I'm So Destroyed

[TaraMaiden]

Mmmm....Don't know...

it depends what 'story' the OM and WW present to the world.... remember cheaters are liars, and liars make up some 'wonderful' stories to make themselves look good.

This is probably one of the reasons his ex- blew up at the FB issue....

[oldshirt]

Airing dirty laundry and especially posting compromising pictures will only make the OP look bad in the eye's of the court and make them all look like a bunch of Jerry Springer trailer trash to the rest of the world.

 

I do however think he should rationally and compassionately tell her siblings and her parents and closest friends what she did and why he needs to separate away from her and move on.

 

This is not to trash her or make her look bad (she did a fine job of that on her own) but rather to explain rationally why he is no longer able to be married to her and why he is no longer able to continue parenting her kids from two different men.

 

The purpose here is not to trash her or turn her friends/family against her but rather to be open and honest as to why he is doing what he needs to do for his own sanity and self-preservation. This is so they do not turn any bitterness and hostility towards him.

 

By now they know she is a skank and not good wife/mother material and it won't be a shock to them but it is important for him to at least be open and honest with them why he is leaving the marriage so they have the truth and not rely on just her twisted tales.

[Confused48]

Airing dirty laundry and especially posting compromising pictures will only make the OP look bad in the eye's of the court and make them all look like a bunch of Jerry Springer trailer trash to the rest of the world.

 

I do however think he should rationally and compassionately tell her siblings and her parents and closest friends what she did and why he needs to separate away from her and move on.

 

This is not to trash her or make her look bad (she did a fine job of that on her own) but rather to explain rationally why he is no longer able to be married to her and why he is no longer able to continue parenting her kids from two different men.

 

The purpose here is not to trash her or turn her friends/family against her but rather to be open and honest as to why he is doing what he needs to do for his own sanity and self-preservation. This is so they do not turn any bitterness and hostility towards him.

 

By now they know she is a skank and not good wife/mother material and it won't be a shock to them but it is important for him to at least be open and honest with them why he is leaving the marriage so they have the truth and not rely on just her twisted tales.

 

It is great when "doing the right thing" i.e.: being open and honest with others that need to know, it is great when that also brings about something you may want for less noble reasons. Like consequences to the cheater.

 

I agree with you 100% that taking the scorched earth route would make him look like trash. Sounds like fun and it might be for a while but eventually I bet he would regret it.

[murphomatic]

I do regret the post I made on FB. It was deleted after a few mins, but people still saw. I wish I hadn't done it.

 

Someone who asked, the OM is 37. I am 37 as well and my WW is 34.

[BetrayedH]

I do regret the post I made on FB. It was deleted after a few mins, but people still saw. I wish I hadn't done it.

 

Someone who asked, the OM is 37. I am 37 as well and my WW is 34.

 

What are you going to do, Murph?

[oldshirt]

I do regret the post I made on FB. It was deleted after a few mins, but people still saw. I wish I hadn't done it.

 

Someone who asked, the OM is 37. I am 37 as well and my WW is 34.

 

Get over the FB post and don't sweat it. Compared to everything else that is going to take place, that is nothing and not worth any more thought, effort or concern for.

 

You have much bigger fish to fry. Your wife played you for a fool, lived a life of luxury and recreation at your expense while you paid her bills and raised her children and then banged some other dude while you were home parenting her kids. Once all the fog has cleared and the dust has settled you will discover she has been doing other dudes as well and that it has been going on for a long time and was not a one-time thing.

 

The fact you had a few moment outburst on FB means nothing in the big picture. Besides, people were only shocked that you had the giblets to shove back and post it. They were not shocked to find out she is a ho. Her close friends and family have known that all along.

 

The friends that got riled up got riled up because they are probably ho's too and are afraid they'll get called out publically one of these days too.

 

Forget about it and move on. You have bigger issues to tackle.

[BeholdtheMan]

I do regret the post I made on FB. It was deleted after a few mins, but people still saw. I wish I hadn't done it.

Trust me...there's nothing to regret. She should feel A LOT MORE regret for having sex with another man than you should feel for posting something she actually did on FB. It's not like it's slander...

 

If she commits adultery, she should be able to own up to it.

 

Listen brother, she's not entitled to secrecy. If you keep it secret for her, that's called a fu**ing favour. It's called being humane to a person despite that person's despicable behaviour. You don't have to do it. There's nothing immoral about confronting her publicly about her completely immoral behaviour.

