aisuru Posted June 6, 2013 Posted June 6, 2013 He left a voice mail. I deleted it without listening to it. I cannot even begin to explain the will power that took. MEH. I'm okay, I'm okay, I'm okay, I'm okay, I'm okay, I'm okay. 17
JadedRomantic Posted June 6, 2013 Posted June 6, 2013 Wow. That is a lot of will power. Shows how strong you are and you should pat yourself on the back. You're more than ok. =) 1
CorridorE Posted June 6, 2013 Posted June 6, 2013 Wow I could never have done that. Good for you! If it's something important he'll try again until he reaches you, but you probably are much better off not knowing. Pretend it never happened. 2
bluegreen Posted June 6, 2013 Posted June 6, 2013 I would have done it to in a fit but ate myself afterwards wondering what it was why will he call again. Good for you how long has it been NC ? 1
Chris715 Posted June 6, 2013 Posted June 6, 2013 Wow, I'm proud of you. Don't think I would've had the control to do that. Stay strong 1
Author aisuru Posted June 6, 2013 Author Posted June 6, 2013 Oye. Sheer stubborness on my part. We broke up almost 3 months ago. I haven't seen him in over a month and that was brief. The last communication from him was 5 weeks ago when I texted him that I was being laid off though I sent him a text that I missed him the week after that. I also sent him an email unrelated to us about 2 weeks ago. I've been in a decent headspace, though a little depressed in general recently. I just have a lot of life changes going on right now, and yet, I'm also kind of in a holding pattern, uncertain when my job officially ends and returning to school in the fall. No breadcrumbs from either of us since the breakup. I'm torn between, it's best we not be together or ever see each other again, and wanting to see him and perhaps see what lies beneath us. I have always felt our timing was not good when we met. So, I'll ignore this call. I always knew I would ignore his first contact. I also know I will respond to his second contact, but on my terms, not just automatically pick up the phone if and when he calls again. I had a plan of action in place which made it easier to handle this way. Guess I'll put in some extra time at the gym tonight when I leave the office. 7
Leigh 87 Posted June 6, 2013 Posted June 6, 2013 Ugh. Your 100,000,000 times stronger than I am. My ex has said he wants me back and I cannot ignore him. Not when he says that to me. Because I have zero will power. And I know it. I suck. I know. What do you mean, you both met at the wrong time? My ex and I were not in the right mindset for a relationship/to handle love. We too, think we met at the wrong time in life:( You know that you needed time and space. I know this too, yet damn. I guess you have lived and learned far more than I have. I just suck! HOW DO YOU DO IT?!?! I even leave for a new job soon just so I can get away from him. Do you live close by to your ex? What would you do if he actually showed up? I think No Contact is what it is going to take for me to actually ignore my ex, I hope that I am at your stage within a month or two. I really hope I get to the place you're at. To ignore my ex..... Damn. WELL DONE though, I hope I can be more like you soon. 1
bluecrabroll Posted June 6, 2013 Posted June 6, 2013 I praise you for your amazing willpower and sticking to your plan. I hope to model after your behavior if the same thing happens to me someday. 1
Author aisuru Posted June 6, 2013 Author Posted June 6, 2013 Ugh. Your 100,000,000 times stronger than I am. My ex has said he wants me back and I cannot ignore him. Not when he says that to me. Because I have zero will power. And I know it. I suck. I know. You don't suck. You just don't believe in yourself enough. You're lonely and don't believe you deserve better. What do you mean, you both met at the wrong time? My ex and I were not in the right mindset for a relationship/to handle love. We too, think we met at the wrong time in life:( Have you read my story? If not, you can find it here: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/390409-my-breakup-story-long It's long. You will better understand why timing was an issue. In general, I have my life and myself together. However, I met him when I was grieving and hated myself for a choice I made in life. If I couldn't love myself, I couldn't love somebody else. Yet, I was inexplicably drawn to him. You know that you needed time and space. I know this too, yet damn. I guess you have lived and learned far more than I have. I just suck! HOW DO YOU DO IT?!?! Because intellectually, I know I cannot give somebody all of me if I'm not whole. I need to give to myself first. Take care of myself first. I know this space has been very good for me. Part of me has been relieved to not have him (or anyone) in my life, draining what little I had. I've been able to clear my head, build myself a bit, and determine a better direction I would like to head. Do you live close by to your ex? What would you do if he actually showed up? We live about 2 or 3 blocks from each other. I would be quite annoyed and pissed off if he showed up unannounced. He did that once earlier in our relationship when we'd had a tiff the day before. I'm fairly certain he would not do that again, especially considering how long we've been broken up. I'll admit part of me sometimes wishes he would pop by, but I would be pretty pissed at him