Helen A Posted June 7, 2013 Share Posted June 7, 2013 Right I've been married 5 years and with my husband 17 years. We have been good friends with a couple for over ten years. From say January to about May me and my friends husband had become Very close texting all the time at first just in general but then it turned into Flirting admitting we liked each other and then dirty messages. Now some days we cud text all day for about 8 hours a day and late in the night etc. we arranged to meet up in a hotel but I couldn't go through with it. I have come to my senses a bit and have realised that I can't do this . He has gone from texting me all the time to not at all as if it was nothing. And I'm finding it really hard to stop messaging him. Tbh I think I've fallen in love with him. My question is how can someone like you that much that they'd talk to you for 8 hours a day but then they don't want to speak to you anymore? And why? I know I need to leave this and get over it but I'm finding it so hard, and I can't understand why he wud play with my feelings like this. Any advice? Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
Grumpybutfun Posted June 7, 2013 Share Posted June 7, 2013 Honestly, you dodged a bullet. He stopped texting after you could not go through with the sex. That is what he wanted. It was not about love at all. Men will lie to you to get in your pants. I still do not understand why women don't seem to understand this. He played with your feelings to get in your pants. I don't think I can any more honest than this. I know it hurts but it is best. Now, go talk to your H and try to reconcile your marriage or leave him. Grumps 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Helen A Posted June 7, 2013 Author Share Posted June 7, 2013 Thanks grumpy bullet. If I'm honest though he could not go through with it more than me I was always suggesting to meet in the beginning he backed off he seemed only interested in the dirty texts/pics not wanting to talk to me. So I'm not sure if it was that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Helen A Posted June 7, 2013 Author Share Posted June 7, 2013 Thanks lady grey. It is seedy I can't say I planned it. Tho both to blame he started it sending me tweets messages etc. only somewhere along the line I fell for him. Not that long ago he told me that he likes me a lot much more than he should do. It's just something that happened. Link to post Share on other sites
drr6 Posted June 7, 2013 Share Posted June 7, 2013 Sadly hilarious that even when the woman admits that she was the one pushing for the affair, the PC assumption is: "Oh that terrible man beast must be at fault, only looking to 'exploit' the fair maiden for sex." 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Helen A Posted June 7, 2013 Author Share Posted June 7, 2013 Oh no I wasn't pushing for the affair. At first he jumped into bed with me and tried to kiss me to which I refused. He started relentlessly texting and wen I wanted to meet up, at first, to chat about all this - then for sex he wasn't keen. If I didn't txt him he wud message me and it went crazy that's why I can't understand him now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Helen A Posted June 7, 2013 Author Share Posted June 7, 2013 But it hasn't been an affair as such. It's been all texts. Dirty texts pics. Nothing physical had happened. I'm not going to do it I have decided but I still think I am in love with him and can't help how I feel. I Wudnt call texting an affair the thought was there but it never happened. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Helen A Posted June 7, 2013 Author Share Posted June 7, 2013 I'm not going to destroy her marriage. I never had any intention of doing that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Helen A Posted June 7, 2013 Author Share Posted June 7, 2013 Oh he was awilling. He wanted to book a hotel room for us. He was just weird then. I know that this is wrong Im not here for a lecture on my morals, I just wanted some advice from people as to why he's gone cold on me and really, how to forget this and move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted June 7, 2013 Share Posted June 7, 2013 You were involved in an EMOTIONAL affair. You were doing things with him that you know full well your husband would/will be livid about when he finds out. My suggestion/advice is that you focus on your marriage. You've betrayed your husband in a huge way...what are you going to do to fix that and prevent it from happening again? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted June 7, 2013 Share Posted June 7, 2013 Oh he was awilling. He wanted to book a hotel room for us. He was just weird then. I know that this is wrong Im not here for a lecture on my morals, I just wanted some advice from people as to why he's gone cold on me and really, how to forget this and move on. Telling your husband and friend should help the "moving on" part. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted June 7, 2013 Share Posted June 7, 2013 Oh he was awilling. He wanted to book a hotel room for us. He was just weird then. I know that this is wrong Im not here for a lecture on my morals, I just wanted some advice from people as to why he's gone cold on me and really, how to forget this and move on. Your request is flawed...you're asking for two things at the same time that are each counter to the other. If you focus on "why" he did/does anything...that's totally contrary to focusing on how to move on. What's your priority? Ending the situation and rebuilding the damage done, or working to understand what he was thinking? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Helen A Posted June 7, 2013 Author Share Posted June 7, 2013 Beany thanks.i like honest thanks for your opinion. No they don't and that is why I never wanted or was going to do anything to ruin her marriage or tell her. Or my hubby. But I'm still feeling like this and want to get over it bit can't . She is lovely my friend so is my husband, but can you help how you feel. