I Don't Know What Happened

[Maria46]

Stormy,

 

Don't believe everything the MM says about his relationship with his wife. From my experiences, they will tell you that nothing in their marriage is good.

 

And, I do have many, many married male friends. My relationships with them is just friends. They would never try to kiss me and I would never try to kiss them. It is a friendship with mutual respect for the others partner.

 

I feel like you are really trying to pursue what you believe is a "friendship" with him. I don't believe he considered it a "friendship".

 

This is not an attack on you, I just hope you can see what is actually happening here.

 

Take care!!

[Merin]

Originally posted by stormywind

Merin2--sorry you sense hostility in what I'm saying. I guess I'm just trying to clarify more the situation and prevent miscommunication here in order to get a clearer assessment of the situation.

 

As for the good guy/bad guy thing---I guess what I want to know is---is what he's done (both regarding his wife and to me), wrong?

 

It's so confusing these days. It seems like what's considered "normal" or acceptable has gotten blurred.

 

I mean, years ago if a married guy would have flirted (suggestively) with a single woman, he'd be thought of as a creep. These days you get the attitude of "Well, he was only flirting--it's not like he cheated."

 

See what I mean? It's hard to know what's even ok anymore.

 

 

 

OT: Btw, speaking of cops, a friend of mine was recently telling me her experience with the "cop personality." Ever heard of this? I didn't know what it was.

 

IMHO.. YES what he has done regarding both yourself and his wife is WRONG.

 

Adding to the mix.. his little people... not okay.

 

Again it's only my opinion Stormy.. but as far as I'm concerned trying to hook up with someone else when you're in a relationship (sheesh a marriage at that!) isn't normal OR acceptable. What this MM was doing went further than "Flirting" he was trying for more with you, and that IMHO isn't okay for him to try to involve someone else in his f**ked up situation.

 

IF he is unhappy.. then all okay BUT damn he needs to get a legal seperation, or get a divorce BEFORE he even thinks about trying to hook up with someone else.

 

I feel badly for all parties involved in something like this.. I feel badly for his wife, I feel badly for his little people and I feel badly for the OW. They all love him on some level and the only person who is getting thier needs met, is HIM.

 

The "Cop Personality" tee hee! Know it well! AND you know what..? I would NEVER EVER date another one

My boyfriend is in the Marine Corp... hmmm must be a uniform?! LOL

 

Anyway, Good Luck Stormy

[stormywind]

Don't believe everything the MM says about his relationship with his wife. From my experiences, they will tell you that nothing in their marriage is good.

 

He didn't say it was all bad. What's weird is that about a month ago, he said his marriage wasn't that good. Later, he'd say that it's not all that bad, but they're more like just friends now.

 

I feel like you are really trying to pursue what you believe is a "friendship" with him. I don't believe he considered it a "friendship".

 

I guess that's what's made me so sad. I don't find people I click with that well that often--hardly ever. Then the way he was cold to me when I saw him the other day just really made me feel bad.

[stormywind]

Adding to the mix.. his little people... not okay.

 

You mean his kids?

 

Again it's only my opinion Stormy.. but as far as I'm concerned trying to hook up with someone else when you're in a relationship (sheesh a marriage at that!) isn't normal OR acceptable. What this MM was doing went further than "Flirting" he was trying for more with you, and that IMHO isn't okay for him to try to involve someone else in his f**ked up situation.

 

I have a lot of questions. Hope you (or anyone) might have some answers.

 

 

Do you think he was trying to take advantage of the situation when I was upset over my dad's death?

Do you think how bold he was with me, that he's done this stuff before?

Why do you think he suddenly changed recently? Does that mean that they started to have sex again after 2 years?

 

 

There's been other stuff he said and did:

He would (fairly often) tell me he wanted to bend me over his knee and spank me.

When I had on shorts and a top when he came over to console me after my dad died, my stomach showed just a tiny bit while I was sitting. He stuck his tongue in my belly button--I mean, it's not like he's shy. And then he joked that he could go lower but I stopped him.

One day we were talking about the dangers of tanning (since I tan sometimes) and I told him that I had gone to a dr. recently and had any markes checked. He told me he'd be the doctor and go over every inch of my body for me.

 

Then the other day on the phone he suddenly does an about-face and lectures me that he's married. I told him that I wasn't trying to break up his marriage and that I recently just started dating someone.

 

Do you think he won't even talk to me now? I'd like to talk to him again. Do you think I could ask him if we could talk in person?

 

 

 

[The "Cop Personality" tee hee! Know it well! AND you know what..? I would NEVER EVER date another one

 

I'd like to know more about that type of personality too. What are they like?

[stormywind]

This is a little off the topic but something else I wanted to know. Why is it that guys don't leave a bad marriage that often?

[izzybelle]

good question. some of what i've heard... the devil they know is better than the devil they don't. of course there's always the theory that when they tell us that it's a bad marriage, it's really not, and they really do love their wives. others have told me that it's because they don't want to hurt their wives and families, even if they don't love their wives they're afraid of hurting others. so they have affairs? it's ok to hurt someone outside their family but not someone in it. i think some are also afraid they'll "lose" their kids. some of them i think are just plain scared. and i don't mean for that to sound cruel, i think they're just afraid of giving up the security and comfort of even a bad marriage for the unknown.

 

i asked a male friend of mine that question several times. he had told me at one point that he didn't even like his wife. not that he didn't love her but that it was beyond that. his reasons for not leaving, his kids. who by the way, by his admission cried a lot because they sensed the problems with the parents. he was also afraid that he'd get screwed financially in the divorce.

