Male Sex Drive & Female Sexual Ambivalence

[flavius]

It's not as authoritative as Dr. B. Whipple, so don't laugh...

 

Glamour Magazine this month reports that 72% of both women and men survey say that they observe the "Ladies First" rule.

 

I have to wonder if Dr. W's figure includes climax during intercourse via reach-around, or Magic Wand, etc? Berman & Berman (For Women Only) cite someone's finding that only about a third of women are able to reach climax by intercourse only with no additional clitoral stimulation.

 

Seems to fit with Whipple that way.

 

BTW, I do know that a lot of men are just lousy lovers. A lot of women, too. Too bad, really.

[sumdude]

Originally posted by sumdude

Tell me that women don't sometimes view sex as a commodity?

 

 

 

 

Originally posted by findinmyway

Yes, we do, if it's an unhealthy RS. Which most of the time means BOTH partners are at fault.

 

I'll just disagree with you on that. My fiance and I have a very healthy relationship. Still sometimies it creeps in accidentally, like I said 'sometimes' it happens. Mostly because I am always interested and willing and she is less so. Therefore she has control and no one is perfect. Not being perfect I sometimes resent that, then I take a breath and get over it. It's not a big issue for us at all, we've both accepted each others drives and feelings. In fact we laugh about it often.

[ThumbingMyWay]

What I had failed to consider of course, were HIS feeling. Men are soooooooo much different in this than women, like they're not even speaking the same language as we are. This sexual rejection hurts them so keenly, I think, because their very self-image is somehow connected to thier sexual prowess. It's part of who they are at an elemental level, and inseparable from their internal identity.

 

When you reject him sexually, you reject him totally, because it's an integral part of WHO HE IS. His hurt and pain come out as anger, and the more he acts out the more rejection he suffers. Viscious cycle. And as it goes on, his self-esteem takes a brutal beating and so does his sexual performance as he worries that maybe she doesn't want him because he's not good enough to please her. Add performance anxiety, and up the ante. The communication problems get worse, and so it goes.

 

 

 

Originally posted by sumdude

This needs to be printed on every marriage license as well as the reverse counterpart for women.

 

 

 

I printed this out and showed this to my wife last night. LadyJ...dont know how you figured this out, but I believe most men feel this way. Very good analyisis.

 

My wife kinda understands were I;m coming from now in regards to SEX. But what I also told her, is that as much as I like and need SEX....I also NEED to MAKE LOVE to her....As a man I need to feel that I am making her happy sexually. Its wired in our DNA that we NEED to pleasure them.

 

Just this morning, she gave me a BJ in the shower.....(yes we shower together about 3 or 4 times a week ) As she went down on me...I told her she didnt have too (cause I dont want her to FEEL like she HAS too to do that).....she then told me she WANTED to...she said that she likes to do that. I then told her, that I also like to make love to her...that there is a difference...I need to do both....make love and have sex.

 

We are getting there. I also mentioned what I think LadyJ mentioned about the right times to initiate....I think you said before ovulation and before the menstral cycle. As I think back, I agree that we do have sex/make love mostly during those times. So NOW I know when these times take place and I can at least give it a shot knowing that it will most likely happen.... ...and my wife totally agreed, casue she feel more "tingley" during those times. I also read somewhere, which enforces LadyJ's post about times of sexual need for women, that the woman feels the need to have intercourse during those times, casue they are the most opportune times to concieve....almost like there body tells thier mind...Hey, its time to get it on....hahahah.

 

Male/Female/Sex, what a complex thing to understand......

[SteveH]

Wow, there is an amazing amount of wisdom in this thread, so much so my head is spinning.

 

I have been down this road so long and hard that even as a man with a normal sex drive I have not only given up on a sex life with my wife but I feel so utterly rejected, that I would turn down any "offer" that might happen in the future.

 

Funny, it has been several months without sex and I finally pledged to myself to just never mention sex in any way, shape or form in front of my wife ever again. How long will she wait? Days, months, years? This is after months of trying everything. I keep telling myself that IF she ever initiates it I will say no just to show her how much she has hurt me and maybe prove that I can function normally without sex with her. But the months go by and sex never comes up in conversation or in the form of any physical advances. An offer is not forthcoming I guess.

 

So when the months turn into years, when do you walk away because that sexual rejection has permanently seared your heart? My wife thinks that now that the sex is out of the way, we are getting closer. I have told her it has hurt me deeply but she just thinks I am obsessed with sex.

