cheatersrsad]

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WOW! You girls are high-fiving and congratulating each other for being the other woman. I am trying to figure out what makes you think that your precious men won't cheat on you seeing as they have done it before. I am also trying to figure out how the children involved will feel as they grow up and hear stories.

 

I do have a congratulations for you. Congratulations for making women look bad. Job well done.

 

Cheerio,

 

Signed...happily married woman in Chicago with a husband who has never cheated...sighhhhhhhhhh

[izzybelle]

cheater,

not sure anyone here is "congratulating" anyone for being an OW....big diff between being supportive and "congratulating"...

 

there's also the "infidelity" forum if you haven't checked that out yet!

[cheatersrsad]

Actually...scroll to page 1...several girls are swapping stories about how they successfully convinced their MM to leave and go with them. One poster actually says "congratulations" to her...Makes you wonder... ICK

[izzybelle]

i guess it's all in how you take the phrasing. i interrpreted it more as a "congrats" that you're happy, not congrats on stealing someone else's spouse.

 

whether you approve or not, affairs do happen, and you'll see a lot of postings here and in other parts of this site on infidelity. and people do get hurt, whether it's the cheater, the betrayed spouse, the kids, or the OW/OM. i'm not defending anyone's actions. there have been many, many threads on who gets the blame and who gets the sympathy. and no doubt there will be more.

 

bottom line is, we all like to hear stories with a happy ending for someone sometimes. there's a lot of sadness here, and you can say that people bring it on themselves, and i'm not going to argue with you about it.

 

but i have to ask, if you're happily married, why are you hanging out and reading the postings here on the OW/OM forum? we all know how some feel about affairs, it's no secret. and perhaps there are some that hope by pointing out the "reality" of the situation that they'll change someone's mind about cheating or becoming an OW/OM. and no doubt there are comments here that have that impact. but mostly, we're just here to support each other, to point out the truth that sometimes we don't even want to admit to ourselves, and to help each other through difficult situations.

[cheatersrsad]

Fair enough Izzy...I am not here to argue about happiness either. And fair to ask why I am here reading posts in this category. I educate myself enough to know that worlds outside of mine occur. I was fascinated by the posts because OW/OM were hurting and sometimes rejoicing at their current situation. It gave me insight into a world I am not part of but it IS a part of life and for me to say that it could never happen to me would be silly. But after reading many stories, I have concluded that cheaters are a certain breed of person in many cases. Why would a secure, smart woman even entertain the first step of being with a MM? At the first hint wouldn't that 2000's woman say "no thanks, not good enough for me and what I expect for my future"? To me, the OW/OM isn't finding a healthy partner, but one that may be "easy pickings" because the current H/W doesn't compliment enough, is too busy raising kids and paying bills to count the # of times they have sex in a week. All I know is that if a man were interested in me because I didn't have his kids to raise which freed me up to be at his beck n call...my response would be, again, "no thanks, not good enough for me and what I expect for my future" I can answer for myself when I say that I am too good of a woman to want another woman's man while he is still clearly hers.

 

I do wish happiness on everyone who wants a good healthy relationship. I am simply suggesting that happiness at the price of breaking up a marriage/or being part of the issue...may not be well earned.

[escapology]

Well, since I started this whole mess here, maybe I should say a few words. To begin, I am a smart and secure woman contrary to what many of you feel. No, I am not stealing a man. And I am also not looking for congratulations from anybody. I am not going to throw a party because he did move out, is getting a divorce and I am happy with him at the present moment. I was looking for some replies from people who had been through this or know someone who has been through this. The fact is I am in this situation and I welcomed any knowledge in this topic. I understand why people are very adamant about this situation, believe me I was too before I was in it. So thank you for the plethora of replies. Most people stated that he will just cheat on me and I will just be the "wife" to him. Absolutely that might happen, but that also might happen to me if I was dating someone who wasn't separated. I know the saying "past behavior is a good prediction of future behavior." But, I also know from personal experience that it can also be false. And no I will not be devastated and I will not hurt for the rest of my life if this doesn't go my way, my happiness does not depend on a man. Good luck to anyone going through a situation, whatever side you are on.

[Charlane]

Originally posted by escapology

Well, since I started this whole mess here, maybe I should say a few words. To begin, I am a smart and secure woman contrary to what many of you feel. No, I am not stealing a man. And I am also not looking for congratulations from anybody. I am not going to throw a party because he did move out, is getting a divorce and I am happy with him at the present moment. I was looking for some replies from people who had been through this or know someone who has been through this. The fact is I am in this situation and I welcomed any knowledge in this topic. I understand why people are very adamant about this situation, believe me I was too before I was in it. So thank you for the plethora of replies. Most people stated that he will just cheat on me and I will just be the "wife" to him. Absolutely that might happen, but that also might happen to me if I was dating someone who wasn't separated. I know the saying "past behavior is a good prediction of future behavior." But, I also know from personal experience that it can also be false. And no I will not be devastated and I will not hurt for the rest of my life if this doesn't go my way, my happiness does not depend on a man. Good luck to anyone going through a situation, whatever side you are on.