since HE broke up with ME. I think No Contact is what it is going to take for me to actually ignore my ex, I hope that I am at your stage within a month or two. I really hope I get to the place you're at. To ignore my ex..... Damn. WELL DONE though, I hope I can be more like you soon. You will be ready for no contact when you're ready for no contact. It would do you a lot of good to separate yourself from any male attention right now and truly work on yourself. You're not there yet. No matter how much you say you want to be. Some day, hopefully sooner than later, you will realize you deserve the best man out there. You will realize there are things you must do for and within yourself before the best man will have you in their life. Some day, maybe you will realize this and actually believe it. It would be a sad shame if you hadn't done what you needed to do for yourself and lost out on meeting that best man and having the best relationship ever, no? You just have to believe you deserve better. Right now, you're clinging to somebody just to have somebody because you don't believe in yourself. That is how I was able to ignore my ex's call and delete his voice mail. We each deserve the best. No matter how much I may want to speak with him, neither of us are ready for it. Part of me thinks it best we never speak. Part of me thinks we could have something greater later down the road. But right now? I am my own priority. I'm not sacrificing long term happiness for short term happiness. 2
Author aisuru Posted June 6, 2013 Author Posted June 6, 2013 Did I tell you how f---ing awesome I think you are? I would be lying if I said I didn't want to call him. I miss him like crazy. I sometimes think we may actually end up back together. I have no idea why he called me. None. It could have been innocuous. I just have to remain focused on me and remind myself over and over that he is the one who chose to walk away. I actually think he should have walked away sooner. I can assume he misses me and has feelings for me, but it doesn't matter. I can miss him. I can want to reconcile. I just know, not right now.
Leigh 87 Posted June 6, 2013 Posted June 6, 2013 (edited) You don't suck. You just don't believe in yourself enough. You're lonely and don't believe you deserve better. Have you read my story? If not, you can find it here: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/390409-my-breakup-story-long It's long. You will better understand why timing was an issue. In general, I have my life and myself together. However, I met him when I was grieving and hated myself for a choice I made in life. If I couldn't love myself, I couldn't love somebody else. Yet, I was inexplicably drawn to him. Wow. I was not in the mindset for a relationship, because I had anorexia. I had been socially isolated from all people apart from my parents for 6 years. He was a young party animal that hated the idea of having one sexual partner for life. Unlike you, my life was not together at all. I had no personality, sense of self, or self worth that was NOT tied to being thin. For some reason unbeknownst to us, we were VERY inexplicably drawn together. We had not ever felt that way before, with people who we deemed way more suitable for each other. He is a hot dude and had not felt it with the hotter, more normal girls of his past. Frankly, I thought he was a loser. :lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao: Because intellectually, I know I cannot give somebody all of me if I'm not whole. I need to give to myself first. Take care of myself first. I know this space has been very good for me. Part of me has been relieved to not have him (or anyone) in my life, draining what little I had. I've been able to clear my head, build myself a bit, and determine a better direction I would like to head. Intellectually, I always knew I was in BAD place to begin a relationship. I did not WANT one. Now, I have my dream in place though; I am enrolled in my dream degree, I have a steady job lined up whilst I study so I can go overseas once a year (I am a travel junkie and always have been). Now I have my life in order without him in the equation. Will it be less draining to not worry about how I am when I am attached? Should I, too, use this time for clarity? We live about 2 or 3 blocks from each other. I would be quite annoyed and pissed off if he showed up unannounced. He did that once earlier in our relationship when we'd had a tiff the day before. I'm fairly certain he would not do that again, especially considering how long we've been broken up. I'll admit part of me sometimes wishes he would pop by, but I would be pretty pissed at him since HE broke up with ME. 3 blocks? holy cow. Yeah. We had dogs together. He lives 25mins away and it was still hard to fight the urge to be apart from my dogs and him... Aren't you worried you will come across him and a new girl? That is a perk of me moving away! I feel WAY more confident in my ability to start and maintain No Contact this way. Seeing him and a new girl would be like death. Although sticking to No Contact will allow me to get past that stage. If I follow it correctly and for long enough. You will be ready for no contact when you're ready for no contact. It would do you a lot of good to separate yourself from any male attention right now and truly work on yourself. You're not there yet. No matter how much you