 

Like I said, my head is spinning so I'm rambling.

[ThumbingMyWay]

Originally posted by SteveH

Wow, there is an amazing amount of wisdom in this thread, so much so my head is spinning.

 

I have been down this road so long and hard that even as a man with a normal sex drive I have not only given up on a sex life with my wife but I feel so utterly rejected, that I would turn down any "offer" that might happen in the future.

 

Funny, it has been several months without sex and I finally pledged to myself to just never mention sex in any way, shape or form in front of my wife ever again. How long will she wait? Days, months, years? This is after months of trying everything. I keep telling myself that IF she ever initiates it I will say no just to show her how much she has hurt me and maybe prove that I can function normally without sex with her. But the months go by and sex never comes up in conversation or in the form of any physical advances. An offer is not forthcoming I guess.

 

So when the months turn into years, when do you walk away because that sexual rejection has permanently seared your heart? My wife thinks that now that the sex is out of the way, we are getting closer. I have told her it has hurt me deeply but she just thinks I am obsessed with sex.

 

Like I said, my head is spinning so I'm rambling.

 

 

SteveH...print out this entire thread and have your wife read it....

 

especially LadyJs posts....

[Ladyjane14]

Originally posted by flavius

I'm no stranger to the "slow to warm up phenomenon", as my wife falls into the low-libido-but-truly-loves-sex category. I've learned over 20 years not to expect anything spontaneous to happen, ever (that was a bitter pill for me.) She has learned not to make faces or act inconvenienced at the suggestion that she will soon be in ecstasy. I learned not to get hurt feelings during the ramp-up period.

 

 

I've been thinking about this for a couple of days, since I read it and got a good chuckle out of it.

 

And I just figured out what it was that made it stand out in my memory:

 

He REFUSED delivery!!! The opportunity presents itself to feel rejected and possibly inadequate as a man, and he.......refuses delivery!

 

How utterly marvelous!!!!

 

P.S. Thumbing - glad to hear things are going so well. I'm blushing.

[girlnextdoor]

October issue:

 

Married Sex: the very private lives of wives

 

41% said they get sex once or twice per week (not too shabby)

26% said they get sex three to six times per week

18% said they get sex twice a month

12% said once a month

and a lucky 3% said they have sex everyday (I'm envious... lol)

 

Satisfaction with frequency of their sex lives,

51% said frequency is just right

25% said they'ld like it more often

24% said they'ld like it less

 

Sounds like the majority of redbook readers are happy campers...

 

Hey guys maybe you should subscribe to redbook for your wives... hmmm...

[hotgurl]

well I just read an interesting article, I forget where. But it said that women actually have a greater capacity to enjoy sex than men. And for men the more they have sex the less the crave it because after an orgasm the testostrone will drop and can take a couple days to build back up, depending on age.

 

However women produce more testostrone the more they have sex, it has to be satisfying sex. So it they go without they will eventually no longer desire sex at all. It goes on to say woman who embrace sex and realize how to orgasm and accept their bodies have a greater rate or orgasm and desire than men. But unfortunately many women through upbringing , life experiences, societal influences the whole whore/Madonna thing, ect are taught to reject their sexual selves and restrain themselves sexual so they never really fully enjoy sex . Not to say these women don't enjoy sex but just not as fully as they could.

 

Plus the act of sex I be leave plays a lot into women's attitude of sex. Women are more volunerable during sex emotionally and physically. The act of penetration for a woman is so different than a man. It takes on a bigger meaning. You are inside her. Plus there is a fine line between being taken in a good way and being taken in a bad way. Also women always think of rape not activity but it is usually on our minds when we walk alone at night or something and that adds a whole new dimension to sex too.

 

Just my thought but I am on the opposite side of the fence I have a very high libido and really enjoy sex. I get turned down and rejected and It sucks and eats away at your self esteem.

[marie337]

I totally agree with you and your information, hotgurl. The more I have sex, the more I think about it. It's like a little taste for me and I always want more. Even if I don't orgasm everytime, the act itself feels amazing regardless and the closeness I feel to my husband is addictive. I remember before I met my husband I was single for a year or so and I got to the point where I didn't think about it much at all. I started sort of "making" myself masturbate more just because I wanted to remember what it felt like, if that makes any sense. Now, my husband turns me down much more than I turn him down.