 

 

Kick his ass to the curb grrrl. He was on the prowl before you even came into the picture only admitting it is another animal. Not a man by true standards. A real man gets divorced FIRST.

[Stinkerbelle]

I think if this man leaves his wife, it should be because their marriage is truly gone. And he has to make that decision without influence. By the same token, I don't believe that a person should stay in a bad marriage "for the kids". But I think it would be better if the affair stopped while people sorted out their marriages. I do believe that we can be married to the wrong person, and meet someone wonderful along the way. But how we deal with it sets the tone for the rest of our life. We either take our lumps now, or later. By taking them now, it means that we back off from the other person until we have made a decision what to do with our spouse. The attraction to another could just be a wake-up call, that is needed to scare a couple into saving a basically good marriage. Or the marriage may have already been doomed.

 

But if this man straightens out his life, and once he's separated, can honestly say he did his best, then I don't see why he can't then pursue a relationship with the woman he met while married.

 

I think the key to the success of that relationship, is whether it is rooted in honesty or lies. And whether people had the backbone to come clean, do the right thing, and move on. If you don't go on and do the hard, painful work at the beginning, the relationship is doomed. Nothing worth having is attained without effort.

 

 

By the way, I believe that if he leaves his wife, the OW didn't "steal him". That really bugs me; people aren't stolen. They are sentient beings, and they go where they choose.

[littleflowerpot]

Originally posted by sami

I totally agree with you that it so simple to move away and leave married people alone until they finish their old business. That is easy said hard done. Girls who are with MM usually suffer from unresolved childhood problems. They do not think right. Sometimes they do not think at all. They have their own world of unfulfilled dreams and illusions. That what makes them victims of their own conditions. They become blind and deaf except for their MM and what they would tell them. You will continue to see same story coming through this forum from many different people. It is a pattern of behavior that will never stop so long as there are men and women walking, talking and working close together. I call it the WTW " Walking, Talking, Working" syndrome.

 

whoa. talk about patronizing stereotyping. perhaps you can come up with some empirical evidence that shows that girls with MM are usually suffering from unresolved childhood problems. because i don't think you can.

 

do you also think that women who marry men who cheat are products of damaged childhoods?

[Charlane]

Originally posted by littleflowerpot

 

 

damn, girlfriend. hope you're getting that anger management class you're so needing.

 

and btw, what's with the california bashing? because you're assessment of we cali folks is caca. stereotype much?

 

 

I'm not your girlfriend. I would definitely need anger management if I left bodies in my wake and everyone is still walking and upright.

'California' in this case is the fact that the majority of media comes from that state and from what I have seen every time that I visited, everyone I met from there was in their own personal TV show. Too many people watch TV and actually think this is how it should be.

 

How many times have you been the other woman then? You strike me as someone that might have that low self esteem.

 

Regarding that, why do you think that over sixty percent of the WORLD'S population for plastic surgery is in California, too? Does that say anything to you? California is where body paranoia all started along with an exaggerated divorce population. The fake boobs still did nothing to save the marriage apparently. I'm saying that our society has become so incredibly superfical. We are all Kennedys in that respect and this is the sad legacy that we leave to our children who will hopefully be smart enough to see through all of that and get back to holding the family just a little more sacred.

[Barby]

Regarding that, why do you think that over sixty percent of the WORLD'S population for plastic surgery is in California, too? Does that say anything to you? California is where body paranoia all started along with an exaggerated divorce population. The fake boobs still did nothing to save the marriage apparently. I'm saying that our society has become so incredibly superfical. We are all Kennedys in that respect and this is the sad legacy that we leave to our children who will hopefully be smart enough to see through all of that and get back to holding the family just a little more sacred.

 

 

Not to bash ANY state but plastic surgery is way TOOOOO over-rated, You're right the world has became way TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO superficial and people need to get back to the roots of what is really important in life...now with that said..is this really what the thread is about or has it been hijacked?

[Charlane]

Originally posted by Barby

 

 

 

Not to bash ANY state but plastic surgery is way TOOOOO over-rated, You're right the world has became way TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO superficial and people need to get back to the roots of what is really important in life...now with that said..is this really what the thread is about or has it been hijacked?

 

 

Maybe hijacked. The point was getting back to appreciating ourselves the way that we really are and maybe all of that will eventually reverse itself.