 

i don't know, i know lots of women, including me, who left a bad marriage.

[stormywind]

I think that it's due to :

 

the kids---they'd lose some control over being in their lives.

money---they'd lose some control as to how the money is spent.

familiarity---what people get used to is better than what they don't know.

 

Also---a feeling of failure.

[Merin]

Originally posted by stormywind

You mean his kids?

 

 

 

I have a lot of questions. Hope you (or anyone) might have some answers.

 

 

Do you think he was trying to take advantage of the situation when I was upset over my dad's death?

Do you think how bold he was with me, that he's done this stuff before?

Why do you think he suddenly changed recently? Does that mean that they started to have sex again after 2 years?

 

 

There's been other stuff he said and did:

He would (fairly often) tell me he wanted to bend me over his knee and spank me.

When I had on shorts and a top when he came over to console me after my dad died, my stomach showed just a tiny bit while I was sitting. He stuck his tongue in my belly button--I mean, it's not like he's shy. And then he joked that he could go lower but I stopped him.

One day we were talking about the dangers of tanning (since I tan sometimes) and I told him that I had gone to a dr. recently and had any markes checked. He told me he'd be the doctor and go over every inch of my body for me.

 

Then the other day on the phone he suddenly does an about-face and lectures me that he's married. I told him that I wasn't trying to break up his marriage and that I recently just started dating someone.

 

Do you think he won't even talk to me now? I'd like to talk to him again. Do you think I could ask him if we could talk in person?

 

 

 

[The "Cop Personality" tee hee! Know it well! AND you know what..? I would NEVER EVER date another one

 

I'd like to know more about that type of personality too. What are they like?

 

Yes when I say his little people, I mean his kids.

 

It's very possible that he saw you as "easy prey" because you were emotionally distraught...

Do I think he's done this crap before to someone else... most likely.

Why has his behaviour suddenly changed.. my guess.. his wife found out.

Does it mean they are having sex again after 2 years... I'm not convinced the sexual aspect of their marriage ever stopped.

 

He wants to bend you over his knee and spank you.. and play doctor with you uh? Well I guess I can only respond by saying.. I want to put my foot in his a** for being such an idiot, and if he needs a playmate that much, then he needs to look to his wife for that or get a divorce.

 

Regarding him giving you a lecture on him being married over the phone... 10 to 1 says his wife was standing right there listening to him when he was "telling it like it was" you know HIS VERSION of the truth to her.

 

Do I think he will ever talk to you again... Yeah IF you want to keep listening to his bulls***, I'm sure he will.

You want to talk to him again... Well I've got to tell you I don't know why you want to, because he has proven himself to be not even good "friend" ONLY material... but thats all you and what you want to do.

 

The Cop personality... Hmmmm... LOL I can only speak on what I know of my EX and his cop buddies... but found them all to be with a chip on thier shoulder, a invinsable attitude... and cocky as he**...

[Maria46]

[This is a little off the topic but something else I wanted to know. Why is it that guys don't leave a bad marriage that often?]

 

Because it's not a bad marriage. He just wants something on the side.

[stormywind]

Do I think he's done this crap before to someone else... most likely.

Why has his behaviour suddenly changed.. my guess.. his wife found out./[/

 

 

I don't think she found out. She might been suspicious but there's really not much she could find. I dunno.

 

 

Does it mean they are having sex again after 2 years... I'm not convinced the sexual aspect of their marriage ever stopped.

 

I do believe him on that. He mentioned his wife sorta slipped on her pills and that's how they ended up with their second child--he had only wanted one. I mentioned to him how I've heard that happening quite often. It happened to the last guy I dated (when he was married) and he ended up getting a vasectomy.

The married guy told me that he didn't have to get a vasectomy, since they didn't have sex anymore. (incidentally, THAT'S how the topic ever came up at all. I have a feeling if they were having sex, he'd want to get fixed. )

 

 

He wants to bend you over his knee and spank you.. and play doctor with you uh? Well I guess I can only respond by saying.. I want to put my foot in his a** for being such an idiot, and if he needs a playmate that much, then he needs to look to his wife for that or get a divorce.

 

Yes and he'd say those things to me when we'd meet/chat during work.

 

Regarding him giving you a lecture on him being married over the phone... 10 to 1 says his wife was standing right there listening to him when he was "telling it like it was" you know HIS VERSION of the truth to her.

 

No, he was driving home in his car--he had just left. He seemed so cold to me before he left that I called him while he was on the way home to see what the deal was.

 

Do I think he will ever talk to you again... Yeah IF you want to keep listening to his bulls***, I'm sure he will.

You want to talk to him again... Well I've got to tell you I don't know why you want to, because he has proven himself to be not even good "friend" ONLY material... but thats all you and what you want to do.

 

I guess I just want to say WTF to him. Why all of a sudden acting cold, etc....

 

The Cop personality... Hmmmm... LOL I can only speak on what I know of my EX and his cop buddies... but found them all to be with a chip on thier shoulder, a invinsable attitude... and cocky as he**...

 

 

So does that make them bad partners? I've heard they are more likely to get divorced than other professions.

[stormywind]

Because it's not a bad marriage. He just wants something on the side.

 

Why do you think it's not a bad marriage? If there's no affection, I would think that it's bad. Also if there's no trust, then isn't it a bad marriage?

And if a guy is making sexual come ons to someone else how can it be a good marriage?

[stormywind]

Well today I'm back and work and so is he. I wanted to see if I could catch him coming in and ask him if we could talk later, but I didn't catch him. I'm not sure if I should ask him if we could talk or how to go about it.