[sayjack]

Originally posted by Ladyjane14

 

Meanwhile, and I suspect this is universal, a man who's not getting as much sex as he needs, is a fairly grumpy, hard-to-get-along-with, angry guy. And not very appealing at that point to his mate. The more he b*tches about it, the less she wants him.

 

[sNIP]

 

What I had failed to consider of course, were HIS feeling. Men are soooooooo much different in this than women, like they're not even speaking the same language as we are. This sexual rejection hurts them so keenly, I think, because their very self-image is somehow connected to thier sexual prowess. It's part of who they are at an elemental level, and inseparable from their internal identity.

 

Wow!! Great post! You just pretty much nailed the status of my current relationship! The only problem is that she currently thinks that I'm the one with a problem since I want sex daily. I am perfectly happy with it every other day but start getting grumpy after 4 or 5 days of abstinance. I can't seem to control the grumpiness even though I'm perfectly aware of it's source.

 

I wasn't sure if it was normal for my happiness in the relationship to be so tied to the status of our sex life. I was feeling like some sort of sex maniac or something... I haven't really had a problem like this before. She seems to have a lower libido than me, but also really enjoys sex after it is started. The ramp-up period is most difficult. I *do* enjoy spending time with her regardless and I'm not simply throwing her down on the bed and saying "Come-on baby...let's do it".

 

It had gotten to the point where I wouldn't even attempt an advance unless 3 or so days had passed....it's been awkward and tense. I hate the possible rejection. I also don't want a partner who isn't 100% into the experience. I don't want our love life to become just another task to her... It has been fabulous in the past.

 

Did I mention that we're blending families, dealing with hostile ex-spouses, selling a house, buying a house and living on an excruciatingly tight budget? She's a truly wonderful person whom I adore. My mind knows that I need to back off but watching our love life dwindle has been making me miserable.

 

It helps to know that I'm not alone or abnormal. Thanks again for the insight LadyJane14.

[Ladyjane14]

Originally posted by sayjack

we're blending families, dealing with hostile ex-spouses, selling a house, buying a house and living on an excruciatingly tight budget

 

That's alot of additional stress, Sayjack. I hope you and your s/o are taking that into account while you're working on your relationship.

 

You know, I do think that mismatched libido is probably the biggest problem in most marriages. It leads to so many other problems; anxiety, fighting, infidelity, you name it.

 

It's a problem that is NEVER really fixed, because it's not static. It fluctuates and changes so quickly that it's always in need of attention. It's one of the reasons why we're always 'working on our relationship'.

 

Originally posted by sayjackIt had gotten to the point where I wouldn't even attempt an advance unless 3 or so days had passed....it's been awkward and tense. I hate the possible rejection[/Quote]

 

I don't think it's a good idea to put off your advances in order to avoid rejection. Better to talk it out than to build resentment. Flavius really has a handle on that. If you re-read his posts above, you'll notice that he just doesn't seem to take it personally. I'm not sure how he does that, but I just wish every guy would do the same!

 

Originally posted by sayjack I also don't want a partner who isn't 100% into the experience. I don't want our love life to become just another task to her.

 

And check Moimeme's first post above. She has some terrific insight on the female point of view. We women just aren't emotionally connected in the same way to our sex drive as men are. Not to say that the sexual aspect of the relationship isn't important, just not connected the exact same way.

 

[ExothermicMan]

I have read through this partucular thread, and bieng a male of 19, I cannot say that I have experienced any of the matters discussed here. In fact, I have never had a g/f, (by choice, I have had offers from several females that would be considered attractive, but I consider the evolutionary explanations of the entire thing too disgusting, and I would not be able to bear a relationship) and for good reason. Two years ago, I read a book by J.M. Townsend called "What Women Want, What Men Want" and it explained the difference between male and female sex drives using evolutionary psychology. In essence, males want to copulate in order to spread their seed and females seek status and wealth in order to maximize the probability of the offspring's survival. Thus, the males with the highest sex-drive managed to reproduce faster, and alas! here we are stuck with all of this.

 

The ramifications are that males have a greater sex-drive than do females, and males seek more variety in partners: this can of course cause great strain in marriages. I consider it most unfortunate that things must be this way, however females were designed to have sex when it was advantageous for them, and this is not nearly as often as it genetically advantageous for males. Evolution theory aslo states that sex is a service rendered by the female to the male because the famale is the one who will invest 9 months of labour and approx. 16 years of care for passing on genes that only half hers. The male may or may not contribute, and casual sexual relation were a way for the male to pass on his genes. So there you have it, sex is indeed a service from the female to the male.