[Darren Steez]

I do regret the post I made on FB. It was deleted after a few mins, but people still saw. I wish I hadn't done it.

 

Someone who asked, the OM is 37. I am 37 as well and my WW is 34.

 

Regret it, sure, maybe just a little, but come on, you're glad you did it.

 

You did it for a reason, actions have consequences,the truth is she cheated. End of.

What did she think was going to happen? keep everything hush hush, and carry on with life?

What you did takes all kinds of vengeful b*lls..on the scales of retribution, not too severe but enough not to cloud any issues and brings everything out into the open.

[TiredFamilyGuy]

Murph

 

Leave. There is no sign of profound remorse.

 

There will never be trust.

 

You may love the kids. Doesn't sound like their mother sees you as the father.

 

Get your crap together and exit.

 

37 - hell, you'll make it. Better now than in a few years after it all corrodes away.

 

Best of luck and be strong.

[murphomatic]

Yep. I publicly outed her. Shame on me for doing such a cruel thing.

 

Life's sure hard when others have -ZERO- consideration for your feelings, isn't it?

 

Call me bitter, but something tells me that this whole situation could've been avoided.

[murphomatic]

What are you going to do, Murph?

I don't know... what I want more than anything is my family back .. but as others have pointed out, the bad decision I made by posting to FB likely dashed any chances for us to reconcile. Never mind the issue that what she did might be completely unforgivable.

 

I'm going to lose my family. And people are going to say "well, if he wouldn't have put it on FB."

 

I think that's a little mind-blowing.

[Calvin's wagon]

Murph,

 

a couple of questions:

1. Have you been talking about this with your friends&family?

2. Have you considered individual counselling to help you cope with this and eventually work on yourself?

3. Have you contacted a lawyer regarding your options, rights, duties, etc., especially regarding the kids & financial issues?

4. Have you made any plans when to get tested for STDs?

5. How are the kids doing? Do they know or sense that something's wrong?

 

Best wishes

[BrokenPrincess]

I don't know... what I want more than anything is my family back .. but as others have pointed out, the bad decision I made by posting to FB likely dashed any chances for us to reconcile. Never mind the issue that what she did might be completely unforgivable.

 

I'm going to lose my family. And people are going to say "well, if he wouldn't have put it on FB."

 

I think that's a little mind-blowing.

 

No, they're not...they're going to say "well, if she wouldn't have cheated"

 

Posting it did not dash your chances of reconciling, but it did probably create another obstacle. I actually have an old high school friend on FB who outed his wife for sleeping with her boss last year, and apparently this was the THIRD man she'd cheated with (which he also posted)

 

People begged him to take it down that day, he refused, saying he was not going to be fake for Facebook, that this was real life. Well, they are reconciled. But yes, for the casual acquaintances, coworkers etc, myself included, still wonder what's really going on as they post happy family pictures together now.

 

Murph, from what you've written here, your wife does not sound remorseful, and you can't control that, Facebook outing or not.

[murphomatic]

Murph,

 

a couple of questions:

1. Have you been talking about this with your friends&family?

2. Have you considered individual counselling to help you cope with this and eventually work on yourself?

3. Have you contacted a lawyer regarding your options, rights, duties, etc., especially regarding the kids & financial issues?

4. Have you made any plans when to get tested for STDs?

5. How are the kids doing? Do they know or sense that something's wrong?

 

Best wishes

Thanks for the wishes, CW -

 

I've been talking to friends and family, yes. I feel like I've been talking to anyone who will listen. I must be annoying the **** out of people by now, I'm sure. I need councelling in a bad way. I've asked her to set some up for the two of us also. Right now, I can't see a way to forgive her, but I realize I'm angry and confused. I'd lime to get some clarity. Whether or not she sets up the appointment will be telling. She flies out tonight for yet another out-of-town marathon. Plane tix and hotel were bought and paid for awhile ago, but I still think her priorities are waaaaay ****ed up if she bails town for the weekend.

 

I've set an appointment with an attorney on Monday. I will find out my obligations if I divorce her then.

 

I will call a counselor today that I've seen previously under the shocking topic of "I feel like my wife doesn't love me anymore." I have yet to call my doc to get tested, but will today as well.

 

The kids know and are super confused and hurt. My daughter left a little plastic heart and note in my truck that read: "Good bye. Love, Sami" and I can't stop crying.

 

We have family coming to town this weekend that don't know about any of this yet..they were planning on staying with us.

 

Everything is so ****ed up and I'm so confused, angry and sad. My life has totally crumbled.

