Can't get a date

[Michelle]

Hi, I'm 20 years old and have the worst time finding a date. Everyone always asks my why I don't have a boyfriend or why I'm not dating someone. I know that I am kinda shy, but all my friends are guys and I definitely have no problem talking to them in most situations. I guess I am afraid of being rejected or something. I used to be really overweight and was constantly made fun of. Guys wouldn't even look at me. Within the last year, I have lost a lot of weight and have changed quite a bit. I have definitely noticed that people treat me differently now, especially guys, but for some reason, I cannot get over the fear of being hurt. Though I look different, I am still the same person inside, and this is what confuses me. Right now, I like this guy and want to do something about it, but I just can't. I am hoping that someone could give me some good advice. If there are any guys out there that could tell me what they think I should do, that would help me out a lot. Thanks.

[Tony T]

You may have lost that weight physically...but not mentally. You have to start thinking a whole lot more of yourself, building up your self esteem. We tend to put out vibrations about how we feel about ourselves, sort of happens subconsciously, and if we exude confidence and love for ourselves we attract lots of people. If guys don't pick up that you are very fond of yourself, they will wonder if you don't...why should they?

 

I certainly understand what you are going through. Once you start dating one or two guys and your confidence grows even more, you're likely to have lots and lots of guys after you. That seems to be how it works in love. For many, it's feast or famine.

 

If you have trouble building yourself up, just be yourself and someone will approach you sooner or later. But if you act like a shy loser, that's what you're going to attract.

 

I also caution you not to make friends with so many guys. You said in your post you have a lot of guy friends. That makes several problems for you. First, guy friends are great but when you make one that pretty well eliminates him from the pool of eligible men you can be romantic with. It's rather awkward to try to convert close male friendships into romantic relationships.

 

Second problem is you may scare off a lot of potential suitors who observe you with all these guys and, not knowing they are just buddies, they may feel you are not in the market for another guy.

 

I know this is a problem for you. Your best bet may be to make lots more lady friends and then ask them to introduce you to guy friends they know. You may even ask your guy friends to introduce you to some of their friends. Sometimes, the best way to meet people is through friends.

 

Don't despair. Things may be a little slow getting off to a start but soon you will have more men after you than you can handle.

 

As far as the fear of being hurt and rejected, hey...we all have that. Getting hurt is no fun. But that's a chance we have to take. Finding true love is worth it. If you don't want to take the risk, then just forget about ever finding love...because if it's out there for you, you've got to risk, plain and simple. Why should you be so special that you should be immune to something everybody else is susceptible to?

 

By the way, how did you lose the weight? I could stand to lose a few pounds myself.

[Michelle]

Hey Tony. Thanks so much for the great advice! It really gives me something to think about. You really seem to know what you're talking about. I know I gotta take the first step or else I'll never get anywhere. Wish me luck! And about losing weight, it may seem really corny, but I joined Weight Watchers and it seriously changed my life. If you're looking to lose 10 lbs or 100, it's definitely worth it. Good luck and thanks again!