 

Of course, this is only one possible explanation, which may or may not be true, but it does explain a lot. In fact, when I first read it, I was absolutely shocked. I did not know what to do, until it finally hit me that all of the people engaging in such animalistic desires were getting hurt; both men and women. I think that this theory has a lot to say on "Male Sex Drive & Female Sexual Ambivalence", however I must also say that I do believe in the concept of free will. So here it goes:

 

This one is for the guys (as I do not claim to have as great an understanding of female sexual behaviour). Despite all of these desires to copulate (which has been one of the main topics here) I would recommend becoming more goal-oriented. How many of you have dreams, aspirations, objectives that you want to fulfill? Instead of wasting time and energy trying to get sex, try and do the very best job you can. Notice how all of these miseries arise from trying to get sex? All of the guys can choose not to think about sex, but aspire to higher things! Perhaps do an extra good job and get the promotion that has been looming around in the back of their head, or writing a novel, or building a car... whatever! Believe it or not, all of this can be attained with the right determination. You just have to replace your sexual throughts with thoughts of your goal(s), and work sincerely to achieve them.

 

Now it may be that I am inexpereinced, but I have seen this pitiful pattern so many times over and over again, on internet forums, and in real life. Now you may say that one of your goals is a satisfying sex life, but this will bring more pain in the long run, as you (as a male) can never really be satisfied, because the more sex you are accustomed to, the more you are dependent on it.

 

Have you ever had a time in your life where you worked extremely hard on something, used up all of your energy, and felt really good about it in the end when you know that THIS is the best you did? Few things in life can ever parallel that feeling, and it is much more satisfying than ogasm, that much I can say (notice how during the process of reaching the goal, the issue of sex hardly if ever came up, and yet you were still happy). Hit the gym HARD, write a book, get that promotion.... whatever: don't let sex control you. You really can be the masters of your destiny should you choose to be, it takes iron will and burning determination, but it can be done: and as an added bonus you will not have more hankering for the drive which ends up in so much hurt and pain. So get off your chairs and reach your goals!

[flavius]

There is an enormous historical precedent for your perspective, E-man. (Please don't be offended at the comparison I will now draw.)

 

For centuries honored men of great talent have chosen (and been chosen) to become eunuchs. This is the most powerful embrace of "letting go of one's primal drives to make way for the the realization of a man's potential, eliminating the innate distraction of sexual ambition.

 

Historically this was done in order to attach one's self to the fortunes of some honored leader, not merely to make one's self a better accountant or plumber, etc.

 

Note these words of Jesus Christ, the Son of God, addressed to "the one who is able to receive[them].":

"For there are some eunuchs, which were so born from their mother's womb: and there are some eunuchs, which were made eunuchs of men: and there be eunuchs, which have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven's sake. He that is able to receive it, let him receive it." Mattthew 19:11-13

 

Others among us, like me, seem irreversibly wired to create Life through Sexual Pursuit. (I am not speaking of spreading seed about willy-nilly, but spreading love and life through sexual reproduction and the sexually-based family and home. )

 

Jesus was on the same page as E-Man, choosing his all-consuming mission, the redemption of the souls of men. One could certainly take this attitude for other reasons as well. (Although I doubt that it will inspire anyone to write a Bible about you.)

 

Great comments, Exothermachus! Be who you are, because it is the greatest thing you can be!

[ExothermicMan]

I didn't know that my response would be taken so well! I must say that I am very impressed. Flavius, you are a wise, wise man! Indeed, sometimes it does work out in a relationship, and it may be a worthwhile pursuit, but a lot of the time, someone really does get hurt.

 

The thing that really bothers me is that in light of the fact that the male does have a higher libido, he is dependent upon the female for a large portion of his happiness. Just as in the case of The Wiz, this often does not work out. If a man is dependent on a woman for his sexual happiness, then that leaves the woman in a superior bargaining position. She can now get what she wants because she has what he wants, and will only give it if her demands are met. In a lot of cases, even if they are met, she still won't be in the mood. This, I suppose, would be an argument for female ambivalence: it gives women power! If they always gave the man what he wanted, then she would not have very much bargaining position at all. Some women take this too far and seriously hurt their husbands, which is a huge shame.