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted June 7, 2013 Share Posted June 7, 2013 Right I've been married 5 years and with my husband 17 years. We have been good friends with a couple for over ten years. From say January to about May me and my friends husband had become Very close texting all the time at first just in general but then it turned into Flirting admitting we liked each other and then dirty messages. Now some days we cud text all day for about 8 hours a day and late in the night etc. we arranged to meet up in a hotel but I couldn't go through with it. I have come to my senses a bit and have realised that I can't do this . He has gone from texting me all the time to not at all as if it was nothing. And I'm finding it really hard to stop messaging him. Tbh I think I've fallen in love with him. My question is how can someone like you that much that they'd talk to you for 8 hours a day but then they don't want to speak to you anymore? And why? I know I need to leave this and get over it but I'm finding it so hard, and I can't understand why he wud play with my feelings like this. Any advice? Thanks. Why do you think he is playing games? you called it off - He had every intention of hooking up with you, and (good for you for waking up) you changed your mind. SO, his reaction to that is to back off and not text and be flirty anymore. Don't make more into this than there is. If you are "in love" with him then I suggest you tell your husband the truth and file for divorce. Staying married when you seem to not love your husband isn't fair to him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Helen A Posted June 7, 2013 Author Share Posted June 7, 2013 Gorilla and what would be the point in in telling them? What good would that do but ruin people's lives? Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted June 7, 2013 Share Posted June 7, 2013 Gorilla and what would be the point in in telling them? What good would that do but ruin people's lives? You've already done that, they just need to catch up. You used "honest" in your thread title. What does "honest" mean to you, exactly? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted June 7, 2013 Share Posted June 7, 2013 Beany thanks.i like honest thanks for your opinion. No they don't and that is why I never wanted or was going to do anything to ruin her marriage or tell her. Or my hubby. But I'm still feeling like this and want to get over it bit can't . She is lovely my friend so is my husband, but can you help how you feel. Yes you can. You two totally crossed the lines and became inappropriate the minute you started texting and flirting. That was wrong from the get go. Imagine YOUR husband and HIS wife doing this behind your back? It's good that it's over. Time for you to now focus on why you felt the need to do that, and fix whatever is broken within you and talk to your husband because something is missing. His wife is not your friend. If she truly was, no way would you have done this. And vice versa -No way is he a true friend to your husband. Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted June 7, 2013 Share Posted June 7, 2013 Gorilla and what would be the point in in telling them? What good would that do but ruin people's lives? 1. It would give them both the chance to decide if they want to remain married to their current spouses, given the full knowledge of what's gone on. 2. It gives them a chance to forgive their spouses IF they choose to do so, and if their spouses choose to reconcile and work through the damage done. 3. It creates an atmosphere in which this kind of behavior will be guarded against...so there'd be no chance of this "just happening" again. 4. It sets the stage for some actual open and honest communication to take place where it's clearly been absent for far too long. That's the first reasons I came up with within the first 10 seconds of reading this post. There are undoubtedly many, many more. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Helen A Posted June 7, 2013 Author Share Posted June 7, 2013 I love my husband we have been together since we were kids. But this had just knocked me sideways my heads all over the place. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted June 7, 2013 Share Posted June 7, 2013 Gorilla and what would be the point in in telling them? What good would that do but ruin people's lives? I don't mean to be harsh, so if I come off that way don't take it out of context. I am being tough on you so you'll really stop and think. bolded part -- Did you NOT think of this before you and him starting texting and flirting, crossing lines? Do you see that things ARE ruined? Now there's a big purple elephant in the room. How awkward is it gonna be next time ALL of you are hanging out together. Link to post Share on other sites
HopingAgain Posted June 7, 2013 Share Posted June 7, 2013 Betsy, you are going to have to end this "friendship" with him AND his wife. This will always be a dark cloud hanging over the friendship even if you never tell her the truth. And if you continue to play with fire, all of you will get hurt very badly. Your husband and his wife don't deserve the sting of a double betrayal and it will destroy both of your marriages, believe me. Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted June 7, 2013 Share Posted June 7, 2013 I love my husband we have been together since we were kids. But this had just knocked me sideways my heads all over the place. OK...so doesn't he deserve to know the truth, so that he can make informed decisions about his own future? If you love him...why would you deny him that ability and required information? You don't WITHOLD critical information from someone because you love them. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Helen A Posted June 7, 2013 Author Share Posted June 7, 2013 I would never ruin his or my family by telling them about this there are children involved. Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted June 7, 2013 Share Posted June 7, 2013 You said you wanted honest advice...and yet you're now refuting and fighting against that very advice you said you wanted. I think you need to relook at what you're hoping to find here. Are you wanting honest advice...or are you wanting people to pat you on the back and tell you that it's ok? Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted June 7, 2013 Share Posted June 7, 2013 I love my husband we have been together since we were kids. But this had just knocked me sideways my heads all over the place. You love him, but something obviously is missing here - Inside of you.. To go and do this, whether it was for selfish reasons (ego feed) and you just got caught up in the excitement and fun attention from another man other than your husband or you truly let yourself 'fall in love', your husband needs to know that everything has changed. The love you feel for your husband now is not the same as it was before stuff starting happening behind his back. Link to post Share on other sites
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