Author Helen A Posted June 9, 2013 Author Posted June 9, 2013 Coming In Hot I have no idea. I think he started off wanting to do this bit got too scared to follow it through I'm not sure. He HAS to send me a tweet or something like that tho once I don't contact him. He wants me to then message him he won't so it first. So either he acts like he's not bothered or he genuinely, just can't be arsed anymore. I've recently been away for two weeks so NC and the NC wen I cum back so he messaged me on twitter. This week then he messages me at 1am on twitter when I hadn't bothered him all week. I text him the next day and sed he'd woke me up/ stupid time etc and he sed he was working away, talked bout the weather etc. I sed why don't you talk to me anymore he sed I've been so busy. I replied yea yea lies to which he sed there we are then and that was it. It's over. It's just there's no closure so I have to get my own closure.
TaraMaiden Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 Anne no I'm not going to admit this, I'm not splitting everybody up as I've said. Nobody has actually said that they've been through this/ or done anything like this. Everyone who has replied to you, virtually, has been through the same thing!! You haven't been paying attention!!
Author Helen A Posted June 9, 2013 Author Posted June 9, 2013 So what have you done then Tara after calling me some peice?
Author Helen A Posted June 9, 2013 Author Posted June 9, 2013 But Beany they're not wrecked are they, which they wud be if they knew. I think it's uphill from here tbh as it's over.
TaraMaiden Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 So what have you done then Tara after calling me some peice? I've been cheated on, by a close friend. Someone exactly like you, actually, who lied, and hid, and went into denial and could see nothing wrong with doing so.
Realist3 Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 Some of these responses are a bit over the top. I would not suggest you tell your husband. You have had a 5 month emotional affair whether you want to admit it or not. You have developed feelings for this man which you think is love. In your original post you were upset because he dropped you. You asked how to get over it. Here is the thing. He hasn't dropped you, he is playing you. I believe it was Pierre that mentioned the same thing. I'm not going to advocate for continuing the affair, but it sure sounds like you would like to in its current form. If you really do want to end it then you will have to go no contact with him. 1
Author Helen A Posted June 9, 2013 Author Posted June 9, 2013 Realist I really do want to end it. It's making me miserable making my head a complete mess. In fact I think I got a bit obsessed with him. I need the NC thing completely but why does he have to bloody tweet me then and wind me up I'd gone a whole month and was feeling better now I'm back thinking bout the idiot. Tara I don't get it your friend cheated on you?
TaraMaiden Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 Yes, with my ex- H. Though that's not the reason we divorced. That came about 15 years later.
Author Helen A Posted June 9, 2013 Author Posted June 9, 2013 Beany I think it's more selfish to admit it. It was emotional not physical. Nothing real ( physical) happened - so yeah ok ill ruin everybody's lives now to me that's more selfish
Author Helen A Posted June 9, 2013 Author Posted June 9, 2013 Tara I haven't had a physical affair with this guy. I haven't kissed him nothing . I think a physical affair is completely different to an emotional one.
TaraMaiden Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 Realist I really do want to end it. It's making me miserable making my head a complete mess. In fact I think I got a bit obsessed with him. I need the NC thing completely but why does he have to bloody tweet me then and wind me up I'd gone a whole month and was feeling better now I'm back thinking bout the idiot. If he's a friend, there will be no avoiding him in the long run, anyway. What makes you think NC would have any effect in your case? When you have to live a lie, in somebody's company, NC becomes a redundant concept. it only works when everything's in the open, and the case is shut.... Tara I don't get it your friend cheated on you? Yup. Lost a friend, for sure. Well, I say 'friend'.....
sweet_pea Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 Don't you think your husband (and exMM's wife) deserve to know who he/they are married to?
TaraMaiden Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 Tara I haven't had a physical affair with this guy. I haven't kissed him nothing . I think a physical affair is completely different to an emotional one. Yeah. No dick in the vagina. But don't kid yourself. The emotional entanglement can hurt just as much. Trust me on that one.
Realist3 Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 Realist I really do want to end it. It's making me miserable making my head a complete mess. In fact I think I got a bit obsessed with him. I need the NC thing completely but why does he have to bloody tweet me then and wind me up I'd gone a whole month and was feeling better now I'm back thinking bout the idiot. Tara I don't get it your friend cheated on you? Why does he tweet you? Because he knows you are hooked. So is he. He will keep doing it as long as he gets feedback. His first attempt to get you in the sack failed. So , he is playing a game. It doesn't mean he has stopped going after what he wants. So far his game he is playing is working. You are beside yourself with the feeling of loss. Where that goes is that if you do pick it back up with him the less likely you will want to feel what you are feeling right now, and you will probably give in.