 

It really is a sad thing that it must work out like this, and it happens a lot. So many men get hurt because they get married, so I figure that the only way out would be to develop an interest in other things. Guys like The Wiz or the friend of Flavius have very clearly not gotten out of their relationship what they put into it. Why? Because there is another person involved, and that makes things complicated. Because he did not get out what he put in, he feels a void, cheated in some way. The man who craved sex from his wife can now fill the void by perhaps learning another language, or relieving his tension by excercise (which releases endorphins and can be a very good way to relieve stress and increase your self esteem at the same time), or doing whatever it is that will boost his self-confidence without bieng dependent on his wife. The man needs to get his self esteem back up to where it deserves to be, and since interaction with his wife no longer does that; he has to find another way to feel good about himself. That is the part that takes hard work and focus, but it is worth it in the long run because if you rely on yourself, then you usually will get out of your pursuits what you put into them.

 

So I guess the way I see it is that the female naturally has ambivalence; however the man can use this as an excellent opportunity to really improve himself; and ultimately become dependent only on himself for his happiness.

[Ladyjane14]

She can now get what she wants because she has what he wants, and will only give it if her demands are met.

 

That's not a very appealing view of women in general. You're pretty young to be this jaded, sweetie.

 

I hope some nice girl will come along and change your opinion. You sound like a smart guy. Be careful not to 'out-smart' yourself when Miss Wonderful does come along.

 

Love is a beautiful thing. Don't miss out on it!

[BigJ100]

"If a man is dependent on a woman for his sexual happiness, then that leaves the woman in a superior bargaining position."

 

Viva la difference!

 

ExothermicMan - ever seen how interesting one person playing basketball is? and they always win! A marriage can't be like that - it ebbs and flows.

 

Life is not safe and cuddly. That is Hollywood.

Marriage is a relationship you need to work on, to compromise, to give and to get.

 

Sadly, when we loose the priority of the happiness and well being of our spouse, we slip into legalism and pain.

[DacaInaru]

ok.. you lost me with all the math... I think I hear a plane flying over my head

[guest]

Being married about 10 years, 5 legally and 5 unofficially. I can confidently say I don't get it. Sex is fun natural, stress relieving just pretty damn good all around for both partners. Most women (my wife for sure and a few other I was involved with along with a couple friends wives…comments from their husbands) however ration it out like it is sacred commodity or it takes tremendous effort and ultimate discomfort.

 

Do they manipulate with it…you bet. Do they win the battles with it…sure they do. Will they ultimately loose the war…most likely…definitely soon in my case.

 

My wife claims daily to be too tired…yet she has time for workouts, aerobics, tennis etc. On the rare times she really wants it…boy I better be hard, rested and ready for marathon regardless of my mood. If she doesn’t have interest it’s either a courtesy hand-job or just the cold shoulder. Should I push for it (try seduction) it just ends up with an argument with me being the bad guy.

 

I provide her with (yes I work “job” she doesn’t) a beautiful house (1.1million), car (40K+), money (spend what you want), no worries, a housekeeper, most of the cooking, half the house chores etc. I give her gifts, loving comments and no reason for any type of worry. I work out daily have a great physique/hygiene/looks (Howie Long look-alike). Have been told by many I am a great lover throughout my life. I do anything in bed to please her yet she still rebuffs me most times. She claims that if I asked less I get more yet when I have tried that… days and weeks have gone by. I admit I have an issue I like sex daily or at least every other day. Though knowing this and all I do for her she still makes it a point to deny me to prove that she is in control or for some other stupid reason. How she cannot figure this out and compromise this one and only issue within our relationship I do not know (we don't fight about anything....anything else).

 

What am I doing wrong ladies...every other female friend of mine and hers say the wish they could clone me. No I'm not perfect but I am good. Why can't this issue be settled? Yes we've discussed it...nothing changes I want it regularly and she doesn't...so she wins and I brood.

 

The frustration continues to build….If it weren’t for the kids and the history I would already be gone.

 

Bill

 

Oh did I mention before we got married she was a certifiable nymphomaniac!