say you want to be. I will never be ready, but I will do it nonetheless. It is the only way forward. I am open to flings since that is all I did in the past. But not anytime soon, not for a few months. I do not want to meet the right guy for a good while. I love being in love; before Andrew, I hated the idea of marriage and being tied down to one man for life:sick: Now, I love being in love, and I am the type of women who connects well with men and I KNOW it will be so amazing to meet a life partner. I want it to happen when I am not expecting not looking for it though. It needs to happen when I am content in my own life. Alone. I will always want to meet the right man to have as a best friend and lover, it makes life much richer to have. I will have that in mind, yet without looking for it anytime soon. Does that make sense? Some day, hopefully sooner than later, you will realize you deserve the best man out there. You will realize there are things you must do for and within yourself before the best man will have you in their life. Some day, maybe you will realize this and actually believe it.\ omg. That his a huge nerve. I am not who I need to be, to find the ultimate, best man out there for me. Although I struggle; I would marry my ex if he asked me tomorrow:( It would be a sad shame if you hadn't done what you needed to do for yourself and lost out on meeting that best man and having the best relationship ever, no? You just have to believe you deserve better. Right now, you're clinging to somebody just to have somebody because you don't believe in yourself. I do believe in myself. Seriously. I am stuck on my ex because I am in love with him. I love what we had, minus our personal issues. It is not for the sake of having someone. I really enjoy life alone. It is him and what we had, that lights up my life in a way that I find it hard to walk away from. I know I deserve to see what else it out there though. WE BOTH deserve to go away, become the best people we can be, and only then entre into new relationships. With or without each other. That is how I was able to ignore my ex's call and delete his voice mail. We each deserve the best. No matter how much I may want to speak with him, neither of us are ready for it. Part of me thinks it best we never speak. Part of me thinks we could have something greater later down the road. yes yes yes. 50% of me would marry my ex. 50% of me genuinely, in my gut, believes we have the love and have the "thing" that would keep us together for life. the other 50% of me? I believe we both deserve the best. He is not a bad person for what he did, and neither am I. The best could be: moving on, becoming the people we need to be in order to find our ultimate relationship, and only THEN seeing if hey, maybe what we had WAS worth trying again for. But right now? I am my own priority. I'm not sacrificing long term happiness for short term happiness. Maybe we are more alike than you think:( Albeit, I admit your ahead of me insofar as your level of personal development. I am just about to start; from effing up my life, to recovering from my anorexia and living out my DREAM situation in life! I like who I am, but now it is time for me to actually work towards a life I am PROUD of. I hope you understand me. It feels CRAZY to, on one hand, be totally in love and think you have potential with a guy, yet on the other hand; knowing time away is the only thing that will bring us back together. If we are meant to be. Edited June 6, 2013 by Leigh 87
BustedUpInside Posted June 6, 2013 Posted June 6, 2013 He left a voice mail. I deleted it without listening to it. I cannot even begin to explain the will power that took. MEH. I'm okay, I'm okay, I'm okay, I'm okay, I'm okay, I'm okay. Is it sick that I am kind of jealous? I read your post and it has kind of stuck with me all day. I keep going back and forth. Do I want him to call me so I can decide whether to ignore him or not? Do I want him to never call again so the decision is already made and I don't have to find out how strong I am or am not? I feel like you are ok, but now I am questioning my progress 1
Author aisuru Posted June 6, 2013 Author Posted June 6, 2013 Maybe we are more alike than you think:( Albeit, I admit your ahead of me insofar as your level of personal development. You are me, MAYBE, ten or fifteen years or so ago. You think I have no clue. That I don't understand. So you ignore me. Give that some thought my friend. The difference is that I want better and know I deserve better. I value myself. How much do you value yourself? 2
Leigh 87 Posted June 6, 2013 Posted June 6, 2013 Bustedupinside - you're doing just fine. If you keep on the same path, you will stop being jealous; you will honestly be too busy with your own life to have such time for energy towards your ex. Eventually. I am sure the OP, when she reads about people getting back together, is still a tiny bit jealous too; although it will probably only be an after thought. Still though. The OP is doing SO well, but I think she would feel a tiny bit to, to sensitive issues pertaining to other peoples relationship and the guy coming back professing his undying love. You're both in later stages of recovery than I am, since I have not even said GOODBYE to my ex:mad: Hopefully knowing you're still ahead of myself and many other posters will make you feel a lot better about your progress?