[BetrayedH]

People, myself included, have done far worse than momentarily disclosing an affair on FB. Look, the fact is that she took this risk when she engaged in the affair. If she doesn't acknowledge that it's completely HER fault that this all happened, then she is not truly remorseful and you have nothing to work with. I haven't heard one iota of her remorse in any of your posts. This trip is yet one more demonstration that she doesn't value this marriage. Trying to forgive her now is what we call 'cheap forgiveness' around here and if you keep it up, you will die a slow death of a thousand small cuts.

 

Keep going with the steps you've listed. As well, look up the '180' and start doing it.

[karnak]

I haven't heard one iota of her remorse in any of your posts. This trip is yet one more demonstration that she doesn't value this marriage.

 

She's probably gonna bang a guy during this trip, as harsh as this may sound.

[dichotomy]

 

The kids know and are super confused and hurt. My daughter left a little plastic heart and note in my truck that read: "Good bye. Love, Sami" and I can't stop crying.

 

We have family coming to town this weekend that don't know about any of this yet..they were planning on staying with us.

 

Everything is so ****ed up and I'm so confused, angry and sad. My life has totally crumbled.

 

This is heartbreaking. I am sooooo sorry for you. I want to hope that your soon to be ex would explain things to her kids in a respectful but honest way about whats happening.

 

Is it her family or yours or both coming into town. I hope you have some of your own that can be with you.

[karnak]

This is heartbreaking. I am sooooo sorry for you. I want to hope that your soon to be ex would explain things to her kids in a respectful but honest way about whats happening.

 

Is it her family or yours or both coming into town. I hope you have some of your own that can be with you.

 

I may be mistaken but it seems that we're talking of a woman who has 2 kids from 2 different men. She sure has some serious emotional issues.

 

Women like her are "broken" in some way or another. And there's no degree of love or affection that can "fix" them.

[MidwestUSA]

Ÿou have family coming in for the weekend, but she's following thru with flying out for yet another marathon? Under these circumstances? Wow, really?

[murphomatic]

Yes.. it's her family that is coming into town. And yes, even under these circumstances, she's still leaving town to run. I'm just flabbergasted at how little I mean to her...and how little I've meant all along.

[MidwestUSA]

Do you take care of the kids while she's gone? She would leave them with you even after your epic , err I mean disgusting, outing of her on Facebook?

[BetrayedH]

She's probably gonna bang a guy during this trip, as harsh as this may sound.

 

I would bet she has one lined up, maybe the same guy or maybe another.

 

You need to understand that the rabbit hole can go really deep. My (ex)wife had sex with the OM in my house with my kids asleep in the next room, wrote a graphic internet post about how she reveled in cuckolding me, had a threesome with the OM and a prostitute, all on top of it being a 13-month affair with her boss. We'd been together for 19 years, married for 12, two great kids, two good jobs, no obvious problems - we barely ever even argued. Discovering it was a shock but what you have to realize is that it's all about HER and not you.

 

You've discovered this early into your marriage and don't have children together. If she was showing true remorse and doing everything she could to repair the damage that she's done, I'm a big fan of reconciling after infidelity. But she's doing none of that and is going on a vacation?!

 

I would be calling her family and telling them not to come unless it is to pick up her stuff off of the driveway. You need to respect yourself enough to not tolerate one more minute of unacceptable behavior.

Edited June 14, 2013 by BetrayedH

[dichotomy]

Yes.. it's her family that is coming into town. And yes, even under these circumstances, she's still leaving town to run. I'm just flabbergasted at how little I mean to her...and how little I've meant all along.

 

 

Is going out of town "for a run" what she calls "f'ing the OM" ???? I bet she is running to him to get a new sugar daddy.

 

I don't mean to sound dismissive of you or your marriage, but she is leaving her kids alone after a major emotional damage of their step-dad and father figure leaving. A bad mom on top of a bad wife. What a selfish POS this woman is.

 

If this world was about whats right and just - the courts would award you SOLE custody of her kids.

Edited June 14, 2013 by dichotomy

[BeholdtheMan]

Yes.. it's her family that is coming into town. And yes, even under these circumstances, she's still leaving town to run. I'm just flabbergasted at how little I mean to her...and how little I've meant all along.

If you realise how little you mean to her, do you still want to reconcile?

 

I understand that you'll miss the kids buy why oh why do you want to stay married to a woman who doesn't even respect you (let alone love you)?

[murphomatic]

With this stark realization, no .. I don't think it is possible to fix this. No matter how hard I try.