Author Helen A Posted June 9, 2013 Author Posted June 9, 2013 But I'm not playing with him anymore. Tara your friend had an affair with your hubby? It is awful I know I can understand sum of your posts towards me now.
Realist3 Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 If you aren't playing with him anymore then maybe it wasn't really love as you first thought. if it is love you will be back.
Realist3 Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 Betsy, look at your actions amd choices. Its pretty your thought process is not healthy or opersting in the best interest of yourself and those around you. So you WOULD think that. You have already ruined everyones lives. The only way to fix it is to put it on the table and deal with it. Not sweep it under the rug and pretend it didnt happen. Its not ever gonna go away. Are you even reading what EVERYONE is telling you? Nobody's lives have been ruined because nobody knows a thing. I don't think it is productive to add unnecessary histrionics to the mix. You are making A LOT of assumptions about something you just don't know about.
Realist3 Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 Its selfish forcing someone to stay martied to a cheater. Its selfish withholding information a person needs to make sound choices for thier lives. Not telling them is flat out selfish and cowardly. Should a doctor not a tell a person they have camcer because its selfish to messy up thier day? Thats the logic your are applying. Your secret and ea is a cancer in marriage. And your hubby and friend have no clue they are infected and you wont inform them. The logic I'm applying is that we are not debating the moral decisions that the OP makes or already has made. That is not the discussion. You have your personal beliefs on what she 'should do' in terms based on your moral choices, but that is not what she is asking about. You are doing nothing more than lecturing her on how to live up to your moral code. 1
TaraMaiden Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 But I'm not playing with him anymore. Tara your friend had an affair with your hubby? It is awful I know I can understand sum of your posts towards me now. And they never actually had sex. Although there was a kiss.
anne1707 Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 Betsy To give you some background: I had a 3 year affair at work. It ended 5 years ago. My husband knows everything and we are happily reconciled. I still work with exOM. I am not convinced that you are 100% committed to the affair being over yet. You came here posting about why the OM had stopped texting etc - the focus was on him and not your marriage. I really do not see how you are going to avoid falling into a full on affair if you continue to interact with him even as just a friend. If I thought you were 100% committed, I could see how with IC you could get through this. However with what I see as uncertainty, I am not sure whether you can move on without a very large dose of reality. I.e. ceasing all contact with him completely which would mean having to tell your husband. I do know how frightening that is for you. I have done it - for a much longer affair - but it had to be done for my marriage to stand a chance. You also need not just IC but also MC - you and your husband need to improve communication and work on where things might not as good as they can be in your marriage. This is what is needed if you are both to be really happy together in the future. If you don't tell him about the affair then how do your propose getting the two of you to work on your marriage? 2
Realist3 Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 Oh bullshyte, lemme tell you something.....people arent stupid and they can intuitively pi k up on these things its gonna bleed into thier lives in one way or another and its another nail in the coffin of her marriage. Its gonna impact her entire marriage and the quality of it. Her husband has a right to KNOW what his marriage is. Those histronics may happen but real repair and healing NEVER will take place until everyone is having honest communication. I would respond to this but it is off topic. You are wasting time and bandwidth on something the OP never asked for.
RAN65 Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 Betsy, Your Heart say NO & your Mind(might)say YES. You are in a dilemma whether to end the A or not. Say what, if you are in a TRUE MARRIAGE & if your husband is in as EA with your best friends WIFE what would be your reactions when you come to know about it. Think about it. Delete all contacts of your best friend & the OM in all possible ways. Inform your husband about the EA it would be the best possible solution for you. The outcome of you informing your husband might be + or -, but that would be the best for you & your husband.
TaraMaiden Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 Thanku realist. Classic. "A Man hears what he wants to hear and disregards the rest." Two posts from Realist, and you're happy. 10 pages from all the others and you still argue the toss. 1
Author Helen A Posted June 9, 2013 Author Posted June 9, 2013 Tara I was just saying thankyou as she was agreeing with me not to tell my husband. I'm not disregarding anything Im just saying I don't want to admit a 5 month emotional affair and ruin my life.
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