Author aisuru Posted June 6, 2013 Author Posted June 6, 2013 Is it sick that I am kind of jealous? I read your post and it has kind of stuck with me all day. I keep going back and forth. Do I want him to call me so I can decide whether to ignore him or not? Do I want him to never call again so the decision is already made and I don't have to find out how strong I am or am not? I feel like you are ok, but now I am questioning my progress Honestly? I am not sure you should be jealous. Cause it's killing me to not call him back. It is what it is. I miss him like heck. But I know he's on the verge of leaving town for 5-6 months. So why bother. He obviously thought it wasn't important and that's why he broke up with me. He didn't think I was important a month ago or a week ago. I deserve the best. I also deserve this breakup. I do. It is what it is. 1
Author aisuru Posted June 6, 2013 Author Posted June 6, 2013 Absolutely. Christ, if xMM contacted me, I'd be a nervous wreck. I thinkwe can miss them all we want, we can wish that the impossible would happen all we want, so long as it's not impeding our ability to get out of bed in the morning and is not making us settle for anything less than a healthy relationship - then the rest is just emotions that we ride out. I've been a little weepy the last couple of nights. Just before I go to bed. It doesn't last long, but it's there. Good work, you know that there's no point going there if you can offer him everything a relationshop deserves. If it's meant to be, it'll happen, no need to force it. Oye.... On the verge of caving in... but posting here instead. Meh. I understand being weepy. I've been more inclined to cry lately than previously. Sucks ass.
BustedUpInside Posted June 6, 2013 Posted June 6, 2013 Don't you dare! I've told you before, do not leave me standing on the NC ledge by myself. Do not do it!! Don't worry, I will hold both your hands. No one is going anywhere!! 2
Author aisuru Posted June 6, 2013 Author Posted June 6, 2013 Don't you dare! I've told you before, do not leave me standing on the NC ledge by myself. Do not do it!! Good thing I'm going out of town this weekend for girls weekend. hahahahaha But I'm not gonna lie that I had some self satisfaction passing his house tonight seeing his vehicle in his driveway tonight. Bastard. But I miss him. We all know that.
Author aisuru Posted June 6, 2013 Author Posted June 6, 2013 Don't worry, I will hold both your hands. No one is going anywhere!! Oh you will hold my hands when I call him? EXCELLENTE!!!
Author aisuru Posted June 6, 2013 Author Posted June 6, 2013 Bustedupinside - you're doing just fine. If you keep on the same path, you will stop being jealous; you will honestly be too busy with your own life to have such time for energy towards your ex. Eventually. I am sure the OP, when she reads about people getting back together, is still a tiny bit jealous too; although it will probably only be an after thought. Still though. The OP is doing SO well, but I think she would feel a tiny bit to, to sensitive issues pertaining to other peoples relationship and the guy coming back professing his undying love. You're both in later stages of recovery than I am, since I have not even said GOODBYE to my ex:mad: Hopefully knowing you're still ahead of myself and many other posters will make you feel a lot better about your progress? I'm not jealous when I hear of others getting back together. Every story is different, and often, as the outsider, I can see it's not going to work out. I do not want to be that person. I refuse. Not gonna. Nope, not gonna. This is about me. This is about me becoming the kind of person I want to be with. End. Of. Story. 2
BustedUpInside Posted June 6, 2013 Posted June 6, 2013 Oh you will hold my hands when I call him? EXCELLENTE!!! Well, just picture me (whatever you think I look like) making my most disappointed face while slowly shaking my head and then pitifully asking, "why? why? I thought you were going to be my rock during my inevitable breakdown? Who can I rely on now?" Do you really want to break my heart all over again? (I know this is an evil guilt trip, but I bet it has at least some impact, right?) 2
Author aisuru Posted June 6, 2013 Author Posted June 6, 2013 Well, just picture me (whatever you think I look like) making my most disappointed face while slowly shaking my head and then pitifully asking, "why? why? I thought you were going to be my rock during my inevitable breakdown? Who can I rely on now?" Do you really want to break my heart all over again? (I know this is an evil guilt trip, but I bet it has at least some impact, right?) I can be your rock. No worries. I've got this. Even if I F up. *sigh* Not tonight however. I won't screw up tonight. 2
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