[hurtinheart]

I am 32 and have been married for 13 yrs!!! All of our fights are about sex!!!!! That seems to be all he ever wants!!!! He says MEAN and HURTFULL things when it dosen't go his way!!! We have 4 boys so not alot of time during the day and he works 10:00pm-6:00am so not here @ night!!!but I would have no problem making time but he is very crule in the things he says to me!!!!I try to explain there is more to marriage then sex & his replie to that is "WHAT"!! I tell him we never talk without a fight!!!! He feels if he does something nice i OWE him if you know what i mean i am his wife not a whore but he makes me feel like one!!!! by nice i mean we go out to eat or if he buys me something!!!! I tell him don't do crap for me cause if you love someone you do it cause you want to !!!! you don't throw it up in their face when u don't get your way!!!! I am not a cheat but he tends to think so cause i only put out @ home about 3 times a week belive me i have to force that!!!!!! Maybe if he was nice and loving i would be more willing to do things for him!!!!! It has not always been this way he use to be kind & loving!!!!! He has made a huge change in the past 8 months or so!!!!! I think something is going on "affair" but i will not accuse unless i knew for sure!!!!!! Please i feel just because sex isn't going his way @ home is no reason to cheat!!!!! But anyway the answer to your question i do think mens sex drive is way way higher!!!!! BUT>>>>>>>if i had a man that i didn't look at with hate @ times maybe my sex drive would be right up there with his!!!!!!

[uberfrau]

One of the best arguments AGAINST mongamy here on this thread: the difference between the male and female sex drive.

 

1. Women get as horny as men-just not with the same frequency. THe difference in the drive is just a matter of frequency.

 

2. You MUST accept the difference in drives-like the law of gravity. Your choices are to 1)masturbate 2) hire a hooker 3) have an affair. DO NOT attempt to bully your wife into sex. IF she wants she'll come to you.

 

3. Men MUST realize their own slavery to the their sex drive, and try to do something about it.

 

4. Women get bored with their husbands-emotionally, mentally and therefore, sexually. On the other hand, a man may be emotionally and mentally bored with his wife, but he'll **** her anyway. Pathetic, but true.

 

5. For the guys who want it everyday or every other day-that's too much. Ask your wife how often she masturbates. Her answer is how often she would like to have sex.

[loudog]

In response

 

1. I agree it is definitely the frequency…I do however view it like ice cream. I love icecream but I don’t need it every day but if it made my wife happy for me to eat it with her daily I would certainly would. A very small sacrifice for her happiness.

2. Accept the difference maybe…doesn’t mean it is right or should happen. That’s like telling women that men are wired not to be monogamous so they should just accept them fooling around. I don’t know many women who would except that excuse so why should we men on yours. Reality was if we did get it more at home affairs hookers etc. would be far less prevalent.

3. We do realize we are driven by our high sex drives…and we are trying to deal with it. In early times we had multiple wives concubines etc. to make it work. In todays enlighten world that’s unacceptable because you women didn’t accept it any longer. Guess what can’t have it both ways.

4. Women get bored with their husbands…wow that’s a damn cynical statement. I hope it’s not that prevalent beyond Uberfrau. I for one am not bored with my wife at all…hence my desire. If I was I would definitely move on.

5. Ask you wife how often she masturbates? I am sure the answer would be very infrequently. Why? Because when she is horny I am at her beckon call. No need to do the 5 finger shuffle when you’ve got a willing partner. Conversely we are expect to jack it as to not cause them any undo effort etc.? Sounds very fair.

 

Basically all the statements made seem to reaffirm my position of how cynical and jaded older women get and why they loose out to the next younger crop. That cynical attitude is the kiss of death to any relationship.

 

It all seems quite clear just unbelievable.

 

Lou

[hotgurl]

I think sex drive has a lot to do with the state of the relationship for women. men will have sex with you when they are mad or sad or awake.

 

But women won't and women tend to hold on to things. I have a very high sex drive and want it often and usually my bf and i are able to resolve our conflicts quickly and I can let things go. But 3 weeks ago he said something that really hurt me and affected how i trust him w/ my emotions. he didn't men to hurt me and apologized but it took me 3 weeks to even feel like I wanted to be near him sexually.

 

Also women need to feel intimate to have sex. I try to look at it as my bf does. Sex is the ultimate way to maintain intimace for men so i enjoy it and open myself to him.

[screamingOmelody]

I agree that women and sex has a lot to do with what emotions we are feeling. I do think it is important to have sex in order to maintain a certain level of intimacy.

 

There are times that we women are not in the mood even though we want to be in the mood. There are medical reasons often, such as antidepressants etc. Men may think that the woman is not turned on when really it is completely a medical issue for her.

 

I think that trying special things to spice it up can help. I think role playing, pretending to go on a date, or using lotions and creams to aide in the arousal. (x-scream is a favorite, and has saved many marriages)-you know, a female viagra, but it is a cream.

 

I think problems in the bedroom are an indicator of problems in the relationship and so therefore, the bedroom needs a lot of attention.

 

Hope that helps someone out there.